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Crazy Cat Lady
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Discussion Starter #1
I am dealing with this at home, he has a lot of dramatics when his back acts up. I believe he is in pain but I do not believe the theatrics are necessary.

When I have had severe pain (bleeding ovarian cyst, broken toe, migraines) I was very quiet with it. I get tense and my voice gets quiet, if anything.

He flails around in bed screaming and pouring down vodka and pain meds until he passes out.

I am just wondering if he is being a drama queen or people legitimately act like that when hurting.
 

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Pain level 9 or 10, you may get some of that. My daily pain runs around a 6 or 7 at the worst, odd times at night maybe an 8. Medication brings it down to a 4 or so.

Anyone screaming in pain... dial 911 and let them take over, give yourself a break. Record the episode before you make the call.
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
Plan to Alamo at home.
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He is OK now but it happens pretty regularly. The magnets actually did it for him today.

I just want to know if I'm being a bitch.
 

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Forward, into the fray!
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Get the guy who buys him the vodka arrested, call the paramedics to come wrap him up and take him to the hospital, get a-hold of the hospital social worker to find him a care home. Tell them he is not competent to make the decision to return home, you cannot take care of him anymore. You're not being a bitch, you're just at the end of your tolerance. That's not your fault, it's his. He's used you up.
 

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Third World'er Lunatic
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a lot of time pain, chronic severe pain does some things not normal. some suffer in silence and seclude,some scream and carry on. some use anger and rage to feed off of the pain, becoming more active and agitated, till they are utterly spent, and get a handful of minutes of numbness... the more they focus their anger upon something or any target the quicker they get that.. only way they get relief.
its not personal, your just the closest target.
 

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I have seen both, and I seen both in both people, and myself.

A lot depends on time. Most people can actually be very stoic for short term. Its after it goes on for days, weeks, years, that they break, that they yell scream, plead, threaten, bargain, flailing out with any and everything praying that something will work.

There is a reason torture exists.

At one point 20 years ago when I got shot and then for months afterwards suffered horrible nerve pain that made it so I couldn't sleep at one point I was just screaming out random numbers hoping somehow I would say whatever my imaginary tormentors wanted. If I had known the missile codes, I would have given them. I would have done anything.
 

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You know, no amount of posting on here is going to fix your situation. You need to DO it yourself. People give you all sorts of advice on here, yet you fail to act. I think you need to be willing to "do" something , take action, if you want to improve your life.
Are you not taking your medication?
 

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Get the guy who buys him the vodka arrested
call the paramedics to come wrap him up and take him to the hospital, get a-hold of the hospital social worker to find him a care home. Tell them he is not competent to make the decision to return home, you cannot take care of him anymore. You're not being a bitch, you're just at the end of your tolerance. That's not your fault, it's his. He's used you up.
Better yet, call adult protective services. Whether it is for her protection or his, that is the place to start.
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
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Discussion Starter #13
Sonya, if I were off my meds you would know very quickly.

I am not seeking a "fix" for my problems so much as an answer, which I got.

I am actually pretty impressed the meds are working so well. If you had told me I would be going through all this (destroyed house, sick husband, business troubles, etc.) I would have thought I'd crack. I haven't.

I am just curious because he is the only experience I have with ongoing daily chronic pain. One subject is not enough for a study.

What Aer said makes a lot of sense, I can see that happening. I am sorry so many of you have to deal with chronic pain.

Charlie, that is why I put my cat down when he faced an amputation, he was always going to suffer with that and I didn't want that for him. That did not happen recently, btw.
 
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One thing I have found for myself is that pain is cumulative.

It effects me more, the more of it I've had. New pain reminds me of past, worse pain, and has an element of fear I never used to have as now that I am older and seen and felt more, I know how bad it can get.

My 'faith' that it will get better is much less than it once was, and knowing that its temporary is usually the strongest defense you have, if you start to believe, or if you KNOW that it won't get better, that is when you break.

I imagine it does interesting things to a person when they experience intense, long term pain at a young age.

My parents are almost 70 now, have both had double knee replacement surgeries, back surgeries, hysterectomies, etc. But here I am, the one in the family who has spent the most time on crutches, who has had the most issues with long term pain.

I got to feel what its like to be old and crippled fifty years before my time, and know what I have to look forward to as I get older.
 

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Yeap, he is a drama queen!
Ha, that is exactly what I would expect an RN to say. In the ambulance we often spend half an hour calming a patient, telling them its going to be okay, etc and then we get to the ER and some nurse comes in and is like "What is wrong with you?, its not that bad, I'm giving you any drugs, why are you even here?"
 
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I was in pain once, I thought that I was at a level 10. No way could this get worse I thought to myself. And then my pain doubled. No way I could possibly get any worse than this I thought. And then it doubled again. And then it doubled again.

For days, I barely moved, I barely breathed, I didn’t talk, even though I was fully conscious, I didn’t do anything. Doing even the slightest thing was excruciatingly painful.

I was quiet, I was still, I was motionless. From time to time people would come and look at me to see if I was dead or not, that’s how still I was.

This pretty much matches what I hear from medical professionals who deal with people in great pain that they don’t move around much and can be very quiet and motionless.

Kitty, I think your husband is an alcoholic and drug addict and the drama is just to get enough medication and booze into him so he can pass out.

YMMV
 

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Don't fear the Reaper
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I think it depends on the person, PK. Some of us have very high pain tolerance, and some don't.

I've seen people shrieking with a broken finger, but I didn't. And I've seen people crying when getting sutured, even though the area is ostensibly deadened. But I didn't.

When the pain is high enough, I tense up so much my throat constricts and while I can breathe, I can't make any sound. And even when it's not that intense, I don't scream, whine or moan and groan like some do. Like you, I just get quiet. Seems it takes so much more energy to make noise when in pain, and it usually makes the pain worse, so I just don't make any sound. Maybe that's what you experience? But yeah, maybe for some people it gives them some relief to carry on. I don't know.

Had a lumbar puncture a few weeks back and didn't utter a peep. The doctor commented on it, asking if it didn't hurt. I couldn't speak, and you're not supposed to move at all during one, so all I did was stick up the thumb on my right fist, trying to indicate I was ok. About to puke and pass out and so wet with sweat I was slick from someone digging into the very core and soul of my being with a long needle----but I was ok.
 

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a lot of time pain, chronic severe pain does some things not normal. some suffer in silence and seclude,some scream and carry on. some use anger and rage to feed off of the pain, becoming more active and agitated, till they are utterly spent, and get a handful of minutes of numbness... the more they focus their anger upon something or any target the quicker they get that.. only way they get relief.
its not personal, your just the closest target.
Bingo! Some days that's what it takes, know it from experience.

But pain and the response to it is complex, and as I learned on this forum YMMV. If he's resorting to meds and alcohol for escape, though, that may be either in the medication management, or behavior management, or both category of intervention.
 

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Wannabe Mountain Hermit
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I just roll up into a fetal position and quietly cry, it takes too much energy and makes things worse for me to scream, yell, throw things, etc.

You know what you need to do PK, now do it.
 
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