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Dirty Mind
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Discussion Starter #1
I'd be interested in hearing about the dynamics of the relationship between your wife and your mom? I'd also be interested in the perspective of the ladies.

There is literally no one that I know personally to ask or seek out advice.

My wife tends to believe my mom is manipulative. My mom is always trying to think up unique things to do with our kids and does not seem satisfied with just getting time with them regardless of what activities they plan. My mom has a tough time understanding that we want to take our kids to the new experiences and stuff.
My wife doesn't think that I recognize the things that my mom does but no one knows my mom better than I do, except perhaps my aunt.

Surely I can't be the only one caught in the middle of such nonsense.
 

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My mom and wife have a mutual respect for each other. Guess I lucked out there.

On the other hand my wife's mom and my wife bump heads all the time. And, of course, they look at me and say "Who is right?"

I always side with my wife.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
 

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umm, what's your question?

regarding new experiences, I totally relate with your wife. maybe your wife could do is when someone invites your kids to do something new, suggest something else, then do that new thing with your kids and then let that other person/mom do it with them some other time.

If I may suggest, support your wife on this by being the one to tell your mom the altered plans. Explain or not, depending on whether the explanation is needed and make sure that your mom KNOWS it was YOUR idea, even if it wasn't.
 

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I think every family is different. My Mom was a saint. I know a lot of people say that, but she really was. She was at church every morning, volunteered for multiple charities, raised six really difficult kids (me included) and put up with my Dad (a challenge for everyone), but rarely had anything bad to say about anything or anyone. She and my wife got along really well, but they weren't all that close. My MIL was great. I could always make her laugh like no one else could.

But my older daughter's MIL is a true broom rider.
 

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My adoptive parents can be this way to some extent. Thankfully they have so little use for the wife and I that they have never shown up more than about once every 4 to 5 years to visit and seldom visit for more than 2 or 3 hours.

They never miss a chance to complain about our shortcomings though.... lol... It drive them nuts that we own a farm and live out in the country. It also drives them nuts that neither of us have a college degree, they feel that uneducated people are second class citizens. They do their best to convince our children as to how irresponsible we are are as parents though our children have seen them so little they we always have to remind them of exactly who they are.

I thought as we got older they would back off a bit, but our financial success seems to be in direct threat of disproving their bigoted theories about education and social status. As we have blown past them in the financial status they seem to avoid us more and more, it has been 6 years since their last visit...lol...

My ex alcoholic father ended up being the only grandparent that my children knew. For all of his issues in life he was always there for the wife and I and our kids. He died penniless, yet he was the greatest person my kids have known....

Avoid giving your children bad examples and cling to "all" good examples....
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
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My mother in law told him I must be a "saint" to love him and not to screw it up with me.

Did have some conflict after the accident she wanted to let him die vs. be "cut" for lifesaving surgery. Happily father in law prevailed and signed consent forms (not legally married at the time).

I always loved my father in law to pieces. My husband was closer to his Mom. Until he asked her to choose between the vicious little yapper and him. She chose the yapper.

But she didn't hate me and the only conflict we had was over the surgery. Also wanted to put him in a home vs. help him recover on his own. He had a hard time forgetting that.

Both of them are gone now. My parents adore him so no issues there.
 

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Super Moderator. I'm helping!
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Both my old man's parents were already gone when I met him.

He asked me once, when we had been married for a little bit, when he was gonna meet my parents. I told him when I was ready to get rid of him.

Shortly after than I had an infant grandson pass away. We went back home for his funeral and he met the rest of my family. (Up to that point he'd only met my kids and my littlest little brother. Half way back home he said "You know, everybody complains about their family. Usually it's only half true but you were NOT kidding were you?? Those people are CRAZY!"

We've not gone back. Both my folks are gone now. My crazy-ass brothers and sisters are welcome to stay just where my parents were welcome to stay -- far, far away from me and mine.
 

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Dirty Mind
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Discussion Starter #14
My mom is on her forth marriage. From what I gather she managed to ruin two marriages by being "the other woman". She definitely has control issues as well.

It is almost as if she is trying to experience things with my kids that she did not get to experience with me.

She seems to manipulate situations to make it sound like the things she plans to do with our kids were actually my kids idea and she feels bad if she does not fo it.
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
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My birth mom was married 7 times not counting boyfriends. I used to think when she was alive there was a pretty good chance of her making a move on my husband if they met.

So they never met. My adoptive Mom thinks he is the best but is respectful of boundaries.
 

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My mom is on her forth marriage. From what I gather she managed to ruin two marriages by being "the other woman". She definitely has control issues as well.

It is almost as if she is trying to experience things with my kids that she did not get to experience with me.

She seems to manipulate situations to make it sound like the things she plans to do with our kids were actually my kids idea and she feels bad if she does not fo it.
wow.

I definitely don't want to suggest anything for you, but... for me, I stopped talking to my mom years ago.

It would break my heart if my kids did that to me, but I'm making efforts to be a good parent so they don't need to do that. Sorry, some people suck. Some parents suck. And if cutting ties with a parent or sibling is the right move for a person, then maybe it's the right move.

I will suggest something for you... be on your wife's team, regardless of how it makes you mom feel. I'm sure you are, but ya know, said it.
 

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I think my mom liked my wife more than me when she was alive. They got along well.

I will give my mom credit, she lived by the motto, mind your own business, something I mostly picked up from her. Her butting into our lives was never a problem.

But if she did, I agree with other posters. Support your wife. She is the one you married, she is the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with, she is the one who helps raise the kids and carries part of the household responsibilities. A marriage without mutual respect and support is like a two legged chair. Weakly balanced and waiting to topple.

Same with the kids, I never disagree or show up my wife in front of our son. If he ever complains to me about something she said, I say something along the lines of “if she says jump, you say how high.“ I will say something to her when we are alone if I think she she was wrong, but I want my son to grow up with the example of someone who respects their wife.
 

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Super Moderator and Walking Methane Refinery
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I think my mom liked my wife more than me when she was alive. They got along well.
That's kinda how it was for me when I was married. They were very close. In fact, when the then ex-wife would come to town, she'd always drop in and spend some time with my mom. She cried when my father died, even though they weren't nearly as close. Mostly because she knew my mother was hurt by his passing.
 

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WATCH
EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND and all your mom-wife questions will be answered...
Yes indeed watch this show. My wife tried to get me to watch it for years. I couldn't have cared less. But one morning working at the golf course it was on tv and it was slow so I watched it. I was on the floor laughing. But I went home and I told my wife that I watched it I got the I told you so but only in a kidding manner. Funny thing is that when we were looking for houses there was a house right across the street from my parents house for sale. My wife constantly reminds me that if we had bought that house our life would have been "Everyone Loves Raymond" And my family is Italian. Thank God we didn't buy that house.
 
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