does anyone know how to get over with this stuff? i had the girl of my dreams (for now atleast) and her dad came to my house in his cop car and said i cant talk to her or he will arrest me and now i have that on top of my normal winter depression. i cant think, work, play sports without either thinking of her or how bad i messed alot of things up and i just cant be a productive citizen as long as this goes on so i need some help... no suicidal ****...i dont know if like some closure with the girl will help or not? any thing?
depressed as hell
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6,108 Posts
Go out with your freinds or just go out! Being alone makes it worse!
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14,677 Posts
If you are old enough, and have a vehicle take a trip down to the border in Texas for a day or two. Then come home and find a real women that does not depend on daddy. If you are not old enough for the trip. Then don't worry about the small crap and remember at your age everything is small crap. Buck up and grow a set.
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You're not the first one, while I was in college I had one that I though i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, one day she up and left, I was devastated. You'll get over it, go out w/ friends, drink beer and take a road trip w/o planning a destination. Soon you'll learn that she wasn't really for you or this wouldn't have happened, It took a few months for me to get over her then I began to look back and realize that it wasn't right to begin with. I now look back at the one that left me and I'm REALLY glad she did, her leaving was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I now feel sorry for the poor schmuck that married her, they're poor, he's a teacher, she doesn't work and they have 4 kids.....Damn, that could have been me, now I'm REALLY, REALLY glad she left, good riddance......Besides you'll find a better one, everyone does, I found one that's mentally stable, rational, cute, likes guns, scuba diving, camping and most of the other things I like to do, not only that she's a member of Mensa and wants to work!!! It will get better for you.
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Dang Kahn I had forgot that about the one that left me when I went in the Army. Poor and 4 kids.
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Self destructive behavior is NOT survivalist/prepper mentality. You need to have a serious talk with the guy in the mirror and knock it off.
She was the wrong girl for you; there is someone better out there, but if you want her you're going to have to be a man she'd be proud of.
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Been there done that, for me got drunk got wasted did some stupid stuff then met the girl that mattered (3yrs of stupid mind). Guess it just wasnt to be bra move along as swifty and safely as possible, do what you need to do to get it out your system and then when your clean and renewed you'll find her the ONE
Brother, I know how you feel. My wife of six years left me and told all of our friends some things that were very untrue to justify her leaving. It hurts. It just does. Luckily, I had seen some friends and family turn to drugs and alcohol, so I stayed away from drinking to make myself feel better. I had always thought that my ex-wife was the only one for me, my soul mate, but I'm over her now. Just remember, this too shall pass. It always does. Keep hope alive if you really love her, but start shopping again at the same time. Hang in there, and don't forget to pray that God will reveal his plan for you.
"Civilize the mind and make savage the body." -Old Martial Arts Maxim
"Civilize the mind and make savage the body." -Old Martial Arts Maxim
Hang in there man, take it from me when I say all this will pass. Just go out and DO something, preferably with other people to get your mind off things. But what you're doing now by posting is good to, you are recognizing you have a (temporary) problem and looking for constructive help. Try not to pick up and bad habits though, drinking and drugs tend to get expensive!
As a dad, i will tell you her dad has to do what he thinks is best for her, regardless of what either of you think. Make an appointment to sit down and discuss the problem, or write a respectfully well composed letter and ask him why he made the decision he did. Acknowledge that he has the right to do so, you would just like to understand his rationale.
Take this as a life lesson. You will be disappointed many times in life. Get over it, stop dwelling on it and move on.
Take this as a life lesson. You will be disappointed many times in life. Get over it, stop dwelling on it and move on.
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as a father of three girls.....no guy is...or ever will be good enough.....I imagine her father is the same way.......
No offence but if you have these types of problems ( police, fights, yadda yadda yadda ) I would have approached you and said the same thing.....
In my eyes you would be a negative impact to her, and I'm sure he only wants the best for her....
now dont get me wrong I'm not saying that your not a good kid to her and are nice to her ( heck I dont know you) but your actions outside the relationship would trigger my instinct to send you packing...
Good luck on whatever you decide kid, and keep your chin up, life will toss you some ups and downs, just wait for the ups to come along and you'll be thinking positive in no time
No offence but if you have these types of problems ( police, fights, yadda yadda yadda ) I would have approached you and said the same thing.....
In my eyes you would be a negative impact to her, and I'm sure he only wants the best for her....
now dont get me wrong I'm not saying that your not a good kid to her and are nice to her ( heck I dont know you) but your actions outside the relationship would trigger my instinct to send you packing...
Good luck on whatever you decide kid, and keep your chin up, life will toss you some ups and downs, just wait for the ups to come along and you'll be thinking positive in no time
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I gotta agree with Tugger. If your doing somethings now that her dad is afraid may get her hurt or in trouble then he has every right to keep you 2 apart. If you know your making mistakes then you need to sit down and figure out why. Not just for her but for you. Getting in trouble now could keep you from doing what you want to do in the future.
Keep your butt out of trouble, get your grades back up and move on.
Keep your butt out of trouble, get your grades back up and move on.
Don't drown in self pity, I don't mean that offensive, but you should really ask yourself: Do I want to go on like this and maybe be with this girl one day or do I go on with my life and take the best out of it?
Have fun with your friends, take your mind off things. Don't sit around alone. I think that's really important.
Maybe go away for a period of time if it's possible. Just leave all the BS behind for some time. This is what you have to reach eventually.
Keep doing the stuff you did before, don't give in no matter how hard it is.
I hope you'll be ok,
Tim
Have fun with your friends, take your mind off things. Don't sit around alone. I think that's really important.
Maybe go away for a period of time if it's possible. Just leave all the BS behind for some time. This is what you have to reach eventually.
Keep doing the stuff you did before, don't give in no matter how hard it is.
I hope you'll be ok,
Tim
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372 Posts
Hell get use to it.
Before you get them you spend all of your time obsessed with how to get them, and once you get them you spend all of your time obsessed with how to get rid of them.
Its life man, wake up and look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if this is really all it takes to beat you?
If the answer is yes, then go ahead and go curl up in a corner, if the answer is a resounding HELL NO! Then get up, dust yourself off and keep on moving.
Your only as weak as you let yourself be.
Before you get them you spend all of your time obsessed with how to get them, and once you get them you spend all of your time obsessed with how to get rid of them.
Its life man, wake up and look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if this is really all it takes to beat you?
If the answer is yes, then go ahead and go curl up in a corner, if the answer is a resounding HELL NO! Then get up, dust yourself off and keep on moving.
Your only as weak as you let yourself be.
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Well, I'm gonna take a different route in giving advice.
1. You gotta get the self-destructive behaviours under control. If that means not getting into situations (duch as drinking or other drug use, or avoiding certain friends) where you find yourself doing out-of-control things, then that's what you need to focus on.
2. Every time life throws us a curveball, it's an opportunity to do something positive as well as to do something negative. I've had a couple of life-changing ****ty things happen to me in the romantic arena, and the key for me has been to use these events to regroup, and to think about what I really want out of life and out of relationships. Everything, no matter how ****ty, is a learning experieince that can leave you better off in the long run, if you're willing to learn from it.
3. Along with #2 above, use this time to get to know yourself better. Every human being thinks they know themselves pretty well, but most of us actually fall short in this area (This is why religion is so popular!) Knowing yourself is the key to wisdom, AKA learning from what life throws your way, and if you act based on wisdom/self knowledge, you will set yourself up for better outcomes in life, IMO. I gained wisdom & insight by throwing myself into projects, such as becoming a better student or becoming a better friend to those around me. YMMV.
4. I personally don't like SSRI drugs, such as Prozac, Paxil and Effexor, but have found that a drug called Wellbutrin (AKA Buproprion), combined with therapy with someone who is trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, can be very helpful. I know lots of people don't like the idea of getting "professional help" but it does, for most people, produce some good benefits.
5. Most importantly, understand that depression is anger that is turned against the self. Angry people are NOT happy. Becoming less angry, no matter how you achieve the lessening of anger, will allow you to become happier. This is just a fact of life. Getting rid of anger and hate can be really tricky, and requires (like numbers 2 & 3 above) gaining insight about who you are and why you react the way you do to life's situations. Think about the old TV show Kung Fu: was that guy angry? Yes, at first, but as he learned to understand and control his anger, he became a much better martial artist and a more well rounded person. That Kung Fu show was very deep!
Just my two cents, Tom.
1. You gotta get the self-destructive behaviours under control. If that means not getting into situations (duch as drinking or other drug use, or avoiding certain friends) where you find yourself doing out-of-control things, then that's what you need to focus on.
2. Every time life throws us a curveball, it's an opportunity to do something positive as well as to do something negative. I've had a couple of life-changing ****ty things happen to me in the romantic arena, and the key for me has been to use these events to regroup, and to think about what I really want out of life and out of relationships. Everything, no matter how ****ty, is a learning experieince that can leave you better off in the long run, if you're willing to learn from it.
3. Along with #2 above, use this time to get to know yourself better. Every human being thinks they know themselves pretty well, but most of us actually fall short in this area (This is why religion is so popular!) Knowing yourself is the key to wisdom, AKA learning from what life throws your way, and if you act based on wisdom/self knowledge, you will set yourself up for better outcomes in life, IMO. I gained wisdom & insight by throwing myself into projects, such as becoming a better student or becoming a better friend to those around me. YMMV.
4. I personally don't like SSRI drugs, such as Prozac, Paxil and Effexor, but have found that a drug called Wellbutrin (AKA Buproprion), combined with therapy with someone who is trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, can be very helpful. I know lots of people don't like the idea of getting "professional help" but it does, for most people, produce some good benefits.
5. Most importantly, understand that depression is anger that is turned against the self. Angry people are NOT happy. Becoming less angry, no matter how you achieve the lessening of anger, will allow you to become happier. This is just a fact of life. Getting rid of anger and hate can be really tricky, and requires (like numbers 2 & 3 above) gaining insight about who you are and why you react the way you do to life's situations. Think about the old TV show Kung Fu: was that guy angry? Yes, at first, but as he learned to understand and control his anger, he became a much better martial artist and a more well rounded person. That Kung Fu show was very deep!
Just my two cents, Tom.
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