Sorry you feel this way. I love the time off and the time with family,. Yea some of the decorating is a pain but I have much to be thankful for and enjoy buying gifts for others.

 

I don't do well this time of year. After the solstice on the 21, I start doing much better. I gave up Christmas stress years ago, I neither give of get cards, presents etc. I didn't mind the nice meal with family but that not really happening any more. I find Christmas ads, music and such before thanksgiving crass.

 

Life is just plain tough sometimes. If you are the homeowner, they come to your house, they follow your rules. If they act up, be a parent and tell them to knock it off. Just because they are an adult doesn’t mean parenting stops. I guarantee they will either change or they won’t be back until the following year and their attitude will change. They should be happy for what you do and that you get them anything as adults.

 

Grüss von Krampus! (Greetings from Krampus)
Krampus is the dark companion of St. Nicholas. Usually seen as a classic devil with horns, cloven hooves and monstrous tongue, Krampus punishes the naughty children, swatting them with switches and rusty chains before stuffing them in a basket, carry them to his lair to eat them for his Christmas dinner!
I just broke out my Krampus T-shirt to "celebrate" the season. Its my way of saying Bah Hum Bug without drawing too much heat.

 

I’m glad you brought this up. When I was in the First Grade, I had a classmate, whose mother was raised in Germany. She came to our school, right before Christmas, one year and told us about Christmas in Germany, when she was a child. She mentioned this character. I couldn’t recall the name of it. I remember her telling us that the naughty kids would hear the sounds of rattling chains, before they were snatched up. I’ve thought about that story many times over the years.

 

Mother has been watching sappy Christmas movies on Lifetime, Hallmark Channel. etc.

I've been sick of Christmas before my turkey thawed.

 

I noticed Christmas merchandise at the local grocery store the DAY AFTER Halloween!

🤪

That's crass......

 

I enjoy the decorations and the excitement of my children. I don't enjoy having to do the holiday meals and so many different people wanting me to have dinner with them. I just feel like there are too many demands on my time and it's stressful. My kids are also stressful but they really love it.

 

One of my Favorite parts of my life. We are a very tight knit family.

 

Anyone else dread the holidays?

Inevitably in my household it always ends up in a huge fight. Whether it be about food prep, my failure to do something on the undisclosed schedule set randomly by family, or some other crazy problem. I have come to dread the whole thing. Kids are older now, so no little kid stuff to enjoy. Any gifts for them tend to be stuff I have to hunt and hunt for since it is sold out because it is a hot item. And I hate not to find it, because they really don't ask for a lot any time of the year. Plus a hassle of putting up tons of decorations no one sees (dead end street and no guests) after the wife complains I am not pulling them all out early enough. Then tearing them back down by myself when everyone else is over them.

Hate to be a scrooge, but it seems like I have so much to do normally (work, dishes, laundry, errands) then all this gets stacked on. Very little holiday cheer comes of any of it.

Ron,

No, don't dread the holidays. Addressed this matter ages ago and so far successful.

For example, I try to stay out of merchandise stores until well after new year.

My 2 grandchildren get sheets of commorative stamps from Post Office and mailed there also. This minimizes my errands and more time now available to get stuff for grand kids.

We avoid decorations. Being a historian, tinsel alum reminds me of Banana Republic generals. Rather allocate the $ to grandchildren with, eg, this year glossy picture field guides of mid-Atlantic trees, etc.

 

All four kids are married and they have their own celebrations and are enjoying their families and traditions they are making. The closest kid is 4.5 hours away and two of them are over 1,000 miles away. So we don't have the big Thanksgiving or Christmas celebrations that I remember as a kid, when everyone lived within 150 miles and my folks had a cattle ranch with a lot of property and a big house.

The wife and I have decided we will do holiday celebrations at our house and we are really enjoying it. In a way, it is nice for it just to be the two of us.... peaceful, quiet and completely our plan. We are happy FaceTiming each kid/grandkids, instead of all the chaos and stress.


.........

 

I like all the Holidays that were in effect 1980 to 1990. I do not celebrate any of the new or renamed holidays and never will. None of these government assigned "months" of awareness mean anything to us.

My favorite holidays are the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I don't mind listening to Christmas music now and again during the seasons it's meant for.

 

Anyone else dread the holidays?

Inevitably in my household it always ends up in a huge fight. Whether it be about food prep, my failure to do something on the undisclosed schedule set randomly by family, or some other crazy problem. I have come to dread the whole thing. Kids are older now, so no little kid stuff to enjoy. Any gifts for them tend to be stuff I have to hunt and hunt for since it is sold out because it is a hot item. And I hate not to find it, because they really don't ask for a lot any time of the year. Plus a hassle of putting up tons of decorations no one sees (dead end street and no guests) after the wife complains I am not pulling them all out early enough. Then tearing them back down by myself when everyone else is over them.

Hate to be a scrooge, but it seems like I have so much to do normally (work, dishes, laundry, errands) then all this gets stacked on. Very little holiday cheer comes of any of it.

I do actually like the holidays but there sure is a lot of stress around the build up.

 

My wife and I love our families but we moved away from them in 2007 and eventually settled in Florida. We have no “have to” events or people to see on specific days. They visit us then leave and we visit them then leave. All very nice. Our son and family frequently vists over the holidays which is nice but we don’t have a lot of people otherwise. Holidays are very adult and very nice for us. We also have a “no gift exchange” agreement with everyone.

 

My wife has a Big family in California, and Christmas is a big deal for them. We agreed early in our marriage that she would visit them for a few weeks during Christmas. I stay home and care for our dogs & cats. It's great to be home and not have to go anywhere or be anywhere. I have a friend with a similar situation. He calls this time of year "His Vacation". For me, Christmas has taken on the religious significance it was supposed to have.

 

I don't dread the holidays, but am sure happy when they're over! When you're doing most of the work, it is not relaxing, it's stressful, imo.

We don't get in a fight, but I end up getting annoyed at some point. Usually I do most of the prep/cooking/clean up, etc. So after spending hours on whatever, I'm wiped out, and the "feast" lasts only about 15 minutes. To mitigate having just too much going on, we've scaled back to just having Xmas eve, which includes all of the food/gifts. Xmas day is a every-man-for-himself, so you can do anything you want. It's a lot better that way.

If there were little kids around here, it would be fun just to watch them enjoy the events. But I don't see that happening any time soon. 😢

 

Summer 2003 I had family members individually over for dinner.
Stated imbalance as to effort put forth in relationships.
Said I will gladly match any effort and/or actions each individual makes.
So much for those relationships, the USS Truth took one way below the water line.
Simple lunches with friends and associates I did the same... with ones I knew the answer anyway.

I mail gifts and expectations of receiving have dwindled.
Life is easier without the passive toxicity.
No dread in my head.

 

.

 

I did absolutely dread the holidays.

Difficult, demanding family members and a narcissistic family system absolutely beat the last morsel of joy out of the holidays. For years I thought it was a myopic insistence on getting their way, having things their way. Slowly, over years, I began to wonder if beating the joy out of it for everyone else, and in some cases, specifically beating the joy out of the holidays for me, was exactly the point. I began to understand that some people genuinely get off on making other people miserable.

After years, in some cases decades, of dealing with that toxicity I'm firmly convinced of it, especially with a few particular people. Another factor at play in every single 'difficult' person: centrality. Being difficult and demanding and difficult to please and constantly moving the goal posts is a way of maintaining centrality. Everybody walks on egg shells and puckers up to kiss butt to keep the difficult person happy and avoid unpleasantness.

Not surprisingly, appeasement rarely works.

We are fortunate.
Our 'difficult people' finally overplayed their hands. Narcissists always do.
They presented us with a situation, with a series of decisions and actions on their part toward us that were intolerable by any sane definition. Remaining in relationships with these family members would have been the literal definition of insanity.
Their actions toward us were stunning and traumatic, however...
... it was a clear, unambiguous exit ramp for us.
And that has been a blessed relief.

We're out.

We lack family but we certainly do not miss them.
Our friends were absolutely appalled at what happened and they've surrounded us with love and joyous laughter.
We are building our own holiday traditions now, finally.

And you know what?
We are so busy and fulfilled that we haven't bothered to decorate our own house for several years now. We may at some point in the future decorate the house but for right now, we don't miss that either.

To the OP, "No" is a complete sentence.
What if you say that you aren't up to decorating the whole house anymore?
Many people 'age out of it' naturally, without our particular family drama, and when I say 'age out of it,' not necessarily in 'old age,' but as their nuclear family matures and children become young adults and move on.

Personally, I believe that parents need to start letting go as their teenagers form young adult bonds with friends and romantic interests and as their own persons, they too need a slice of the holiday all their own to celebrate with their own circle.

Also to the OP:
We too had The Annual Christmas Fight, and it was usually a doozy.
Honestly, we squabbled every. damned. year. from the beginning of November through January 2nd, with one huge blow up punctuating the holidays. The squabbles and the blow up were the direct results of giving up way too much every year to the narcissists, to 'keep the peace.' The narcissists were happier than pigs in poop, of course. Centrality! Monopoly! Exploitation! and, BONUS ROUND! YOU'RE MISERABLE AND I'M NOT! WINNING!

Hubs and I, trying in vain to have a Christmas for our own nuclear family, create our own traditions and memories, deal with demanding careers in which Christmas barely existed (for me, anyway) and of course, KEEPING THE NARCISSISTS HAPPY,
we were DYING. WITH THE DYING ON TOP.
(The narcissists could not have cared less.)

Kicked the narcissists out of our lives...
...have not had a single Christmas Fight since.

I say again,
"No" is a complete sentence,
and sometimes boundaries are surprisingly overdue and actually welcomed once enforced.

 

P.S. Cooperation and compromise and giving are all honorable and noble and fine and good and even necessary for the social contract,
but IMHO,
if you are creating misery in your own home and in your own marriage to 'keep the peace' in other peoples' households and marriages,

That's worth a look, there.
That ain't normal and it ain't healthy and it ain't sustainable.

Other People are either neutral,
Adding to your peace and joy,
Or subtracting from it.
Look at that.

(Also applies to me and all of us. We're neutral, adding peace and joy, or subtracting it. Going for a 'neutral' is a perfectly fine default position, IMHO.)

 

Tonight we put up the tree like we do every Sunday after Thanksgiving. The misses and I light a fire and have a drink or three while the kids put up the 20+ years of custom or handmade ornaments we have been collecting. Each one marks an important event or milestone and it brings out lots of questions from the kids and reminiscing from the Wife and I. I love the Holidays.

 

I do agree.
Drug out the decorations yesterday, boxes and boxes, so much family history. We'll decorate the tree this weekend. We even have a cornhusk angel my great grandmother used as a tree topper. Many more from my and my wife's family. My grown son and daughter get great joy hanging the decorations they made during their school years. They represent a rich heritage of memories, memories that they pass on to my grandson.

 

Most of my close family are all gone a couple that still are alive aren't worth the time of day. I enjoy not having to deal with the trouble makers anymore. 🎅

 

Ronald_55, bail now. You have my complete sympathy. What you're doing isn't celebrating a holy day, it's fulfilling an obligation you didn't sign up for and have no obligation to carry out.

Let the people you care about know you're out this year. They get to each choose one (1) (ONE) thing they absolutely feel makes the holiday. That can be a wreath on the front door, something baked, or Christmas lights on the house. But only one thing - not decorating an entire house, or cooking a huge meal, or buying a hundred presents so nobody feels slighted. One thing. And then you've got your list of what people really care about.

My family had similar drama all through the holidays. My brother and I are both elderly now, and one year we just said "why are we doing this?" We talked about it and he said it wasn't Christmas without a Tigger decoration and a giant chocolate bar. I absolutely have to have some sort of lighted decoration and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. And that's it. We exchange a present, like a Kindle gift certificate or a gas card, just to let the other one know we're thinking of them. It's wonderful and we've had some good talks and some good memories to replace the bad ones.

Look everybody straight in the eye and say "I'm getting back to the real meaning of Christmas," then do whatever that meaning is for you and the people you really care about. Let everyone else go on being frantic. I hope you get time to listen to a good Christmas song, see some pretty lights, maybe take a walk with a thermos of hot chocolate. And on December 25th I hope you will be warm, cozy and peaceful. It's your right, and what the season is supposed to be about.

 

My Wife and I changed Christmas around quite a bit about 8 years ago after my mother has passed away.

On the temporal side of things.....we set hard budgets for presents......normally $50/person for our closest relatives......this year it's $25/person.........in some way it forces people to be more creative and thoughtful in what they buy for you. Secondly.....the Christmas meal and Christmas parties were streamlined.

The biggest difference was going to Midnight Mass...... that's 12AM 12/25...... if you have never been to one it's surely worth it.....and a pleasant reminder of who really provides/provided all the stuff in your house.

If your Holidays are royal family battles......seems like some reorienting might be in order.

HK

 

I never liked Xmas even as a kid. We were poor and knew it. We only got what we needed and never what we wanted. I never liked to get a gift if I couldn't give one in return. I often had to share toys with 3 brothers and the package was marked "share toy". But once it was a Tonka truck set which was cool. I did get a Marx toy gas station one year, that was a good memory.

I found that there was always too much commotion with everything being gift-centered and the pressure I would be under. For 30 years the day was at my house, what a grind to get everything ready in time. I didn't mind cooking for 20 or 30 people, that was fun.

My son went into rehab for 2019 so that blew that year. 2020 we all knew what happened in the world, 2021 the virus was everywhere. I knew many that were really sick. The family (cousins, nieces, nephews) is scattered and do their own thing now, a natural progression. My brother sticks with his family and will go out of state. So it will likely be me, my kids, my girl friend and maybe my sister and her husband if he can get off his ass.

With the girl friend, I am getting better. We already drove around looking at lights the other night. I have to start shopping this week and I will. We don't have room for a big tree with the new furniture, but we had a small tree last year that worked out. We will be hanging lights outside over the weekend.

I always liked the 26th better than the 25th. I had a job for over 30 years and we had a break until the New Year. That part was cool. One year my younger son got a bunch of Toys R Us dollars and he wanted to go shopping on the 27th. So off we went. I pushed the cart and he put things into it. I saw people giving me the side-eye and realized I looked like a dead-beat dad shopping with his kid. I still laugh about it.

 

We used to go on a ski trip every Christmas until we moved to our farm. I miss that. Now we are too worried about more injuries so we don't ski anymore. The kids are grown up and son still lives with us, and daughter is 5 hours away but her and husband are supposed to come visit. I hope they do, but you never know if they will be able to. The military has cancelled leaves before, and if the weather is terrible I don't want them to drive here in the snow. I am no longer a Christian so Christmas has no religious significance to me now and it just another day. But we will celebrate the winter solstice.

 

Anyone else dread the holidays?

Inevitably in my household it always ends up in a huge fight. Whether it be about food prep, my failure to do something on the undisclosed schedule set randomly by family, or some other crazy problem. I have come to dread the whole thing. Kids are older now, so no little kid stuff to enjoy. Any gifts for them tend to be stuff I have to hunt and hunt for since it is sold out because it is a hot item. And I hate not to find it, because they really don't ask for a lot any time of the year. Plus a hassle of putting up tons of decorations no one sees (dead end street and no guests) after the wife complains I am not pulling them all out early enough. Then tearing them back down by myself when everyone else is over them.

Hate to be a scrooge, but it seems like I have so much to do normally (work, dishes, laundry, errands) then all this gets stacked on. Very little holiday cheer comes of any of it.

I love it! I love the traditions, the music, the decorations (tasteful). I bake more and more every year and make cookie boxes for presents. I habe a 10yo daughter that gets very excited, so that helps too.
For me, it's a reset. It reminds me of the good fortune we have and gifts Jesus gave us.
What i dont care for is the mooching from my in laws. Gobbling up our food and hospitality. Expecting my wife to wait on them hand and foot.
I have zero issue telling that side of the family "no"... Just makes it hard when they shack up at our place. 🙄
My FiL just visited for Thanksgiving. All he did was chain smoke, eat our food, and "nap" for like 4 days. Didn't even really play with his granddaughter or the dog. 😒 That irks me.

 

What i dont care for is the mooching from my in laws. Gobbling up our food and hospitality. Expecting my wife to wait on them hand and foot.
I have zero issue telling that side of the family "no"... Just makes it hard when they shack up at our place. 🙄
My FiL just visited for Thanksgiving. All he did was chain smoke, eat our food, and "nap" for like 4 days. Didn't even really play with his granddaughter or the dog. 😒 That irks me.

If we ever get some of our estranged family coming from out of town (and we haven't yet), my husband will give them a list of hotels in town that they can stay at (that they need to pay for by themselves). And we'd just take them out to dinner and breakfast... maybe.

Might sound heartless, but I'm too old for this ****.