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If you think you are strapped for cash now the divorce and child support is going to be even worse, might want to sell it to your dad to keep the property so you can continue to build on it
Hello from surviving without a partner
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Hi all. I’ve been a survivalist for over half my life. Early on I was ridiculed almost constantly and I just went on doing my thing. Fast forward a few years and many of my family hit the point of realization that being somewhat prepared was much better than waiting and hoping someone else would put food on the plate and create a safe environment. My Dad is fully onboard, I knew the day he asked me for an AR and a handgun. It became more relevant but my (future ex) wife and daughter just do not see the point. I think their idea was that I was creating some super-fun campground we could go play at on the weekends. As most find out, it’s a long process with a lot of trial and error. I have mostly completed a off grid cabin.
A while ago when I had to go tend to some gardening at my spot my wife blew up and just flat out told me I was wasting our money and she hates it. All of it. Again this is after building a cabin and at this point I couid vanish there for a year if I had to. Apparently the whole building and time was just not fast enough for her and eating into her spending money.
At this point, I’m about ready to just finish it with my dad and hope to not lose it in the divorce. I have a full time job and with my wifes shopping (and future divorce) I’m maxed out financially. I really do not have the patience to deal with the lack of enthusiasm. With a garden and other things maintenance is dependent on the seasons and weather. It has to be done. I’m not changing my path or stopping anything.
Anyone in a similar situation? We’re you able to get detractors involved? I’ve tried it all. Fun stuff. Range days, cookouts, whatever but there’s still a ton still to complete, I’m running low on money and I’m not about to stop. Any advice appreciated.
A while ago when I had to go tend to some gardening at my spot my wife blew up and just flat out told me I was wasting our money and she hates it. All of it. Again this is after building a cabin and at this point I couid vanish there for a year if I had to. Apparently the whole building and time was just not fast enough for her and eating into her spending money.
At this point, I’m about ready to just finish it with my dad and hope to not lose it in the divorce. I have a full time job and with my wifes shopping (and future divorce) I’m maxed out financially. I really do not have the patience to deal with the lack of enthusiasm. With a garden and other things maintenance is dependent on the seasons and weather. It has to be done. I’m not changing my path or stopping anything.
Anyone in a similar situation? We’re you able to get detractors involved? I’ve tried it all. Fun stuff. Range days, cookouts, whatever but there’s still a ton still to complete, I’m running low on money and I’m not about to stop. Any advice appreciated.
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Sorry for the situation you find yourself in. But ... We are glad to have you. Welcome to SB!
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But keep in mind even if you sell it to him for a dollar the court will expect you to declare fair market value in the negotiation and splitting of property/investments, etc.
don't know what state you're in so that will affect the division of property.
you may need to buy her out of the cabin if you want to keep it. you mention a daughter how longtill she's 18 that's your goal, that is the time till you get to spend money on yourself.
her lawyer will plea that she is incapable of supporting herself that you owe her the house and a car whenever she wants (a new one. ) half of whatever you make ,half of any retirement you've accumulated.
the ONLY upside is that when the court splits the credit card debt she gets half. (maybe)
so you got that to look forward to.
you may need to buy her out of the cabin if you want to keep it. you mention a daughter how longtill she's 18 that's your goal, that is the time till you get to spend money on yourself.
her lawyer will plea that she is incapable of supporting herself that you owe her the house and a car whenever she wants (a new one. ) half of whatever you make ,half of any retirement you've accumulated.
the ONLY upside is that when the court splits the credit card debt she gets half. (maybe)
so you got that to look forward to.
I've gone through three divorces. My first wife and I split long before I got into prepping. She's long out of the picture. My second wife and I both believed in prepping. When we split ... she kept her stuff and I took mine. It was amicable. The same is true of my third wife. We are still friendly and on speaking terms. She's on a fixed income but she still preps when she can and I help her out when I can. But, like you, I'm a lone prepper and focus most of my attention on my own survival.
Welcome to the boards.
Welcome to the boards.
Hi my brother. Let me ask you a question; did you EXPLAIN to your wife why you are doing what you are doing and the benefits? Are/ were you leading her in these showing confidence? Were you including her in all your plans and decision makings?
You see often times us husbands go about things in the wrong manner. Yes our intentions may be great but when we go about it wrong it can and will affect how our wives respond.
My brother this appears to be a whole misunderstanding/ lack of proper communication issue that can be resolved. If there is no adultery involved; you guys ( with the GRACE of God), can work this out.
If you still love your wife AND if she still respects you........then you two sit down and have a heart felt respectful discussion. If need be, get a non biased (wise) mediator involved.
People, marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman that is blessed by God. The devil hates this and will use anything to destroy marriages. My brother, do not let the devil win. The word of God says that once you resist the devil he has to flee........resist him so that he can flee from your marriage.
May God bless you and keep you and may He give you peace that surpasses all understanding..........in King Jesus Christ name.
REPENT! For the kingdom of God is at hand! Fot the gospel of Jesus Christ is the power of God unto salvation for those who believe!
First of all I'm sorry you are going through this and it sucks.
Second I couldn't help but notice no comment about how you feel about her and your daughter. If you are still in love with each other, get counseling and work it out. From your point of view she thinks you are wasting the family's money so that she has less to spend. It sounds like you haven't been working as a team for awhile.
Third if you do go the divorce route, get the absolutely best lawyer you can. You want a tiger on your side so that it's fair and quick. A nice lawyer will often end up with things dragging on because they aren't pushing. The advantage of a tiger is they push a lot, then back off and settle were you would have been happy to begin with... but you partner would have pushed for more and then you would lose more and take more time.
Added: I'm female and would give this advice to women also on this forum given what you've written.
If there is/was abuse or children were at risk, I'd tell you to leave ASAP.
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Welcome to the SB from Michigan!
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I'm certainly not one for good advice in this area but i can say do whatever you can to resolve your issues and stay together; otherwise, it's a whole lotta $$ and pain but that isn't the only reason and shouldn't be. As stated above- sell your stuff now (to your dad), trust etc. Unfortunately, it's not usually enough though cuz everyone will know why you made that transaction and will need to be accounted for (as in valuation); and she's gonna say she's worked so hard side by side with you to build it and it has such extraordinary sentimental value that..... you get the point. Welcome and best of luck. Good days and bad days ahead for sure.
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I don't really have any advice to offer but I am sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine living this life without my best friend - my husband.
I agree that if there is any way you can save your cabin from being lost in the divorce - try to make that happen. If you can get your daughter on board, or not, (I missed it if you said how old she is), please work at that relationship.
If things really do fall apart after your divorce... I'm guessing your wife and/or daughter will be that cabin for security pretty quickly. Be prepared for that possibility.
I agree that if there is any way you can save your cabin from being lost in the divorce - try to make that happen. If you can get your daughter on board, or not, (I missed it if you said how old she is), please work at that relationship.
If things really do fall apart after your divorce... I'm guessing your wife and/or daughter will be that cabin for security pretty quickly. Be prepared for that possibility.
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Welcome to SB from Michigan.
I seriously hope you can keep your marriage together and you and your family are able to prioritize your goals to make it work. Assets in a marriage with kids can never be split 50/50. Don't accept the advice on selling the place in a way that would cheat your wife and daughter. It will be found out and even if you are not, you will look like a POS.
Balance and care are required to mesh our family with our hobbies. My wife is perfectly happy not going to our cabin as frequently as I do. I'm cool with that, too. At home she has cable, landline, cell service, internet, movies on demand, clean well water, and no mouse turds.
She shoots when we are all shooting and participates in most activities.
If I ask her to go, she will. We do a family party in the Fall, where she and our adult kids with S/O's, hang out & cook chili.
But, also, when she and my daughter are hanging out, I'll usually tag-along because I love them both.
We have been married for 39ish years. If I want a gun, she will insist that I get it. If she wants a cruise, we will make it happen.
She thought buying a generator was dumb, until we had a power outage. Fortunately, we had a borrowed generator that my son was using for a project and we were able to have cable TV, internet, fans, and coffee in the morning. She liked the idea of getting one for ourselves and we did, and have used it many times for power outs. Plus, she really likes being able to go to the fridge and pantry for items, rather than running to the store. Last night she yelled down the basement stairs for me to bring up a can of coffee. Two weeks ago, she asked if I could bring her up some TP.
We started looking casually for recreation property in our early days of marriage. Our first property was wooded and we were carrying our baby while looking. There were times when the property search was idled due to car/truck replacements, house upgrades, kid sports, vacations, & general day-to-day life.
After we moved to Michigan, we started looking here and found what we wanted.
She is way onboard, but may not want to participate in the nut's, bolt's, and hobby side of prepping. She loves the security that prepping gives.
So, when we went to the store, we picked up a few packs of TP and PT. Next store trip, we will pick up another 6 month supply of coffee and that will bring us back to a year supply, while rotating old stock to the top.
Was laid off in September, so we were living on the preps and not replacing them. We were still rotating and replacing our storage gas since it is basically breakeven in cost since the original investment.
I seriously hope you can keep your marriage together and you and your family are able to prioritize your goals to make it work. Assets in a marriage with kids can never be split 50/50. Don't accept the advice on selling the place in a way that would cheat your wife and daughter. It will be found out and even if you are not, you will look like a POS.
Balance and care are required to mesh our family with our hobbies. My wife is perfectly happy not going to our cabin as frequently as I do. I'm cool with that, too. At home she has cable, landline, cell service, internet, movies on demand, clean well water, and no mouse turds.
She shoots when we are all shooting and participates in most activities.
If I ask her to go, she will. We do a family party in the Fall, where she and our adult kids with S/O's, hang out & cook chili.
But, also, when she and my daughter are hanging out, I'll usually tag-along because I love them both.
We have been married for 39ish years. If I want a gun, she will insist that I get it. If she wants a cruise, we will make it happen.
She thought buying a generator was dumb, until we had a power outage. Fortunately, we had a borrowed generator that my son was using for a project and we were able to have cable TV, internet, fans, and coffee in the morning. She liked the idea of getting one for ourselves and we did, and have used it many times for power outs. Plus, she really likes being able to go to the fridge and pantry for items, rather than running to the store. Last night she yelled down the basement stairs for me to bring up a can of coffee. Two weeks ago, she asked if I could bring her up some TP.
We started looking casually for recreation property in our early days of marriage. Our first property was wooded and we were carrying our baby while looking. There were times when the property search was idled due to car/truck replacements, house upgrades, kid sports, vacations, & general day-to-day life.
After we moved to Michigan, we started looking here and found what we wanted.
She is way onboard, but may not want to participate in the nut's, bolt's, and hobby side of prepping. She loves the security that prepping gives.
So, when we went to the store, we picked up a few packs of TP and PT. Next store trip, we will pick up another 6 month supply of coffee and that will bring us back to a year supply, while rotating old stock to the top.
Was laid off in September, so we were living on the preps and not replacing them. We were still rotating and replacing our storage gas since it is basically breakeven in cost since the original investment.
In Michigan
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Hidy Voll, welcome to the boards from southern Oklahoma.
Sorry to say I have no advice. I waited until my son graduated high school and went into the service before I left an abusive marriage with just the clothes on my back. I didn't want anything from that asshat. 2nd husband was not a happy camper when I started prepping. But since I paid all the bills and he had spending money for his smokes I would spend a hundred a month on prepping supplies. That left a couple of hundred for the emergency fund to make him happy he also had another couple of hundred to buy anything he wanted for the week but he still wasn't happy and we had quite a few fights over it. I have a bunch of posts on here about some of them. I referred to him as the Old Goat on here. He was 13 years older than I was. He passed away 7 years ago this next Nov.
Unless I can find a man that likes prepping and can handle a disabled wife I don't intend on getting married again. 2 controlling men are enough for me.
I hope you can get things straightened out 1 way or another. Take it from me, living a miserable life with someone is no way to live.
Sorry to say I have no advice. I waited until my son graduated high school and went into the service before I left an abusive marriage with just the clothes on my back. I didn't want anything from that asshat. 2nd husband was not a happy camper when I started prepping. But since I paid all the bills and he had spending money for his smokes I would spend a hundred a month on prepping supplies. That left a couple of hundred for the emergency fund to make him happy he also had another couple of hundred to buy anything he wanted for the week but he still wasn't happy and we had quite a few fights over it. I have a bunch of posts on here about some of them. I referred to him as the Old Goat on here. He was 13 years older than I was. He passed away 7 years ago this next Nov.
Unless I can find a man that likes prepping and can handle a disabled wife I don't intend on getting married again. 2 controlling men are enough for me.
I hope you can get things straightened out 1 way or another. Take it from me, living a miserable life with someone is no way to live.
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I know what you mean. Years ago, my older brother used to talk smack about me being one of the "tin foil hat people". But that was years ago. Lately, he has been asking me for tips on what he might need. He lives in California, near LA, and has been hinting that he may want to come back to Iowa. And hinting that he may want to join our group. I gave him the GPS coordinates for the farm and told him that if he could make it, there would be room for him.
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Is there a down side to your daughter regarding it as a vacation cabin????? As long as she understands that it would make a dandy survival cabin as well then all is good. It is sort of like my Dad taking us kids fishing while we were growing up, and later (when we were older) explaining that it is also good for survivalism.
A gentle suggestion? Take half of any savings that you might have and put it in another account. Other wise if your wife is seriously mad she might spend it all, and you cannot receive half of her new winter coat and boors, know what I mean?
I am sorry for your troubles!
A gentle suggestion? Take half of any savings that you might have and put it in another account. Other wise if your wife is seriously mad she might spend it all, and you cannot receive half of her new winter coat and boors, know what I mean?
I am sorry for your troubles!
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