hello, i am an addict

Wow, where do i begin.....?

First let me say i knew my mother in law had earned her "first year", but what i didnt realize was the fact that it was actually 2 years. Yesterday(sunday) was actually her 2 year date. I am extremely proud of her. So proud infact i bestowed apon her my personal 2 year medallion that i have carried on my key chain for over a decade. Day in day out that coin has travelled with me and it has been rubbed smooth like a worry stone. I gave it to her gladly and proudly. As it turns out when she went to her meeting yesterday the chairperson had actually forgotten to bring her medallion but it didnt matter to her because she already had one, as she put it,that was even more special.

Next let me say. When we arrived the kids went about doing what kids do, and we had to try and make a hasty exit inorder to make our movie. But before we left she showed us 2 gifts her new boy friend had given to her the night before. And this kind of threw us for a loop. The first was a peperspray gun made by kimber , and the second was an dual emergency light that comes on when the power goes out. Both items peeked our curiosity, and got us on the topic of "is this guy a prepper? How funny would that be!, how unlike mom (shes total sheeple) to find a guy like this. That would be so cool. We talked about this the entire ride to and from the movie.

Well, she did an outstanding job with the kids, they were safe , and happy. The cousins had arrived just moments before we did, (only because we made a quick stop at a local gun store) her friend showed up 15 minute or so later. It was the first time we had actually met him. He and i hit it off immedatly. Turns out he is a counseler, if i understand from my wife correctly, his specialty is in addiction(before you think how inappropriate it is that he was her counseler, let me say i thought the same thing. He is not, nor has he ever been her counseler, its just a coincedence, and a good one.

I expressed my appoval of his gifts, which got us on the topic of fire arms, which got us comparing our concealed carries, which got us moving into other topics. topics that just kept telling each of us that the other is a prepper without putting the question in the open.

We had a very nice evening with pizza and cake to celebrate my sons 6th birthday. We discussed my mother in laws 2 year reunion, which is when i gave her my medallion. This is when he brought up the .999 silver medallion i could get to replace the one i gave her. "then i would always have a good chunk of silver on me at all times." his words not mine. Then he showed me a gold coin he carries all the time. ( i really like this guy at this point)

By the end of the evening i felt like a complete dolt for ever doubting my mother in law, and not trusting in him as well. ----as addicts we break the trust that our loved ones have in us. As addicts we have to earn that trust back. Its to be expected and it comes with the territory. This visit went a very long way in repairing that trust. Her behavior, her ability to maintain the kids safly , her providing a safe place for them, and her choice in a person to date/associate with all show how safe has improved.

I am humblely eating crow. It tastes good infact. I love it when an addict can show to others that they have changed thier ways, that they are becoming productive and trustworthy.

Today i am thankful for this program we call a/a, and n/a because without it many of us would be injail, or dead. And because of this program my wife still has her mother in her life instead of missing both her father, after his death, and her mother who has been missing from us for many years due to her addiction.

we must be loyal to the group and to each member of it. We must never accuse a member behind thier back, or even to their face. Its up to them to tell us themselves is someting is wrong or amiss. More then that, we must try not to think bad things about any members, because if we do, we're consiously or unconsiously hurting that person. We must be loyal to each other, if the program we are working is going to be successful. While we're in this lifeboat, trying to save ourselves and each other from addiction, we must be truly and sincerely helpful to each other.

this idea of loyalty is something that extends to many facets of our lives. Weather it be co workers, or family members. The more negativity you put out, the more your likly to recieve back. If your helpful to others your likly to recieve the same in kind. Its karma. But loyalty is more then that, it knowing you can depend on the person next to you, and them knowing the same. Take it this way. If you were a member of a m.a.g., or some other group of survivors somewhere and you were all working together to live, its in everyones best interest to cooperate, and work together. If one person spreads disention among the group rather then striving for the greater good of all, it can cause the total down fall of everyone. I understand we are imperfect creatures, just human with our faults, but what is asked of each of us, everyday, is for us to do our best, and be the best person we can be......just for today

Optimist said:

Vincent, by their works shall ye know them. I have no problems dealing with members who are operating in the Program, in good faith. There are others, though, who seek to use it for other things, and the loyalty has to work both ways. One of our members down here in NW Arkansas is a thief. We're going to have to deal with the matter, as he has used his ties in AA to indulge his ways, and flaunts the Third Tradition at us.

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my first year in the program my sponser was a guy with 2 years clean. which back then i looked at with ahh. his poison of choice was crack. he and i were rebuilding his engine in a barn behind his house. i saw him every day, until one monday he was gone from the meetings. i went to his house. his car(which we had finally finished) was gone, AND ALL MY TOOLS WERE GONE!!! turns out he went back out and binged on crack, and traded my tools, and his car and god knows what else for crack. a few months later i heards he was in county lock up, then about the time i had 2 years clean i found him one morning in a parking lot strung out. thank god my wife (then fiancee) was with me. i was begining to beat the crap out of him when she stopped me and convinced me it was over and the fact that he was back in active throws of addiction was more then punishment enough. although we think we are happy when we are using we are really in the bowels of hell. people support one another in the program, but we also know better then most just what another addict is cappable of. thats why it stings so much when get taken, because not only did we trust, but we also knew to be wary.

preformed the sober driver duties for my wife and a friend of ours. took the two of them wine tasting today. while i can honestly say its a terrific drive through some of the most beautiful country, i can also say the smelll of all that wine made me want to vomit. but the burrito from the little taquira made up for it. sometimes taking a vacation is just what a person needs.i sure did latly. we had a great visit with my family...up until my father ruined the later half of the evening by getting drunk and being a giant ass. to the kids, and then in turn to the adults when we told him to stop being mean to the kids. only an alcoholic is going to pick on a five year old. :xeye: well other then that its all been great so i hope it continues that way. i have focus more then enough of my energies on him and he has detremined he doesnt want to change. some people there is no helping. take it easy

vincent

You seem strong Vincent. Something tells me you would have stayed away from drinking, even without a meeting. For me, it's easy to not drink if I am around total drunks. The hard part is when people are drinking normal. I want to be like that.

Many evenings I really would like a drink or two or three. I think I am the only one who thinks I have a drinking problem. My wife was even O.K with it and she don't drink at all.

If I get any benifit from not drinking wine would be that I am losing weight, I am running better than before, and getting more in shape. I was also working hard before, but now I am working even more and my business is thriving. Things are great.

Without drinking, I have to deal with life and the people around me.

Yes Vincent... I am going to meetings. The meeting really help.