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Scarred for life...
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What are my options with regard to my ex wife being a drug addict?

My children are required by court order to spend alternate weekends at their mothers. I bring my children to a local police station for the handovers because in the past she has tried to call the police on me and state that I hit her or something.

In the past she has gone so far as to blacken her own eyes so she could say I did it. In the instance I speak of, I just so happened to be in another state when she said I broke into her house and beat her up.

Anyway, she has recently dropped about 120 pounds and she has pretty much lost all of her teeth, especially in the front. While this does point to meth addiction, it is not proof. The proof I have is not admissible in court, although it is irrefutable.

Basically she has been treated for meth addiction at least three times at a local hospital. While something like this is common knowledge, it is still not admissible in court.

She went though a period in 2001 to 2002 of crack addiction as well.

What can I do to get something done about this? Im looking for constructive advice. What can I do?
 

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Behind Enemy Lines
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I'm not a female, but I can honestly say and say this with pride...she needs to be evaluated by a very good doctor to see what the hell is wrong with her. Dont take it as offensive, but the little knowledge you have given off, she needs some desperate help.

If possible, try to get ALL connections cut off with her. You dont want your kids around a mother like that. I know I wouldnt. Best of luck to you, thouh.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
If possible, try to get ALL connections cut off with her. You dont want your kids around a mother like that. I know I wouldnt. Best of luck to you, thouh.


Easier said than done.

The court has already sided with me in most ways but they still wont remove them from having to go down there.

The rights of the parent to see the children seem to outweigh the right of the children to be safe.
 

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Has she been arrested yet? because, I believe if she has been and found with drugs on her person then, I believe you can use that in court to get full custody. But, your best bet is to contact an attorney to be sure.
 

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Bleach blonde on fire :p
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Ask the court to do a drug test, bring any documentation that you have from previous treatments for proof of a existing problem (althought the info itself is not admissible in court is a reasont he court may order a drug test). How old are your children? Can you ask them if Mom does anything "funny" when they are at her house? Make a Social services call on her from a pay phone, be specific that you beleive your "neighbor-her" is doing drugs and you are worried about her children that come and stay with her on there weekend. Make sure you make the annonamous call during the weekend she has them and then make the court appeal official the next week asking to get her tested.

This is commonly used in our area to reveal drug abusers that have temp custody of there children by the main custodial parent. DSS is required to do a check on children that may be in harms way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Has she been arrested yet? because, I believe if she has been and found with drugs on her person then, I believe you can use that in court to get full custody. But, your best bet is to contact an attorney to be sure.


I already have full legal and full physical custody.

I have access to a criminal search database and she is not on it.

I do know she is providing a false name when she presents for treatment for her meth habit. Also she does have a criminal record but for whatever reason it is not in any database i have access to.

Could I get a cop to look at her, just have a short conversation so he could see her teeth? I doubt they could or would do anything even if they knew she was an addict but Id like to do something.

Ive checked on testing for meth addiction and it leaves your system after 5 days and she would just shave her head like she did last time...
 

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Ask the court to do a drug test, bring any documentation that you have from previous treatments for proof of a existing problem (althought the info itself is not admissible in court is a reasont he court may order a drug test). How old are your children? Can you ask them if Mom does anything "funny" when they are at her house? Make a Social services call on her from a pay phone, be specific that you beleive your "neighbor-her" is doing drugs and you are worried about her children that come and stay with her on there weekend. Make sure you make the annonamous call during the weekend she has them and then make the court appeal official the next week asking to get her tested.

This is commonly used in our area to reveal drug abusers that have temp custody of there children by the main custodial parent. DSS is required to do a check on children that may be in harms way.
That is a great idea. Social services have a certian time frame to follow up on any calls. Are there any family members or friends that see your ex and are concerned also? They can also call Social Services. Make sure an attorney follows up to see what social services did. For some reason things get swept under the rug on occasion. What a terrible siutation for your children.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Ask the court to do a drug test, bring any documentation that you have from previous treatments for proof of a existing problem (althought the info itself is not admissible in court is a reasont he court may order a drug test). How old are your children? Can you ask them if Mom does anything "funny" when they are at her house? Make a Social services call on her from a pay phone, be specific that you beleive your "neighbor-her" is doing drugs and you are worried about her children that come and stay with her on there weekend. Make sure you make the annonamous call during the weekend she has them and then make the court appeal official the next week asking to get her tested.

This is commonly used in our area to reveal drug abusers that have temp custody of there children by the main custodial parent. DSS is required to do a check on children that may be in harms way.


I can not bring in any documentation. The way I know about her meth treatments is only semi legal at best and could get some nurses in a lot of trouble if it came out that they were providing confidential patient info.

My daughter is 14 and my son is 12. Yes they have told me of quite a few odd happenings at their mothers' house.

I think I will take your advice concerning the telephone call though.
 

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Are your children old enough to ask the judge to not see her? Perhaps they do still want to see their mother, but if she is in the state you describe I can't imagine they would.
 

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I can not bring in any documentation. The way I know about her meth treatments is only semi legal at best and could get some nurses in a lot of trouble if it came out that they were providing confidential patient info.

My daughter is 14 and my son is 12. Yes they have told me of quite a few odd happenings at their mothers' house.

I think I will take your advice concerning the telephone call though.
The children are old enough to testify in court about there mothers odd behavior. I know that you may not want to put them throught that but it may be for the best in long run. You have ot think about how at risk they will be while with her and way the odds of them testifying vs not testifying.

My prayers are with in your families time of need, hope everything works out for the best.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Are your children old enough to ask the judge to not see her? Perhaps they do still want to see their mother, but if she is in the state you describe I can't imagine they would.


In this state a judge can "consider" the wishes of a child only after that child has turned 13. Believe me I checked.

My son is 12 and wont turn 13 until July next year.

My son wants nothing at all to do with his mother.

My daughter has been to counseling 3 times because of her mother. The last counselor told me she had never seen a daughter so completely alienate from her mother and so completely dependent on her father for emotional support.

She still has a lot of problems with her mother stemming from some things that happened when she was doing the crack, but she still wavers when I ask her about not seeing her mother and i dont want to push it...
 

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A police officer wouldn't be able to testify because she is missing teeth. but, what you could do is hire a private investigator. seems to me that she is a pretty crafty drug abuser. sooner or later the drugs will affect her thinking she'll slip up and get caught. I feel for you. I know as a father myself I would go crazy fearing for my childs safety. So, either i would hire a private investigator or I would borrow a friends car follow her wait for her to purchase drugs and call the cops as a concerned citizen (with a disposable cell phone) Tell them you just witnessed a drug deal and give them her description.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
So if DSS gets an anonymous call this evening, they will investigate it this weekend?

Please give me a timetable...if they get the call say at 3PM today, how long do they have to investigate it?

Is there a legal mandate for how they must treat anonymous calls like this?
 

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Sorry for your situation. Soemtimes drug users generally have other problems and issues with what they think perceive to be "authority". If she doesn't pay her phone bill or lights, could argue in home its unsafe. If she has no food in the house, Social Services may intervene. If she has loads of prescription meds, kids can find out. Most drug users have smashed up cars and some eventually lose their license. All might help you in court or get Social Services involved. Once in court, just let her be herself..........

Court also consider the best interests of the child. Maybe you can get them involved in a club or group that only meets during her visitation periods? Good luck and peace.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Sorry for your situation. Soemtimes drug users generally have other problems and issues with what they think perceive to be "authority". If she doesn't pay her phone bill or lights, could argue in home its unsafe. If she has no food in the house, Social Services may intervene. If she has loads of prescription meds, kids can find out. Most drug users have smashed up cars and some eventually lose their license. All might help you in court or get Social Services involved. Once in court, just let her be herself..........

Court also consider the best interests of the child. Maybe you can get them involved in a club or group that only meets during her visitation periods? Good luck and peace.



I know she doesn't own a car that runs anymore. She drives her mothers car.

Her house (which I bought BTW) recently suffered some major damage in a storm and she spent the repair money on something else and now the roof leaks and there is major water damage over and above the original damage to the house.

My son joined the cub scouts and my daughter was on the school basketball team, but their mother nixed that when she wouldn't let them go to a function on her weekend visitation.
 

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The call to DSS is a very good idea.

In addition you could try this:

I have a friend that has custody of his son, he is now in a stable relationship and the kid is fine as long as he is with the dad and his new partner. His Ex has a few drug problems and the son doesn't want to see his mom. My friend looked into that and found that he has to explain to the child that a custody agreement is in place and that he (the dad) feels that it is important that child maintain contact with the mom just like the agreement and courts call for. However no one can force you (the child) to do anything that you are not comfortable with. In his case the child asked "so I don't have to go" The dad responded no I didn't say that and reiterated that he has to tell the child that the agreement says that he should see his mom. The kid figured it out and refused to go. The dad told me that you have to be very careful how you do this and that he could not in any way council his son not to see his mother. And that the child had to decide on his own.

I don't know if something that that would work for you, but it did work in Canada.

Good luck.

Kevin.

T
 

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So if DSS gets an anonymous call this evening, they will investigate it this weekend?

Please give me a timetable...if they get the call say at 3PM today, how long do they have to investigate it?

Is there a legal mandate for how they must treat anonymous calls like this?
If I'm not mistaken it does happen quickly. A friend of mine had DSS called on her by a neighbor (the neighbor was totally out of line and didn't know of what he was speaking...) and DSS showed up within a couple of hours.
 

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The system is still unfortunately biased towards females... Just waiting for an uproar from some women here over that comment But it is the truth. Things have improved but it's still not an even thing. I've experienced it first hand as well. Her head could freely rotate on her neck while she holds a blood splattered axe in her hand but she would still be given rights that you wouldn't if the rolls were reversed.

Family courts or whatever you have are supposed to have priorities in this order...
1)Child
2)Equally judged parents

Unfortunately my experience and others shows it's more like this...
1)Mother
2)Father
3)Child

Judgments in these cases might be so much better if they actually saw the child as the number 1 priority as they are supposed too then judged the parents on evidence / testimonials without knowing what gender they were. Might actually get some fair results then.

All that said and done though, I don't condone children being removed from parents unless in extreme cases. When normal parents are dragged over the coals and have their lives shattered by nothing but an anonymous call or a social worker with a grudge, it's time to have the system / worker severely spanked and reined in.

Anyway, at the very least any visits should be fully supervised with the ex and in a neutral environment until she's cleaned up her act... gah... Sorry, ended up being a rant instead of helping. :(
 

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And I've got a friend who's husband was fondling their six year old daughter and she could not get the court to stop visitation. The judge decided the child had been "coached". Until much later when the daughter was diagnosed at the ER with an STD and genital trauma.
Sick and sad.

Not all women are bad.
Not all men are bad.
Some of each are just freakin' evil.

The problem comes in when judges make assumptions based on their own personal experience or beliefs rather than evidence and the words of the child.
Family court lacks sufficient means of appeal, leaving guys like Countryboy123 and women like my friend too few options if they are getting a bad deal. The family court system in most states are just ridiculously inadequate and the judges given way too much personal discretion and power.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
And I've got a friend who's husband was fondling their six year old daughter and she could not get the court to stop visitation. The judge decided the child had been "coached". Until much later when the daughter was diagnosed at the ER with an STD and genital trauma.
Sick and sad.

Not all women are bad.
Not all men are bad.
Some of each are just freakin' evil.

The problem comes in when judges make assumptions based on their own personal experience or beliefs rather than evidence and the words of the child.
Family court lacks sufficient means of appeal, leaving guys like Countryboy123 and women like my friend too few options if they are getting a bad deal. The family court system in most states are just ridiculously inadequate and the judges given way too much personal discretion and power.



My daughter was made to watch her mother have sex with some black guy she picked up when she was 6. Her mother held her by the arm and forced her to watch the whole thing.

I took it to DSS and made a stink about it and they basically just swept it under the rug.

Apparently the way I had described it made it sound like they were going to persecute her for having sex with a black guy as opposed to her forcing her 6 year old daughter to watch.

At any rate absolutely nothing came of it.
 
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