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Discussion Starter #1
I apologize if this is too OT. I'm having a very crappy time in my life, to the point where even unrealistic options start looking viable. If you have ever weathered a tough time, how did you endure? How did you get thru it? (I am doing everything I can to get through it in terms of action). I'm talking about in terms of trying not to think about it all the time. Some of it is beyond my control--all I can do is hope for the best. However, the worst case scenario is terrible for me---if it happens.

Any ideas or thoughts appreciated.

Prayers too.

TIA
 

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Around eight years ago I ran away from my husband who was abusing me. I put everything I could fit into my dodge minivan and left. I knew if he found me he'd kill me. He had already tried. I had no place to go, I had no one to help me. I lived out of my car for almost a whole summer, never stopping moving, always sleeping with one eye open.

I think the need to survive got me through the first little bit. I didn't have time to think about anything besides how to get through another day. After I finally settled down here I was still on high alert but I started doing things to keep my mind busy. That's easy to say but hard to do when you're in the grip of hard times. Hunger has a way of slowing a person down and making them have to think about things, which when you're in a bad time isn't what you always need.

I guess I just kept myself busy, when I could. I took a class or two in the winter. I volunteered at my local humane society which led me to the job I have now. I started really chipping in and helping my neighbors, mainly because I wanted to learn how to run a farm. I started a garden, then started a greenhouse, then started to learn about alternative energy, then started to learn about medicine. For the most part back then it was just to keep myself busy. It has paid off now, but back then it was just because I was scared all the time and I didn't want my fear to paralyze me.

I know that it is hard to do, gawd I do. There were days when I just wanted to stay in bed, even though I couldn't sleep, but just not get up and not deal with anything. Keeping busy though was what got me through my hard times. Then I met people I could trust and have a good job and the house and farm I've always wanted. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. Fall and winter are the hardest time of the year though. We all need to be out in the sun just a little bit more. That way we can counteract that depression, helpless feeling, and even anger that happens so much this time of year.

Best of luck.

Tury
 

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glad everything turned out allright for you. You seemed to realize that restraining orders do NOTHING, the answer is to be in a state where you are allowed to properly defend yourself.

for now.
 

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I was abandoned by my 3rd husband. Ended up living in a tent for 5 months. November thru March. Asheville, NC. (If you live in/near Asheville, my camp was behind KMart. Go into the parking lot where Sofa World and CCs Pizza is, park. Walk up behind Sofa World. See the woods? Path is on the far left. Walk down path. As you walk down path, look down to the right. See the creek? You should see a flat area. If you keep going down the path, it switches back to lead you to that flat area. That's where I lived.)
I thought I would end up dead from cold or crackheads or just plain despair at first. Then I realized that I was stronger than that!
Like Miss Tury, I found ways to keep busy.
Started a non-profit for the homeless in Asheville. Got day labor jobs. Volunteered. Did crafts and sold them at street fairs.
Took me awhile, but worked my way out of that tent.

You can accomplish much more than you think you can, no matter what your circumstances. Do not give in to the negative. Take a day, even a week, to mentally *regroup* if you must. Then just F'king drop it and get on with your life.
Day by day it will get better.
 

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Can I ask if you would elaborate a little more about what exactly your going through. Every situation requires a specific approach and if we had more incite as to the problem maybe we would be able to give more accurate advise. Thanks B.
 

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I have been there. I have looked down the barrel of a gun, many times in my life.

I understand.

If there is one thing which that I finally learned after my 52 years of life, it is that bad times do not last.

They just don't, hon.

What can happen too here, is that when you are beset with strongly negative emotions, EVERYTHING looks terrible. Even the GOOD things in your life look bad, or are being filtered out of your consciousness by that strongly negative emotional state of mind.

I know, for I have been there very often in my life.

You have to fight it, hon and know both that the bad times will inevitably end and that because you are feeling strongly negative emotions right now, your perception of reality will not be accurate.

That false perception can be very dangerous and has indeed, resulted in many a death via self-inflicted means.

If you have access to therapy, then get it. There is no shame in doing so. It does not mean that you are weak and are 'less of a human being'.

I am a strong woman, indeed. But I am very weak in too many areas. I know when to ask for help and you should, too.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I saw somethng I should not have seen and rather than keep my mouth shut, I believed the system would protect me and that I lived in a world where people should do the right thing, so I did.

thats all I can say.
 

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Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

There is a lot of wisdom in this prayer and I have tried to live my life accordingly.

Another thing that has helped me over the years, is attitude adjustment. Some times I get on a pity trip and try to feel sorry for myself. When that happens, I give myself an attitude adjustment. As an American, most of the poorest among us are rich compared to other countries. We have many luxuries that are taken for granted. I've had to give myself an attitude adjustment at work too when my job description has been adjusted and over other changes that I didn't like.

I've never been in a bad relationship, but I think the Serentiy Prayer would still help. My half sister who has been through a few bad relationships gave me some advice that I never used (never needed to use it). She told me to put money away each month and not let my husband know about it. She said that this money could be used if I ever needed to leave him. If my marriage would have been a bad one, I probably would have used this advice.

When my children were small, my husband lost his job and had trouble finding another one. Like now, the economy was bad and unemployment was high. Therefore, we sold everything and went back to school. We pretty much lived off of fried burritos with cheese (I haven't eaten one since) since we didn't qualify for food stamp (we had nothing, but still didn't qualify because we were renting our house to make the house payment. The food stamp office said this money was income). Therefore, we lived off of school loans and we shopped at a Goodwill store for two years. There was a hamburger joint that sold hamburgers on Friday night for a $1. The dollar hamburger was a big treat to us. We ended up losing the house because one of the renters did a lot of damage and we didn't have the money to fix the damage so that it could be rented again.

Over the years, I have found that I had more courage and strength than I thought I had. I think that most women can say the same.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I am doing everything I can to handle the situation, but I am having a very difficult time enjoying anything. I wonder "why bother, everything will just get taken from me." Christmas is my favorite time of year, and I barely look forward to that because I feel like this situation will never go away and the coercion used against me will never end.

I thank everyone of you for your posts.
 

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I have already posted in another thread my story about leaving an abusive husband and being homeless.

I worked. It was my saving grace. I worked until I was so tired that I couldn't think about anything else.

One thing at a time one day at a time. I had so many problems that in the beginning I was trying to tackle them all at once. I learned to prioritize. Even down to the moment. What's the most important thing to take care of right this minute?

Movement. Movement is important. Newton's law. A thing at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Any movement is good because it's movement.

Find a reason to live. It doesn't matter what that reason is....find it.

My grandmother is a hero in my eyes and gave me lots of good wisdom and advise along my life. During this time when I felt closest to despair and suicide than I'd ever felt in my life she gave me some advise which I'll pass to you.

Sit steady in the boat. When you're out in the ocean in the biggest storm in a little boat, just sit steady. Hold on, don't let go and don't jump out. Even though it may seem that the storm will never end, eventually it will.
 

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I have already posted in another thread my story about leaving an abusive husband and being homeless.

I worked. It was my saving grace. I worked until I was so tired that I couldn't think about anything else.

One thing at a time one day at a time. I had so many problems that in the beginning I was trying to tackle them all at once. I learned to prioritize. Even down to the moment. What's the most important thing to take care of right this minute?

Movement. Movement is important. Newton's law. A thing at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Any movement is good because it's movement.

Find a reason to live. It doesn't matter what that reason is....find it.

My grandmother is a hero in my eyes and gave me lots of good wisdom and advise along my life. During this time when I felt closest to despair and suicide than I'd ever felt in my life she gave me some advise which I'll pass to you.

Sit steady in the boat. When you're out in the ocean in the biggest storm in a little boat, just sit steady. Hold on, don't let go and don't jump out. Even though it may seem that the storm will never end, eventually it will.
That was excellent, Belladonna.

{{{HUG}}}
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Just to clarify, I'm not suicidal. I'm just in a real bad spot with very limited options. Thanks again everyone. Sorry I can't be specific, but you just never know.
 

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What pulled me through was prayer and doing something everyday no matter how small to improve my situation. It also helped me to sit and think how I got myself in the mess to begin with so I would be sure not to make that mistake again!
 

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Theres alot of wisdom in alot of these posts. Having limited options does NOT mean you have no options. Keep a positive attitude. Keep buisy. Attitude is a very important factor in survival. Use one of those option. One open door usually leads to a few more. More options to eventually climb out of the mess. Life goes in cycles. You have your ups and downs. The downs SEEM to linger but are not eternal unless you do nothing and want it do be that way. Good luck to you and STAY POSITIVE
 
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