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My wife loves the tv show NCIS and one of it's main characters has an extensive list of rules for his agents, and it got me thinking.

What would my rules be, if I were codifying my life experience into short, memorable guidelines? I think we can get a pretty deep pool of wisdom from everyone here. Here's what I've got:

1) Always have a knife, always have a flashlight.
2) Honesty breeds anger, lies breed even more.
3) Check your corners and look behind you.
4) Pick your core people and treat them like your core people.
5) Be able to tell your keys apart by feel.
6) Look both ways before crossing a one-way street.
7) Every rule has exceptions.
8) Always have your exits picked and spot the fire extinguishers.
9) Know how to act oblivious while being observant.
10) A paranoid life beats a complacent death.
11) Nothing is too serious to make fun of at the proper time, but know your audience.
12) The lowest common denominator is distressingly commin.
13) When in doubt watch their hands, eyes, and center of gravity.
14) All of life is logistics. Plan accordingly.
15) Never trust a liar twice.
 

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KOAD; FOAD; ESAD
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Mouth shut,you're in shock til the lawyer gets there
Dont pull it unless you are going to shoot it
Dont point it til you are going to shoot it
If you do shoot,shoot til they stop..until you're SURE they have stopped
Eff'em all but nine-six for pallbearers-two for road guards-and one to count cadence
 

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There ain’t very many people in the world who care what happens to you.
Truth is, given my experience with lawyers and probates and **** like that, probably fewer than you think.
 

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Truth is, given my experience with lawyers and probates and **** like that, probably fewer than you think.
Yeah, my mother in law died recently, pretty suddenly. She took care of a lot the couple years before she got sick, a trust, really good will, funeral, those things. So it was tough, but it could’ve been a lot worse.
 

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Born 120 years too late.
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NEVER SWIM in any body of water where you are not the biggest body in the water...and to add to that, never swim in any salt water anywhere.

NO MATTER how cute,,, never try to pet the bear cub or the baby moose

IF someone wants to bet you they can make the jack of hearts leap out of a sealed deck of cards and spit in your eye, do not take that bet.

NEVER be a participant in any event where you have to say "Here, hold my beer" or "Watch this."

IF you think you might need a gun to be safe going to a place...DON'T go there.

IF you are going into bear territory with a friend, be sure you can run faster than him.

ALL grenades have a 3 second fuse, regardless of what your training or the box says.

NEVER team up with a guy who when handling a claymore mine asks "What does that writing on it say?"

WHEN entering a room full of people, look around and figure out who you think potentially you might have to kill, because you never know.

IF you ride a motorcycle, regardless of the law, you never have the right of way.

EVEN if the girl at the bar is the prettiest in the room, if her Adams apple is bigger than yours, take a pass on it.

BEWARE of people sitting quietly, watching you in deep thought, there is a good chance they are thinking how to kill you.

NOTHING is as over rated as sex, or as under rated as one of those good healthy dumps that brings tears to your eyes.
 

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I love "Gibbs Rules". Here's a list of his I printed out and put on my man-cave wall some time ago.

Some numbers aren't mentioned during the program, but the list goes:

Rule 1: Never let suspects stay together
Also Rule 1: Never screw over your family.
Rule 2: Always wear gloves at a crime scene.
Rule 3: Don't believe what you're told. Doublecheck.
Also Rule 3: Never be unreachable.
Rule 4: The best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best
Rule 5: You don't waste goodness.
Rule 6: Never say you're sorry to strangers. Family and friends are another story.
Rule 7: Always be specific when you lie.
Rule 8: Never take anything for granted.
Rule 9: Never go anywhere without a knife.
Rule 10: Never get personally involved in a case.
Rule 11: When the job is done, walk away.
Rule 12: Never date a co-worker.
Rule 13: Never, ever involve lawyers.
Rule 14: Bend the line, don't break it.
Rule 15: Always work as a team.
Rule 16: If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.
Rule 18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
Rule 20: Always look under.
Rule 22: Never, ever bother a superior in an interrogation.
Rule 23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee... if you want to live.
Rule 27: There are two ways to follow someone. First way, they never notice you. Second way, they only notice you.
Rule 28: When you need help, ask.
Rule 35: Always watch the watchers.
Rule 36: If you feel like you are being played, you probably are.
Rule 38: Your case, your lead.
Rule 39: There is no such thing as coincidence.
Rule 40: If it seems like someone is out to get you, they are.
Rule 42: Never accept an apology from someone who just sucker punched you.
Rule 44: First things first, hide the women and children.
Rule 45: Clean up the mess that you make.
Rule 51: Sometimes you're wrong.
Rule 62: Always give people space to get off the elevator.
Rule 69: Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man.
Rule 73: Never meet your heroes.
 

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Bug-In Prepper
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These are also called "maxims", especially when domain-specific.

I have a list of profession-specific maxims in my "Code of Engineering" (some a bit long):


And of course the Schlock Mercenary "Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries" are legendary:

 

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You probably won’t get killed by lightning, or a falling tree, or by a rattlesnake or a bear, or by a crazed meth-head. But you might. The odds are low, but the odds are not zero.
Uhmmmm ... I dunno about the lightning, rattlesnake, bear or crazed meth-head but you are right about the falling tree. However low the odds actually are there is ALWAYS a chance. 🤷 And if it doesn't kill ya, you will certainly wish it had at least once or twice while you're on the mend.
 

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Uhmmmm ... I dunno about the lightning, rattlesnake, bear or crazed meth-head but you are right about the falling tree. However low the odds actually are there is ALWAYS a chance. 🤷 And if it doesn't kill ya, you will certainly wish it had at least once or twice while you're on the mend.
LOL I can cross getting hit by lightning off my list now. My truck got recently hit with me in it....it died...
 

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LOL I can cross getting hit by lightning off my list now. My truck got recently hit with me in it....it died...
😳😳Damn dude!! And I thought a tree falling on me was a shock! 🙃😉😂😂
 
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