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A Free Man
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Would you be intrested in a man who has kids?
No; I am not advertising. Although I am single (lol). I was just curious how you women/ladies feel about dating and/or marrying a guy who already has kids.
Any woman can answer this; if your married just pretend that you were single. Would you date a guy who had kids from a previous relationship or relationships? What would be your concerns? How could he address these?
Please remember, i am not currently advertising. But I know a few guys that are in this boat and all seem to have problems with finding women that are willing to be in a relationship with a guy who has kids already.
Guess now we know what single moms have always gone through. Thanks in advance for your responses.
 

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For me personally yes, but I am the motherly type--(hence my name-motherhen) not all women are or want any. I have 4 kids myself (and a grandma now too) but I think it just depends on the woman.
 

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Yes, the women who wouldn't date a guy with kids is a women you might want to stay away from in my opinion.

I have to agree with you on that. I wasn't a fan of dating anyone with kids, but I was much younger and very self-centered. Not a very match for a man with kids to say the least.
 

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Scarred for life...
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Would you be intrested in a man who has kids?
No; I am not advertising. Although I am single (lol). I was just curious how you women/ladies feel about dating and/or marrying a guy who already has kids.
Any woman can answer this; if your married just pretend that you were single. Would you date a guy who had kids from a previous relationship or relationships? What would be your concerns? How could he address these?
Please remember, i am not currently advertising. But I know a few guys that are in this boat and all seem to have problems with finding women that are willing to be in a relationship with a guy who has kids already.
Guess now we know what single moms have always gone through. Thanks in advance for your responses.


I'm not a woman but I am a single parent and I must say that the vast majority of women don't like it when a man takes care of his own kids. The cynic in me would say it is because they are looking for a man to take care of their kids....

I haven't dated anybody in probably 5 years now, but when I did date, I was amazed at the number of women who though I would be a great "catch" if only I didn't have my kids. One girl in particular asked me to send my kids packing back to their mothers so she could move in and bring her two kids.

I don't think single mothers have ever had to deal with this quite like men do. Men are valued by women specifically for their earning potential and a man with kids has less earning potential than one who doesn't.
 

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To be honest I would be wary of a relationship with such a man. I wouldn't rule it out completely but I would certainly go into it with eyes open. There'd be a lot of questions on my mind:

How did he end up a single father? What is his relationship with his ex like (if she is still alive)? Is she going to make life difficult for any of his future partners?
What sort of role would I be expected to take with his children? How old are they? Are they well behaved or do they run wild?
And most importantly, does he want to have more children in the future?

I certainly wouldn't be asking these questions on a first date but they'd be on my mind. I am really not a motherly type of woman.
 

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Looking upward
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I think it really depends on the situation as a whole. The children, their behavior, how you interact with them, how involved the Ex is in the whole picture....

Men tend to have a different parenting style than women. We often don't agree with this and IMHO this is what causes problems. In a house hold with both parents... it works as mom & dad balance one another out. Men tend to have a hands off approach... they let it get out of hand before dealing with it, or they ignore things like manners and hand washing, etc. We all have differing opinions on priorities.
It also depends on girls or boys, men tend to let girls get away with a lot.
(my son used to stay in trouble with my ex and my daughter can do no wrong)

I think maybe these guys who are having issues might be going after the single hotties with no kids, younger gals, maybe.
I have no problem dating a man with kids, in fact I have a guy in my life now that is 40 and has never been married and has no kids and that bothers me. To me that says he likely isn't as understanding or as patient with kids. On the other hand my ex's new wife can't have kids, I like her well enough and feel sorry for her. She's good to my daughter and has stepped in to help him (I hate that he makes her take care of my daughter so much) but she seems even more patient than a woman with kids.

I think an agreement has to be made as to how involved the new person is with the kids.
I don't think people should expect the new person to make up for the one who is missing in the family. I don't like other people disciplining my children, but yet If i see a child doing something i REALLY disagree with, I'll speak up. My friends say I am WAY to strict on my kids. I think they're not strict enough (typical Cons Rep Vs Lib Dem).
I have another man in my life that adores his daughters. We are just friends but it has the potential of something more,, and I know going into it that his daughters take precedence over me- AS THEY SHOULD and my kids take precedence over him and his.

I am also very very slow to introduce men in my life to my kids. They've only met one boyfriend I have ever had in he past 4 years and that's because we went camping together a lot. My ex on the other hand used my daughter was wife bait.
 

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trois pour cent
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I'm not a woman but I am a single parent and I must say that the vast majority of women don't like it when a man takes care of his own kids. The cynic in me would say it is because they are looking for a man to take care of their kids....
Countryboy... I think you are just in a bad situation. I have nothing but admiration for a man who takes care of his kids. I don't know of any female friend or relative in my life who does not feel the same way.

Believe it or not, most of us judge men on their character which encompasses many, many things. The man who does not take care of his children is much less likely to find a new spouse than the man who does.


To the OP, whether or not the man has kids from a previous relationship is a factor that I think is more important to younger women with no kids than older.
But how he came to be single again is certainly a factor I'd want to know. A young man tragically widowed of obvious good character is a better bet than a young man divorced by his wife for fooling around. The presence of kids is just one of so many factors to be considered. It's not THE factor to be considered.
 

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Would you be intrested in a man who has kids?
I was just curious how you women/ladies feel about dating and/or marrying a guy who already has kids.




Hi Wolf2000I have dated a few men who had children. One of those men was a custodial parent. A total of six children involved, and all the kids were well-behaved, respectable and we got along well. This relationship lasted a few years, so we went through the teen years, holidays, family get-togethers, summer vacations, sickness and hospital visits, school functions, etc. Great kids.

The 'problems' were definately not the children, the 'problem' was excessive drinking on the part of their father at adult social occasions. And all the obnoxious, putrid, and boorish behavior that manifests because of it. A true dealbreaker. Turning moody when he drank and then carrying that piggish attitude back home to the kids. I hate drunkards. Passive/agressive crap and all that. Eventual dealbreaker. I stuck it four years, but ended up leaving.

But I digress...

My Dad became our custodial parent when I was 12. My youngest sibling was just out of toddlerhood. Dad had to learn a few things, but he did and we are all better for it. He took excellant care of us. Including our Mom, too, when she needed help, even though she made things really hard for him when they split. Today, everyone gets along, shares holidays and family events, and etc. My Mom never dated again, Dad did, but we only ever met 2 of his girlfriends. Us kids are all in our 40's, now. I don't have children, because I haven't found someone I was comfortable enough to have them with.

Hi Countryboy. I don't have children. Now if I have to pick between the man who sits home every night with his children and struggles paycheck to paycheck, and the guy who sends off a check once a month and hits the bar every week, who do you think I'm going to choose? I know who the real man is. Don't be puttin us all in one basket.

I know you have your views on male/female roles, etc. I'm a single female, my bills are all paid, and Dad taught me how to take care of myself. I have my own money and a lot of skills normally considered the domain of males. My Dad taught me how to make sure I could handle things by myself, same as my brothers. I learned everything they did, plus all the girly stuff. Only thing he didn't want me to do was join the service, his feeling was that women didn't belong. I respected him on that, although now I wish I had that experience. I went to ag college.

I judge a man on how he cares for his children, his parents, his job and the relationships he has w/ his siblings and his childrens' mother. I want to see a cordial or at least civil relationship between them or I don't want to be involved because it will invariably affect ours. On the other hand, if she is a drug addict or drunkard, that selfishness coupled with the fact that she probably associates with other undesireables is going to make me wonder if you were or are like this also. The women you were describing earlier are lowlife zeros to be suggesting that you would be a good catch if you were child-free. While I feel bad for you at the onset, the fact that there are more than one of them has me questioning your choice in women in general, after all, or at least where you are meeting them (bars, etc.). In fact, if you were non-custodial and I found out that you were throwing away all your kid weekends to see me instead, I would have no interest in you at all. See what I'm getting at, generalizations about someone I don't even know.

I haven't dated in awhile. My reason, I guess, is subconciously I'm not really feelin' it. I think at this point I'm afraid of the same things many men are. I don't want a relationship failing and then I have to start worrying about my stuff, ID theft, all those things that guys worry about. I live simply, but what I have is mine. I made my living in a man's world (press operator, driver, machinist, etc.) because that's where the money was, and I was on my own. I had some more traditional female jobs, but they didn't pay, and women are catty as heck to work with. I'm not 'butch' by any stretch of the imagination, I like my dresses and makeup and such, but I just could not function in most office environments.

I'm sooo lucky, my Dad made sure I could use any type of hand and power tool, operate any type of construction and farming equipment, weld and use a cutting torch, shoot & reload, fell trees, build things, handle livestock, etc., and I'm on my way to a CDL, too, and I'm an EMT, so I have some useable skills. I find that many men feel threatened by this, and that has hindered my dating prospects in the past at times. Of course, I can still sew my own clothes, garden, cook and clean and all, but it didn't seem to matter.

Oh, well I guess, maybe in the next life...:eek:::)
 

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I wouldn't rule out a man with kids, so long as I saw that he was a good father. If I saw him as a good father- I'd actually consider that a definate positive and desireable trait in his favor as far as I'd be concerned.




Would you be intrested in a man who has kids?
No; I am not advertising. Although I am single (lol). I was just curious how you women/ladies feel about dating and/or marrying a guy who already has kids.
Any woman can answer this; if your married just pretend that you were single. Would you date a guy who had kids from a previous relationship or relationships? What would be your concerns? How could he address these?
Please remember, i am not currently advertising. But I know a few guys that are in this boat and all seem to have problems with finding women that are willing to be in a relationship with a guy who has kids already.
Guess now we know what single moms have always gone through. Thanks in advance for your responses.
 

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It should be the character of a person that one falls in love with, along with the lusts of the body as well, so saying that, If I was single I would probably go more (now I am older) for a man who has the integrity and is responsible enough to raise his own,rather a man who only thinks of what he is going to eat ,wear and have sex with.
there are many good women out there I am sure who would love to share the burden of raising a family....they are like Gold, however, a little harder to find than the average river stones.
 

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It should be the character of a person that one falls in love with, along with the lusts of the body as well, so saying that, If I was single I would probably go more (now I am older) for a man who has the integrity and is responsible enough to raise his own,rather a man who only thinks of what he is going to eat ,wear and have sex with.
there are many good women out there I am sure who would love to share the burden of raising a family....they are like Gold, however, a little harder to find than the average river stones.
I agree. The ones who don't want you just because you have kids are selfish or don't want the responsibility.

That said, I think it also might depend on the kid's behavior, too. Nobody wants to be the "wicked stepmother" or suffer a failed relationship simply because the kids don't want her.
 

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LOLew. My DAD has kids.
I'd probably have more in common with them than with the guy anyway. :B You wanna what? No bitch, I'm playin tag.
 

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I would not be interested in a man who had kids.

I am too damned old to be raising someone else's kids.
 

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I prefer men with kids, as long as they're well behaved and he isn't just looking for a woman to dump them on.

A responsible father is VERY attractive.
 

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msc,

I got a divorce on January 2nd or 3rd and I went to a bar on the 5th (I think) and found a woman. That's the first and only time I ever went to a bar, and the only time I ever picked up a "strange". In all honesty, at that point, I hadn't been laid in almost 3 years so I figure I was due. Yes I was married during that time but we were only living in the same house. My ex wife was sleeping with literally a dozen men per week by then and I wouldn't touch her. During this time she also got into crack and some other things and I was reduced to just trying to get financially able to move out and support my kids.

Incidentally I stayed for those years to try and get custody of my stepson. My ex wife did sign over her rights to make decisions for him to me in 2001 but eventually when it all went to court the judge threw that out and I ended up losing custody of him. He turns 18 next year and while I would hope he comes and sees me I know he wont. His mother has poisoned him against me and he just sees the devil when he thinks of me.

I wish I could change that but I cant. I know a lot of the things his mother told him about me and I would hope that he would stop and THINK that if even a small part of what she told him were true, why did I win custody of his half brother and sister, but I am not holding my breath waiting for that.

All this talk about how wonderful men who take care of their kids are is BS.

I know personally well over 100 women, and have dated probably a dozen women since my divorce and not a single one of them liked the fact that I have kids at home. NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

I haven't gotten drunk since I was 19. I haven't even seen an illegal drug in 24 years now, since I was 15 years old. I do smoke cigars and pipe tobacco sometimes. I spent the evening yesterday running out in the neighbors yard with my kids while they played hide and seek with the neighbor kids.

In a word, I am BORING. I would never get drunk and hit you, or do drugs, or cheat on you, and where is the fun in that? Women want mystery and romance and DRAMA and a man that needs fixing, not some guy who is responsible and caring because that is boring.

I could go on and on about how Ive raised my kids and how good a parent I am but in the end, the problem is that I AM A PARENT. Women want a man to support THEIR kids, not his own.
 

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Yes I would. In fact, I did.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. His girls were 2, 4, and 6 when we got married. I would not change a thing. Don't get me wrong, some of the early dealings with his ex-wife were the absolute WORST times of my life, but I would do it all over again. I love him more than life itself and wouldn't trade him for the world. His girls have made my life better and everytime they are here I find myself laughing (and rolling my eyes from time to time. . .they are teenagers now!) and having a good time.

You will find the right woman. If she doesn't want your kids around or doesn't like the fact that you have them, run away quickly. But I guess I probably didn't have to tell you that. :thumb:
 

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In a word, I am BORING. I would never get drunk and hit you, or do drugs, or cheat on you, and where is the fun in that? Women want mystery and romance and DRAMA and a man that needs fixing, not some guy who is responsible and caring because that is boring.
I know nothing about you other than what you have written here. Based on that, I'd say you are the perfect man. You are meeting the wrong women. Of course, I don't have a cure for that, just thought I'd let you know. My husband and I spend more time at home as "home-bodies" than we do out. Not every woman wants the sort of drama in her life that you described.
 

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I don't think single mothers have ever had to deal with this quite like men do. Men are valued by women specifically for their earning potential and a man with kids has less earning potential than one who doesn't.
You mean as opposed to men dating women in order to have a babysitter/mom to kids...to help keep the kids because most men didn't have a clue what it took to keep a job and a home and the kids all running like a well oiled machine:D:?
 
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