Semper non compos mentis
- Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
- Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
- Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.
- One of your kids was born on a pool table.
- The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
- You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.
- You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
- You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
- You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
- You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
- You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You take a six-pack cooler to church.
- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
- You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
- You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
- Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
- Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
- Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
- Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.