[GrizzlyetteAdams]

Reposted from The Big Thread:



cdevidal posted:

So, yeah. Medical professionals are now picking up masks from auto parts stores

"I found 10 masks at a WestBay Autoparts store locally and took them to my coworkers today."

https://www.reddit.com/r/China_Flu/comments/fcxx78/just_when_you_think_youve_seen_it_all/

Justme11 replied:

Maybe they will start getting all their stuff at the parts store?

OK, ready for heart bypass surgery.
Give me the Gumout and a shop towel to prep the skin.
Xacto blade.
Needle nose
small vice grips.
Prybar.
Hose clamp and nut driver.
MORE SHOP TOWELS!
MEDIUM VICE GRIPS!
WE'RE LOSING HIM!

1 AMP OF BARR'S RADIATOR LEAK STOP STAT!

OK, that got it stopped.
windshield wiper hose and 3-0 silk.
mechanic's lock wire to close.
Duct tape,
a little more Gumout.

Aah, another successful bypass.

.

 

[GrizzlyetteAdams]

 

[Calm]

Police Departments Are Spreading Coronavirus Misinformation As A Joke


CORONAVIRUS
Police Departments Are Spreading Coronavirus Misinformation As A Joke

One department said it was trying to trick people into turning in their drugs.
BuzzFeed News
Two dozen police departments, 10 journalists and radio stations, one Army substance abuse program, and a candidate for local sheriff have spread a claim on Facebook about meth possibly being contaminated with the novel coronavirus.


“P.S.A WARNING: If you have recently purchased Meth, it may be contaminated with the Corona Virus. Please take it to the Merrill Police Department and we will test it for free,” said the most popular post from the Merrill Police Department in Wisconsin, which has been shared over 6,500 times and further spread through screenshots.

The police department later updated the post, saying it was made in an attempt to trick people into bringing their meth to the station. The department said that “this attempt, although a long shot, still had some possibility behind it.”

 

[GrizzlyetteAdams]

Haha! I remember reading that news story. This happened in Arkansas as well. Must be making the rounds!

 

[GrizzlyetteAdams]

This thread won't be complete without this meme:

 

[SamSnead]

 

[Calm]

 

[Calm]

https://imglore.com/media/2254180601778504308 man arrested in Florida with the threat to cough on police officers.

 

[GrizzlyetteAdams]

A little humor for the day...



NEIL DIAMOND: touching hands
CDC: no don’t touch hands
NEIL DIAMOND: reaching out
CDC: please avoid that
NEIL DIAMOND: TOUCHING YOU-
CDC: everyone is Boston is doomed



STING: Don't stand
Don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
CDC: Now you're talkin

STING: Every breath you take, every move you make...
CDC: Yes, we will be watching you.



Proclaimers:
But I would walk 500 miles
and I would walk 500 more
just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
to fall down at your door
CDC: Please quarantine in place



MC Hammer: You can't touch this
CDC: Not without proper sterilization and washing hands



JIM MORRISON: COME ON, COME ON, COME ON NOW TOUCH ME, BABY!
CDC: That is not advised.
JIM MORRISON: CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I AM NOT AFRAID?
CDC: Immaterial.



Phil Collins: She seems to have an invisible touch
CDC: get her into quarantine immediately!



Pink Floyd: HEY YOU
CDC: now what
Pink Floyd: out there on your own
CDC: ok, self quarantined, not so bad


Pink Floyd: sitting naked by the phone WOULD YOU TOUCH ME
CDC: @$%&^

EXILE: I want to kiss you all over
CDC: Absolutely not.


EXILE: and over again.
CDC: $%%&&^ %$$#@$%^



Alanis: Cause I got one hand in my pocket.
CDC: Make sure it's sanitized.
Alanis: And the other one is giving a high five.
CDC: That's it. I quit!



MILEY: It's a Party in the USA!
CDC: You really should avoid large gatherings.
MILEY: My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick!
CDC: See! What did I tell you?



Bon Jovi: Your love is like bad medicine.
CDC: We're actually still trying to find the cure.
Bon Jovi: Bad medicine is what I need.
CDC: It most certainly is not.



BEATLES: Yeah you, got that something, I think you'll understand
CDC: It's Covid-19
BEATLES: I wanna hold your hand
CDC: Not advisable
BEATLES: I wanna hold your hand
CDC: Noooo



Eddie Money: Take me home tonight!
CDC: NO!



Foreigner: I’M HOT-BLOODED! Check it and see.
CDC: Well, yes, we do advise constant monitoring of body temperature.
Foreigner: I’VE GOT A FEVER OF A HUNDRED AND THREE!
CDC: Why are you still singing? Can we get an ambulance here? Right away?



Robert Palmer: Doctor, doctor, give me the news. I've got.a bad case
CDC: Oh no...
Palmer: Of loving you
CDC: *sigh of relief*



Nine Inch Nails: (Closer)
CDC: :xeye:



(copied from a friend who copied from a friend who copied from... Twitter, I think? )

 

[cdevidal]

I'm dealing with that Chinese disease: Yung No Mo

 

[InOmaha]

 

[cdevidal]

Some humor directly from the CDC themselves.

Hulk Hogan, careful not to cross the seal, brother

https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/npptl/pdfs/FacialHairWmask11282017-508.pdf

 

[SAHMofTwins]

One reason to read those handwashing posters carefully.

I want to make up my own!

 

[cdevidal]

Or you can cuss into the verbal morality statutes squawk box, but that paper isn't very soft

 

[GrizzlyetteAdams]

This sign was seen in a public restroom in good ol' Texas:

TEXAS CORONAVIRUS PREVENTION



Wash your hands like you just got done slicing jalapenos

for a batch of nachos and you need to take your contact lens out.

(That's 20 seconds of scrubbing, y'all)​

 

[TXplowgirl]

1 of my favorite Youtube channels. Wanda meant it to be kinda joking making fun of those who are hoarding toilet paper but I actually like the idea and I might just do it.

 

[GrayFoal2]

"Welcome to COVID-19, where reports are made up and the numbers don't matter!"

 

[BrettTheOkie]

 

[GrayFoal2]

One reason to read those handwashing posters carefully. I want to make up my own!

Here's a Catholic version:

 

[Bittersweet]

cdevidal made me do it

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ESiPjS0UUAEuA4w?format=jpg&name=small