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Scarred for life...
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Why do women like bad men?

This is something I have wondered about most of my life and I can’t understand it.

Bad men are like crack. Women know they are no good and might end up killing them, but they can’t stay away….

Most of the women (pretty much all of them) I know spend their life up to about age 35 chasing the bad guys. By bad guy, I mean the guy who introduces them to drugs, all night parties, violence, etc. IE the guy who treats them lower than dogs.

The guy who gets drunk and beats them into a coma is the one they actively seek. Why is that?

I know this is a generalization but it is true for most women.

I ask this because I am not against the idea of someday finding a good woman. However, almost every woman I meet seems to have been “rode hard and put up wet”, so to speak.

Most of them seem to follow the same general path…

1)
They got pregnant/married at a young age.
2)
When their husband became responsible and got a job, they got bored and left him and shacked up with some guy down the road who had tickets to a Motley Crue concert.
3)
They get back together with their babies daddy but not before they are pregnant again, this time with a child of questionable origin.
4)
They finally get divorced, and spend the rest of their lives bitter that life didn’t turn out like they wanted.




When I act like a gentleman around women, I am ignored.

This is usually just fine with me.

But when I am in a bad mood or just not in the mood to pay a woman any attention, they can’t stand it. Its like someone put itching powder in their pants or something. They end up finding me and wanting to sit on my lap. They want to make me a drink or rub my back and I swear the less attention I pay them the worse they get. But the first time I smile at them and say thank you, they are done with me and can’t wait to get away.

Please don’t respond with “I am not like that”. I am not talking about you personally. I’m talking about women in general.
 

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do not settle for anything less than YOUR perfect woman...dont want to raise another mans baby...dont even consider dating a momma....dont want one with problems...stay away from bars....dont want a slut that will leave you when the next buck comes along...leave them loose women alone...no you're not special no matter what you do or say if they give up the goods early on...you're not the first...also if it takes til your 40 to find someone..it takes til then ... dont settle for less cause your gonna be laying next to it in bed for many moons wondering what you got yourself into and playing the what if game in your head.
THEN even when you do find the woman of your dreams they still will bore on your nerves...you'll see...men can never figure a woman :confused:

btw, you know you're in bad company when girls ignore your good manners. and my nephew got is getting married this spring to a woman he met a year and a half ago on that eharmony

please delete if you want i didn't notice this was in the ladies section...when i log in i always just hit new posts...sorry
 

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left coast survivalist
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I think it boils down to self esteem. Some people don't have any idea of what "normal" is. They think they don't deserve any better. They think an abusive relationship is normal, in a twisted way.
This is my personal view on domestic violence, btw.
I'd sit my SO down and say, "If you ever hit me, I will consider that an act of deadly force, and I will respond in kind. "
And I would have the arms to prove it.
 

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tinfoil bandana
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I am fortunate, I married the perfect woman.
I have seen the "hot chicks go for the guys who treat them the worst" thing though; it is true.
Ah HA!

Perhaps, just maybe, YOU (the OP) are looking at the packaging and not the contents. My wife is no Miss America, (She freely admits this) but she supports me 100%, as I do support her.

A relative of hers often complained that the guys she met only wanted one thing- why couldn't she find some one like me....
I bluntly told that all the guys she dated were the GQ, pretty face, buff bod type- a guy that into himself won't have time for her. If she wants someone 'like me', then she needs to settle for a guy that most likely will look 'like me'- trust me, women do not swoon when I walk into a room.


She's getting married next year- to a kind of geeky looking guy that treats her as an equal.

First, you need to decide what you want- arm candy, or someone to spend your life with.
 

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Wasteland Wanderer
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540 Posts
I'm no model, but I try to keep myself healthy. As mentioned, I think a lot of attractive people think the world owes them something, perhaps because that is what they are used to.

I'm very lucky, I have a very attractive boyfriend who also has a great head on his shoulders.

I treat my boyfriend with respect, and will cook and clean for him. (We don't live together, but I feel that when I stay with him, it's my job to help out). I do these things because I care for him and want him to have it easier then he did before he met me. In turn, he treats me with respect and takes excellent care of me when I needed it most and became hospitalized earlier this year. Most other men would have run away, but he stuck with me through all the stress.

I figure :I choose to spend time with this man, why should I choose someone who won't see me as comparable? I've made mistakes in the past, and I can't tell you why I did it. I just hope that more women can learn to respect themselves enough to choose someone decent rather then someone who will cause them trouble.
 

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Some people get stuck on the first part of love,....the arm candy bit you Americans say.
The most important bit is the nougat, orchocolate syrup in the candy, from what I,ve seen.
Make sure they have character inside instead of empty, hollow candy that looks good and tastes good, but still leaves you hungry..
The sweet taste of some ones character does more for me than any Arnie look alike who doesnt treat a girl right.
Gone fast are the days when honor and virtue in men and women were a dime a dozen.
Now you have to dig deeper for that treasure.....but treasure once searched for diligently is appreciated more than being placed on your lap.
 

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I have had arm candy it's never as sweet as it looks. My wife is both beautiful and a wonderful woman. I have felt like you countryboy, trust me for whatever reason there is no changing a woman's mind when she has it set on self destruction. I am told by my friends on a regular basis that I am ugly enough to scare the buzzards off a gut truck at 100 yards. I just laugh. When you are comfortable with who and what you are the right girl will just appear. Several years later you will pick yourself up off the floor and wonder how you got so danged lucky! Stop worrying about the ladies and enjoy life. Everything will work out. Good Luck.
 

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I got pregnant at 18 and married the guy. By the time we divorced we had 2 kids together. He never beat me or did drugs (except one time he smoked weed and came home and I gave him he77 for a week over it) but he did cheat on me with my best friend.

I like and respect the man that he has become which is good for our 2 sons (they are the rare kids with divorced parents who still are nice to each other)...

After him I dated a guy who did things to me that should have ended up with him in jail. That was my "liking bad men phase."

Fast forward to my fiance. He is a geek and treats me really nicely. I want for nothing and he is faithful and comes home nights.

*grin* I know where he is all the time that he isn't working...in my basement playing Fallout 3 *grin*

He waited 38 years to find me...and he had his share of heartbreak too.

I think you just need to give up on the hopeless ones and stop looking for Ms. Right. When you give up the chase it usually ends happily. Be patient.

I know tons of great women who wonder why all the men like the stripper/hooker type instead of the sweet girl who might have an extra 20#s but will treat you like gold.

The knife cuts both ways on this argument eh?

GL.
Heather
 

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Okay country boy , I wll give you the quick phsycoanlysis .......The thing is you are attracting these, shall we say, damaged women,, and I mean emotionally which they may have been at one time. And why are you attracting them to you.........?????? Fill in the blank. Really I heard a shrink say that if you are sending this signal you can walk into a room of 20 women. 19 can be great , 1 only will be this type of women you describe and you will attract THAT ONE like radar. It is a very accurate radar.( P.S. sometimes I wonder the same thing, but in my case I see whan I did not take the oppurtinity with some great woman)
 

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Because they are trying to work out issues from their family of origin. 'Bad boys' are emotionally distant, or abusive...and either that's an issue or because of some silly narcissistic angel complex, like the guy will change because they are so wonderful.

You guys that want arm candy, here you go...
 

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Improvise Adapt Overcome!
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why do men choose women on superficialities?
Reply]
Because most women are bad for us, sap our energy, and suck our resources dry. The superficailalities are a distraction that makes us not see it untill it is too late.

Yes, I am single, and no, I don't want anyone.

[EDIT]
When it comes to women, I really feel most are looking for a modern corporate type who can get them the status they want. When I was dating, I was the crazy bad boy who was into strange hobbies, spent too much time outdoors, trained in a very combat oriented art, and had freinds who are real bad boys (I know an Outlaw biker or two).

We had crazy fun, and the best sex, but it never lasted. I was the guy they had fun with untill the money boy came along.

The last time this happened was several years ago. She left me for a guy who she had been sleeping with behind my back for 6 months.They got married 6 months after she left me for him. When I figured it out, I felt really stupid, like I had been majorly used.

I went on one date after that, but the girl seemed a bit drama filled. I could just see trouble coming with that one. I stopped dating all together, and have been alone for at least 2 1/2 years now.

I am now at a point where I would love to have someone, but I just don't see ANY women around here that would be a good match to me. Everyone I see is either defenetly not looking for a guy like me, OR looks too be big trouble in the making. I never see someone who would actually be good for me, let alone compatible. The one girl i did have that WAS compatible, was Bat Sh!t crazy, and had a Demonic temper. She was like a gift from god when her temper was under control though....I'd love to find a saner version if there was such a thing.

I have gone beyond not looking, I actively push people away from me now. If the right girl came by at this point in my life her first impression would probably be "What a jerk", and not give me a second look.

I just can't seem to be my normal self around women anymore. A freind noticed this about me a few weeks ago. We were out, and I was my normal happy self, untill several single girls joined the group. He said I got quiet, and put up a very noticeable wall towards them. Apparently one commented about it later.

She said I made her feel uncomfortable, like she was "trespassing" by hanging out with us. I hardly spoke to them, so I don't see how I could have said anything that would make them think that. I must be projecting something unconsciously.
 

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Why do women like bad men?

This is something I have wondered about most of my life and I can’t understand it.

Bad men are like crack. Women know they are no good and might end up killing them, but they can’t stay away….

Most of the women (pretty much all of them) I know spend their life up to about age 35 chasing the bad guys. By bad guy, I mean the guy who introduces them to drugs, all night parties, violence, etc. IE the guy who treats them lower than dogs.

The guy who gets drunk and beats them into a coma is the one they actively seek. Why is that?

I know this is a generalization but it is true for most women.

I ask this because I am not against the idea of someday finding a good woman. However, almost every woman I meet seems to have been “rode hard and put up wet”, so to speak.

Most of them seem to follow the same general path…

1)
They got pregnant/married at a young age.
2)
When their husband became responsible and got a job, they got bored and left him and shacked up with some guy down the road who had tickets to a Motley Crue concert.
3)
They get back together with their babies daddy but not before they are pregnant again, this time with a child of questionable origin.
4)
They finally get divorced, and spend the rest of their lives bitter that life didn’t turn out like they wanted.




When I act like a gentleman around women, I am ignored.

This is usually just fine with me.

But when I am in a bad mood or just not in the mood to pay a woman any attention, they can’t stand it. Its like someone put itching powder in their pants or something. They end up finding me and wanting to sit on my lap. They want to make me a drink or rub my back and I swear the less attention I pay them the worse they get. But the first time I smile at them and say thank you, they are done with me and can’t wait to get away.

Please don’t respond with “I am not like that”. I am not talking about you personally. I’m talking about women in general.
Country, I'm going to tell you a few things and I don't want you to get hurt or mad over it. I'm just going to tell you like it is and hope that you get it, if you have the ability to be honest with yourself.

You seem to have 'desperate' stamped on your forehead. A decent woman doesn't want 'desperate', or damaged, or needy, or trying too hard.
We can smell it from a mile a way. It's the hang-dog, 'I've been wounded' look on your face, it's the 'I've got the world on my shoulders slump' in your walk. It's the boring 'she was such a bitch' conversation. It's the brooding 'leave me alone so I can have a pity-party' mood swings.

Your ex is a loser and now you have children that you have to raise alone and you're still going to have to deal with the bs of the ex until the youngest is 18.
Congratulations. Welcome to the party. I don't have statistics but personally I know the majority of people that I come in contact with are dealing with the same thing......both men and women.

We're all on this journey through life's wonderful discovery of ourselves, it's not what happens that counts. What matters is how you deal with it.

I don't know you so I can't say if you're looking in the wrong places or what kind of women you're looking at as potential partners. But I will tell you from reading your posts, you are NOT ready for another relationship.

You're still in the angry, grieving phase of the dead marriage. Even dating right now should be off the table for you. Most people, and by most I mean men and women don't give themselves enough time to heal before getting into another relationship. You probably haven't even looked inside yourself enough to accept any blame for what went wrong in the marriage. I don't know if that's a fact again, because I don't know you, I'm just basing this on your previous posts.

As far as being 'rode hard and put up wet'...seems like you're projecting. Because by all accounts of what you've posted about your ex, you've been rode pretty hard too. And, that accounts for any adult who's been out in the world. Nobody gets out of this life without making mistakes. It's part of being alive and living, trial and error.

In a nutshell I'm telling you to get over yourself. You're no picnic to deal with. You're judgmental, moody, whiney and have stereotyped women into one category. This is what I've surmised from just reading the above post.

So ask yourself this question....why would any independent, self sufficient, intelligent, woman want to have a relationship with you?

My point is that you need to start looking inside of yourself for the answers to these questions. And do yourself a favor and be brutally honest when you do.

Everyone has baggage. Everyone. Including you. Some people wear that baggage like a badge of honor and parade it around for all the world to know what an awesome person they are, but were soooo misused.

It's time to get off the pity potty.
 

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She said I made her feel uncomfortable, like she was "trespassing" by hanging out with us. I hardly spoke to them, so I don't see how I could have said anything that would make them think that. I must be projecting something unconsciously.
I think you said it right there...."I hardly spoke to them". Without saying a word you let them know that their presence wasn't welcome. Now you just have to ask yourself if it was really subconscious.
 

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there a guy that came into the casino back east that i worked in at the time...he would come in dureing the day for the food court buffet typle all you can eat typle lunch spead ,..we would put out dureing the week day ..
and come back after work for a couple of drinks at the local club... there was two waiterness that waited on him dureing that time ..both where nice looking women and one was a real sweet typle of a women and the other let just say she was allways after the pettyboy with money typle ..and had a bb---typle problem all the time with guys that came into the lounge for the local software company that was down the street from us...she used to say that the greeks typles where only good for there money and a nothing else ..she would say that to her little crowd of running buddies that she work with in the lounge there..

the guy was a software typle of guy very how do say nerdy typle..but a real nice guy..
he allways sat in the one girl section at the night time and tried to get her to go out with her ..and she would laugh at him and tell she did not go out with greeks ,,

well about six months into this whole thing that was going on ..the one in the food court area ..ask him to fix her computer for her..and told him that she would cook him a home cook meal if he fix her computer for her..after that happened they seam to just click and he stoped going into the lounge at night for a couple of drinks after work ...the other girl was very **** off at the girl for takeing her meal ticket away from her ..so the little tiff in the girls lockroom was about one day..i found out though a little bird that the guy would come in and leave a 20.00 dollar tip every time he was in the her section when she worked..

about a year after they had started dateing the guy hit on a software that he had worked on a it became a hugely successful software program system for the company and he got a large bounus check for the work ..that when he ask the her to marrie him and they got married ..
we about two months into there married her ..he got another big check for the software was selling very well ,..
some of the other girls that work with the one at night ask her if was just a bit nicer she would not be work here at the lounge slinging drinks for a liveing
all the guys at the software companys does not sit or come near her section when she is working and will get up and leave the section area or tell another waiterness that they need a new waiterness if she comes into a the area for drink orders..she does not make a dime off them now...
i do thinks this could of funny when she does come to a table to get the drink order they will stop talking and just sit there stareing at her intill she leaves..

she foreget the golden rule about makeing money off people in the food and bevage area
they tip you..when you are makeing about 150.oo dollars a night off a group of people that comes in every night after work-x-5-nights a week -x-about time frame of three hours to five max time frame,,.. they are giveing you money for service not to be treated and talk to them in a rude and snobes way and be very b----h to them ...

so you think about how much money she has lost in that time frame when she could have been nicer to people and now she does not have the money base to keep up the lifestyle that she likes to have ..

for the other women is now liveing in a modest home and driveing a nice car and does not have to work now for a liveing ,,,the thing that started the whole thing was about being nice to people.. she is sweetheart of a wife to him and he thinks that the moon and stars where made for her only...
so i guess the moral of the lesson that was learned ,,be nice to poeple for it will come back to bite you in the butt if you sow bad seeds of hate towards people in your life...
it will come back to bite you..
and yes she was the bad girl typle with single kid at home with the dad somewhere off runnig around with someother women..

iam the child godfather so i keep in touch with them on a weekly time frame when i call back there to talk him about software problems..
 

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Women go for bad men because of modern feminism. Starting with WWII when women went to work, General Mills coming out with processed food, birth control pills, bra-burings and now modern day housing for children whilst women run amuck when they should be home.

Women belong at home, being nurtured and cared for. If they think they can have it all as definded in today's terms, they are wrong and wandering lost looking for fufillment.

What can I say? I'm an old fashioned kinda girl. ;)

But Belladonna is right-the time for sulking is over. Move on and get happy!
 
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