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Breathe Easy
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214 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My fiance, now ex-fiance, handed back the ring last night. She is hanging onto a few situations that I supposedly didn't do the right thing. I have said that I'm sorry and have tried to prove myself to her, but she still seems to hold that grudge. What should I do?
 

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If you continue jumping through hoops to keep her, she's not going to respect you, you're not going to respect yourself, and she will always have the upper hand in the relationship. From now on, do what you think is right and if she isn't satisfied then you need to find someone else.

Life is too short to be with people who don't let go of past mistakes.

For what it's worth you have my sympathy that it didn't work out.
 

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Breathe Easy
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214 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
If you continue jumping through hoops to keep her, she's not going to respect you, you're not going to respect yourself, and she will always have the upper hand in the relationship. From now on, do what you think is right and if she isn't satisfied then you need to find someone else.

Life is too short to be with people who don't let go of past mistakes.

For what it's worth you have my sympathy that it didn't work out.
Thank you for the advice.
 

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Breathe Easy
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214 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Kick her to the curb and find one that truely loves you.
I am just saddened by the fact that I thought she did love me.

go get drunk and throw up in her car..and wake the next morning and go do it again throw up in car again ...then go find someone that loves you for you
Speaking from experience? Thanks for the much needed humor.
 

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Scarred for life...
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3,295 Posts
Women LOVE to find something to hold over a man.

If the man doesn't do anything wrong she will hold THAT over his head.

Some people grow up to become adults, and some never figure it out. Sounds like your ex is one of the latter. To them, LIFE is a game to be played AGAINST their closets friends and family, loved ones, and all romantic relationships.

So she found something to hold over you and wont let it go? If you did it and it really is your fault, apologize and leave her forever. If you didn't do it tell her to frack herself and leave forever. The operative instruction here is to leave.

Now if it is you who havent grown up yet I suggest you learn to grow up and keep it in your britches until you do, before you knock up some girl who hates you... and you end up spending the rest of your adult life supporting some biatch you never liked in the first place....

GET IT?
 

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to listen
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284 Posts
Not all women find something to hold over a man, it could just be that she wanted out of the relationship and is using what you did as the get out clause.
The right women would forgive you, when you deeply love someone you take on all their faults,warts an all as they say, and even when you fight you never stop loving them, no one is perfect.
The right person is out there, you will know when you meet her. i am sorry to hear about your breakup, but it will make you stronger in the long run and you will be really blessed
Take care T.G
 

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Ok, just another perspective from a female here. I hear a lot of people saying kick her to the curb and such, which is the easy thing to do. It all depends on the situation I think, if you made a few minor mistakes but fess up and are will ing to work and change, most women would give you a chance. If it is a situation where you have been given numerous chances and continue to betray her trust in you, then yeah, she's right. Most women will not remain in a relationship with someone they feel they cannot trust. Only you know the circumstances, I can't judge that. Some females just have "issues" and in that case, you can't fix her and it's best to move on. Not every woman out there just wants to put a guy's jewels in a vise and squeeze, but there are some that do. Only you know what you have here, if she continually is doing this stuff to you for no reason then yeah, you need to move on because she will make your life hell if you stay with her. Sorry for your problem.....
 

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Permanently gone
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I have been in some doozy of a break-up situations.
If she gave you back the ring as a *power play* (and women will do this!), here's how SHE expects it to go down:
1) She gives back ring and accuses you of whatever.
2) You tearfully apologize/explain, whether you did it or not.
3) She snottily refuses your apology/explanation.
4) For the next 3 to 5 days, she will rake you over the coals in discussions with her girlfriends, mother, sister--basically any female that will listen.
5) She will also go out and party with her friends on the first weekend after she breaks up with you. She will probably get laid, but excuse her behavior later by saying "I was soooo drunk and sooooo upset after the break-up".
6) She may or may not call you while drunk, just to *rub it in*, *twist the knife*, whatever. At the end of said phone call she will make the statement "I really loved you!" and sound tearful.
7) After sobering up, she will call you..."to discuss things". She will expect you to bring her your balls, all tied up with a shiny bow.
8) The discussion will be an overview of your flaws and what she has gone through to deal with them. You will be expected to hand over your balls and give a suitable apology for ever daring to breathe, blink or move without her permission.
9) At this point, she will tell you she loves you. When you return that sentiment, you are done, because she will now make demands relating to your behavior and the relationship you have with her. The demands will come out as pleadings, suggestions, etc done in a sweet, endearing voice, but make no mistake about it, they are demands!
10) She takes your balls.

Now, here's how YOU should make it go down:
1) She gave back ring, you offered apology/explanation.
2) She refused sincere apology.
3) You do not discuss your former g/f with family, friends or buddies. It is not their business. If anyone asks, just shrug and say "It didn't work out" No further explanation is needed. If someone continues to pry, glare at them and say "My personal life is just that, personal." Or just ask "How about them Giants?"
4) If she calls you, drunk or sober, nicely tell her you can't talk at that moment and hang up.
5) After many repeats of #5, she will come to see you angrily demanding to know why you won't talk to her. In a sincerely confused manner state the obvious "You broke up with me, I assumed it was over, period." She will be startled and then start acting as if she might cry, heck, if shes good, she WILL cry. DO NOT CONSOLE HER! DO NOT LET HER IN YOUR HOUSE!
6) She will now belatedly accept your apology/explanation, swearing that she had gotten confused or had been mistaken about her original accusations.
7) Ball is in your court. Decide whether or not you really want to spend your life with her.
If NO: Thank her for her belated acceptance of your apology, wish her well and shut the door. Delete her number out of your cell phone and change ALL your passwords on every account (trust me, she knows them). Change the pin number on your debit cards, credit cards and bank accounts. She knows those , too. Forget her and go on with your life.
If YES: It is time to discuss HER flaws and how your relationship will proceed. Get ground rules firmly in place. Let her in house. NO SEX! Have her fix you dinner first. Trust me, if you do it right, she will be happy to cook dinner for you. Praise her cooking efforts even if they suck. If you decide to have sex, INSIST on using a condom, if she protests, tell her you want to make sure you are BOTH safe and that you don't have a baby before you BOTH are ready for the responsibility.
8) You still have your balls, regardless of which way YOU decided.
 

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I don't know who's right or wrong in your case but it doesn't matter. It sounds like you don't have the basis for a solid relationship. It would be a waste of time as in the end you would arrive at the same place where you are today, but after having wasted some precious time.

If you are the guilty party, learn from this and be a better man in your next relationship. If she is, learn to avoid the type of person she embodies.

It might hurt but it's time to move on. Preferably with your dignity intact.
 

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I help enlighten folks
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Frick it and forget it. If you guys do continue to have sex assume she isn't taking any birth control
 

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As was said change all your pass words, if you had anything joint grab it now.
When I went through a breakup many years ago , I was cleaned out. Had $9.00 in my wallet and that was my net wealth. She took my name off the credit cards , cleaned out the bank accounts and tried to get the bank to repo my pick-up.
I know you're hurting now, but act quickly or you could be hurting for a very long time.
 

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It is difficult to keep your head clear with such an emotional situation, but by all means follow Alaskan's advice (+1 to that!)

The day I said I was leaving/asked for divorce, my X emptied the bank account, caused my checks to bounce all over the place (like rent, utils, everything) then stole my car in the middle of the night (had a set of keys), drained all the oil, drove it till every seal and gasket was shot - then left it all burned-up and smoking for me in my employer's parking lot - right in front of the entrance for all to see. My co-workers gave me hell for weeks (in a good way, but embarrassing nonetheless) - Was really super of him. :mad:

People can be brutal and vicious, sometimes trying to be as decent as possible in ending things does you no good. All of this may just prove and reinforce your reasoning in leaving them, but it's a big fiasco/nightmare in the meantime. Think and act to avoid as much as possible, and do it quickly.
 

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Hm. Did you hit her or abuse here in any way? (Sorry, a surviving battered wife here.) One thing is to examine your role in the relationship, especially if you are attracting abusers. And, put downs are on the continum(sp) of verbal abuse. Get yourself healthier and more secure in being who you are. Love yourself and others will love you too.
 

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I have been in some doozy of a break-up situations.
If she gave you back the ring as a *power play* (and women will do this!), here's how SHE expects it to go down:
1) She gives back ring and accuses you of whatever.
2) You tearfully apologize/explain, whether you did it or not.
3) She snottily refuses your apology/explanation.
4) For the next 3 to 5 days, she will rake you over the coals in discussions with her girlfriends, mother, sister--basically any female that will listen.
5) She will also go out and party with her friends on the first weekend after she breaks up with you. She will probably get laid, but excuse her behavior later by saying "I was soooo drunk and sooooo upset after the break-up".
6) She may or may not call you while drunk, just to *rub it in*, *twist the knife*, whatever. At the end of said phone call she will make the statement "I really loved you!" and sound tearful.
7) After sobering up, she will call you..."to discuss things". She will expect you to bring her your balls, all tied up with a shiny bow.
8) The discussion will be an overview of your flaws and what she has gone through to deal with them. You will be expected to hand over your balls and give a suitable apology for ever daring to breathe, blink or move without her permission.
9) At this point, she will tell you she loves you. When you return that sentiment, you are done, because she will now make demands relating to your behavior and the relationship you have with her. The demands will come out as pleadings, suggestions, etc done in a sweet, endearing voice, but make no mistake about it, they are demands!
10) She takes your balls.

Now, here's how YOU should make it go down:
1) She gave back ring, you offered apology/explanation.
2) She refused sincere apology.
3) You do not discuss your former g/f with family, friends or buddies. It is not their business. If anyone asks, just shrug and say "It didn't work out" No further explanation is needed. If someone continues to pry, glare at them and say "My personal life is just that, personal." Or just ask "How about them Giants?"
4) If she calls you, drunk or sober, nicely tell her you can't talk at that moment and hang up.
5) After many repeats of #5, she will come to see you angrily demanding to know why you won't talk to her. In a sincerely confused manner state the obvious "You broke up with me, I assumed it was over, period." She will be startled and then start acting as if she might cry, heck, if shes good, she WILL cry. DO NOT CONSOLE HER! DO NOT LET HER IN YOUR HOUSE!
6) She will now belatedly accept your apology/explanation, swearing that she had gotten confused or had been mistaken about her original accusations.
7) Ball is in your court. Decide whether or not you really want to spend your life with her.
If NO: Thank her for her belated acceptance of your apology, wish her well and shut the door. Delete her number out of your cell phone and change ALL your passwords on every account (trust me, she knows them). Change the pin number on your debit cards, credit cards and bank accounts. She knows those , too. Forget her and go on with your life.
If YES: It is time to discuss HER flaws and how your relationship will proceed. Get ground rules firmly in place. Let her in house. NO SEX! Have her fix you dinner first. Trust me, if you do it right, she will be happy to cook dinner for you. Praise her cooking efforts even if they suck. If you decide to have sex, INSIST on using a condom, if she protests, tell her you want to make sure you are BOTH safe and that you don't have a baby before you BOTH are ready for the responsibility.
8) You still have your balls, regardless of which way YOU decided.
ha this is shockingly correct. do exactly this.
 
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