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Amateur of all trades
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Discussion Starter #1
The most probable SHTF event the majority of us have or statistically Will experience is...
DIVORCE!
There I said it. Not intending this to be a "mine was more of a horror than yours'" based topic. Please try not to make this a whine fest competition. I do wish to discuss and swap ideas on How to Prepare for this most likely life altering event that should be considered. This will and should bring up honesty and morality issues as in no matter how much I love my significant partner, there is the possibility that weakness(es) of infidelity, addiction, developing mental and physical illness(es), and a myriad of other life events can lead to the catastrophic failure of any relationship.
There are no "Iron Clad" Prenuptual contracts. There's always a loophole.
Your ideas and input please.
 

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Comic, not your lawyer!
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I'm single, never married. Many opportunities, but I have a real fear of divorce.

Continuum from worst to best would probably be:

* Ugly divorce experience (mental, legal, criminal, financial, child care issues).
* Unhappily married
* Unhappily dating
* Single
* Happily dating
* Happily married

Statistically the most healthy and successful people are probably those happily married with a trusting spouse.

I think the best way to insulate oneself against a bitter divorce is to KNOW YOURSELF really well, find the right partner thru patience, trust, and honesty, and build a life gradually. And a clear partnership agreement aka prenup is important.

A prenup might not be air tight but the mention of it will scare off all those gold diggers just in it for the money. If there's never a divorce on the mind, the prenup is a insurance policy that is never required. Just like a fire extinguisher ideally.
 

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The Power of the Glave
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As an avid amateur social historian, let me add my two cents.

Traditionally, marriages were largely business and/or political arrangements.

Our modern notions of "marrying for love and living happily ever after" are relatively recent ideas, historically-wise. Only prevalent since about the early 1900's, in fact.

In the Medieval times, and especially in the Roman Empire, marriages were arranged. Even among the poorest and lowest classes. Attested to by documents that described in detail the rights and responsibilities of both the future groom and the future bride. Signed by both and attested to by witnesses. Before any nuptials were performed.

Often in intricate detail, it prescribed the bride's dowry, and especially how property was to be divided in the event of failure of the marriage. With regards to children, it was usually that the sons would go to the father, and the daughters to the mother.

Financially, the husband was obliged to return the bride's dowry, often with interest. Jointly owned properties, such as land, were divided half-and-half.
 

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Born 120 years too late.
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I THINK age and maturity has a lot to do with success of marriage or not.

When you are young and dumb and getting laid frequently and it is still the main focal point of your existence, you do not make the best of choices.

I didn't get married until I hit 30. Before that... well, lets just say I took advantage of the plethora of cop groupies that are out there in fair numbers
or
if you knew the right cop bar to go to, you never had to go home alone unless it was your choice.

ALSO.. a lot has to do with what you do for a living. Dissimilar interests and work cause some strains. Cops have a very high divorce rate, especially for those who were married before joining the PD. Wife, who had a "normal" life before doesn't understand why you have to work Christmas Day so you can't visit her folks as you always did before. She doesn't understand why you can't get off on a Friday night to go out like you used to . ANd women... it is like going into a street market and a lot of the selections say "TRY ME." Several times in my life I have responded to a call to a house and the lady of the house answered the door with little on but a smile.

I was addressing a new class of RATs fresh out of the academy and getting ready to hit the streets. I asked all the married guys to raise their hands. About 60% were married. I told them unless they were really careful within 3 years 2/3s of them would be divorced, separated or cheating. They did not believe me. By the time the 3 years were up I found my 2/3s was low. Thus is the job.

WHen I met My wife she was an Emergency Room Chief RN, worked afternoon shift, ran HER ER with military precision and even the Drs stayed out of her way. She was used to working weekends, holidays, Christmas day was just another day at work. She saw death and misery on a daily basis.
SO, if either one of us had a bad day, the other one understood what we were going through. It made a huge difference in our relationship in that we could relate like that.
 

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I THINK age and maturity has a lot to do with success of marriage or not.



When you are young and dumb and getting laid frequently and it is still the main focal point of your existence, you do not make the best of choices.



I didn't get married until I hit 30. Before that... well, lets just say I took advantage of the plethora of cop groupies that are out there in fair numbers

or

if you knew the right cop bar to go to, you never had to go home alone unless it was your choice.



ALSO.. a lot has to do with what you do for a living. Dissimilar interests and work cause some strains. Cops have a very high divorce rate, especially for those who were married before joining the PD. Wife, who had a "normal" life before doesn't understand why you have to work Christmas Day so you can't visit her folks as you always did before. She doesn't understand why you can't get off on a Friday night to go out like you used to . ANd women... it is like going into a street market and a lot of the selections say "TRY ME." Several times in my life I have responded to a call to a house and the lady of the house answered the door with little on but a smile.



I was addressing a new class of RATs fresh out of the academy and getting ready to hit the streets. I asked all the married guys to raise their hands. About 60% were married. I told them unless they were really careful within 3 years 2/3s of them would be divorced, separated or cheating. They did not believe me. By the time the 3 years were up I found my 2/3s was low. Thus is the job.



WHen I met My wife she was an Emergency Room Chief RN, worked afternoon shift, ran HER ER with military precision and even the Drs stayed out of her way. She was used to working weekends, holidays, Christmas day was just another day at work. She saw death and misery on a daily basis.

SO, if either one of us had a bad day, the other one understood what we were going through. It made a huge difference in our relationship in that we could relate like that.
Speak for yourself, I'd say if getting poon isn't a focal point at any point in your adult male life, you need to check your test levels.

I think about poon 23 hours a day in my 30s and have the stamina of a horse, and that will remain true until the day the lord calls my name.



Sent from my Note 8 using Tapatalk
 

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As an avid amateur social historian, let me add my two cents.



Traditionally, marriages were largely business and/or political arrangements.



Our modern notions of "marrying for love and living happily ever after" are relatively recent ideas, historically-wise. Only prevalent since about the early 1900's, in fact.



In the Medieval times, and especially in the Roman Empire, marriages were arranged. Even among the poorest and lowest classes. Attested to by documents that described in detail the rights and responsibilities of both the future groom and the future bride. Signed by both and attested to by witnesses. Before any nuptials were performed.



Often in intricate detail, it prescribed the bride's dowry, and especially how property was to be divided in the event of failure of the marriage. With regards to children, it was usually that the sons would go to the father, and the daughters to the mother.



Financially, the husband was obliged to return the bride's dowry, often with interest. Jointly owned properties, such as land, were divided half-and-half.
Thanks history major, but until you communicate to us plebs how this relates to the OP (1#SHTF event for an individual), this is all just interesting hot air.

Sent from my Note 8 using Tapatalk
 

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I had a nasty divorce. More so than most I've heard of. My one piece of advice? No matter how happy you are in your marriage, start stashing cash now. It doesn't have to be a lot at once, it just has to be somewhere that you know where it is and she doesn't and you need to make steady "deposits". If you ever need it you'll be thankful that you did. If you don't get divorced you can always use it for something else (surprise honey, I'm taking you to Hawaii for our 50th anniversary!).

I know a guy who saved enough to pay for his lawyer and her share of the house with money he'd stashed. Be like him.
 

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My wife and I agreed that the only way out of marriage was suicide or murder.

Also, I told her that we I wouldn't get married unless we lived together for seven years first to test things out. Things worked out.

And will continue to work out. My life literally depends on it. That vow of murder was made in front of fifty witnesses so even that route isn't a way out.

Its about survival....not happiness.
 

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Speak for yourself, I'd say if getting poon isn't a focal point at any point in your adult male life, you need to check your test levels.

I think about poon 23 hours a day in my 30s and have the stamina of a horse, and that will remain true until the day the lord calls my name.



Sent from my Note 8 using Tapatalk
No dude. Im.37 and have always had an above average "drive", and on days I don't feel too terrible that's absolutely true.

And when I'm hurting the endorphins actually do a better job than narcodics. So if she's understanding and willing to accept a slow start we are good. (Hummmm, wonder if I can get a prescription....)

But there are days I just want someone to shoot me in the head more than suck the other one.
 

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The most probable SHTF event the majority of us have or statistically Will experience is...
DIVORCE!
There I said it. Not intending this to be a "mine was more of a horror than yours'" based topic. Please try not to make this a whine fest competition. I do wish to discuss and swap ideas on How to Prepare for this most likely life altering event that should be considered. This will and should bring up honesty and morality issues as in no matter how much I love my significant partner, there is the possibility that weakness(es) of infidelity, addiction, developing mental and physical illness(es), and a myriad of other life events can lead to the catastrophic failure of any relationship.
There are no "Iron Clad" Prenuptual contracts. There's always a loophole.
Your ideas and input please.
1) The most probable is the one that is 100% certain, getting old, sick and dying. The sick part is a pretty big deal, good and affordable medical care, healthy lifestyle. I plan on dying too, as in a good life insurance in my opinion is mandatory for anyone with wife and kids.
2)Divorce is pretty damn terrible though so Im with you on that. Some of us do get lucky, almost 20 years and going strong.
Its also worth mentioning that its a particular PITA in USA, where in spite of enjoying more freedom than anywhere else (or thats what some of my friends tell me ;) ) men get disproportionally RAPED during divorce, unlike any other civilized country I know of. Theres been men in America that offed themselves after getting a divorce in which they were left with financial obligations that were downright impossible for them to face.
 

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One thing I have to say about divorce is this: you married them! ( self included)

You can't blame anyone but yourself

SHTF that is age related you can't do anything about, and it's not your own fault
 

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Statistically the most healthy and successful people are probably those happily married with a trusting spouse.
Yes, thats the thing. While a divorce is pretty damn terrrible, being alone is too. Ideally you find a good woman to marry, have kids, be happy. But you have to choose VERY well, and you yourself be very critical with yourself and always try to improve as a husband-father. Not being an ***hole, not being a drunk-drug addict puts you ahead of most guys out there but of course its not enough.

I think the best way to insulate oneself against a bitter divorce is to KNOW YOURSELF really well, find the right partner thru patience, trust, and honesty, and build a life gradually. And a clear partnership agreement aka prenup is important.

A prenup might not be air tight but the mention of it will scare off all those gold diggers just in it for the money. If there's never a divorce on the mind, the prenup is a insurance policy that is never required. Just like a fire extinguisher ideally.
One thing I noticed too is that not all cultures are the same when it comes to marriage. Latin women tend to be more old fashioned when it comes to marriage and fighting a bit more to keep the family together, eastern European women are pretty solid in that regard as well. Most guys I know married to either one of those seem to be statisticlaly happier.
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
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I would say illness, then flooding as my 2 big events.

I had a very long and ugly battle with suicide before my diagnosis and medication. My husband continues to deteriorate.

If your back goes you are utterly ****ed. Utterly. You had better hope you have a loyal soldier and not a fair weather spouse.

One reason I am loyal; he was, when I was sick. It would have been very easy to walk and he didn't.

Besides, you can have fun with it if you try. "It's time for your bed bath" etc. :rofl:
 
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