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Miles togo before I sleep
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Sorry to intrude... but I could really use some advice... Please!

Here is my question:
Is it normal for Mother-Daughters-Sisters to be constantly ticked off with each other?

We have been married 20 years and have two daughters. A 16 yr old and a 12 yr old (she is taller than my oldest)

I'm the one that my Girls come to when they want to talk... I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to tell me ANYTHING :xeye: and I listen... and try not to freak out... but I sure wish they would talk to their Mom more about some of this... I don't have the owners manual for this!

There are times I'm pretty sure they are going to kill each other... and times I want to kill them. Then at the drop of a hat they will be BFFE.

Sometimes I catch my Girls talking to their Mother in a tone that they would never dare use with me, but the really confusing part for me is that my Wife lets them do it and seems to treat they as if they were adults.:confused:

I've warned my daughter to respect their Mother... but I also have reminded my Wife that "You're the adult" and "You don't have to negotiate with your daughters"

Being the only male in the house (even the cats and hedgehog are females) I'm am lost!

Sorry to babble.
Any advice will be most welcome.
 

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Survivor
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thats totally normal dude dont worry about and just keep on doing the dad thing:D teenagers are going to be like that. me and my brother and sister fought so much when we were kids and now were all super close. just keep showing them the right example on how to live life and they should turn out fine :)
 

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Raving Loony
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Yup, totally normal. They're sorting out all those emotions and stuff. It won't last forever--- but it sure feels like it will.

Not having siblings and being mostly raised by my dad, I didn't "get it" either. I sure didn't like it. That's why, to this day, most of my friends are guys. I feel much more comfortable in the company of males.

Find yourself some other dads you can gripe about it with. It'll be funny how many of them are going thru the same thing.

Resist the urge to strangle them. I can dig being uncomfortable with it. I figure it's honestly all right to sometimes tell them to please go talk to their mother.

But I'd really appreciate it if you'd listen-- and really, just listen; I think maybe one reason guys get so bugged by this is that you think you have to do something, fix it, when that's not the case at all. At least, a good bit of the time, when you've got the patience. Here's why: I think a lack of male guidance is a lot of the reason that so many women today seem to be so doggone catty and nasty and insecure.

Can't back that up with anything, but it's one thing I think.

Good luck.
 

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Confused,but not Lost
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Sorry to intrude... but I could really use some advice... Please!

Here is my question:
Is it normal for Mother-Daughters-Sisters to be constantly ticked off with each other?

We have been married 20 years and have two daughters. A 16 yr old and a 12 yr old (she is taller than my oldest)

I'm the one that my Girls come to when they want to talk... I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to tell me ANYTHING :xeye: and I listen... and try not to freak out... but I sure wish they would talk to their Mom more about some of this... I don't have the owners manual for this!

There are times I'm pretty sure they are going to kill each other... and times I want to kill them. Then at the drop of a hat they will be BFFE.

Sometimes I catch my Girls talking to their Mother in a tone that they would never dare use with me, but the really confusing part for me is that my Wife lets them do it and seems to treat they as if they were adults.:confused:

I've warned my daughter to respect their Mother... but I also have reminded my Wife that "You're the adult" and "You don't have to negotiate with your daughters"

Being the only male in the house (even the cats and hedgehog are females) I'm am lost!

Sorry to babble.
Any advice will be most welcome.
I feel for you brother, been there, done it. My girls are 26 now,(twins) and they acted the same way. Some days they still do. I Think it is the norm. And trust me ,there are still days.......... Its a FEMALE thing I think. I do not ever remember being like this with my dad,hell my brother and I got along fine with both of our folks. Hang in there it gets better.:xeye:
 

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ROFLMAO...

Sorry, but I'm the mom in a household like yours...it's hubby that gets the disrespect, nasty tones, etc etc My girls are 11 and 13 and I think getting a bit feral. I get the sweet, little girl babble - and the extreme drama - and the anger - and the hugs-like-nothing-has-happened.

For what it's worth...
1. Maintain your calm outwardly. It can be a steadying influence even if you don't see results. <<My silent mantra some days "I don't look good in prison orange. I don't look good in prison orange.">>

2. Don't tolerate the disrespect - discipline as you see fit. Don't make it about their mother, but about respect, in general, to the adults in their world.

3. I got long-winded with my lectures 'cause I wanted to list all the reasons why/what/how something wa done. I've had to learn short, sweet and to the point.

Good luck!
 

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i have a 19 yr old and i been a single parent 17 of them years
every day is a battle....every issue...everything.....and of course her got a freakin' PHD in everything and i just a "stupid ol' lady"...(tee hee)
she graduates next month and is getting an apt w/a coupla friends.
for me it's gonna b like getting out of prison....and yeah toots...we'll see how "retarded" my old ass 'll b lookin' in a coupla months!!!

in conclusion..i hardly qualified to give advice...except apply much prayer....and time.
(all in good time young grasshopper...you will see i was right!!)
 

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<<Sometimes I catch my Girls talking to their Mother in a tone that they would never dare use with me, but the really confusing part for me is that my Wife lets them do it and seems to treat they as if they were adults.

I've warned my daughter to respect their Mother... but I also have reminded my Wife that "You're the adult" and "You don't have to negotiate with your daughters">>

Just my two cents, coming from a mother with a very strong-willed daughter...
As a father, it is up to YOU to DEMAND that they respect their mother and use a respectful tone of voice. In a marriage, you two are a team-it's not every "man" for themselves. Your daughters feel comfortable enough to come to you, so your relationship can handle a few strong verbal reprimands, even some behavior modification in the form of extra chores for being disrespectful. If you feel better about asking your wife ahead of time if she would like you to do this, by all means do so.

And from what I understand, not to dismiss the main point of your post, your daughters and wife are very normal.

Happy estrogen...
 

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<<Your daughters feel comfortable enough to come to you, so your relationship can handle a few strong verbal reprimands, even some behavior modification in the form of extra chores for being disrespectful.>>

Further to my post, since they ARE nearly adults, it would be good to warn them ahead of time that no further disrespect toward ANY adult or person in authority will be tolerated and will be met with consequences. This will help them in the job world as well as at home.
 

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Deus exsisto laus
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I am watching this thread. I was the middle son in a family of 5 boys. My mom was the only female in the family. Now, Im married and have a 13 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. My wife and my daughter operate much as trekker's situation, except no one talks to me about things,except to ask for money. I guess they think since I'm a man, I don't get it, whatever "IT" is.Both my wife and daughter are more concerned with "E tv"," Americas next supermodel", and "Keeping up with the Kardashians". So I pretty much leave my daughter to my wife and concentrate on my son. I love my daughter ,and I'm not ignoring her, but I'm no longer her hero, like I was when she was younger,now she's a know-it -all.TP
 

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your swimming in the estrogen ocean. remember men are commonly black & white thinkers. women are commonly emotional thinkers. that is not meant to be a slur or chauvanistic, it really is just the way it is. my guess is , is when they talk to you its more analytical, again just a guess...i grew up with 5 sisters, it was me and dad against them lol. we wouldnt even sit next to them in the airport when traveling. who are those people , i have no idea but from the looks o f them fighting they must be related... see where im going with this?? yes its pretty damn normal.
 

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Governmentally Challenged
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Hey Trekker - I can understand completely - albeit mine are quite younger than yours.

Nothing out of the ordinary that you are experiencing.. especially what I witnessed with my 3 sisters when I was growing up and how my mom & dad handled things.

To me, (I may be oversimplifying.. ) 2 things:

1. You and your wife are a package deal - disrespect toward her is disrespect toward you. No divide-and-conquer crap in your house. You may have to back up your wife even when she's wrong to prove a point to both sides.
2. Keep on with the gentle reminders to your wife that she is in fact the adult and shouldn't allow the youngins to pull her down to thier level, and remind the kids that if they want their opinions to be treated with respect, they must be delivered with respect.

Lots of prayers coming your way.
 

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Looks like rain to me.
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Yup, totally normal.

I have a 24 yr old, 20 yr old and a 17 yr old. They fought like cats and dogs growing up. Gave their mom all kinds of hell.

Last week the middle daughter moved from California to Minnesota. They all stood out on the driveway and cried like newborns.

I think fighting is how they communicate.
 

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Women aren't normally physical. They don't get to vent the build up of energy the same way Men do. Guys play sports, Girls get home economics (remember this is in general). The way women burn that energy is by "bickering" it's not really fighting, it's just venting frustration in a SAFE MANNER.
 

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Do you smell that?
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I can relate too, lord can I. I have three daughters, 14,12 and 5. My older two have a hard time with mom but not me. She can't get them to do anything. They all respect what I have to say to them, I guess because I use a command voice when needed, reason when practical and bribery when required. Just kidding. I find myself talking to my oldest quite often about her interactions with mom, and mom about the same. My girls are good girls, especially when compared to many of the current generation. Even at 14 the oldest is still a kid, she is just now really starting to express her opinions. It is amazing watching the personalities develop. Fortunately for me, unlike a previous poster, I am still the hero to them all. Its actually quite humbling to have four females argue over who sits beside you at the dinner table.

All I can say is love them, accept the changes that have to come and try to guide them. It can be hard though. The only other male in my house is the cat, and he's nuetred! Sometimes I swear you can scoop the hormones out the air. Thank God for my shop, thank God for my shop, thank.....
 

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Raving Loony
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So it's a dad-daughter thing when my 8-year-old won't do anything I ask her to, but if Daddy says "froggie" she jumps????

Here I thought it was some kind of failure on my part. You know, as a mother.

This could bear thinking about. Prob'ly I'm still doing something wrong though.
 

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Trekker:
It is possible the girls are without knowing it themselves playing you off against your wife.
You may find they share more with her than you think.
But by coming to you also they may have caused some insecurity to occur in your wife that they picked up on.
Your wife then lets them speak to her disrespectfully at times just to try to be sure that they will continue to come to her also and not just go to you and exclude her.
You could try the approach of saying to them:
"Until you learn to treat your mother with proper respect, don't come to me with your problems."
 

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16 yr old and 14 yr old daughters, who really get along great most all the time. The oldest generally gravitates to me, and has more tension and the like with mom. The younger one generally gravitates to mom, and I have a harder time getting her to open up to me.

Go figure.
 

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one of my best friends got me through my kid's teen years with this observation
"teenagers are natures way of making parents WANT to separate from their offspring"
sounds like you are doing everything right. This too shall pass. Strong father figure is so important for teen girls. Hang in there!
 
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