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high on truck stop coffee
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16,529 Posts
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“Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs forty pounds.”

“Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Jessica Alba had a baby!”

“I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!”

“Well, couldn’t they induce labor? That week is the start of the World Series..!"

“Damn if you ain’t about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.”

“Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt.”

“Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!”

“Are your ankles supposed to look like that?”

“Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!”

“Geez, you’re awfully puffy looking today.”

“Got milk?”

“Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.”

“Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!”

“Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water.”

“Yeah, well you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger, Lardazz.”

“Sure you’ll get your figure back — we’ll just search 1995 where you left it.”

“Keys are on the fridge, honey. I’ll see you at the hospital at half-time.”

“Sure, the doctor said you’re eating for two - but he didn’t mean two Orcas.”

“Honey — Come show the guys your Brando impression!”

“Roseanne, what have you done with my wife?!”

“How come you’re so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?”

“Sweetheart, where’d you put that Victoria’s Secret catalog?”

“What’s the big deal?"

“Hey, when you’re finished pukin’ in there, get me a beer, willya?”

“Why in the *world* would I want to rub your feet?”

“That’s not a bun in the oven — it’s the whole friggin’ bakery!”

“You know, now that you mention it, you *are* getting fat and unattractive.”

“Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support.”

“Yo, Fat***! You’re blocking the TV!”

“No, I don’t know where the remote is! Have you looked under your big butt?”

“I know today’s your due date, but Larry just got a 10-point buck and that’s a reason to celebrate, too.”

:taped: :eek:: :xeye: :upsidedown: :(
 

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To the Liberty Tree!
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1,312 Posts
“Keys are on the fridge, honey. I’ll see you at the hospital at half-time.”

I came very close to actually hearing this as my due date was right around superbowl Sunday. I think my husband did a lot of praying and our little girl came early enough that we were released from the hospital on the day before the big game.
 

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4,092 Posts
there is a couple of extras
honey where did the pizza go there was a whole pizza a minute ago on the table
give me back my steak please have the waiter order another if you are that hungrey
no you can not have a pistol in the bithing room to shoot me or the nurse when we make you mad
that the third time thought the buffet the mgn is giveing you the evil eye
where did the enigne block crane go to so i can help you off the floor
no your feet not cold honey when you put them to the middle of my back at 2am in the morning in the middle of jan so you can them warm
no honey i do not mind that i have to get up at 1am to run to the fast food joint and order half the menu for you when i have to get up at 4.30.am to go to work
no honey that t-shirt that you wear is good to go the store with and the baggy shorts are ok to
hey when i am getting my cloths back so i can wear them
 
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