[VINCENT]

i'm starting this thread for all of us addicts here on the board. be it drugs, alcohol, nicotine(all forms). you name it and you can find support here. i'm always willing to lend a hand, or an ear.

let me start out by telling you alittle about myself. for those of you who havent heard my story. my name is vincent and I AM AN ADDICT. i quit using drugs in 95, alcohol in 99, and i quit smoking just 3 months ago. healing is an on going process that never ends. i wake up each day and i look at my family and i think, without sobriety i would have none of this. without my health i will be unable to keep any of this. they are my rock, and i am thankful every minute of everyday for them.

i'm a meth junkie, a drug addict, an alcoholic, a smoker, and a dipper. i have been involved with the N/A program since febuary 3rd 1999. i've attended A/A groups when i couldnt find an N/A meeting. we addicts need to stick together. its says right in the slogan."MY GRATITUDE SPEAKS, WHEN I CARE AND WHEN I SHARE WITH OTHERS." i am here to lend support to anyperson who wants to clean up any or all parts of their life. no judgement. this board is already anonomous so that is not a concern.

please feel free to join me here anytime you want support, or you want to support others. if you have something you want to get off your chest, or you want to ask a question.this thread is for addicts, but family members of addicts are welcome, as are friens of addicts. our addiction affects all around us, and we are lucky to have anyone in our lives to care enough that they would seek out information about our problem.

while the "rooms of bill' do say you need to find "god", they dont preach religion. i find this very important. they also use the term "higher power" very often. this is a term i like. i wont ask you not to speak of religion, but i will ask you not to preach because i dont want to turn this into a religious issue. one of the most important things i learned in the rooms was this. "RELIGION IS FOR THOSE AFRAID OF HELL, SPIRITUALITY IS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LIVED THROUGH IT." we as addicts, be it alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs have lived through some form of hell.

for many people sobriety is a major concern in everyday life, and in a post SHTF world. so this is a very important and very personal issue to many.

in closing of this invitation for you to join me i ask this. no flaming, no trolls, and no disrespect. if you have an issue with any of these PM me and i will be happy to discuss it with you.

take it easy, and remember to take it one day at a time.
thanx-vincent

 

[VINCENT]

i'm glad to see some of you have already found this thread, and i look forward to more. some have chosen to PM me directly rather then post on the thread. for those that already have, and those in the future who dont want to be public about and question or comment, please feel welome to PM me. i'm glad to hear from all.

keep it up ya'all
vincent

 

[VINCENT]

a woman walks in to my parts dept, and stops at my counter. she sets her keys on the counter and low and behold she has a white "chip" or day one key chain on her key ring. its been there so long that the only reason i recognized it was it still said WELCOME on it. everything else was warn off. i carry my 10 year chip in my pocket, but i know i have a one day key tag somewhere. that was realy cool to see someone with one that worn out and still carrying it. i think i carried my 1 day for the first year, then when i got my metal chip i carried that. when i got my 2 year metal chip i drilled a hole in it. its still on my keys after 10 years, although a bit worse for ware.

but it got me thinking. first days are hard, and we should all look back from time to time and remember where we came from, and be proud of where we are today. weather you have 12 years, 25 years , or 2 days. that first day was for most the hardest. congrats to all of us.

 

[VINCENT]

admiral nelson- good for you. dip and cigarettes were super hard for me. when i kicked meth it was hard, and alcohol was super tuff, but nicotine was the one that i really really battle with all the time. not only is it as addictive as heroin(some say), but its everywhere. its in your face all the time. and up until; recently it was 100% acceptable. good for you and welcome to the "quiters club":thumb:

 

[VINCENT]

becky darlin', pills are a toughy, espesially if you have pain and your trying to deal with it. DR's just keep handing out 'scripts to mask pain, and they dont deal with the cause. this causes more problems. you have done the right thing. keep it up. we got your back baby!

 

[VINCENT]

sqd5driver- i applaud you. i too was a child of an addict, and it ran in my family before my father. im glad to hear you didnt go down the same path. stand by your father, and tell him you are proud of him. sometimes we need to hear the words.

 

[VINCENT]

Hi VINCENT,
Nice to know about you and quitting drugs.
Could you share how you quit smoking in just 3 months. It would be helpful for those who are trying or searching to quit smoking.

i used the patch, and stuck to it. i have quit smoking in the past but never with the intention of it being "for good"=, this time was different. i quit because i had grown to hate it, and i really want to be around to enjoy my kids growing up. i contacted "the florida quit line" and they gave me 4 weeks worth of free patchs. they also supply lozenges, or other items, they offer support etc. there is a free group like them in every state. just google it. 4 weeks of free patchs saves alot of money.

i avoid the smokers hang out, i avoided friends who are smokers for about 2 months. i changed my routines( one of the most improtant). and i constantly reminded myself i dont want to smoke even if i'm craving, i dont want this for me and my family.

i have spoken to many latly who used a prescription from the dr. i think it was centirx or something like that. many had negitive reports about dreams and ill feelings, but many claimed it was what set them free from smoking.

good luck.

 

[VINCENT]

Unfortunately, they indoctrinate you with this "higher power" stuff... I don't get it. Have you seen South Park episode about Randy having "diesease" - Alcoholism? I recommend you watch it.

patrickL.... what can i say? many consider alcoholism, and addiction a diesease, and there is a medical reason for that. it is genetic.

but, many do not prescribe to that thinking. i myself am one of those. i dont believe its a diease. yes i do believe its genetic, i have seen it through the lines of my family, but i dont see hair loss as a diease either, and i seem to be getting thiner up there like my father.

as for a "higher power"..... well, yes. it is one of those things that N/A, and A/A will push at you. some members will say god, and other will call it something different. i personally dont believe in organized religion, but i do beilieve in a higher power. i have for most of my life. weather it be the universes energy, an old grey bearded man, or what ever you chose to recognize. its imprtant to realize that wepeople are not the end all-be all of everything. there is something out there bigger, stronger, and mightier then ourselves. even most athiests will atmit that there is a creative force out there, they usually tend to refer to it as "nature". "nature" is often refered to other as "Gia" , one in the same and viewed slightly different, but infact the same things. so its really not such a thing to scoff at, its a loose translation thing that is open for you to interpret how you wish.

 

[VINCENT]

Would you rather die or try to believe in something higher?

thats the point most of us are to when we reach the rooms. if we dont try we ARE going to die.

 

[VINCENT]

I'm Charles and I'm an addict. I liked xanax, cocaine, and oxycontin mostly. I've been sober since July 4th of 2010, so I'll be coming up on a year here pretty soon if I continue to do what I need to do! Cool to see others in recovery on this board! Joined it before I got sober, began prepping a BOB due to my paranoia while I was still using. However, today I have recently regained interest in the survival culture with different motives than before! Ha.

charles welcome, good for you and that approaching annaversary. thats a biggy. be proud of yourself, but remember WHY you are having that annaversay. dont let your self slip like many do. love the paranoia BOB, i had one of those myself i had forgoten about. your comment totally made me laugh. thanx

 

[VINCENT]

AA told me i had to admit being powerless and give in to a higher power. i said if i quit cigs 19 yrs ago imust have some willpower why must i believe in a god?? i was yold i had no willpower i just needed to see their way....their way is also saying a person sober and never touched a drop in 20+years is still an alcoholic..just a sober one i disagree vehemently i quit tobacco 19 yeras ago and im still a nicotine addict???

disease---cancer that is a disease not a choice even if lung cancer via smoking is the type of cancer..drugs/alcohol/tobacco all choices use or not use...
you dont get yelled at for havin cancer!



dan you junkie! get a life! quit already!! ok
dan you cancer patient! get a life! quit havin cancer! ummm..no

different choices....diseases.....

learned 2 good things there tho...if ya wanna quit...3 things must change...people,places,things.....that are triggers for using
and quittin is easy...stayin sober....different thing alltogether

dan, because i have never relapsed, does that mean i didnt have a problem? was i not an addict? no. it means that i was different then some, and exactly like others. we all handle our addiction differently. AA, and NA all will preach "higher power" but no one will force religion down your throat, especially here. you do need to admit being powerless over your addiction, thats the nature of an addiction, otherwise what you are dealing with is only a habbit. while you may consider yourself no longer an addict, the majority of us do, then, now, and for life. addiction is not something that you can wash off. its with you forever, you are or your not an addict. while i can appreciate that its been different for you , perhaps you should go back and look at what you have been through, and rethink what your saying to other. while you dont agree with what the program has said to you, it is exactly what the many of us need to hear, and exactly how we need to hear it. i'm glad to hear you quit smoking 19 years ago, and that a big thing, but i didnt see where you actually said anything about you having an alcohol addiction. why were you at AA? perhaps that is why you didnt like the way the program worked for you. perhaps the right program would have been better? wither way. please come back if you wish to constructively share with us addicts rather then tell us how we are doing it wrong.:xeye:

 

[VINCENT]

what about not being able to muster the willpower to quit, no matter what lies on the line? Whether it be a child, job, spouse, your freedom, or even your life? I was told that there are but three places that my addiction will take me. Jails, institutions, and death. I've already been to two of those places and each time it didn't phase me.

My reality is that when i'm actively using, i care about it more than anything else going on in my life. No matter what. Family, job, women, staying out of jails and institutions, whatever. Doesn't matter. I cannot bring into my consciousness the pain, suffering, and humiliation that i endured while i was out there using. I tend to fall into the delusion of when i was younger just "having a good time". My mind tells me that i will be able to control it, and be responsible. That, my friend, has never gotten me anywhere except back to square one. When i put any kind of substance into my body, it triggers an obsession to get as much of it as i can into my body, and to exhaust all of the resources that i have to get more of that substance. To do things that i wouldn't even think twice about doing if i were sober to get that next high.

Thats what happens when i don't practice certain principles in my everyday life. I'm always going to be an addict, no matter how much sober time i have under my belt simply because if i ever put anything into my system again i get the same result that i've always got as far as going on runs, not being able to control my use etc.

I don't mean to start an argument or compare myself to you, dan, i just thought i'd throw my two cents in on the subject of willpower (or lack of!). But hey, if you have the freedom of choice to moderate and have the willpower to but cigs down man, more power to you! Thats a huge deal! Been trying to quit cigs too myself, but easier said than done :xeye:

well said my friend. Well said!

 

[VINCENT]

"s.w.i.m." hurt his back in accident. swim went to dr. and was promptly put on lortab . soon swim built up tolerance and needed something stronger .within 2 yrs swim has been thru percocets,oxycontin, oxycodone, fentanil, dilaudid, opana,xanax , and a few others."swim" finally settled on oxycontin, oxycodone and xanax."swim" and cant seem to live without them. takes them just to feel normal. "swims" marriage has suffered as well as his relationship with children. swim thinks of quitting often but............
Doesnt this story sound soo familiar? oh and dont that "swim" sht just irritate the **** outta you? does me. i just added it for kicks ...."swim" is a good friend of mine:

we all know "swim"

 

[VINCENT]

Vincent, thanks for starting this thread.

I have my XI chip on my keys (that was the last time I was at a meeting, long story) that was in 2005. But I love the reaction of certain people when they pick up my keys, that little glimmer of recognition from someone who is active in a program or has been through it and are currently active in the shadow world. I have had people start a little conversation and of course the "I tried that, didn't work!". Both comments help me tremendously because I need to be reminded of the pain and hardship as well as the fellowship.

I don't live my life with my chip in my hand now but there was a time that I would rub that thing like a gene lamp, it is good to have the reminder.

welcome, i keep my II chip on my keys, and my X chip in my pocket. i really need to get a newer chip, but i havent bothered. dont know why? that look you talk about, that little spark of recognition is something to behold and cherish. not only does it serve others by giving them hope, or remeberence, but, like you said, it helps remind us to.

 

[VINCENT]

well dan, looks like you have the same response from more then just me. reverendg nailed it on the head when he spoke about the casuall smoking, and drinking. this is exactly what happend sto a tru addict. we have just one then we end up full blown agian. addicts cant have just one and be ok. sometimes a person ends up in the rooms(A/A,N/A,etc) for the wrong reasons. they may thing they are anaddict, but what they really are is normal, and just having a short term problem.

 

[VINCENT]

never said you were doing anything wrong just stated my opinion as did you..so wtf is wrong with that??yes i was an alcoholic 4 yrs 9 mos sober still an addict but aa didnt do it for me ..i am powerless over addiction to rx meds but why does god have to be the answer???

i just want to be sure your not being down on people who do chose to follow the program, and it doesnt do any of us anygood to nay-say it.

let me break down some of what your saying-

"yes i was an alcoholic 4 yrs 9 mos sober"

was is past tense, and while you may like to believe your no longer an addict, the fact is that if you were an addict, you ARE STILL an addict. we never stop being an addict. you even say so. i'm not attacking you, i'm only trying to understand where your coming from because the next thing you say is

"still an addict but aa didnt do it for me "

so you see my confusion in that i am unsure weather you consider yourself an addict or not. this is part of step 1. we admit we have a problem and recognize we are an addict. you dont stop being an addict.

as far as A/A not doing it for you,well that i can understand. many a person is rubbed wrong by something in the group. weather it be the people, the principles, what have you. i for one can completely agree with you about the "GOD" thing. this is why i stated in the begining of this thread that i would like to leave "GOD" out of this thread. a little bit of non denominational religion is ok, but hard core religion just causes arguments. that is not why we are here. i have always had issues with organized religion and this was my toughest issue to over come when i entered the program to get sober. i learned quickly why they actually say you dont need to find god, just come to terms that there is a "HIGHER POWER". your HP may be an alien, it may be a rock, it may be mother nature, it doesnt matter. its YOUR higher power. "GOD"does not have to be the answer, but when you are able to realize that spiritually your not alone, it makes things easier. spiritually is not the same as religiously so remember you HP is in you and that is where you will find your strength.

if your still suffering from an addiction of pills then perhaps you should try visiting an N/A group, or continue to visit here, but with a slightly more open mind. i have found that many an A/A group does not mix well with other addicts. but N/A is more welcoming of all because we recognize that addicts are addicts no matter what your poison may be.


thank you for sharing with us.

vincent

 

[VINCENT]

The rock is a way of saying, you make your own higher power. Where ever you find insipation and strength, you will find your higher power. No one will ever tell you that "you " didnt do it, pf course "you" did. But it takes finding your inner strength to do so, and for many your inner strength, and your higher power are one in the same. As for most people finding their own way out off addiction???? Well i'm not sure. Honestly i've never seen or even looked for the stats. What i do know is most of the addicts that i was mixed up with ended up in jail, and many ended up dead. Very few got sober, and even fewer got sober with no help. If they didnt find the rooms, they went to a rehab program, or they had family that acted as a support group. Infact i cant name a single person who is in recovery without some form of support. There are very very very few people who can go from abusing a substance to using it in moderation. Its just not something that happens all that often.

As for dan not drinking, but still being hooked on presrciption drugs(if thats what he was saying), well thats very typical behavior of an addict. I myself kicked meth only to dive deep into alcohol. I rarly drank but once i no longer had meth, it took less then a year for me to be knocking back huge quantities of alocohol every single night. Its less about what we are addicted to, and more about our behavior. Thats why when people stop smoking they usually gain weight. They switch from one behavior to another. Its the quintasensial description of an addict.

 

[VINCENT]

So you cannot do it alone because you are helpless and must ask the power for help. Yet you can create the higher power?

Of course I am not saying that people kick habits by just trying. What I mean is that there are other types of help than AA. Actually a lot of different types. AA isn't THE, but one of many methods.

speed, you seem to be the only person saying "A/A is the only way".i never said A/A or N/A was the only way.i dont think anyone here has said its the only way, infact i have said in the past that it doesnt matter how you get sober, just that you do.

as far as "creating" your own higher power thats incorrect. if i said you create your own, then i misspoke. what i ment was you must find your own.

 

[VINCENT]

let me go step up on the soap box for a second, and talk about stress, and triggers.

we all have differnt things that set us off, but one big thing for most of us is stress. in the job, at home, on the road, in our relationships, children, rapture,concerns of shtf. whatever it may be today that is causing you stress can be a trigger. recognizing the trigger is most important. by recognizing the trigger we can avoid it, we can ignore it, we can adjust our behavior to make that trigger go away.

today i had a technician come to me at my parts counter( thats my job, selling parts). he was instantly hostile, insulting, and agressive.in response i was rude, and argumentive in return. it caused the situation to escalate, and continue on for far longer then it needed to. i could have defused the situation by just doing my job, ignoring his behavior, and not engaging him in what (later) was obviously his intent to push my buttons and cause conflict. this even ended up with me, and 3 managers in an office for 30 minutes. i'm sure he ended up there too, but it does take 2 to argue. years ago i would have let this bother me, and it would have sat deep inside, festered, and by quitting time i would have been itchin' for a fix, or for a beer and a shot,(or 10). ya'all know what i'm talking about.

when we recognize these triggers to partake, we car better equipted to avoid a relapse or using. remember that in your day to day activity. not just so you dont use, but also so you dont end up in situations like i did this morning. i klnew that guy, and i knew his behavior. i also knew how i would react to it and so did he. next time i need to try harder to ignore him and i will be the better person for it.

be well my friends
vincent

 

[VINCENT]

i've tried the oatbran thing, it didnt work.:

12 step programs have shown repeatedly to be effective to people who use them . thats why we say work the program, and let the program work FOR you. it does. it works. but there are other ways, and often those other ways have their roots stepped in 12step. weather its apparent or not. but not always.

this should not be a topic of arguement. PLEASE.