It's going to take a lot longer than 5 months before you start to feel anything approaching normal again.We buried our son. It took a long time for the weather to allow it up north. Mostly because it was a green burial and so we went up on a hill in the woods. Cemetery's equipment couldn't handle the terrain any earlier.
My family are excited and talking about plans for the new build but I'm struggling to think about anything but my baby. I want to share their enthusiasm. It's been 5 months already. I don't answer the door. If I want to go for a walk, I drive out of my city to make sure I don't run into anyone. I can't listen to the stupid **** they offer. A 'sorry for you loss' would suffice. Telling me he's in a better place, he's watching over me, or existing mystically elsewhere makes me want to punch them in the throat. Their loss of oxygen would be a lot more temporary than the loss of my son but I'm sure I could console them telling them that oxygen is still here by their side.
Anger is one of the stages of grief. You have a right to be angry.
You have a right to grieve for as long as you need.
It will never be the same as it was before... but it will get better than it is now.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you're feeling? Pre-COVID there were survivors' groups and things... I don't know what's available now, but most insurance plans do cover some counseling.