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Best Knife Warranty I've Ever Read!

6140 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  exspooky
This is taken from Mad Mike's Cloak & Dagger Sharp Pointy Things Section:

Care and Feeding of your Knife:


Congratulations on plonking down money with me!

I appreciate it.

Never have enough.

My knife guarantee: I guarantee it's a knife. I don't guarantee it's a crowbar, a screwdriver, a chisel, or any other industrial tool. It may do a handy job of those things in an emergency, but it's designed to cut, thrust, chop lightly and slice. Using it otherwise will result in undesirable results--either broken stuff, or broken knife. In that case, you can give me more money.

I appreciate it.

Never have enough.

If it WAS a bona fide emergency, I'll likely repair or replace any damage for free for the advertising, but this is on a case by case basis, and I expect to see the chips in the bear's teeth where he chomped it up to your elbow. At least a professionally retouched photo, anyhow.

Unless you purchased this as a throwing knife, it is not a throwing knife. I harken back to Damien de Folo's sage advice to "Never throw anything better than a second rate knife at someone unless you have a fully loaded gun in the other hand, and even then, think twice." As I don't make second rate knives, I don't make throwing knives, and this is not a throwing knife. Throwing it voids the warranty. You may chip it, bend it, crack the handles. In that case, you can give me more money.

I appreciate it.

Never have enough.

When I say "sharp," I mean @#$%#$$%$%%^ SHARP. I test them by shaving my arms. When I run out of arm hair, I test them by shaving my legs. When I run out of leg hair...but you get the idea. It's a BAAAAD idea to test one by running your thumb across it. In that case, you can give a doctor money. This is bad, because all money should be given to me.

I appreciate it.

Never have enough.

Don't sharpen it with power tools unless you are an expert. I are an expert. You probably are not. If you screw up the edge, it can probably be reground/rebeveled/retempered, depending on how liberal a job you did. But you'll have to give me more money.

I appreciate it.

Never have enough.

Any sharpening should only be to touch it up, unless you violated paragraphs 2, 4, or 6. If so...but you know. Touch it up with a medium Arkansas stone (Novaculite, I sell them for $3), A Norton Water Stone ($20ish, and well worth it), or a good diamond sharpener (Lansky, GATCO or DMT, $30-$60ish and well worth it). All these can and should be purchased from me for more money.

I appreciate it.

Never have enough.

Routine maintenance involves storing the knife away from the leather sheath (if you got the leather option as opposed to nylon or Kydex) to prevent acid attacks from the humidity combining with tannin in the leather. Also keep it clean, dry, (tomatoes and blood are bad, so any sacrificial tomato juice should be cleaned off immediately) and lightly oiled. This means wet lightly all over the steel with oil, then wiped dry. I recommend Break Free, other gun oils, knife oils, machine oils, any oil on hand rather than none, and if you plan to eat with it, clean the factory Break Free off with soap and water and re-oil with an edible oil that won't go rancid--peanut, etc. Not vegetable oil. Yes, this applies to stainless blades, too. nothing is totally stainless. Wooden handles benefit from occasional lemon oil or paste wax. Leather sheaths need occasional mink oil or saddle soap. If you start seeing cracks on the natural surface, it's time to oil it.

Advice is free, so contact me. Failing to take the free advice can result in costly repairs, which mean giving me money. I appreciate it. Never have enough.

In Summary:

* Knife, not tire iron

* Do not throw at cinderblocks, trees, or little sisters, even if they REALLY annoy you

* Sharpen carefully or professionally

* Keep clean, dry, and away from leather when not worn

* Keep it for your very own. Love it and hug it and hold it and kiss it and squeeze it and pet it and call it George. Call it anydamnthing you want. You paid for it.

* Give me money as often as you can.

I appreciate it.

Never have enough.
Emphasis mine!
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Funny!

The first thing I ask when someone wants to borrow my knife - WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT? It might sound stupid but I can't tell you how many times I've had to say NO!

Oh, this screw is loose, I need to cut this bailing wire, I need to get this nail out... NOPE!
That's what other tools are for - NOT MY KNIFE! :eek:

Now in an emergency... I'll have to think about it for a while.

Thanks for the posting! :thumb:

:upsidedown:
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That has to be one of the best warranty/disclaimers I have ever seen!! LMAO!!:thumb: I am half tempted to post that on a knife forum I am a member of!!
knife warranty

I like what I read in the BUCK knife literature" A knife is the weakest ,most expensive,poorly designed prying tool you will ever own."I have used that line just about every time I refused to lend a knife and before I got the proper tool for the job at hand.
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