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Scarred for life...
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3,295 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I sometimes volunteer my time working with other people to discuss problems of interest to us all. There is no pay but overall I find the work very rewarding and fulfilling.

I work sometimes with a fellow who is one of those know-it-alls.

He is an electrician by trade and I have no doubt he knows more about wiring a house than I ever will, but he just gets off on contributing to a discussion in which he knows nothing and pretending he is an expert.

Never mind that I or someone else has a degree in something, he thinks he knows more about it and will go to the point of becoming belligerent when someone says something and he wants to sound like an expert.

I guess that’s it. No matter what I say I am wrong unless I am agreeing with him. And even then he will sometimes change his story just so he can tell me I am wrong for agreeing with him!!!

I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but it does.

I think most of the people around us, who hear these conversations think the same way I do but pretty much everybody is afraid of saying something or stating a fact because he will jump in and tell them they are a fool and stupid.

I have tried to just not get involved with this guy at all and sometimes this works. But later he will jump on someone else and they will run to me and Ill get dragged into a fight all over again.

Lately I have resorted to looking things up online and printing (to support a statement) them out quickly to shut this guy up but it only makes him furious to be made to look stupid in front of everyone and these are the times he gets the most belligerent.

In these discussions, and in my relationship to this group of people I know a little about a lot and a lot about a very few things but what I know I know and I get so tired of wasting 1/3rd of my time arguing extremely simple things with this guy.

I cannot run this guy off. I do not “own” or “run” this group and so I cannot just tell him to get lost and for some reason the guy who makes the final decision on everything will not do anything about this guy.

I do not want to leave. I don’t get paid but I get a lot of satisfaction from interacting with the other people here and I learn a lot.

The times we “work” vary greatly and I can come and go whenever I please and I try to be there when he is not but most of the time I will come back to find that he got mad about something and stopped the workflow for a whole day because no one was there to put him in his place and he had a field day yelling at everybody.

I tried making him look like a fool and it is pretty easy to do but it makes him so mad that he will basically sabotage our work and run to the corner and sulk. When it is his turn to do some task or make a phone call, he will puff up like a rooster and strut around as if he did everything… He will basically deny that anyone did anything but him and try to take all the credit for everything.

I try not to do this (make him look like a fool) because it slows us all down and the “manager” has us on a schedule to follow and as such wasting a half-day to make this guy look like a fool is just not productive.

The size of our group depends on the project we have going on but usually runs between 20 and 40 people. Most will contribute something whether it is fundraising, or materials, or information, etc. Over the past year, the number of people who help has dwindled and many have left. This makes it harder on the rest of us to get things done.

Everybody in this “group” does this because it needs to be done and it is very rewarding. We all learn things everyday and the friendly discussions are really the reason I am here. I get to listen to other points of view and “in a civil way” argue with them over the finer points of their position, etc before we come to a logical point of action.

Generally I contribute 2 to 5 hours a week of my time so it isn’t much but while I used to consider this a mini vacation and rather enjoyable, I now dread coming in.



So here is my question…


What can I do?

I am to the point that this is just not worth it anymore. I love doing this but if I am going to have to put up with this much “sheit” I had better be getting paid for it. My “manager” does not want to be bothered with details like this and cannot understand why we miss a deadline. He doesn’t want to hear it was because this guy threw a temper tantrum and scared our accountant so bad she ran out of the building and quit.

What would you do?
 

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Watchin tha world go by
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8,151 Posts
the only thing you can do with an idiot -- is let him be an idiot - if he is lucky he will one day figure it out --- but it is usually a painful lesson when he runs inta that wall.

and smile a lot --- seems ta git em even more unsettled that you are happy (which they usually arent) in spite of their best attempts to make ya feel otherwise.
 

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Registered
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358 Posts
I would talk to the manager and point out that this person was responsible for the poor morale and people leaving and that I would be leaving as well if he was not removed. Maybe also have several others in the group that feel the same way as you go with you to the meeting. Offer to come back when the issue was corrected. If this is a volunteer group, I would think that if many of you felt the same way that should convince the manager that it needed to be addressed before project was ruined by one person.
 

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CabinBuilder/Author
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1,996 Posts
This sounds like the neighbor close to my retreat. Can't stand the guy. He invalidates, finds fault with, criticizes EVERYthing you say or do. He thinks he's a genius at everything, but is a complete retarded idiot when it comes to human relations and getting along with people. So i feel your pain. I"m usually a nice guy, but i told him off one day because i was fed up with him. He did the same thing. He left and sulked. Unfortunately he does not have a good memory. He was at it again the next time.

Even bought a book titled "how to get along with screwed up people" but finally decided to use the pages of the book for kindling and to just steer clear of people like this. Some people are just screwed up. You're not going to change them. I finally decided life is WAY too short to hang around people like that.
 

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Scarred for life...
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3,295 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
I have taken an unofficial "lead" on the last few projects and this was the source of several heated arguments with him.

After the current project is over, I am going to just stop for a while. I thought about it today and this whole thing is not worth the stress it is causing. When the next project gets screwed up maybe the manager will come to me and ask me to fix it or something and Im going to tell him Im done if he doesnt get rid of this guy.
 
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