[kev]

Some of you might be wondering where I have been over the past few weeks. While some of you may be wondering, "who is this guy and why should I care?"

72 hours before this picture was taken, this road was covered with about 6 feet of flood water. My mom and dads house is about 75 yards down the road and still has around 18 inches of water in it.

My mom, dad, my brother and I moved into that house when I was about 9 or 10 years old. It has been my home for the past 30 years. We had christmas there, thanksgiving, birthdays, sleep overs when I was a kid - your typical growing up kind of thing.



Mom told me a couple of weeks ago that the house will have to be demolished. The county and the federal government are going to buy the land and set it as part of a wildlife refuge.

Mom and dad had flood insurance, so they have the money to start over with a new house.

My brothers house - about 5 feet of water.

My buddies house - about 2 feet of water.

And I'am having a little hard time dealing with it all.

This is a topic that is not discussed very much. Even if you are not directly affected by a disaster, and some of your friends and family are, the effects can be far reaching. I have found myself sad lately, very sad. My mom and dad, brother and buddy need help, and I live just far enough where I can not just drive down there every day.

In a way I feel guilty, in a way I feel that I have let my family and my friends down.

Even though mom and dad have called Bridge City home for the past 30 years, its time to pack up. They are looking at houses at least 100 miles inland, which is going to be a lot closer to me. And when we get another hurricane they will not have to evacuate, which is something that has been bothering me.

I have not even published a video on youtube in almost a month. There are other factors at play, but my mom things my depression is probably caused by seeing the hell that others have been through.

The last time mom was at my house, we talked for a little bit. She told me she was standing in her house that will have to be torn down, just broke down and cried like a baby. That hurts me that my mom hurts.

So what have I been doing? I have been working on my sons gaming site hot and heavy. Its an online computer game called team fortress. Its a game I have been playing for around 9 years. Over the past few weeks I have been making videos for my sons youtube channel. Playing computer games is something that I enjoy. There is something about blowing someone into little pieces with a rocket launcher that let me relax.

I have also been working on my sons website, and getting it optimized for search engines. Over the past month I have taken his site from page 30+ on google to the front page. If you do a search for team fortress forum on google, the last time I checked his website was on page 1, and #4 out of over 2,000,000 results. There are people that would give their right nut to get on the first page of google, and I have 3 sites.

While I am working on Koreys site, I feel that I am doing something good for him. And when your kids are happy, its easier for you to be happy. When Korey says "Dad we got 5 more member today" - I feel good about that.

Koreys site - Team Fortress Forums

Between the computer games and working on my sons site I feel somewhat better.

The next project is my wifes forum and its going to be a good challenge. Because I can not even find it on google. But oh well, that should not be a problem in a couple of weeks.

We had thanksgiving at my house this year. Mainly because mom and dads, and my brothers house are torn apart on the inside and are not livable, much less have a big dinner with lots of company.

I was supposed to take this thanksgiving weekend and go hunting. But I have not even felt like doing that. Last year, I would have been in the woods all day everyday. But this year, something is different. I feel like my energy is drained. I might go hunting tomorrow morning. The lows tonight are supposed to be around 40 degrees, and we had misting rain all day today. Today would have been great to go hunting, but I was working on a stupid water leak under the sink. Here I sit, asking myself why didnt I go hunting thursday, friday or saturday. Honestly, I dont know. I dont have an answer,

This thread is supposed to be about dealing with depression after a disaster, and in a way it is, at least to me. Because this is how I am dealing with my depression.

 

[farmerswife]

Some experts believe depression comes from constant worry, or anger and frustration about events you cant change.
I believe this is true,especially on the case of death,depression hits a person low, because you cannot bring back that loved one.
It is very sad I can see, from the photo shown, the dilemma that your family is in at this time.I can only say it is good they have insurance, and can rebuild.
I can also say you certainly did the right thing in regard to dealing with the depression, because participating in family activities is one of the best ways toe stave off the dark thoughts.Farmer suffered depression, after his father was killed on our place,and then we had drought for years and had to sell stock, but he was like you, and spent quality time with the family and now he reaps the benefits.and the depression has lifted.We encourage you to keep up the good work.
God Bless
Farmerswife and Farmer

 

[Herne]

I'm with you kev. Don't neglect to keep in contact with your friends. They will probably give you the space they think you want/need and not 'bother' you much, but they are *there*. So, reach out to them, even if it's just to say hi how ya doin. Farmer's Wife is very correct also - family will always understand, and even though they are going thru their own stuff, sharing your respective problems with each other is a massive help.

Per you OP, you might be saying who is this guy who thinks he has the answers. Well he's a Carer for people with mental health problems like depression and bi-polar, who just sat thru the five week trial of the guy who murdered his brother. Hence me saying I'm with you. But, this isn't about me.

Take the time to do 'normal' things mate, like hunting and bush-walking, whatever. You will have to force yourself to get out of bed some days - that's how the Black Dog is. Also, try not to listen to anyone who says 'snap out of it bud'; that is *not* how it works. Keep friends close and family closer. You have a lot of friends on here, even if you have not met them. This forum has helped me a lot, so thank you for that. Don't be ashamed to see your MD, or your pastor either.

I just know without asking that I speak for the whole forum in saying we are with you in spirit, and your family is in our prayers and/or thoughts.

Bright Blessings, Herne

 

[d6165]

Kev, Take your time do your thing spend it with the family and friends. Get out there and do what ever it takes to make yourself feel better. Help your son with his site and be proud of what is accomplished. Each little ray of sunshine is a turn in the right direction. So when you have time and you are ready we will still be here.

D.

 

[MK-9]

Do what you can, when you can. It's hard and I definitely know the feeling of not being able to do more when you think you should be.

Losing something that close to you for so long even something like a house, I would think is in the same line of grief as a sort of 'death' to you and the family. So like any major issue with grief you'll probably go through the stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Those all sure proved true when I went through my divorce. Talking about it with the family and just plain old time will help heal it. Or I could very well not have a clue what I'm talking about. Seems to happen from time to time.

So, it's good you're doing things to get your mind off of it and no doubt your son is benefiting from the time spent with you.

I hope things turn out as best they can Kev. Good luck.

 

[countryboy123]

Kev,

I have had reason to be depressed most of my life but for whatever reason I just was able to keep moving forward and compartmentalize everything and do whatever it took to continue on. When things calmed down, I was able to come back to the source of my depression and work through it in my mind.

For me, my kids are the best therapy. They have a way of just ripping whatever I'm worried about out of my hand and demanding that I pay attention to them. I woke up this morning dreaming about my kids and cant wait until they get back from their mothers this afternoon at 5PM.

BTW we didn't celebrate Thanksgiving...at least not yet. We don't celebrate any holidays when the kids aren't here. My mother and brother will come to my house Tuesday and we will have our Thanksgiving then.

My point here is I am very much dependent on my kids for my happiness. I know they will grow up and leave me someday but not anytime soon and I really enjoy every minute with them.

Of course its hard to take my son fishing when my daughter wants to wear her punk glam outfit and try different fingernail polishes all day, but we figure that out.

My little girl usually ends up looking like a Marilyn Manson reject with a fishing pole in her hand...

I guess I tend to focus on one thing a lot and that makes it hard to see the rest of the world sometimes. My kids, among other things help me to stop sometimes and enjoy life.

I know you got remarried. For me and for this place, I don't see that happening for me. You seem to have a decent woman who is there for you. Maybe that's a Texas thing. The women here honestly are almost all out for money and will use a man for all they can get from him and then leave. Honestly, I know probably 100 women and I wouldn't waste a second on any of them.

Count yourself lucky if your wife loves you and treats you decent and doesn't sleep with every guy in the neighborhood while your at work...lol

I would not even consider going to the Doctor about depression. I work in the medical field and they do keep track of who comes in for depression. Eventually they will figure out how to use that to take your guns away from you, etc.

If you think you need some help, take St Johns Wort. Some might laugh at that but the stuff works. For me I notice a difference after about 18 to 24 hours and for my mother she doesn't feel it for 2 days. The point here is it is natural and it works, IMO just as good or better than many Rx drugs.

You don't have to take it for months at a time. You can take it just so you can have a pleasant meeting with people you don't like, or something along those lines...

It does make your skin sensitive to the sun. In direct sunlight, my skin feels like it has a mild case of sunburn.

Anyway don't think you are the first to go through this. Talk to your friends and stay busy. Work an extra shift at work or drag your wife out shopping. Do things that take your mind off things.

Take care.

 

[msc]

Peace, good Sir

 

[test]

I am assuming that yours is situational and not endogenous [organic], like mine. I have a lifetime of experience with that phenomenon.

Notwithstanding the organic nature of mine, I have indeed noticed certain things about forms of depression:

1) Bad times and circumstances are transient. They do not go on, ad infinitum, Kev. I keep that foremost in mind, for therein lies HOPE.

2) I have noticed [both in myself and others, in crisis and suicide counseling work] that, when strongly negative emotion pervades the mind, it tends to act like something of a 'polarizing lens', a selective filter, if you will.

A polarizing lens filters out certain...manifestations of light, while allowing the presence of some light.

In like fashion, strongly negative emotional states filter out most or all of that which is POSITIVE and potentially good, in life. That is a very dangerous state of mind and while I am in no way suggesting that you are actually suicidal, this has actually killed many, by their own hand.

The commonly given advice of "Think POSITIVE" therefore, is not so trite, after all.

3) It has not been beneath me to seek out help, during the roughest of times, in my life. Pride can literally kill, if allowed to.

I am a strong and tough woman in many a way, but excruciatingly weak, in a number of areas. I am oft emotionally very vulnerable and strongly affected by things which should not really be affecting me so adversely, emotionally.

I have noticed that it is very often crucial and helpful to have a more detached, 'objective' perspective presented to me. This can take the form of a good therapist, or a good and trusted friend.

I have found that it sometimes is actually dangerous not to do this. I have learned via painful experience, when to seek help.

4) Diversion can be both useful and it can be counterproductive. It does divert the mind from that which is temporarily bad in my life, but it can also have the effect of being only a transient palliation, for once the diversion is finished, I am left with my original difficulty.

I myself, find much solace in work. Notwithstanding the transient effect, such diversions help me.

5) Physical exercise, in whatever form, helps me considerably. Studies have shown that such has the effect of facilitating the release of endorphins, in the mind.

6) Humor heals, believe it or not, as sometimes difficult to find that it can be.

7) As trite as it sounds, time also heals. I find that if I can persevere through the acute distress which that I am undergoing, my state of mind will inevitably improve.

8) Sometimes, medication, even if only through the period of acute distress, can help. These medications [anti-depressants, mood-stabilizers and the like] have a 'bad rap' but in reality, they can help considerably.

I speak from experience, for my own depression is organic and therefore chronic, necessitating such medication. I know firsthand how effective these medications can be.

Very often, they are prescribed for temporary difficulties, in one's life.

It is not indicative of weakness of character for to seek help, but of strength, in that you are courageously looking within and facing yourself and acknowledging personal, human weakness, weakness that every one of us is beset with, in our own unique perspectives.

Rhonda

 

[Perkolady]

Kev,
I'm just a newbie here, but my heart goes out to you. My family went through a terrible flood disaster when I was young. It was really devastating to us all, and we each had a tough time dealing with things in a lot of ways.

It's rough when life the way we are used to, suddenly isn't the same and those changes are forced onto us by something like this.

There is a lot of loss to deal with in these things. Besides the more obvious things lost, I think there is a mourning process that we go through as well, and that can be very unique to each of us.

It can be very difficult to deal with regular everyday things with this weighing heavily on anyone's shoulders, but from what you say, you're finding your own way of dealing with things and moving forward. Just please take one day at a time, as they say.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family during this time...

God bless you and yours,
Perkolady

 

[bretandteri]

Kev,
As I read your post, I felt your pain and my eyes welled up in tears as you described your pain.

These turbulent times have caused a strong sense of unrest in me. Yes, I am prepping and learning, but I was yearning for some sense of peace within. I turned it all over to God this morning. At church this morning, the last hymn we sang was "It is Well with my Soul" and tears streamed down my face as I sang and worshipped. I went to church today with a very open heart and god answered my prayer for peace.

I wanted to share the lyrics of a great song by Casting Crowns called Praise You in This Storm. I am praying for peace for you in this storm you are surrounded in. God Bless You, Kev.

Praise You in this Storm by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Chorus:
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth

 

[silentmaster101]

Hey, you know what i do when things get tough? aside from gaming, which i do a fair share of, i like to just take a long walk out into the middle of the woods, and then spend a few hours where i end up. sometimes i sit and think, sometimes i block eveything from my head and just watch nature, sometimes i yell, scream, cry whatever. the same thing doesnt always work so i have to try them till one does. when i am angry though i go shoot **** with a gun at the range.

 

[texjen]

I thought you were kinda scarce here lately. Count your blessings, as in life. Praying for you and your family. This too, shall pass....my friend.

 

[RosesInWinter]

It's normal and natural to be depressed... sometimes things just need time.

It WILL get better.

 

[MountainMan]

Kev,
Sometimes all that is needed is to know that others are willing to try to share your pain. My heart goes out to you and yours and I hope that all will become well with them in short order. Sometimes lifes worst moments are merely the start of the solution to other potential problems. Getting your family closer to you and further from potential natural disasters could prove to be the best thing ever. It could be God's blessing to you for starting this site that has helped so many people in so many ways.

With most things I try to offer a strong shoulder to lean on rather than solutions;however, in this case I will go out on a limb and offer some advice. In the last several years I have been put through the emotional wringger. Several friends (about one every other year for the last 12 years) have tragically died. My best friend and mentor died 10 years ago this last weekend. He dropped dead of a pulmonary embolism due to a blood disorder that caused him to clot too easily. It took him in the prime of his life and I miss him painfully every day. Visiting his grave last week caused me to sob like a baby. The hurt never goes away nor should it. Another friend was killed in a car accident (I think that he was run off the road since he was turning states evidence in a huge drug ring bust.) He died 11 days before he was to be married. ALL the others died by their own hands due to depression (the latest was last Wednesday). Depression is a monster that slowly weakens you and then pounces when you are least capable of resisting.

Kev, get some sunlight. If it is grey and cloudy then go get in a tanning bed. The outdoor light or tanning bed light will change you hormonally. Humans, specifically ones of northern european decent are very sensative to loss of light exposure. As mammals we have changes in the same hormones that trigger other animals to hibernate. Those changes cause us to slow down in the winter. 150+ years ago that slowdown would keep us from going crazy when snowed in for the winter. 4-6 hours of being awake would be more than enough. With our modern life a person that sleeps 18-20 hours a day would be considered 'depressed'. Exposure to full specturm light fights that natural slowdown of the body.

If you can't be with the family every day CALL THEM! If they bring you down then be careful between supporting them and keeping yourself sane.

Find someone strong to lean on. You WILL get support from them and they can carry you through.

Talk about your troubles and pains ALOT. DO NOT BURY YOUR CONCERNS!!!! That will kill you.

Luck

 

[dayliterun]

Best to you and yours Kev. I have lost major "life marks" too if you will. The house I grew up in was blown apart by lightning. (Tin roof). Lost my father and a brother with a couple years. I go back occaisionally to where I grew up, see it going to hell with urban sprawl/blight.

All you can do is keep going. Eventually the pain subsides. Keeping busy helps me.

 

[Squaw]

Of corse you are depressed, you are grieving the loss of your childhood home, you are grieving for your parents and brothers loss as well. Reaching out works wonders and you will know when it is time to let go. I am sorry for your loss. I always look to the the saying " Reason, Season, or a Life Time", look it up on the net it is pretty cool. Blessings to you & yours.

 

[Flynn]

Do what you can for others, and always remember that the people who made your childhood home the special place it was are still with you, because actually the people you love make the memories you will have forever. All those people are what actually make a house a home. Importantly, always have some Kev time - time to recharge and do what you need to do for yourself. Go hunting; do what you need to do because once you take care of yourself, you will find you are in a better position to help take care of those you love.

 

[Swamp Shuck]

I will light a candle for your family and for your health as well. What's that line from that song? Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. It's the end that hurts. Best of luck to you and yours.

BLT

 

[Swamp Shuck]

So I just thought I'd bring this back to the top and see if Kev is around and how is he and the family doing? Let us know how everything is going in the aftermath of the hurricane season if you have the time. I know I miss you on new videos but I understand when life takes another turn.

blt