[Nift]

Question for those familiar with adoptions: do all adopted kids want to find their bio parents? How hard is it to do that?

Eventually they do. Unless they fully understand from the adopting parents what happened and why. Most times the need to find them isn't in a desire to know them or become close to them, but a desire to know why they "gave me up".

How hard it is to find the birth parents really depends on why they were put up for adoption and what method of adoption. Private agreement the birth parents possibly still have contact with the adopting parents. State mandated, depends a lot on why the children were removed.

 

[remembergoliad]

Question for those familiar with adoptions: do all adopted kids want to find their bio parents? How hard is it to do that?

I've never had an interest beyond mild curiosity, really never any burning desire to find those who produced me. Sounds cold, but it's not, really. And I don't mean it that way, honestly. I came from a home for unwed mothers in Fort Worth, and as I understand it my mother was in her early teens and the father ran like hell when he found out. They were most likely glad to be shed of any physical ties to that particular part of their life, and because of that, I suspect very strongly that I'm a rarely-thought-of, locked-away secret from her past....and an all but forgotten reminder of his youthful fun.

I seriously doubt that any half-siblings I might have even suspect they have an older brother floating around out here----imagine THEIR shock to find out!

On to my adoptive parents, who I think of in every sense of the word as 'parents', and who I mean when I say the words 'mom' and 'dad'. They cared enough to not only take in ME, but 18 months later my sister, and then 4 years after that, my brother. None of the 3 of us are related, either...not that we know of : Mom and Dad clearly wanted kids and as they couldn't have any of their own, they found some who needed parents and became that for them.

Aside from the medical history angle, I haven't ever lacked for anything in my life, and have always thought that hunting down the sperm donor and incubator would be an affront to their efforts. No, they never even suggested that, but it's partly because of that, that I felt offended at myself for the thought of searching.

As an aside, my sister DID search out her birth mother, with our parents' blessings, and was successful in that search. I have the impression that both were less-than-thrilled with the meeting. That furthered my indifference to finding my birth-parents.

I'm not indifferent, really. It's just not that important to me, when weighed against possibly disrupting a whole nuther family tree. I'd be open to meeting with them but not going to go further with a search of my own beyond being open to meeting them. I did make the indication with the adoption home I came from that I'd be open to contact, but that was over ten years ago, and so far nothing.

So, short answer to the first part is, no, not really. Not ALL. (Maybe "ALL but one" : but that makes it 'not all')

Second part is, as far as mine goes, short of bribing or breaking-and-entering the archives at the adoption home, it's damn near impossible if either one doesn't want to be found. I suspect that the adoption proceedings (in which the judge ordered the final transfer of blue title to my parents) is also sealed. I have no idea how long that gag lasts, nor how easily it is broken. The bottom line is, the honorable thing to do is to not go searching for someone who did the right thing and doesn't want to be found.

If I'd have come along ten years later, I could've been a source of revenue for Planned Parenthood. No telling if I would have. Glad it happened like it did.

 

[Dosadi]

Uh Oh

Everyone leaving early.

Now i'm wondering if the SHTF or if lindy's antagonistic family pulled some strings or if someone of the family got upset and sent em packing.

Excited to find out. Thus Please MOAR lol

Thank you

Dosadi

 

[lyn]

I thought it was just time for lunch?

Cause the laborers are bossed by Pat's friend Pete. Right? Did I miss something?

 

[Scratch1911]

I like the writing and am looking forward to seeing where this goes...

 

[tpals]

------------
The ambulance crew and emergency room staff had been professional and efficient in their care for the young man who was now hooked up to a daunting array of life support machines. The police recorded it as an accident between a pedestrian and vehicle on a busy street corner because there was no evidence of anything else. He had tried to say ‘pushed’ but everyone was too busy trying to save his life to listen.

As he slipped into a coma, even he didn’t grasp the incredible irony that his life was now dependent on the very machines that his program was designed to take down.
------------

 

[Poppa]

Who? The bad guy? Is something afoot?

 

[tpals]

Who? The bad guy? Is something afoot?

Yes, '---------' indicate this is from the other part of the story far away from the family.

 

[rlquick]

Well????? CRUD!! LOL

I am caught up.. an waiting???
Good story, I enjoy the different ones from, I won the lottery a year before the SHTF!

Patiently (not really) waiting for more...
tic
toc
tic
toc
................

 

[kokosmom2]

I had no desire to find my birth parents UNTIL I got pregnant. Then I wanted to find out medical history. The state of WI changed the law so that if the birth parent was willing to be found, they could register with the state. It was not difficult for me to find her after that. But it was just weird when I found her. I was 29 yrs old at the time and at our first meeting, she told me she loved me. That was unsettling to me because she only knew me at the time, for 2 hours.
She had gotten pregnant with my father while he was married. His wife eventually died and him and my mother married and she adopted his daughter from that marriage, so I have a step sister 6 months older than I am. But I still had to remain a secret because she did not want her granddaughter to know she had a child out of wedlock.
We tried to have some type of relationship, but it always had to be secret. We eventually lost contact and she must have died because she is no longer in the phone book. I don't know who my step sister is and have no idea how to find her.

My sister also found her birth parents with relative ease. They welcomed her with open arms, but they smothered her so she stopped seeing them too.

 

[Poppa]

Not fair to open another door, give us a peek, then decide to stew some chickens. I do love this story. It is refreshing, great character development. Life unfolds as time moves forward. Is there a dark side to our "Chicken Lady"? Is she an evil genus hiding behind the cloth of lady writer? Whoever, you may be, I appreciate your wonderful efforts

 

[tpals]

Teaser: I'll be adding another character to the mix soon.

I've begun the next installment but won't have it ready today. Funny coincidence: my chimney sweep called this morning and is coming out tomorrow. I'm going to be hounding him to answer some questions about the stove install in New Farm.

It's funny how many times I write something then stop and wonder if it's accurate. Just because I think I know something, doesn't mean I really do. Then I have to google or get out reference books and double check.

 

[tpals]

“It’s barely eleven. Wilson doesn’t run a very tight ship. I suppose I could go to town and get my orders in,” Jeffrey said. James had volunteered his car for running around in while the truck was in use.

“Let me grab my tools and you can drop me at home,” James said over his shoulder as he jogged away.

Jeffrey expected to let James out at the driveway and keep going to town but found Steve there waiting for him. “Hope you don’t mind my doing some shopping with you.”

“How did you know I was going?”

“Did you both forget his radio was on?” Steve laughed. “That was some colorful language broadcast during the door hanging.”

“Whoops.”

“James, do you mind staying here until I get back?” asked Steve.

“No problem.” He swung his toolbelt over his shoulder and sauntered up the drive.

At the diy center, Jeffrey placed his order then tracked Steve down in the camping section. Looking over his shoulder at the solar charging kits, Jeffrey exclaimed, “$500! I can find the same or better for $300 online.”

Steve looked dubious. “Are you sure?”

“Have I ever let you down?”

“Well, there was that time you were supposed to pick me up after the game…”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on. I told James I’d make his outhouse pretty. Let’s grab some t.p. and sanitizer.”

“Humph. Can someone explain how a town this size can have a diy center but not a Costco or Sam’s?”

“Ha! Just be thankful you don’t have to eat fast food. They’ve got plenty of that.”

“Let’s check the canning section. A few hundred lids would be about right as a welcome to the family gift, right?”

They kept up the easy banter through the rest of the shopping. Although their personalities were nothing alike, they had been close growing up and that shared history kept them good friends now.

Adam dropped off his first truckload of wood in front of the New Farm garage and headed back for another. Meanwhile, Michael and Alex were unloading the pickup and trailer near the spot where the wood shed would be built. Michael was working with a near constant low grumble; this was not an activity that he enjoyed on any level. Finally Alex reached the end of his patience. “Why don’t you go make lunch and I’ll finish this?” He was wishing once again that they had more than one truck in the family.

Soon after Michael disappeared inside, James arrived pulling on gloves and smiling. He struck a pose and began singing ‘I’m a Lumberjack.’ By the end of the song Alex was laughing so hard he had trouble catching his breath. Cheerful mood restored, they continued heaving the wood out of the trailer.

Everyone made it back for lunch and while they were eating the phone rang. Pat took the call and when she returned announced, “That was Greg. The baling is going well, he’s finished the rounds and will do the squares this afternoon. He wants to move the bales tomorrow unless we had plans for the Fourth.” Nobody minded working on a holiday so that was settled.

The conversation turned to adoption. When asked about searching for their biological families the expressions turned grim. “We might have done if we hadn’t almost lost James,” said Michael. “He was five when the state came and took him away because his birth mother had changed her mind.”

“We had no warning,” said Pat. “The sheriff pulled up with a social worker and court order and he was gone. Matt didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“What happened?” gasped Lindy. “How did you get to come back?”

“I was picked up on the highway two weeks later. I had had enough and wanted to go home so I started walking. The deputy found my ‘mother’ passed out drunk and brought me straight here. Looking back, he probably broke a lot of rules but they never bothered me again.” His mouth drawn down and voice rough, he continued, “Those two weeks were terrifying. She was either ignoring me or screaming and hitting me the entire time. I didn’t know if I would ever feel really safe again.” Looking up at Pat, he asked, “How long was it before I stopped wetting the bed?”

She shook her head; that clearly wasn’t important. “Your arm was broken. Matt had a lawyer threaten to sue the social worker for putting you in a dangerous environment if they tried anything again.”

“Oh! Was that how that happened? I don’t remember.” James looked surprised.

Michael spoke again, “That’s why none of ever went looking. Birth families were a danger. I had nightmares for months that they were coming to steal me away.”

“So did I.”

“Me too.”

Adam said, “We were too young to remember any of that but they told us about it later.”

“Of course, we already knew about our parents,” Alex added. “So there was no mystery to solve for us. What about you, Lindy? How does it feel to be adopted as an adult?”

“Safe. Wanted. Wonderful.” She paused thoughtfully. “I love my parents but having children was never a conscious choice for them. We just happened and they were responsible for raising us. It wasn’t a bad way to grow up, but it didn’t feel like this. I don’t know how to explain but they would never feel jealous of my being here instead of there.”

 

[Dosadi]

thanks. needed a pick me up and of course some more cliff. LOL

Dosadi

 

[lyn]

Yay!

Good things come to those who wait.

And we've been waiting. Patiently. Mostly. Okay, we're horrible at waiting but it was very worth it. :

 

[ydderf]

Thanks for brightening my morning even though you stopped just before the cliff.

 

[Poppa]

You, dear lady, such a tease! Remember that door you let us peek into?

 

[Woofbarkenarf]

The reference to the old lumberjack song brought me back to some happy times. Thank you!

 

[talon]

Many thanks for this latest effort! I really look forward to the next one. You have a gift..

 

[mmamom]

Don't put your new leather shoes on the open door of the oven to dry. Your little brother and sister may run through the kitchen playing chase and slam the door closed. Happened to my grandmother . She donned her old shoes and walked into town to find a job. So, the week after Christmas she went to work at the shoe factory instead of finishing the 8th grade.