Live free or die, words to live (or die) by.

 

With your attitude I would just give up trying as your clearly not mentally prepared for meaningful interactions with women. You could of course get yourself a big old bear who loves the outdoor life.

 

I’m going to call you on that comment

First off, many of today’s women are predatory.
Second, men do not have the ability to “see” through the BS, any more than they can predict the future. Which is NOT AT ALL. Telling a man to choose perfectly is, quite simply, asking him to do the impossible
Third, women change. I’ve written about this extensively.
Fourth, and this is the big one, how in hell, and why should we, expect vows made when young, stupid, hormonal, naive and inexperienced to stand up for a lifetime? That’s coercion and it’s wrong.

 

Stay single and when the urge arises get a hooker. Wear protection. Done and done!

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

 

Don't know if the law is still on the books, but in Texas, if you set up house keeping (living with someone) you're considered common law married. They kinda stopped enforcing that law in the 60's when everyone started shacking up with each other.

Marriage laws are generally intended to protect the women and children, if any. With the feminist movement and everything similar, I don't understand why the laws haven't been changed to level the playing field for the males..

 

Don't know if the law is still on the books, but in Texas, if you set up house keeping (living with someone) you're considered common law married. They kinda stopped enforcing that law in the 60's when everyone started shacking up with each other.

Still do.

"Under Texas law, to have a common law marriage, you must do three things:

(1) Agree to be married
(2) Live together as husband and wife, and
(3) Told others (hold yourselves out) that you are married."

And you cannot just walk away:
"Ending a Common Law Marriage

Common law marriages in Texas have the same legal status as a ceremonial marriage. Why is this important? Because if the common law marriage doesn’t work out, you’ll have to get a formal divorce to end it.

Getting a divorce is the same as with other marriages, except the couple must first prove to the court that they were married. The person that first files papers with the court has to prove that there was a common law marriage."


From: https://statelaws.findlaw.com/texas-law/common-law-marriage-in-texas.html

This bit a co-worker in the ass big time about 20 years ago. Almost got charged with bigamy after he sent his first live-in back home then entered into a "real" marriage with another woman.

 

If you really see marriage as "slavery" then you will probably die alone.

And with an attitude like you've displayed, OP, only the crazy ones will do you.

Even when he's an ass, I work very hard at valuing, respecting my husband. I find good things in him and I thank/appreciate it.

In return, he does a decent job accommodating my peculiarities (bad housekeeping, cat lady, crazy, not 100 pounds). Which is why we are still together after 27 years.

 

If you really see marriage as "slavery" then you will probably die alone.

We all die alone.

 

It is 2019 and women are outpacing men in college education and careers. Flip the script and become a trophy husband. Do the dishes in the morning and drink martinis all day by the pool while posting on SB.

Works for me.

 

Serious question- what alternative universe do you imagine that would be ideal for you? What would it look like?

Personally it sounds like you fear women, commitment, and responsibility.

 

sounds like the OP needs to investigate the MGTOW life style!

if you truly feel as it seems you do, then I would recommend a vasectomy. having children with a woman gives her incredible power over your life. a power they do not always use wisely. it is also very hard to resist a pretty woman and sometimes you will fail to resist. at the very least with a vasectomy you wont be on the hook for up to 21 years of debt.


I don't know anything about NZ women or culture. are a lot of NZ women accusing men they have consensual sex with of rape?

I personally enjoyed my dating life but have settled down with a nice girl. we each have our own house. we both wish to avoid financial entanglements.it works well for us. we may cohabitate or marry in the future but without children in the mix neither of us have any power over the other. we are together because we want to be.

 

It's not just about sex and kids.

Sex fades. You don't see a lot of "active" 70 year olds.

Kids grow up and move away.

Who is going to push your wheelchair? Who is going to help you after the stroke? Someone who loves you, or someone paid $10 an hour to bathe you and wash your clothes?

If someone loves you they will be happy to help you. Even on his worst days, I am always glad I am there to help my husband, and he needs a fair amount of help.

But you remind me a little of a guy I knew at work. He wanted the perfect woman (he barely graduated high school, average looking at best, overweight, and "old")

Anyway, his perfect woman:

• Beautiful
• "Good", slender figure
• Long, dark hair
• College educated
• World traveler
• Cosmopolitan

He found women who met his criteria but of course they wanted nothing to do with him.

There was a woman at work. She was short, she was fat, she had long gray hair. She was average looking and a high school graduate. And she was very interested in him. I told him and he rejected the idea outright.

Years later, he asked me about her. I said she was long gone. Don't miss the right person looking for the "perfect" one.

I didn't want to marry a blind man in a wheelchair, but he is, most days, the right man for me. He is compassionate, a hard worker, intelligent, loves my cats, and wants to provide me with a good life (most days). He has his flaws but they are outweighed by his attributes.

But if you go into dating with a hostile "What can you give me, all women are out to screw me over" attitude you will, as I said in my earlier post, die alone.

 

It's not just about sex and kids.

Sex fades. You don't see a lot of "active" 70 year olds.

Kids grow up and move away.

Who is going to push your wheelchair? Who is going to help you after the stroke? Someone who loves you, or someone paid $10 an hour to bathe you and wash your clothes?

If someone loves you they will be happy to help you. Even on his worst days, I am always glad I am there to help my husband, and he needs a fair amount of help.

But you remind me a little of a guy I knew at work. He wanted the perfect woman (he barely graduated high school, average looking at best, overweight, and "old")

Anyway, his perfect woman:

• Beautiful
• "Good", slender figure
• Long, dark hair
• College educated
• World traveler
• Cosmopolitan

He found women who met his criteria but of course they wanted nothing to do with him.

There was a woman at work. She was short, she was fat, she had long gray hair. She was average looking and a high school graduate. And she was very interested in him. I told him and he rejected the idea outright.

Years later, he asked me about her. I said she was long gone. Don't miss the right person looking for the "perfect" one.

I didn't want to marry a blind man in a wheelchair, but he is, most days, the right man for me. He is compassionate, a hard worker, intelligent, loves my cats, and wants to provide me with a good life (most days). He has his flaws but they are outweighed by his attributes.

But if you go into dating with a hostile "What can you give me, all women are out to screw me over" attitude you will, as I said in my earlier post, die alone.

Everybody dies alone.

 

Get any agreement to sex on video and make sure the 'yes' in enthusiastic. If not enthusiastic, it may later be deemed as really a NO. Have her hold up a paper in the video stating date, time and location.

OP, you have listed your guidelines to women. Work within those guidelines.

Women nowadays are despicable. Just how the world turned out. If the woman is having a bad day, puts her tampon in crooked...she screams bloody murder and you are ****ed. Get all agreements to sex in writing / and or video.

 

A bit extreme, but I see the point. There is a lot of CRAZY out there. A lot of narcissistic people of both / all sexes. I can indeed see some rational for a written damage release contract before bumping ugly. Maybe they can be dispensed in coin machines next to the condoms. Hmm, I will be working on an APP!

 

As a single (by choice) guy in my mid-40s, I understand the issue.

The key is to make very wise decisions on who you date, court, or marry. Far too many men fall into the problems outlined by the OP.

Either be comfortable alone, or only select a top quality woman to share your life with. Wait for Ms Right, and avoid Ms Wrong like a plague.

I come from a home where everyone was divorced. And as a lawyer, I've seen scores of bad divorces (cheating, accusations of DV, fighting over property, etc.). I've seen many cases of false DV, assault, and even rape accusations. It is a dose of reality. If you think it's imaginary, turn on the news or do some reading. Lots of men wrongly accused and later exonerated (Duke Lacross, Judge Kavanaugh, Brian Banks, and a long list of others famous or irrelevant). Men must be extremely cautious today, especially to avoid a easily made false rape accusation.

Navy SEAL exonerated from false rape accusation.
https://world.wng.org/2019/03/false...ined_lives?fbclid=IwAR3X5JP84vjPzwnA3BwJglKBQTsYmPgTW79Di75GnffTNGYgPqbeY45VEdE

One Ms Wrong can and often does RUIN men financially, or criminally, or career wise, or sanity, or health, or all of the above.

If you choose Ms Right, so I'm told, your life can be deeply enriched and rewarding emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, etc. So you have to hold out for her, and just be okay with being Mr. Single.

 

Get a vasectomy, there's enough people in the world already, no need to make more.

Only date women who are your financial equal or better.

Do these two things and you'll be fine.

 

Society, Government and Religion have sort of spoiled any chance for fulfilling and happy relationships. Expectations are set artificially high. People are bound together for better or for worse resulting in domestic violence and unhappiness, some folks feel they are "owed" something and complicate the union and divorce with unrealistic demands for money, togetherness or whatever.

Society is the worst culprit. You cannot turn on TV without seeing folks happier and wealthier than you and thus jealousy and general crazy ensues. Why can't you be more like Endicott? Or more like your brother in law the wealthy doctor? Invest in Prozac.

The Government NEVER should have been in the wedding business. If they were not, we would have none of the domestic violence we have. Folks would/could move on. Bobby and Steve could get "married" and it would not be a supreme court case. The woman and kids will do fine, no worse than they are today. Lawyers would be panhandling for Uber fare.

Religion is the worst. We have "celibate" Catholic Priests advising folks on how to have wedded bliss in a ceremony blessed by the Pope. How extremely odd and "Vatican gay" at same time.

Its all just a racket folks, we were duped.

I am a slightly left leaning Libertarian Agnostic so sorry for the rant.

 

Relationships with women aren't for everyone. If you see a big down side, just stay away.

Somehow, I managed to date several very pleasant women without ever being charged with rape and then survived a 28 year marriage (so far) without any debt.

But I was careful to spend my time on quality women.

 

this is a funny thread! I love it

 

my first wife, the one I had kids with, seemed to be a awesum person, from a good family, had good morals and a life plan. loved her very much. after she said I do? holy gawd what a change!

it was like you flipped a switch to instant bitch.

I lasted 2 years and she left and went home to momma. we had a good life really no major bills, paid for house that I built. money wasn't a problem but me working a lot was a problem.

she was hilarious, she wanted the money but did everything she could do to keep me from working.

after she left she just moved in with her mom who supported her in grand style. she lived with mom for over 20 years and just recently found a man to support her. god bless him!

im just afraid he is going to hunt me down and ask me why I didn't warn him!

 

im just afraid he is going to hunt me down and ask me why I didn't warn him.

Actually had that happen to me. : My first wife was on her second marriage when she married me and then she divorced me. Ugly court battles and I took a major hit for almost 16 years after, mainly due to what I believed were rather outrageous child support payments. But I justified it by believing I was doing the right thing for my son's care.

Anyway, we divorced and she roped in a new guy. They married and she had another kid. Soon after she divorced him. He was a truck driver and we had an encounter when I had to investigate a truck accident vs property damage that really was no big deal.

He looked at me, said, "I know you! You were married to my ex-wife and then asked me why I didn't tell him what she was like." I laughed and said something like, "You took her side and would not have believed me anyway." We briefly discussed how much she hit him up for; it was less than I had paid for support for my son but it hit him hard in the wallet.

We finished up our business. I actually didn't charge him with anything. I figured him already paid enough and the damage was unavoidable. So the woman had three kids by three husbands and cast the kids away when they all reached 18. She was a special one is the nicest thing I can say about her. But that was her thing. Have a kid, sue for child support and give the kid the minimum care while she lived fairly well.

They are out there. Not to say there aren't males that do equally evil things. I'm into my second marriage. This time, it's different. First- no kids. Second- she makes a lot more than me (I could likely get alimony from her but I wouldn't as I'm happy with my income). But we're going into 20+ years of marriage and seem to be able to tolerant each other well enough.

 

It's predictable and noteworthy that the worst advice you got from this thread so far was from a female, who felt the need to insult you personally with the "you're going to die alone because of your attitude" shtick. This is one of many manipulative tactics most women use to break men's will, so the man will feel shamed and return to the plantation. Women are a gamble, one which you're likely to lose.

 

... Women are a gamble, one which you're likely to lose.

Life is a gamble.

By the time I was 20, I had dated a lot and I had grown tired of all the different women. I began forming my longterm goals, and I would share my vision of my future with each girl I dated [after I had gotten some of course]. The idea of homesteading in the woods, gardening and raising livestock, was not a popular idea among ladies, in 1980.

Then one girl, when she heard my vision, said that she could see herself dedicating her life to achieving that goal. For the past 37 years, she has remained focused on us getting there.

The downside, she is very independent minded. She prefers for me to be away, living and working somewhere else.

When we were both 25 she suffered a spinal injury, that messed up some nerves, and basically ended our sex life. I am not well suited for celibacy. But she did nothing wrong, so I have no valid reason to divorce her. We have discussed divorce many times, it leads to her stressing which builds up to heart attacks. She has had five heart attacks, all from stress, mostly from dealing with me being upset over celibacy.

She is really good with Home Economics, she can feed a family from food that she forages. I can see where I would have never been able to save money and to build Net Worth like this without her.

The journey of life is a big gamble.

I think that I did really good in selecting her as my wife. But you never know what awaits around the next corner.

 

It isn't the marriage that is "slavery", that comes with the divorce. When she leaves you because you got sick or laid off or she just found "someone else". Maybe her parents finally died so she feels she can come out of the closet now. At that point, the man is screwed if they have kids. He is a slave until they turn 18 or until the finish college in some states. Also, she takes half of everything you have built over the course of your life. Not every American woman will do this to a man, but they can. The law is on their side from conception. Why is it that a woman has no responsibility if she wants to walk away? She can just leave a baby at a fire station no questions asked and the state doesn't come after her for support; and that is if she even keeps it that long. Men OTOH, one broken rubber, or woman lying saying "I can't get pregnant", are just plain screwed. They get no choice to walk away. What happened to the "equality" that all the feminazis are screaming about? So, yeah, MGTOW has it's place and many of those men have legitimate points. I don't mean the woman haters that flock along with the genuine MGTOW crowd. I don't mean the players preaching "pump and dump". I mean the ones who have been seriously burned and decided to find another way.

As a single (by choice) guy in my mid-40s, I understand the issue.

The key is to make very wise decisions on who you date, court, or marry. Far too many men fall into the problems outlined by the OP.

Either be comfortable alone, or only select a top quality woman to share your life with. Wait for Ms Right, and avoid Ms Wrong like a plague.

I come from a home where everyone was divorced. And as a lawyer, I've seen scores of bad divorces (cheating, accusations of DV, fighting over property, etc.). I've seen many cases of false DV, assault, and even rape accusations. It is a dose of reality. If you think it's imaginary, turn on the news or do some reading. Lots of men wrongly accused and later exonerated (Duke Lacross, Judge Kavanaugh, Brian Banks, and a long list of others famous or irrelevant). Men must be extremely cautious today, especially to avoid a easily made false rape accusation.

Navy SEAL exonerated from false rape accusation.
https://world.wng.org/2019/03/false...ined_lives?fbclid=IwAR3X5JP84vjPzwnA3BwJglKBQTsYmPgTW79Di75GnffTNGYgPqbeY45VEdE

One Ms Wrong can and often does RUIN men financially, or criminally, or career wise, or sanity, or health, or all of the above.

If you choose Ms Right, so I'm told, your life can be deeply enriched and rewarding emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, etc. So you have to hold out for her, and just be okay with being Mr. Single.

my first wife, the one I had kids with, seemed to be a awesum person, from a good family, had good morals and a life plan. loved her very much. after she said I do? holy gawd what a change!

it was like you flipped a switch to instant bitch.

I lasted 2 years and she left and went home to momma. we had a good life really no major bills, paid for house that I built. money wasn't a problem but me working a lot was a problem.

she was hilarious, she wanted the money but did everything she could do to keep me from working.

after she left she just moved in with her mom who supported her in grand style. she lived with mom for over 20 years and just recently found a man to support her. god bless him!

im just afraid he is going to hunt me down and ask me why I didn't warn him!

Funny... the same **** guys say about women is just as true about guys One Mr. Wrong can **** women criminally, financially, career-wise, sanity, or health, or all

First husband, literally the instant we got married changed. Instant jack*** decided since we were married, I was now his slave, and it got worse and worse... Neither of us really lost anything in the divorce (no kids) because I refused to let my attorney talk me into alimony (we were both working, so why would I want/need it? I just wanted out). But he did everything he could to get me thrown in jail for **** I didn't do and never would. Fortunately, CID, my Commander, and I were able to prove the lies...

Second husband, seriously changed and divorce was final after multiple decades of marriage. Along the way, my finances, career, school, and health were seriously hurt

Right now, I don't think I can ever trust another man. The advice I would give anybody contemplating marriage, is get a ******* pre-nup!

If I were to ever think about dating again, and I seriously doubt I would be that stupid... I'd only consider someone from my own denomination, and only after an extensive background check. And subject to my dog and cats approval. Both are obviously much better judges of character than I am : if things got serious and we decided to marry, go through extensive premarital counseling with him with the Pastor, have an old fashioned marriage contract with pre-nup, etc. in it, to be signed and notarized immediately before the ceremony, and no sex until after we are married (this is what is taught in the Bible/in my denomination, so that conversation would have been really early to be fair to both parties). Hard for anyone to scream "rape!" if there is no sex. Hard for anyone to get totally ****** if all the finances, etc. are written with legal representation for both parties, plus the Pastor looking at it before it's finalized...

 

Right now, I don't think I can ever trust another man. The advice I would give anybody contemplating marriage, is get a ******* pre-nup!

.

Second best piece of advice so far. Get a vasectomy being the best advice. I have counseled my son and nephews to put some swimmers on ice and then get a vasectomy. Then, when you want kids you can have them. It gives you time to see what she is about and who she really is. Also, when you are dating don't tell anyone that you got a vasectomy.
If the above is unpalatable to you, don't marry an American woman. As I have said before in multiple threads, there are some great women on this and related boards. However, they are not representative of the average American female. After meeting my daughter's long time boyfriend, I felt obliged to take him out for a beer and to explain MGTOW to him. I then advised him to seek another girlfriend. I told him I would deny ever saying so, but he was too good for her as my daughter really takes after my ex-wife. Not in any good ways. It is like she picked up all of the worst qualities of my ex. Before now, I never understood when people said "I love you but I don't like you". After spending the last few months in living with my children again, I get it. Let me put it this way, her twin brother made his college choice based upon the fact that his sister hates that college and would never consider going there.

 

Sleeping-around/Casual-sex: The risk of a false rape accusation/extortion (or any crazy backlash) is just crazy high.

Long Term Relationships: Marriage/divorce is slavery for men, and in NZ even if you don't marry, the law will consider you married if you live together (officially 3 years, but really it's up to the feminist court to decide).

It seems like you're screwed no matter what you do. 10 years ago wise men used to say "as long as you never marry you will be fine", but nowadays it's not that simple anymore.

Seemingly not survival related, but what's the point in planning for complicated nuclear/war/natural-disaster survival if simultaniously you are walking around an open target to go to jail or into lifelong debt? You certainly don't want to be in jail during SHTF, or in a rented studio apartment because you lost the farm in legal battle.

It isn't the marriage that is "slavery", that comes with the divorce. When she leaves you because you got sick or laid off or she just found "someone else". Maybe her parents finally died so she feels she can come out of the closet now. At that point, the man is screwed if they have kids. He is a slave until they turn 18 or until the finish college in some states. Also, she takes half of everything you have built over the course of your life. Not every American woman will do this to a man, but they can. The law is on their side from conception. Why is it that a woman has no responsibility if she wants to walk away? She can just leave a baby at a fire station no questions asked and the state doesn't come after her for support; and that is if she even keeps it that long. Men OTOH, one broken rubber, or woman lying saying "I can't get pregnant", are just plain screwed. They get no choice to walk away. What happened to the "equality" that all the feminazis are screaming about? So, yeah, MGTOW has it's place and many of those men have legitimate points. I don't mean the woman haters that flock along with the genuine MGTOW crowd. I don't mean the players preaching "pump and dump". I mean the ones who have been seriously burned and decided to find another way.

As a single (by choice) guy in my mid-40s, I understand the issue.

The key is to make very wise decisions on who you date, court, or marry. Far too many men fall into the problems outlined by the OP.

Either be comfortable alone, or only select a top quality woman to share your life with. Wait for Ms Right, and avoid Ms Wrong like a plague.

I come from a home where everyone was divorced. And as a lawyer, I've seen scores of bad divorces (cheating, accusations of DV, fighting over property, etc.). I've seen many cases of false DV, assault, and even rape accusations. It is a dose of reality. If you think it's imaginary, turn on the news or do some reading. Lots of men wrongly accused and later exonerated (Duke Lacross, Judge Kavanaugh, Brian Banks, and a long list of others famous or irrelevant). Men must be extremely cautious today, especially to avoid a easily made false rape accusation.

Navy SEAL exonerated from false rape accusation.
https://world.wng.org/2019/03/false...ined_lives?fbclid=IwAR3X5JP84vjPzwnA3BwJglKBQTsYmPgTW79Di75GnffTNGYgPqbeY45VEdE

One Ms Wrong can and often does RUIN men financially, or criminally, or career wise, or sanity, or health, or all of the above.

If you choose Ms Right, so I'm told, your life can be deeply enriched and rewarding emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, etc. So you have to hold out for her, and just be okay with being Mr. Single.

my first wife, the one I had kids with, seemed to be a awesum person, from a good family, had good morals and a life plan. loved her very much. after she said I do? holy gawd what a change!

it was like you flipped a switch to instant bitch.

I lasted 2 years and she left and went home to momma. we had a good life really no major bills, paid for house that I built. money wasn't a problem but me working a lot was a problem.

she was hilarious, she wanted the money but did everything she could do to keep me from working.

after she left she just moved in with her mom who supported her in grand style. she lived with mom for over 20 years and just recently found a man to support her. god bless him!

im just afraid he is going to hunt me down and ask me why I didn't warn him!

Funny... the same **** guys say about women is just as true about guys

One Mr. Wrong can **** women criminally, financially, career-wise, sanity, or health, or all

First husband, literally the instant we got married changed. Instant jack*** decided since we were married, I was now his slave, and it got worse and worse... Neither of us really lost anything in the divorce (no kids) because I refused to let my attorney talk me into alimony (we were both working, so why would I want/need it? I just wanted out). But he did everything he could to get me thrown in jail for **** I didn't do and never would. Fortunately, CID, my Commander, and I were able to prove the lies...

Second husband, seriously changed and divorce was final after multiple decades of marriage. Along the way, my finances, career, school, and health were seriously hurt

Right now, I don't think I can ever trust another man. The advice I would give anybody contemplating marriage, is get a ******* pre-nup!

If I were to ever think about dating again, and I seriously doubt I would be that stupid... I'd only consider someone from my own denomination, and only after an extensive background check. And subject to my dog and cats approval. Both are obviously much better judges of character than I am

if things got serious and we decided to marry, go through extensive premarital counseling with him with the Pastor, have an old fashioned marriage contract with pre-nup, etc. in it, to be signed and notarized immediately before the ceremony, and no sex until after we are married (this is what is taught in the Bible/in my denomination, so that conversation would have been really early to be fair to both parties). Hard for anyone to scream "rape!" if there is no sex. Hard for anyone to get totally ****** if all the finances, etc. are written with legal representation for both parties, plus the Pastor looking at it before it's finalized...

Men get screwed in civil courts, divorce courts and criminal court when against a woman; probably 1000 to 1 odds.

I can easily give a list of 1000 men falsely convicted of rape only exonerated later.
Can you ou give me 5 women wrongly convicted of anything pertaining to a man and relationship?

No.

 

Men get screwed in civil courts, divorce courts and criminal court when against a woman; probably 1000 to 1 odds.

I can easily give a list of 1000 men falsely convicted of rape only exonerated later.
Can you ou give me 5 women wrongly convicted of anything pertaining to a man and relationship?

No.

I squared off against a stay at home mom in very mom friendly county in MI.

I did great. No spousal support. 50 50 custody which eventually turned into full for me with the mom getting every other weekend and assorted scraps.

I found the courts, the judges, refs, and custody investigators to be very fair and reasonable.

Most dads get screwed because they are **** dads who are ok with eow and assorted scraps. Sure they **** and moan about the money, but in most cases, men haven't really put the time in to deserve being called a good dad.

 

If you go at the opposite sex with "You're out to GET me" then you are going to get either rejected, or burned. All I am saying.

I have a very difficult marriage, as some have seen. I do not let that color my views of men. I think most guys are nice guys, good guys, and if/when he dies first I will consider dating again.

He has come after me physically and is incredibly abusive verbally, got me in a corner financially, working for him, and other things I can't talk about.

But I focus on the positive I see in him. And I don't let it color my views of men in general.

That said, these threads on the board HAVE colored my views and will make me pretty careful when/if I do end up dating one day. I had no idea this kind of hostility toward women existed outside of a drunken blackout.

 

I don't know....I found dating really easy, met lots of nice women when I was in the dating world, and sure a couple bad ones but I just had a policy of quickly cutting them loose if I found something major I didn't like about them.

My first wife was a great lady, we just ended up getting a divorce because I wanted kids and she didn't...and to be fair to her she always said she didn't, I was just dopey enough to think she'd change her mind eventually since she was only early 20's when we got married.

That divorce cost me $500 total (that was for filing the paperwork and a paralegal to review it first) no lawyers involved. Neither my ex or me wanted each others money/stuff.

Current wife is awesome as well and we've got a great kid and another on the way. I think if you just have a high standard for the women you're with it'll cut way way down on the odds of ending up with a crazy one. Yes people can sometimes change over time but I think a lot of guys make the mistake of putting up with a bad person because she might be better looking than they're used to being around or they don't have much luck with meeting women so they commit to the first that shows them attention.

Personally I hate high maintenance women so when dating I quickly weeded out the ones that seemed that way. There are lots and lots of women out there. Take your time and be as choosy as you need to be.

Maybe the OP is just a bad judge of character or is awkward around women so it makes dating hard.

 

Three marriages, all of them good, all ended amicably. I enjoy the company of women and loved the ones I married.

At age 71, the in and outs of those long-term relationships are intricate tales too long and personal to relate, but sufice it to say mutual respect was central, as was love.

My advice is; if you don't like women, leave em alone.

 

Sorry but with three marriages that all ended in divorce...there was no real love nor respect involved. It was simple convenience is all.

 

Strike, you are absolutely right about expectations.

I was 17. I had brain damage and bipolar (still do). But I was pretty green.

So when he mentioned previous girlfriends saying he was "abusive", said women trying to kill him, a long pattern of cheating, or having sex with his woman's friend, etc... binge drinking, blackouts, drug use, etc. I just thought "He's so much different now, so glad he put it all behind him".

Huge red flags all over the place but I was blind to it. We marry and he is abusive, abusing alcohol, cheating on me, etc. Looking back now he was basically telling me what to expect. But I was too innocent to see it.

Now I am trying to make the best - because I do believe marriage should be for life. I also made a commitment to take care of him after the accident when his family bailed. I am literally the only person he has in the world.

He doesn't see that and it's sad. Should I leave, I will not be vindictive about it, but I will have to take "his" cat because he cannot care for her. He would lose his business - because I'm not there to help, and no one is going to work the hours I do for what he pays me. It also requires a lot of training to do what I do. He will probably end up in a nursing home or assisted living of some sort, because he can't live on his own.

Which is why I am trying to make it work - I don't want to throw anyone under the bus like that, even someone who verbally abuses me and treats me like crap.

 

What ever you do, make sure you learn how to recognize the covert, subtle clues of "cluster b street", WAY before you get in too deep.

Paul Elam on youtube is a decent beginners source. We live in dangerous times...

 

Happily married for 32 years!

I often hear of people looking for Mr. Right or Ms. Right. IMO that's the wrong approach.

Become Mr. Right or Ms. Right and they will find you...trust me. Good men want good women and good women want good men. Working on yourself is job 1#

Ever hear a women or a men complain they can't find the perfect mate? More often than not the real problem is found staring at them in their mirror. You'll often attack what you are. Raise your game to a higher level!