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Crazy Cat Lady
Plan to Alamo at home.
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Discussion Starter #1
The plumbers are re piping today. My husband got very belligerent and screaming at them, very verbally abusive, accusing them of hurting his leg (they never touched him). His leg started to bother him when they were cutting pipes so he thought it was related, totally irrational.

Now normally I would just ignore it but he was being disruptive and screaming about being in pain.

It ended up with me calling an ambulance to come evaluate him. I told them he was very drunk and delusional during the phone call.

The police showed up first, with body cams no less. I got holy hell because they thought I was supplying the alcohol. I had to explain I do not.

He didn't want to go to the hospital and was semi rational by this point so they did not take him.

I guess next time I just call the police. The basic attitude is why call for help if he wasn't able to hurt me, I had to explain he is very disruptive.

They asked him if he would "be good". He said yes, and they left.

Not quite how I envisioned that.

He, of course, is livid.
 

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Forward, into the fray!
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3,681 Posts
So who does supply the alcohol to this chair bound man?

Not that I think there's any point in drying out a life-long alcoholic in the end years of his life. You're just torturing them to no good goal. It's not as if he'll do the next 40 years as a happy healthy recovered drinker.

Anyway, It sounds to me like you put in too much of your life force in caring for an ungrateful invalid. Perhaps it's time to transfer him to a care facility so you have more of your own health (physical and mental) to get on with what needs to be done. If not, then at least a low-dose of Depacote to keep him more tranquil.
 

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Proud Crusader
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2,184 Posts
The plumbers are re piping today. My husband got very belligerent and screaming at them, very verbally abusive, accusing them of hurting his leg (they never touched him). His leg started to bother him when they were cutting pipes so he thought it was related, totally irrational.

Now normally I would just ignore it but he was being disruptive and screaming about being in pain.

It ended up with me calling an ambulance to come evaluate him. I told them he was very drunk and delusional during the phone call.

The police showed up first, with body cams no less. I got holy hell because they thought I was supplying the alcohol. I had to explain I do not.

He didn't want to go to the hospital and was semi rational by this point so they did not take him.

I guess next time I just call the police. The basic attitude is why call for help if he wasn't able to hurt me, I had to explain he is very disruptive.

They asked him if he would "be good". He said yes, and they left.

Not quite how I envisioned that.

He, of course, is livid.

Cool story, Bro.:xeye:
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
Plan to Alamo at home.
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15,960 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
You just might see it.

He pays someone to bring it to him and leave it inside the door.

I am not going to prison for him.

Just now he was trash talking me to the plumber but only managed to make himself look like a total jackass.

I am really about done with this marriage.
 

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This is a big issue that I constantly fight against.

When someone calls the ambulance, they should not get the police. Police and EMS are two completely different, non compatible emergency services with polar opposite goals.

It angers me beyond belief when we (ambulance) get called and dispatch or a traitorous co-worker, send the police. It destroys trust in EMS and makes it more dangerous for us and is a betrayal of the public we are supposed to serve, and leads to situations where someone trying to help a person can end up destroying them instead.
 

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Si vis pacem, para bellum
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9,695 Posts
You just might see it.

He pays someone to bring it to him and leave it inside the door.

I am not going to prison for him.

Just now he was trash talking me to the plumber but only managed to make himself look like a total jackass.

I am really about done with this marriage.
Kitty, I am not going to advise you on what you should do, only you can make that call. And whatever you decide, you have to not only live with that decision but make it in whatever fashion that benefits you the most. With that being said, I wish you luck whatever your decision is and I have you and your husband in my prayers. Good luck.
 

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Wannabe Mountain Hermit
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13,834 Posts
You just might see it.

He pays someone to bring it to him and leave it inside the door.

I am not going to prison for him.

Just now he was trash talking me to the plumber but only managed to make himself look like a total jackass.

I am really about done with this marriage.
PK, i've tried to keep out of your threads because I know what you're going through and I haven't wanted to involve myself but i'm gonna say something you're probably not gonna like.

I married my ex husband at 17 and was with him for 21 years before I had enough of his bullcrap and left. He was a paranoid Schizophrenic and alcoholic combined and he was abusive. Imagine having a gun pointed at your head at least once every couple of months and being threatened with death.

Part of the reason I stayed with him was because I believed in my marriage vows. For richer or poorer, in sickness and health, etc. Another reason is I felt sorry for him. Instead of worrying about myself I was worried about how he was gonna be able to get along without me. Plus I believed my son needed both of his parents. Which was a big mistake.


He's not gonna change, and feeling sorry for him is not gonna help you or your situation. He's just gonna keep doing it because you let him get away with it.

I've read where you've said that if anything was to happen to him you wouldn't have a job. Woman, you can find another job, you can get help with that and finding another place to live. You just need to get off your ass and do it.

Quit whining about poor me and do something about it like I did. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back and what I could carry in a duffle bag.

You don't want to go to prison or jail. Well hun, I can just about bet that's where you'll wind up 1 day if you stay because somethings gonna happen if you don't leave.

As Dr. Phil say's. How's that working for ya? Do you like how you're having to live? Walking on eggshells, being called names, being treated like crap? I know what you're going through.

When the Old Goat came along I didn't want anything to do with him at first because I refused to put up with any more crap but he finally wore me down and I let him in. Best thing I ever did because the first 6 months with him was better than the whole 21 years I was with my ex. Yes, we had our problems like any marriage but it was nothing compared to what I lived with before. It did take him 9 years to talk me into marrying him though.

He's been gone 3 years now and I miss him but I don't intend to ever get married again. 2 men has been enough for me for a lifetime. Part of the reason is i'm afraid i'll get another 1 like my ex and I know i'd go to prison because i'd kill him before I let that happen again.

Anyway, I guess what i'm trying to tell you in a long about way is do something about it instead of crying about it. Find that backbone and do something about it. Yes, I understand you have some problems but everybody does at once time or another. Get rid of him and make yourself happy because I know you're not.

I remember reading a book once where these 2 ladies were discussing their marriages and 1 had a really bad marriage and the lady with the good marriage said to the other lady that has always stuck with me. "Which would you rather have? A marriage where you're always miserable and unhappy or a better life where you can be happy without him? Because you can't have both".

So, do something about it instead of being miserable.
 

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Crazy Cat Lady
Plan to Alamo at home.
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Discussion Starter #14
OH, it was awful, Lasers... I am used to him but they were like WTF??? The one guy went out and made a phone call, something about rescheduling and they had already cut out our pipes...

The lead plumber had more of a roughneck personality so it didn't faze him one bit. But my husband did behave after "the team" left.

I really didn't appreciate the nasty assumption I was helping him drink. They were very confrontational and ugly. I called for an assessment to see if he needed to be held overnight, not to have police come out, point their body cams at me and lecture me I shouldn't allow alcohol in my home.

He is unlocking the door and paying people to bring it in. Not much I can do about that.

Aer is right, it definitely damaged my trust. The paramedics were awesome when he fell last year and had to be put back in his wheelchair, I wanted problem solving... not accusations and finger pointing.

I am asking for help, please do so.

The officers were angry because they felt 2 women should not have been dispatched to a drunk and disorderly male. They took some of that out on me.

It was just an awful experience and next time I need help it is going to make me pause, and it shouldn't.

I may just call the mental health crisis line instead, I called them once about 20 years ago and they were awesome. We would both qualify for that and maybe they could help me get him in a home for a week or so to dry out.

At least "we" are on the record as having a problem. I have to think that is good.
 

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Good, you need to. We know you don't want to, but you need to.

You're a smart lady, .

Nope...

She is equally as messed up as her hubby just in different ways. She will go nuts without her drugs just like the hubby will go nuts when he can't get his 'fix'.

Just a matter of time before us taxpayers are supporting the both of them thanks to their poor choices in life.
 

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When I had issues with certain family members drinking to excess I told the enablers in no uncertain terms that if they continued the behavior and it resulted in an accident or injury I would be suing them. I don’t know if it’s true in other states but, years ago in Ca, a family member could hold a business or a private party responsible for providing alcohol to someone in no condition to make a rational decision. When the offending parties realized I was serious their complicity ended.
 

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The Power of the Glave
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Bad situation. No way to sugar-coat it.

It's especially unfortunate that the police were apparently such jerks. Made a bad situation much worse.

I advise getting in touch with a social worker or even a professional, to give you advice on what to do with your situation. An outside perspective can really help you know what direction to go in.

Maybe someone at the hospital, or your physician or other provider, can refer you to someone.
 
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