[Goodwin17]

I've been going back and forth for years as to whether I want children or not. Deep down I really want to have 1 or 2. My main problem is that I have a very specific way I would want them raised, and I think it would be near impossible in this country at this time. I would love to home school, but I am the main provider for the household. I'll be 30 in a couple of months, and I'm wondering if I'll ever be ready. Would love to hear some thoughts on this.

 

[Perkolady]

Goodwin,

Just to let you know... there are ways to homeschool your kids without having to be the teacher all day like in public school. There are a number of HS curriculums that are self-guided, some using worktexts, some using the computer. They have daily lesson plans, teacher answer books, heck, some even grade things for you! You could always schedule things to work around your schedule too. School in your home doesn't have to take place during public school hours

Just find out what the requirements are for your state for the amount of hours that equals a 'day' of school, and see how long you have per year to meet the required amount of days.

Let's say maybe 4.5 hours is considered a school day in your state, and maybe you have to complete 180 days in a year. You could possibly do 4 days worth of school on a weekend alone OR, a couple hours early in the day, a couple later in the day, etc., etc. You get the idea.

There are a lot of homeschool help books out there stuffed with ideas for how to accomplish school and be able to give your children a good education without it having to resemble public school hours or ways. There is also a lot of free info on homeschool curriculum websites to help you get started and encourage you too. :thumb:

I just really want to encourage you. This IS possible!

 

[ranchgirl]

Not to try to scare you, but here's something to think about.

As someone who suffers from infertility, I just want to throw out that you maybe have 5 more good years of "optimal" fertility. Once a women gets to 30, her ovarian reserve starts going downhill and then at 35 plummets. I know we all hear about ladies who have no trouble conceiving past that age, but most women starting at that age have issues getting pregnant

I was lucky to discover our fertility issues at a young age- 25. So I responded well to treatments and was able to use my own eggs. No one in our families had trouble conceiving and I had no inkling that I had any issues before getting tested.

Perkolady has some great suggestions for homeschooling. Come to think about it, the homeschooled kids at our church spend a lot of their time volunteering and babysitting since they are able to get their schoolwork done quicker and more efficiently than kids that go to a school

Good luck and wish you the best in your decision!

 

[Herbalpagan]

now is the time, before you have children to make a firm plan with your spouse. Perhaps paying down debt can help so that you can go to work part time instead of being the main bread winner, or you can ook for another job or work from home. There is also the fact that there is nothing wrong with him doing the homeschooling. There are ways do do these things. The child would only require child care for the first 3 or 4 years anyways, so your financial plan could continue for a while.

 

[Slats]

If you want one don't wait. The older you get the less likely you are going to be willing to put up with the dramatic change it is going to cause in your life. You will also have a whole lot less energy. Think about how much extra energy you had at twenty than you have now. Trust me it accelerates. Our just moved to California this week to start some fantastic new life that I have not quite figured out yet. I look forward to being a grandparent but in no way have the energy to go through that again. I even have a plan for being a grand parent. Its called revenge, I have this van planned with stations that will have this chair that moves and fills the kid with candy and soda then shakes and spins right before it shoots them out the side into their parents waiting arms as I slam it into gear and accelerate out of the area as fast as possible. I am looking forward to him being a parent. Now I know why my parents just smiled and nodded when I would complain to them. When I called up and apologized for being a teen and asked them to remove the parental curse (I hope you have a kid just like you are). my mother just laughed and hung up on me.

 

[Sonnenaufgang]

You can raise kids however you want, but doesn't mean they'll care.

 

[Absolutely!]

You are sounding like someone with strong ideas... and strong ideas are a bad idea. Wait and see what you will want to do, don't lock yourself in for fifteen years full time work without knowing anything more than 'what you want'. No good. roll with the punches. You cannot preorganise a boxing match and you cannot preorganise child rearing. It has to happen right then and there, the decisions need to be made when they are reached and all issues can be taken into consideration - not before that person, who is actually a person with a personality and individual needs and desires, even exists.

As to having children, it's as easy as falling off a bicycle. If you want them, have them. Don't obsess about tomorrow's plans - make today's plans and forget tomorrow. You cannot affect tomorrow. You cannot change tomorrow. The only time you interface with the flow of time is right now. If you spend your time thinking of tomorrow you are by necessity screwing up the thing you could be affecting that's happening in the now. : (Yeah okay I read a lot of sci fi.)

what am I trying to say? Live today's hunk of life today. Let tomorrow's hunk of life happen tomorrow. Keep today tidy and tomorrow will start out in a clean and tidy way.

You can put having kids on the nevernever because this is not right or that is not right. Or you haven't obsessively pre-planned every aspect of their lives - till you cannot have them at all and the decision is made for you - and all that money you saved to set up your nice nest gets spent on invitro fertilisation. Quit overthinking and just chuck that pill in the bin. Everything else will just happen. Trust me, it will just happen. : And some things you will manage, and some things you won't manage, and when you're fifty you might just find yourself sitting there with pretty decent kids thinking it was just as well.

:

Oh - and your fertility starts to deteriorate at 25. I had to work quite hard at 27 to get pregnant with my second child. My first happened at the drop of a hat.

 

[Slats]

One thing you may consider that is very close to my heart. Try being an emergency foster home. If you are not willing to make a long term commitment to a child but want to find out if a child is for you they are always in need of short term emergency foster care homes. One was there for me when I was a child and I could not be more thankful to the family that took me in. If you are willing to make a long term commitment they are always looking for homes for long term also. I'm not sure how things have changed sine I went through the system but if there wasn't a home available then you went to juvenal hall and were basically thrown in jail for being the victim. I was 12 years old and in 6th grade when I was thrown out of the house by my step father. Lucky for me someone was there. (This was the first of several times)
I know there will be people that say this would be doing it for all the wrong reasons. I appreciate that and am happy that you grew up in a world where you could stand by and give up things to stand by morals. You are truly blessed to have grown up in that kind of a world. But from someone that was homeless and alone as a child and was never able to live anywhere again for more than a year till I joined the army. There are children out there that need a place to sleep and don't care what your motivations are they just need a warm safe place to sleep. Luxury is going to bed with a full stomach. I have been there. I have had to sleep on strangers patio furniture just to have a place to lie down. Every night you would help would be a night a child would have a place to sleep. Just something else for you to think about.

 

[Trotline]

Im 27 and have an 8 month old. My wife and I had talked about having kids for years and we kept saying "were not ready"..........
Then when it happenes, everything just falls into place.

Now, Im so glad we had a child when we did because who knows how long we would have gone, or how old we would have been until we were "ready" to have kids.

I thought that having a baby was going to keep us from doing alot of the things we love to do, but you can really take them anywhere.

The native americans used to carry thier children everywhere in popooses or baskets on thier backs. We still do all the stuff we used to and we have a reason to get out and do more things.

 

[nomadjanet]

It does not matter how you raise your kids they may not turn out to like or believe in the things you have tried to teach them. Every person is born with his or her personality and we can only TRY to build values into them. Sooner or later they become who they want to be. I have three adult children. They are respectful and loving toward me but they do not share my values or goals.

 

[jane333]

...I'm wondering if I'll ever be ready. Would love to hear some thoughts on this.

Goodwin,

No one is ever 'ready'. Just do it, if you really want to. :thumb:

 

[Cuppycake]

Goodwin,

No one is ever 'ready'. Just do it, if you really want to. :thumb:

it's true, how can anyone be "ready" for parenthood? It's not predictable, so even the best laid plans can go horribly wrong.... or... you could do an even better job than you ever thought possible.

Having children has made us more prepared and more determined than ever to get serious about our lives. You're no longer responsible for just yourself, but for a helpless child, and that causes you to be a better person as a whole

 

[mking2012]

and I think it would be near impossible in this country at this time.

 

[haha49]

I've been going back and forth for years as to whether I want children or not. Deep down I really want to have 1 or 2. My main problem is that I have a very specific way I would want them raised, and I think it would be near impossible in this country at this time. I would love to home school, but I am the main provider for the household. I'll be 30 in a couple of months, and I'm wondering if I'll ever be ready. Would love to hear some thoughts on this.

You can never be ready 100 percent to have kids. Home school isn't always the best because it can make getting into colleges ect allot harder. It also makes it harder for the kids to make friends ect. You can always move to a better school area or private school.

 

[Woodlife]

I want a family one day too. My step brother and sisters are homeschooled.

Here's a good link for free online classes that will teach you Anything about school.
http://www.khanacademy.org/
It's a pretty cool site for home school teaching parents.
I've been my step siblings home school teacher at times because I love to teach, and have lots of patience.

 

[Woodlife]

YouTube - ‪Idiocracy Intro (HR titlovi)‬‏

I've seen that movie a million times, I went out and bought it. It never gets old.

 

[wyldflwr]

Goodwin, what are the reasons for why you've waited this long? Financial, you have a life, you're not sure whether or not you really want kids? Answer those questions first.

Secondly, based on your age be sure you're really going to be able to deal with a kid. It's a huge lifestyle change. I was 20 and 22 when I had my kids. At 31 I babysat my sisters little one for a couple of weeks. I knew then I was glad I took precautions not to get pregnant again. At that point I didn't want to deal with the diapers and bottles and all the stuff that goes along with babies. I didn't want to have to cart along a fifteen pound bag for diapers and formula and toys and blankies and binkies and such. Maybe because I'd already done it twice, but I think age had a lot to do with it.

I'm not trying to talk you out of having kids but it's a complete life change if you do it. Think about it.

 

[Borrowed time]

why i wouldnt be a parent today if my kids werent already here

The reason i wouldnt be a young parent now is that the State takes away most parental rights, especially with dicipline. the following story is case in point....

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas – A Texas mom has been sentenced to probation and has lost custody of her children for spanking her daughter.

Rosalina Gonzáles of Corpus Christi pleaded guilty on Wednesday to Injury to a Child for swatting the 2-year-old on her buttocks.

According to prosecutors, Gonzáles in December hit the girl with an open hand, leaving some red marks.

Police arrested Gonzáles after the child's grandmother reported the injuries and took the child to a hospital.

Gonzáles will serve five years probation, take parenting classes and follow guidelines laid out by Child Protective Services

KZTV10.com reports that the ruling judge in the case made it clear that spanking is a crime.

"You don't spank children today," Judge Jose Longoria is quoted as having said. "In the old days, maybe we got spanked, but there was a different quarrel. You don't spank children."

I underlined the important words in the story. also, if your kid is overweight, the state comes along and tells you its your fault then takes the kid from you. im pretty sure that it would be possible to find judges that would put you on probation and take your child for giving your child chores to do saying it was against child labor laws. and parents remember, YOU can be held legally responsible if your child commits a crime!

having said this, i live for and would die for my kids, i love them more than life itself, but jeeze, its hard to navigate the minefield the STATE lays out in front of parents. today, you especially have to look out for the public school system. apparently, when the kids are at school the state becomes their legal guardian and takes ALL rights from the parents. kids can be interigated without counsel and anything they say WILL be held against them in a court of law. kid here in CO was arrested after a teacher complained he was drawing violent pictures. he was following his psychiatrists' orders to draw pictures instead of act out his anger. even after the office determined the kid wasnt a threat, the police were called in by the teacher and the kid was interogated by the cops without parent or counsel. he was arrested and all that he said was held against him.

sorry. long winded, but i cant stand the BIG BROTHER state messing in parents rights. best of luck! ---- Eric

 

[CBP]

I've been going back and forth for years as to whether I want children or not. Deep down I really want to have 1 or 2. My main problem is that I have a very specific way I would want them raised, and I think it would be near impossible in this country at this time. I would love to home school, but I am the main provider for the household. I'll be 30 in a couple of months, and I'm wondering if I'll ever be ready. Would love to hear some thoughts on this.

As others have mentioned, the clock is ticking. Frankly, I over thought and over worried about everything when I should have been having children. Now its too late and the regrets are very heavy to bear.

There are lots of folks that raise their children "segregated" from society. Instilling your values in your children will help defend them from all that out there. There a several blogs, Paratus Familia is one, that raise a bunch of kids leaning toward our values here.

 

[sma7664]

I'm almost 35 and pregnant with my 4th child. The first 3 were planned and this one was a surprise. Admittedly, we weren't "financially ready" for children. Don't get me wrong.. their needs are met and they have plenty of love and support. They do wear hand me downs, don't go to 10 different activities each week, they share a room, etc.. and there are some people that think that is awful! But our girls (and our soon to be son) are happy, healthy, and loved. That is what is important. Not all the material stuff..

I have no regrets with having my children. They are a blessing. Sure, it is stressful and exhausting and frustrating at times. But the good outweighs the bad 100 times over. They are a joy to us.

I understand having specific ways that you want to raise your kids. I know many wonderfully well adjusted homeschooled children who are very intelligent, have no issues with socializing, and some have gone on to graduate with honors from college. I also know public schooled children who are the same way.. it all starts at home.

I am a strict parent and my kids are still young, although issues have come up where our values are challenged by other kids, family, etc.. I deal with them as they come along and I've started early with teaching my kids the values I want them to have. I lay the foundation, do the best I can in each situation that comes up, and hope for the best.. that what I teach them will stick with them as they get older. However, I had all these ideas on parenting and many of those things changed once I actually became a parent. Each child is different, learn differently, respond to things different. Parenting is often a trial by fire experience and what you always thought was right isn't always right in every instance.

I guess I'm just saying that if you and your S/O are wanting children, then don't put it off. You will regret waiting too long. I have a friend who is my age and is getting married next month to a much younger guy. She put off having serious relationships, marriage, children until now. She wants children buy her fiancee wants to wait a few more years. But she'll be pushing 40 then and it could be too late, or at least more difficult. She has some regrets on waiting so long.