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hello, i am an addict

280210 Views 950 Replies 234 Participants Last post by  rice paddy daddy, 
VINCENT
i'm starting this thread for all of us addicts here on the board. be it drugs, alcohol, nicotine(all forms). you name it and you can find support here. i'm always willing to lend a hand, or an ear.

let me start out by telling you alittle about myself. for those of you who havent heard my story. my name is vincent and I AM AN ADDICT. i quit using drugs in 95, alcohol in 99, and i quit smoking just 3 months ago. healing is an on going process that never ends. i wake up each day and i look at my family and i think, without sobriety i would have none of this. without my health i will be unable to keep any of this. they are my rock, and i am thankful every minute of everyday for them.

i'm a meth junkie, a drug addict, an alcoholic, a smoker, and a dipper. i have been involved with the N/A program since febuary 3rd 1999. i've attended A/A groups when i couldnt find an N/A meeting. we addicts need to stick together. its says right in the slogan."MY GRATITUDE SPEAKS, WHEN I CARE AND WHEN I SHARE WITH OTHERS." i am here to lend support to anyperson who wants to clean up any or all parts of their life. no judgement. this board is already anonomous so that is not a concern.

please feel free to join me here anytime you want support, or you want to support others. if you have something you want to get off your chest, or you want to ask a question.this thread is for addicts, but family members of addicts are welcome, as are friens of addicts. our addiction affects all around us, and we are lucky to have anyone in our lives to care enough that they would seek out information about our problem.

while the "rooms of bill' do say you need to find "god", they dont preach religion. i find this very important. they also use the term "higher power" very often. this is a term i like. i wont ask you not to speak of religion, but i will ask you not to preach because i dont want to turn this into a religious issue. one of the most important things i learned in the rooms was this. "RELIGION IS FOR THOSE AFRAID OF HELL, SPIRITUALITY IS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LIVED THROUGH IT." we as addicts, be it alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs have lived through some form of hell.

for many people sobriety is a major concern in everyday life, and in a post SHTF world. so this is a very important and very personal issue to many.

in closing of this invitation for you to join me i ask this. no flaming, no trolls, and no disrespect. if you have an issue with any of these PM me and i will be happy to discuss it with you.

take it easy, and remember to take it one day at a time.
thanx-vincent
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bigmattdaddywack
Drive to see your dying Uncle who has lung cancer. Have a couple years in AA and use a belief in a higher power to help you quit.

Sounds crazy but that is what I did. I quit smokin in AA and that is a huge achievement.
I was smokin 2 packs+ a day.

Use the patch and loli-pops. That helps out a whole hell of alot too.


I fell off the smokin wagon a year or so ago. I now smoke cigars. I do not inhale and smoke 4 coronellas a day.

A hell of a lot better than cigarettes though.
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P
Unfortunately, they indoctrinate you with this "higher power" stuff... I don't get it. Have you seen South Park episode about Randy having "diesease" - Alcoholism? I recommend you watch it.
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VINCENT
Abell said:
Hi VINCENT,
Nice to know about you and quitting drugs.
Could you share how you quit smoking in just 3 months. It would be helpful for those who are trying or searching to quit smoking.
Click to expand...
i used the patch, and stuck to it. i have quit smoking in the past but never with the intention of it being "for good"=, this time was different. i quit because i had grown to hate it, and i really want to be around to enjoy my kids growing up. i contacted "the florida quit line" and they gave me 4 weeks worth of free patchs. they also supply lozenges, or other items, they offer support etc. there is a free group like them in every state. just google it. 4 weeks of free patchs saves alot of money.

i avoid the smokers hang out, i avoided friends who are smokers for about 2 months. i changed my routines( one of the most improtant). and i constantly reminded myself i dont want to smoke even if i'm craving, i dont want this for me and my family.

i have spoken to many latly who used a prescription from the dr. i think it was centirx or something like that. many had negitive reports about dreams and ill feelings, but many claimed it was what set them free from smoking.

good luck.
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VINCENT
PatrickL said:
Unfortunately, they indoctrinate you with this "higher power" stuff... I don't get it. Have you seen South Park episode about Randy having "diesease" - Alcoholism? I recommend you watch it.
Click to expand...
patrickL.... what can i say? many consider alcoholism, and addiction a diesease, and there is a medical reason for that. it is genetic.

but, many do not prescribe to that thinking. i myself am one of those. i dont believe its a diease. yes i do believe its genetic, i have seen it through the lines of my family, but i dont see hair loss as a diease either, and i seem to be getting thiner up there like my father.

as for a "higher power"..... well, yes. it is one of those things that N/A, and A/A will push at you. some members will say god, and other will call it something different. i personally dont believe in organized religion, but i do beilieve in a higher power. i have for most of my life. weather it be the universes energy, an old grey bearded man, or what ever you chose to recognize. its imprtant to realize that wepeople are not the end all-be all of everything. there is something out there bigger, stronger, and mightier then ourselves. even most athiests will atmit that there is a creative force out there, they usually tend to refer to it as "nature". "nature" is often refered to other as "Gia" , one in the same and viewed slightly different, but infact the same things. so its really not such a thing to scoff at, its a loose translation thing that is open for you to interpret how you wish.
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bigmattdaddywack
Would you rather die or try to believe in something higher?

I was at the point in not caring what to try. I wanted to live and if that meant me believing in God, whom I hated at the time and called myself an Atheist, I was gonna at least try that. It worked for me. I also know of Atheists in AA and they are sober for multiple years.

I wish I could drink moderately which was the answer to Alcoholism at the end of that South Park episode, but alas I cant. For when I drink I can turn into a wild animal.

I have been to meetings that resemble the meeting in that episode. I do not go back to those.

South Park makes fun of everything. I love it. That was not very accurate of what I have seen.
I love the Mormon episode especially the ending when the mormon kid tells stan to go to hell basically.
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VINCENT
bigmattdaddywack said:
Would you rather die or try to believe in something higher?
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thats the point most of us are to when we reach the rooms. if we dont try we ARE going to die. :(
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C
I'm Charles and I'm an addict. I liked xanax, cocaine, and oxycontin mostly. I've been sober since July 4th of 2010, so I'll be coming up on a year here pretty soon if I continue to do what I need to do! Cool to see others in recovery on this board! Joined it before I got sober, began prepping a BOB due to my paranoia while I was still using. However, today I have recently regained interest in the survival culture with different motives than before! Ha.
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danthesurvior
AA told me i had to admit being powerless and give in to a higher power. i said if i quit cigs 19 yrs ago imust have some willpower why must i believe in a god?? i was yold i had no willpower i just needed to see their way....their way is also saying a person sober and never touched a drop in 20+years is still an alcoholic..just a sober one i disagree vehemently i quit tobacco 19 yeras ago and im still a nicotine addict???

disease---cancer that is a disease not a choice even if lung cancer via smoking is the type of cancer..drugs/alcohol/tobacco all choices use or not use...
you dont get yelled at for havin cancer!



dan you junkie! get a life! quit already!! ok
dan you cancer patient! get a life! quit havin cancer! ummm..no

different choices....diseases.....

learned 2 good things there tho...if ya wanna quit...3 things must change...people,places,things.....that are triggers for using
and quittin is easy...stayin sober....different thing alltogether
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alergyfree
You people got balls I only wish I had for doing what you are and even more for posting it. :thumb::thumb::thumb:
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C
danthesurvior said:
AA told me i had to admit being powerless and give in to a higher power. i said if i quit cigs 19 yrs ago imust have some willpower why must i believe in a god?? i was yold i had no willpower i just needed to see their way....their way is also saying a person sober and never touched a drop in 20+years is still an alcoholic..just a sober one i disagree vehemently i quit tobacco 19 yeras ago and im still a nicotine addict???

disease---cancer that is a disease not a choice even if lung cancer via smoking is the type of cancer..drugs/alcohol/tobacco all choices use or not use...
Click to expand...
What about not being able to muster the willpower to quit, no matter what lies on the line? Whether it be a child, job, spouse, your freedom, or even your life? I was told that there are but three places that my addiction will take me. Jails, institutions, and death. I've already been to two of those places and each time it didn't phase me.

My reality is that when I'm actively using, I care about it more than anything else going on in my life. No matter what. Family, job, women, staying out of jails and institutions, whatever. Doesn't matter. I cannot bring into my consciousness the pain, suffering, and humiliation that I endured while I was out there using. I tend to fall into the delusion of when I was younger just "having a good time". My mind tells me that I will be able to control it, and be responsible. That, my friend, has never gotten me anywhere except back to square one. When I put any kind of substance into my body, it triggers an obsession to get as much of it as I can into my body, and to exhaust all of the resources that I have to get more of that substance. To do things that I wouldn't even think twice about doing if I were sober to get that next high.

Thats what happens when I don't practice certain principles in my everyday life. I'm always going to be an addict, no matter how much sober time I have under my belt simply because if I ever put anything into my system again I get the same result that I've always got as far as going on runs, not being able to control my use etc.

I don't mean to start an argument or compare myself to you, Dan, I just thought I'd throw my two cents in on the subject of willpower (or lack of!). But hey, if you have the freedom of choice to moderate and have the willpower to but cigs down man, more power to you! Thats a huge deal! Been trying to quit cigs too myself, but easier said than done :xeye:
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Cool Hand
I had a whole lot of "role models" that should have kept me from going that direction, but didn't.

What finally did it was one hell of a woman and two little boys. Seeing that kid for the first time straightened me up in a lot of ways.
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danthesurvior
CharlesThe1337 said:
What about not being able to muster the willpower to quit, no matter what lies on the line? Whether it be a child, job, spouse, your freedom, or even your life? I was told that there are but three places that my addiction will take me. Jails, institutions, and death. I've already been to two of those places and each time it didn't phase me.

My reality is that when I'm actively using, I care about it more than anything else going on in my life. No matter what. Family, job, women, staying out of jails and institutions, whatever. Doesn't matter. I cannot bring into my consciousness the pain, suffering, and humiliation that I endured while I was out there using. I tend to fall into the delusion of when I was younger just "having a good time". My mind tells me that I will be able to control it, and be responsible. That, my friend, has never gotten me anywhere except back to square one. When I put any kind of substance into my body, it triggers an obsession to get as much of it as I can into my body, and to exhaust all of the resources that I have to get more of that substance. To do things that I wouldn't even think twice about doing if I were sober to get that next high.

Thats what happens when I don't practice certain principles in my everyday life. I'm always going to be an addict, no matter how much sober time I have under my belt simply because if I ever put anything into my system again I get the same result that I've always got as far as going on runs, not being able to control my use etc.

I don't mean to start an argument or compare myself to you, Dan, I just thought I'd throw my two cents in on the subject of willpower (or lack of!). But hey, if you have the freedom of choice to moderate and have the willpower to but cigs down man, more power to you! Thats a huge deal! Been trying to quit cigs too myself, but easier said than done :xeye:
Click to expand...
cigs and alcohol yes......opioid meds...not so much i just dont like AA for a few reasons you are ok for your reply...no harm taken
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predestyned
"s.w.i.m." hurt his back in accident. swim went to dr. and was promptly put on lortab . soon swim built up tolerance and needed something stronger .within 2 yrs swim has been thru percocets,oxycontin, oxycodone, fentanil, dilaudid, opana,xanax , and a few others."swim" finally settled on oxycontin, oxycodone and xanax."swim" and cant seem to live without them. takes them just to feel normal. "swims" marriage has suffered as well as his relationship with children. swim thinks of quitting often but............
Doesnt this story sound soo familiar? oh and dont that "swim" sht just irritate the **** outta you? does me. i just added it for kicks ...."swim" is a good friend of mine:eek::
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R
VINCENT said:
patrickL.... what can i say? many consider alcoholism, and addiction a diesease, and there is a medical reason for that. it is genetic.

but, many do not prescribe to that thinking. i myself am one of those. i dont believe its a diease. yes i do believe its genetic, i have seen it through the lines of my family, but i dont see hair loss as a diease either, and i seem to be getting thiner up there like my father.

as for a "higher power"..... well, yes. it is one of those things that N/A, and A/A will push at you. some members will say god, and other will call it something different. i personally dont believe in organized religion, but i do beilieve in a higher power. i have for most of my life. weather it be the universes energy, an old grey bearded man, or what ever you chose to recognize. its imprtant to realize that wepeople are not the end all-be all of everything. there is something out there bigger, stronger, and mightier then ourselves. even most athiests will atmit that there is a creative force out there, they usually tend to refer to it as "nature". "nature" is often refered to other as "Gia" , one in the same and viewed slightly different, but infact the same things. so its really not such a thing to scoff at, its a loose translation thing that is open for you to interpret how you wish.
Click to expand...
As far as a genetic component.....keep believing it, but it ain't true. They searched and searched, but can't find an addiction gene. It must be hiding right next to the elusive gay gene. All humans have propensities to addiction, some folks more than others of course. Our nurturing (upbringing) exacerbates that propensity. Some folks obsess over neatness, money, etc....others become workaholics, etc....the true "well balanced" individual is likely addicted to moderation!!

The other problem with chemical addictions is that that they do produce physical, not just mental addiction. They are a class above activity related addictions/obsessions......though some of those can be downright deadlyas well.

The disease nomenclature does raise eyebrows in some circles. However,seeing as how it is definitely an affliction, has mental and physical symproms manifest, and can be overcome/controlled through a proper treatment regimen.....the definition does fit.

Lots of words, sorry, worked all day now I am relaxing. The "higher power" very much does have a place in treatment, who else can help you overcome what has you licked besides a higher power?

Anyways....I transitioned from drugs to alcohol at 15 since alcohol was legal (sort of) and cops would never bust a teen with booze...pour out maybe.
Took me 26 years of trying my best to "be respectable" to admit my own defeat in that department. 10/23/2005 is the day I hope to never forget.
Since then I have also given up the nicotine habit (couple years back)...and worked off some of the extra pounds those chocolate fixes were putting on. Life is good.
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desertfoxprepper
I am addicted to beautiful women. I think about them all day and dream about them all night. And I am not going to give this up!!
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danthesurvior
predestyned said:
"s.w.i.m." hurt his back in accident. swim went to dr. and was promptly put on lortab . soon swim built up tolerance and needed something stronger .within 2 yrs swim has been thru percocets,oxycontin, oxycodone, fentanil, dilaudid, opana,xanax , and a few others."swim" finally settled on oxycontin, oxycodone and xanax."swim" and cant seem to live without them. takes them just to feel normal. "swims" marriage has suffered as well as his relationship with children. swim thinks of quitting often but............
Doesnt this story sound soo familiar? oh and dont that "swim" sht just irritate the **** outta you? does me. i just added it for kicks ...."swim" is a good friend of mine:eek::
Click to expand...
swim thinks swiy posts on a harm reduction board or two???
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VINCENT
CharlesThe1337 said:
I'm Charles and I'm an addict. I liked xanax, cocaine, and oxycontin mostly. I've been sober since July 4th of 2010, so I'll be coming up on a year here pretty soon if I continue to do what I need to do! Cool to see others in recovery on this board! Joined it before I got sober, began prepping a BOB due to my paranoia while I was still using. However, today I have recently regained interest in the survival culture with different motives than before! Ha.
Click to expand...
charles welcome, good for you and that approaching annaversary. thats a biggy. be proud of yourself, but remember WHY you are having that annaversay. dont let your self slip like many do. love the paranoia BOB, i had one of those myself i had forgoten about. your comment totally made me laugh. thanx
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newprepr
VINCENT said:
a woman walks in to my parts dept, and stops at my counter. she sets her keys on the counter and low and behold she has a white "chip" or day one key chain on her key ring. its been there so long that the only reason i recognized it was it still said WELCOME on it. everything else was warn off. i carry my 10 year chip in my pocket, but i know i have a one day key tag somewhere. that was realy cool to see someone with one that worn out and still carrying it. i think i carried my 1 day for the first year, then when i got my metal chip i carried that. when i got my 2 year metal chip i drilled a hole in it. its still on my keys after 10 years, although a bit worse for ware.

but it got me thinking. first days are hard, and we should all look back from time to time and remember where we came from, and be proud of where we are today. weather you have 12 years, 25 years , or 2 days. that first day was for most the hardest. congrats to all of us.
Click to expand...

Vincent, thanks for starting this thread.

I have my XI chip on my keys (that was the last time I was at a meeting, long story) that was in 2005. But I love the reaction of certain people when they pick up my keys, that little glimmer of recognition from someone who is active in a program or has been through it and are currently active in the shadow world. I have had people start a little conversation and of course the "I tried that, didn't work!". Both comments help me tremendously because I need to be reminded of the pain and hardship as well as the fellowship.

I don't live my life with my chip in my hand now but there was a time that I would rub that thing like a gene lamp, it is good to have the reminder.
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VINCENT
danthesurvior said:
AA told me i had to admit being powerless and give in to a higher power. i said if i quit cigs 19 yrs ago imust have some willpower why must i believe in a god?? i was yold i had no willpower i just needed to see their way....their way is also saying a person sober and never touched a drop in 20+years is still an alcoholic..just a sober one i disagree vehemently i quit tobacco 19 yeras ago and im still a nicotine addict???

disease---cancer that is a disease not a choice even if lung cancer via smoking is the type of cancer..drugs/alcohol/tobacco all choices use or not use...
you dont get yelled at for havin cancer!



dan you junkie! get a life! quit already!! ok
dan you cancer patient! get a life! quit havin cancer! ummm..no

different choices....diseases.....

learned 2 good things there tho...if ya wanna quit...3 things must change...people,places,things.....that are triggers for using
and quittin is easy...stayin sober....different thing alltogether
Click to expand...
dan, because i have never relapsed, does that mean i didnt have a problem? was i not an addict? no. it means that i was different then some, and exactly like others. we all handle our addiction differently. AA, and NA all will preach "higher power" but no one will force religion down your throat, especially here. you do need to admit being powerless over your addiction, thats the nature of an addiction, otherwise what you are dealing with is only a habbit. while you may consider yourself no longer an addict, the majority of us do, then, now, and for life. addiction is not something that you can wash off. its with you forever, you are or your not an addict. while i can appreciate that its been different for you , perhaps you should go back and look at what you have been through, and rethink what your saying to other. while you dont agree with what the program has said to you, it is exactly what the many of us need to hear, and exactly how we need to hear it. i'm glad to hear you quit smoking 19 years ago, and that a big thing, but i didnt see where you actually said anything about you having an alcohol addiction. why were you at AA? perhaps that is why you didnt like the way the program worked for you. perhaps the right program would have been better? wither way. please come back if you wish to constructively share with us addicts rather then tell us how we are doing it wrong.:xeye:
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VINCENT
charlesthe1337 said:
what about not being able to muster the willpower to quit, no matter what lies on the line? Whether it be a child, job, spouse, your freedom, or even your life? I was told that there are but three places that my addiction will take me. Jails, institutions, and death. I've already been to two of those places and each time it didn't phase me.

My reality is that when i'm actively using, i care about it more than anything else going on in my life. No matter what. Family, job, women, staying out of jails and institutions, whatever. Doesn't matter. I cannot bring into my consciousness the pain, suffering, and humiliation that i endured while i was out there using. I tend to fall into the delusion of when i was younger just "having a good time". My mind tells me that i will be able to control it, and be responsible. That, my friend, has never gotten me anywhere except back to square one. When i put any kind of substance into my body, it triggers an obsession to get as much of it as i can into my body, and to exhaust all of the resources that i have to get more of that substance. To do things that i wouldn't even think twice about doing if i were sober to get that next high.

Thats what happens when i don't practice certain principles in my everyday life. I'm always going to be an addict, no matter how much sober time i have under my belt simply because if i ever put anything into my system again i get the same result that i've always got as far as going on runs, not being able to control my use etc.

I don't mean to start an argument or compare myself to you, dan, i just thought i'd throw my two cents in on the subject of willpower (or lack of!). But hey, if you have the freedom of choice to moderate and have the willpower to but cigs down man, more power to you! Thats a huge deal! Been trying to quit cigs too myself, but easier said than done :xeye:
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well said my friend. Well said!
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