Sorry to hear that.
Ive been there. Recovered just fine. I pray you will too.

 

Yeah me too. Sometimes you have to weed through the garbage in your life to find that hidden treasure and that can take years. Pull your boot straps up, have a little faith and be a good dad. It will all work out in the end. Sending prayers and cyber hugs your way.

 

ATST is correct. What is hard today will just be a memory in the months to come.

 

Been there, done that. That storage unit is your best friend right now. Make sure you keep it paid and if possible, get it paid a few months in advance. If it doesn't have 24 hour access, consider finding one that does. When the chips are really down, you can slip in there for a night or so to get out of the weather. Just make sure you're gone before the office opens in the morning and don't make a habit of it. Also, get a Post Office box so that you have an address.

Start selling things on Craig's List and whittle your stuff down to only what you really need or just can't part with. Pick up odd jobs until you can find something permanent. Again, Craig's List is a great place to find odd jobs. Find a temp service in the area and sign on for jobs in whatever trades/skills you have.

Locate nearby camping sites and/or wilderness and National Forest areas and get your gear together to do some serious camping. Also, those camping sites often have shower areas. Look for a YMCA in the area for getting cleaned up when needed. And if worse comes to worse, hit the interstate and wash up in the restrooms at the roadside rest areas.

Hang in there. Use your head and you'll make it through. It can be done.

 

The only thing I could add to this is make sure you change the passwords to all of your banking and social media accounts. Make sure your computer does ot save them. Stash cash off the books.

 

you are already in divorce proceedings ... everything is joint property to be split equally .... you can't just start moving and selling stuff .... you'll most probably be able to claim pre-martial property on anything brought into the marriage ... like inherited guns or something .... otherwise you'll have to buy out /barter her side of the property value you want to claim ....

don't know where you live ... but be VERY careful about domestic violence .... the cops are commonly grabbing firearms .... your wife's lawyer might get his nose involved ... you might be served with a 24 hr court order to produce the guns/ammo

 

Get a storage container in NC or some other neighboring state and put it a year or three ahead in cash. Use your parent's, a trusted friend's, or some other address. Then, put your guns, ammo, preps, and other truely personal belongings there.

If they were never hers, she likely won't remember then to go after them.

Don't let HER be the first one to call the cops. If she is being violent (punching the walls, breaking stuff, then queitly slip off and call the police). Being the person making the call is important. Be sober ALL THE TIME and never touch her or threaten her. If she attacks you, let her hurt you some before you call the police.

Rather than keep her child from her, you should have let her drive off with the child and then called the cops for her taking YOUR child from you.

The system is made to serve the one who is the most helpless and whiney about it. Being strong and stoic actively works against you.

Remember that you don't want alimony. You want your child. If she continues to act poorly, document it, make sure the police document it, take pictures, record conversations, and go for full custody. With any luck, you will get it, or at least primary custody with support, and worst case equal custody without support.

You want to make sure you have the means to support your child. Find out what the poverty line is for you and your child and find work that keeps you above that line. Cash your paycheck and spend it as cash. Make that your habit. If you want to save, save cash out of state in your storage container.

You want your personal value to be above the poverty line if you have sole custody, but you want to never have more than a month's pay and in an all cash position.

If you have joint credit/credit cards - REMOVE YOURSELF from them. Make it clear that the debt on them is her debt if she runs them up.

Get a good lawyer NOW. Do NOT move out of your house. Document her infidelity and keep your zipper UP.

Don't know what else to say - but good luck.

 

I've never been through a divorce. Pray to God I never will. (both my sisters have, multiple times each) I know it can get ugly. Praying for you to find piece. I will say that the following is SSSOOOOOOO true. You must make the authorities see you (and your child) as the victims.

The system is made to serve the one who is the most helpless and whiney about it. Being strong and stoic actively works against you.

 

I have been going thru the same sort of situation. Tho I dont actually live with mine as she only came home once a week at most, spent the night then went back to making money her only true love. I was a bit proactive, I went and got a storage unit, moved alot of my stuff there, so it wouldnt all be lost in one swoop. Then filed for divorce. Fortunately shes really scatter brained and doesn't remember what I may have, yes she knows I have guns but wouldn't know if I produced all of them or not. That and she was never on board with prepping anyways, money is better spent on shiny rocks for your finger or a flashy car. She was never here anyways so it was pretty easy to just put stuff away where she never saw it.

Its been a year and still messing around. Its always something to slow things down. My lawyer has to get ahold of her lawyer, then hers has to get ahold of her. She was sent paperwork to show her financial situation, she had 30 days to reply, waited to 30 days then said not gonna do it, so then it was on me to force it, another 30 days. We are actually civil, she needs me to keep her bills paid, and have a deal. But her lawyer is trying to drag it out to pad the bill. And fortunately she has her own apartment, and I have our son, since she has no interest in being his mom.

Getting the unit in someone elses name is probably good. Just as you need to be the one calling to police, she calls your the bad guy. I know how hard it is to find a place to live without money, mine made sure I was broke and she had all the money. But you need to be finding someplace else to live.

 

after reading this thread, I have quickly learned that marriage isn't such a great idea after all......with that being said, I say the best prep one could do in preparation for marriage would be to ensure a prenuptial agreement. If he or she isn't up to it, then all bets off. Or even better yet, become proficient in psychology, and interviewing prior to interlocking your life with another's life. If they don't pass the interview, then on to the next! good luck!

 

that isnt the right lesson. The right lesson is to actually pay attention while dating. People dont change much. I can guarantee that both posters knew what they were getting into but ignored the signs, possibly due to lust.

 

Start converting assets into cash and start hiding this.

Hide money and get another cell phone.

 

strike first get a restraining order against her both for you and your children..

move your stuff out of state in a storage locker out of state..did i mention store your good stuff OUT OF STATE?

you will persevere through this and come out ok...
good luck to you

 

There are two sides to every story, and the truth is somewhere in between.

The best suggestion is to move out and avoid any false allegations of domestic violence.

 

ABSOLUTELY do NOT move out of the house. I don't know all the lawyer verbiage, etc., but that is basically saying that you abandoned the house (rights) and custodial rights to the kid. You stay in the house, it is both of yours, keep things civil, let lawyers do most of the leg work, document/record/everything and don't let her know you are doing it. Be clean. For the sake of your son, just remain positive, don't let her dictate your mood. Almost put yourself outside your own body dealing with her, be a neutral robot...no sarcasm, ribs, jibes, insults, threats, etc.

 

I will give you the best advice you will never listen to.
Leave, remove everything, right down to the paint on the walls, if you can.
when the lawyers start arguing about who gets what, you will have it all, and she will be paying a lawyer hundreds an hour to get half the possessions back, at best.
Its how that game is won.

IF YOU FIGHT FAIR, YOU WILL LOSE.

 

I second his statement 100%...

I would also be calling the cops every time she shows any sign of violence, the last thing you want is her "claiming" domestic violence against you, even if your innocent it will cost hundreds if not thousands to prove, plus your guns are gone and you have that and a restraining order on your record, then your screwed...
here in Wisconsin if the cops are called for a domestic disturbance the law requires that someone is arrested, and it usually isn't the one who called...
sad to say but its the one who calls the cops that wins in these situations and being passive is only going to screw you in the long run and nobody gives a **** if your a nice guy or trying to do the right thing, its going to be a go through the motions procedure and the best lawyer wins...

divorce can be an ugly thing, mostly dependent on how long the marriage was and both yours yearly income, but can be uglier still if your ex knows how to play the system, I came out of mine fairly well in the long run, but I left in aug of 2008 and mine wasn't finalized until jan of 2013, it also cost me nearly $45000 just in lawyer fees... so as was stated above, if you want any chance at all start playing the system now...

 

I know it won't offer much comfort right now but many of us, myself included, have been in exactly the situation you describe. This too shall pass and you can and will survive it. We all have different advice on how best to deal with it. Mine would be, with the exception of really important things like custody of your child, to give till it hurts. Anything it takes to get this psycho out of your life as quickly and cleanly as possible is worth the sacrifice. At least then it will be over and you can start again.

 

Speaking from experience here. . .

Whatever you do, do NOT take that child across state line without a notarized statement with your wife giving you permission or a court document stating that you are allowed to bring your child across state line. You can and will get arrested for stealing your own child. If she is that much of a psycho, do not believe her when she says, "It's ok, go ahead and take our baby to another state to visit family. It will allow us time to cool off, blah blah. .". . .Soon as you do, thinking it's a good idea, you'll have the authorities on your tail.

That said, you say you have a couple of friends in that state. Your "preps" are not your main priority right now. Your child is. If this girl, which, she sounds an awful lot like my ex, is as crazy as you say she is, then your kid needs to get out of the house. See if your friends can shack you and your kid up. Just make sure you call the authorities and let them know that your wife went all psycho and you are taking your kid out of the house. That way she can't call the cops on you for "stealing" your kid.

Never engage when dealing with a whacko woman. They WANT you to react. The absolute best defense is silence. It ****es them off. Act as if nothing they say matters and keep quiet and then leave. That's another thing that truly chaps their ass. Walking away, especially without saying not one word is very effective. Let her argue with herself. After all, it's HER anger= HER problem. Not yours. She's the one that's mad about whatever, so let HER deal with it. Never hand another human being control of your emotions. :thumb:

 

Currently in that situation but hopefully coming to an end soon. I fired my lawyer cause playing fair does not work. I found that out the hard way. Write down everything (i have a good memory so I need to follow my own advice) and get everything you can out of the house and to someplace safe and secure. Get assets to cash and hide that as well ..

 

My divorce in the 1980's left me with absolutely nothing except debt. But that was a blessing because it forced me to start over fresh.

 

Get a lawyer and be nice to your soon to be ex, no matter how she acts.

There is no winning in divorce, only degrees of losing for everyone.

 

2 things i have always suggested just from seeing parents and friends. Stack up cash every month from every paycheck and keep it locked up and hidden. So you have someliving money for hotel or apartment. This way you are not left flat footed.

Second, always be the first to call the cops if she is becoming violent, take pictures and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything save emails and texts, and if you have questions or need to discuss anything with her use text or email as much as possible to capture proof when she goes of the handle.

This may also help if you want custody, but it will take any of here bargaining strength away from her.

 

She knows you have gubs watch out for DV or restraining orders to if she doesnt want you to have anything. Sounds like she will do whatever it takes to hurt you.

 

Sorry to hear of your situation, I would indeed separate yourself from the living situation as soon as possible, especially since she is involved in adultery.

 

I will give you the best advice you will never listen to.
Leave, remove everything, right down to the paint on the walls, if you can.
when the lawyers start arguing about who gets what, you will have it all, and she will be paying a lawyer hundreds an hour to get half the possessions back, at best.
Its how that game is won.

IF YOU FIGHT FAIR, YOU WILL LOSE.

Probably the best advice so far. Currently involved in a divorce and what started out as "amicable" has turned ugly and costly. I left and didn't take many of my things because of my work travel schedule. By the time I could get them, she had changed the locks and would not let me in to get them.

Tools, tool boxes, bikes..many large things were sold through Craigslist. The burdon of proof was on me to prove I ever owned my things. Who keeps receipts for every tool they ever bought???

 

which is why you should not have left...sorry, but you can't do that in a divorce no matter how ugly it gets. If you want to have any bargaining chips at all being a guy, you have to stay in the house and keep your nose clean and just avoid them as much as possible.

 

which is why you should not have left...sorry, but you can't do that in a divorce no matter how ugly it gets. If you want to have any bargaining chips at all being a guy, you have to stay in the house and keep your nose clean and just avoid them as much as possible.

That is easy to say, but when there are kids involved who saw and would potentially see more ugly fights happening almost daily you make decisions based upon what you feel are their best interests over your own.

In the end, possesions can be replaced with time, but the memories of parents fighting day in day out will stay with kids for a very, very long time. I can say this with 100 percent certainty as I am a child of this exact scenario.

 

Nothing with a divorce is easy. I think I was the only person out of all my friends whos parents were NOT divorced. I was very lucky. Now, 2 of my BEST friends have gone through a divorce. One has 2 girls, the other has 2 boys and a girl. The woman (who I became friends with as well) became very "crazy". They both opted to move out as well and got taken to the cleaners financially and with visitation rights. Once you move out (for whatever reason) you basically are conceding the house and primary parent.

No matter how you slice it, it SUX. Kids always come first. Also, it indeed takes 2 to fight. Yes, you could be getting yelled at or even hit. Call the damn cops on the hitting. Take the kids outside for a nice long walk or play outside when they are wanting to yell at you. Don't EVER tell them anything is mommy's fault, take the high road. Simply say mommy is mad right now and divert their attention to having fun and enjoying their nice role model daddy who's in a good mood. Yes, their are extreme cases which have to be handled case by case, but if it's not to the point of absolute craziness around the house, then simply keep your head down and concentrate 100% on your kids and getting YOUR ducks in a row. Also, anything done internet wise should be done discretely....cover your fanny. "Pretend" there is ALWAYS someone watching you with a camera even though that is obviously not the case.

 

Having been through two divorces, I have this to say........

Once the decision has been made to divorce, pack your **** and go. Things like tools, guns, etc etc....high dollar items that belong only to you. Take them, put them in storage. Do what you need to do to get them gone. And take advantage of the stunned "this is really over" period you will have to get all your things. Once that's over and she's mad, you'll play hell getting anything out of the house.

 

no, the man is almost ALWAYS viewed is the bad guy unfortunately. Sometimes they indeed are, but sometimes the woman is just insane. Other times both parties are semi-level headed. Every situation is different for sure. Once you abandoned the house it is gone. Like Monstermash says also, once you leave it will be an act of god getting ANYTHING back whether or not it is solely yours or shared or whatever. Now, she changed the locks on him. He should not have left. If he went back to find out the locks were changed then that meant things had not escalated to the point of life endangerment...but he did find out that all his stuff is GONE unless the courts decide to let him in with a sheriff. After she has likely ruined, sold, or given away most of your stuff. If the wife is a danger to the kids, then absolutely TAKE the kids and get the F out of there preferably to a police station to explain the situation and get stuff started on record.

 

Hire a lawyer and do not talk to her unless it's about your child. Do not talk to her family and do not talk to her lawyer.

Did I say hire a lawyer? Hire a lawyer. Hire a lawyer now. Now hire a lawyer.

 

THIS ^^^^

Get some legal advice so you know your rights. I would be hesitant to do some of the things people on this board are telling you to do.

If you cannot afford a lawyer, call all of the law firms in your area to see if they offer a free consultation in family law. Many of them do.

Also, since you're semi-employed, research to see if you qualify for some sort of legal assistance.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but keep your chin up and your nose clean. Again, get some legal advice...like yesterday.