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White Hat
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Discussion Starter · #321 ·
We buried our son. It took a long time for the weather to allow it up north. Mostly because it was a green burial and so we went up on a hill in the woods. Cemetery's equipment couldn't handle the terrain any earlier.

My family are excited and talking about plans for the new build but I'm struggling to think about anything but my baby. I want to share their enthusiasm. It's been 5 months already. I don't answer the door. If I want to go for a walk, I drive out of my city to make sure I don't run into anyone. I can't listen to the stupid **** they offer. A 'sorry for you loss' would suffice. Telling me he's in a better place, he's watching over me, or existing mystically elsewhere makes me want to punch them in the throat. Their loss of oxygen would be a lot more temporary than the loss of my son but I'm sure I could console them telling them that oxygen is still here by their side.
It's going to take a lot longer than 5 months before you start to feel anything approaching normal again.

Anger is one of the stages of grief. You have a right to be angry.

You have a right to grieve for as long as you need.

It will never be the same as it was before... but it will get better than it is now.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you're feeling? Pre-COVID there were survivors' groups and things... I don't know what's available now, but most insurance plans do cover some counseling.
 

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Super Moderator. I'm helping!
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8,987 Posts
We buried our son. It took a long time for the weather to allow it up north. Mostly because it was a green burial and so we went up on a hill in the woods. Cemetery's equipment couldn't handle the terrain any earlier.

My family are excited and talking about plans for the new build but I'm struggling to think about anything but my baby. I want to share their enthusiasm. It's been 5 months already. I don't answer the door. If I want to go for a walk, I drive out of my city to make sure I don't run into anyone. I can't listen to the stupid **** they offer. A 'sorry for you loss' would suffice. Telling me he's in a better place, he's watching over me, or existing mystically elsewhere makes me want to punch them in the throat. Their loss of oxygen would be a lot more temporary than the loss of my son but I'm sure I could console them telling them that oxygen is still here by their side.
Sorry for your loss.
 

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I am interrogative, yes.
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Anger is one of the stages of grief. You have a right to be angry.
You have a right to grieve for as long as you need.
I try not to hold anyone accountable for what they say or do while they're grieving. That is one of the least controllable states of human existence. And no matter how many times you go through it, it's impossible to predict because it's different every time.

I'm very sorry for your loss, Kawartha.
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
Plan to Alamo at home.
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17,403 Posts
The policy will pay off as soon as the death certificate with cause of death is released. If you still don't know cause of death, why are they being so slow on the autopsy?
They did the autopsy, but they "took samples and are waiting on results, which could be months".

They autopsied him within a few days, I had him cremated and on my bookcase in an urn.

The same thing happened with my mother it was months waiting on test results, which finally came back as a natural death. But they still had to send off samples to be sure.
 

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White Hat
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Discussion Starter · #325 ·
They did the autopsy, but they "took samples and are waiting on results, which could be months".

They autopsied him within a few days, I had him cremated and on my bookcase in an urn.

The same thing happened with my mother it was months waiting on test results, which finally came back as a natural death. But they still had to send off samples to be sure.
That's crappy.

Well, if you can keep making your house payments, hopefully you'll be reimbursed when the policy pays out.

Does your bank know about the policy? Because if the insurance company doesn't pay out immediately, THEY should be getting the bills for your mortgage payments, not you.

Take a tiny bit of your gift money, Kitty, and spend a half hour consulting with a lawyer who specializes in insurance law. I think you'll find it's money well spent.

I used to be an insurance agent. All life insurance policies were supposed to pay out IMMEDIATELY on the death of the insured.
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
Plan to Alamo at home.
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The insurance is through the mortgage company, so they know about each other. The big question will insurance pay with "Pending" as cause of death? My aunt is working on that. So we will have to wait.

I understand the Medical Examiner wants to be thorough in her (?) investigation but it has proven to be a big hassle. We will be able to order more death certificates when the final cause of death comes through.

But I am glad they did the go fund me. Also B of A is being a JACKASS about letting me have the money in Ron's checking account (he never put me on the account) my aunt is having to battle them too.

She is not bored this year. I am glad I at least got the ashes back and have him in a nice urn on the bookcase (bought the urn off Amazon).

After all this I put my aunt on my account so she can at least get what's in there if something happens to me, without the court papers like B of A wants. She has all passwords and knows where my important papers are as well. She is very honest, and was a big help to me 18 years ago after Ron's accident.

And to end it on a positive note I will tell you about the wedding. I had the dress, I had the shoes, I told my aunt I wanted a garden wedding with a BBQ reception. I wanted my colors purple and white roses. I didn't care about anything else. She planned the whole wedding from that and really made it a lovely thing to do. All I had to do were a few beauty treatments, 2 fittings, and show up and sign the marriage license after the ceremony. That was a lot of fun for me without all the bridal stress, and a lot of fun for my aunt who only had boys.
 

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It's going to take a lot longer than 5 months before you start to feel anything approaching normal again.

Anger is one of the stages of grief. You have a right to be angry.

You have a right to grieve for as long as you need.

It will never be the same as it was before... but it will get better than it is now.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you're feeling? Pre-COVID there were survivors' groups and things... I don't know what's available now, but most insurance plans do cover some counseling.
I realized it's actually 4 months. I saw the fifth month in the date and phased.

I'm in Canada and mental health isn't covered by OHIP like other health care is. In the UK (where I'm from) it is. My husband's work has coverage but that was used up entirely after 3 sessions. We're still going anyway but I wonder what I'm even doing.

There are online groups for parents but they're ****ing awful. I get to listen to other parents talk about their living children and their struggles with their living children. Their hopeful messages about about battling cancer. What battle? He died almost as soon as we were starting to process his terminal diagnosis. I can't stand them. I can't listen to them. I found one grief support group and they want to talk about their faith or their medium's or their kids existing somewhere beyond. Ours kids are dead. They aren't waiting anywhere. They stopped breathing. They're dead. I buried an inanimate object that used to be my son, just like the bolder by his gravesite. I don't want to crap all over other grieving parents. It's best I leave them alone because I don't have anything positive to add and listening to them is like nails on chalkboard.
 

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Happy Mother's Day to those who are Mothers of any kind.

I went up north for the weekend. Saw my stepmom, dad, aunt, couple of uncles (all on my stepmom's side), my grandma (stepmom's mom) who is 98 and turning 99 in July, hopefully. We all were fully vaccinated, so yay for no masks.

Grandma had a fall around Valentine's Day and broke her hip, which required surgery. Up until that point, she had been cooking meals for herself. Now she has had to have the caregivers at the retirement place bring her food, and she has to call them when she needs to get up from sitting. She has been getting really tired lately, to the point of going to bed at 7:30. So we're not sure what is going to happen. Up til this year, I would have said if anyone would make it to 100, it would be her. We shall see.
 

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Off the leash
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I realized it's actually 4 months. I saw the fifth month in the date and phased.

I'm in Canada and mental health isn't covered by OHIP like other health care is. In the UK (where I'm from) it is. My husband's work has coverage but that was used up entirely after 3 sessions. We're still going anyway but I wonder what I'm even doing.

There are online groups for parents but they're ****ing awful. I get to listen to other parents talk about their living children and their struggles with their living children. Their hopeful messages about about battling cancer. What battle? He died almost as soon as we were starting to process his terminal diagnosis. I can't stand them. I can't listen to them. I found one grief support group and they want to talk about their faith or their medium's or their kids existing somewhere beyond. Ours kids are dead. They aren't waiting anywhere. They stopped breathing. They're dead. I buried an inanimate object that used to be my son, just like the bolder by his gravesite. I don't want to crap all over other grieving parents. It's best I leave them alone because I don't have anything positive to add and listening to them is like nails on chalkboard.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I know exactly what you mean about being angry. My oldest son Mark, was 31 when he was killed in an apartment fire in Chicago 6 years ago. I won't get into the whole long story but the basic is I had no idea he was there or why and it was three days after he was killed that I even found out and 6 months before the DNA results came back so I could put him to rest. Mad, you %$#&ing right I was mad. And no, I didn't want to hear anyone else's boohoos or anything either. I took me 3 years before I could finally let go of the anger, guilt and everything else and just grieve.

I'm not trying in any way to be a downer about your feelings, just letting you know I think I understand them a bit. I also hope for your sake you can get past the anger quicker than I did and finally just grieve. If you would like to talk please, feel free to message me.

Laura
 

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Had a long weekend. Since I was told I had too much PTO, I've been using some up one day a week. Spent a chunk of my day off yesterday hiking on a trail that I've never been on because it's out of town. There wasn't a lot of wildlife, and not much to see, so probably won't be back. We had early summer-like weather lately with temps in the upper 70's. Hit 78 yesterday.

Was glad to find out today that 2 of the company's stores are allowing maskless shopping, and one of them is even where we get our not-so-good discount of 10% on private brands only, so I don't have to go to a competitor next week. Yay.

Not much new here otherwise. I get to go in to the office next week for my retiring coworker's last day. One of the managers is taking our team out for lunch. Might get interesting with all of the road construction in the area lately. Not entirely sure which way(s) to work are open still, but at least we have more than one route. They have to keep something open for the trucks delivering stuff to the warehouse.
 
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