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Why am I banned!!! Zombienation Site Information & Suggestion Box 15 08-16-2012 11:09 AM

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Old 05-04-2013, 12:11 PM
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I thought this was cute.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the staff passed out.
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Old 05-04-2013, 12:17 PM
CAPTAMERICA77 CAPTAMERICA77 is offline
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I am glad to see I am not the only one who was banned for this kind of stuff. Targets next!!!!
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Old 05-04-2013, 12:18 PM
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Had a great laugh. I passed it on to some friends. Retirement is a dangerous time. Idle hands are the devil's workshop.
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Old 05-04-2013, 12:20 PM
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Read that before but it is a classic, love it
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Old 05-04-2013, 12:37 PM
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I'll have to try a few of those...
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Old 05-06-2013, 01:21 PM
Lylac_Krazy Lylac_Krazy is offline
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I will have to try #16 next time i'm in that situation..
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:09 PM
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Take the "try me" stickers off of toys.......and put them on boxes of condoms
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:15 PM
Kailani Kailani is offline
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What's Walmart?
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:26 PM
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16 reasons why my wife goes by herself - she doesn't worry about anything happening as long as I am not in the store.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailani View Post
What's Walmart?
Proof positive that dear Kailani lives in Paradise!

To quote the airhead princess of the world - Paris Hilton - "What's
Walmart? Do they sell walls?"

LOL!

K - Walmart is the largest chain store in the US. Lots of goodies at prices which usually reflects the quality of said item.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:30 AM
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LMFAO! I've done #14 before!
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:42 AM
Kailani Kailani is offline
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Jelsey, I know what Walmart is. I was just being sarcastic. I don't shop there though. I prefer Target 10x more. They always have everything stock, the employees are actually helpful, and the prices are just about the same.
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Old 05-14-2013, 06:27 AM
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Cool Hand Cool Hand is offline
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Walbigot much?
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Old 05-14-2013, 10:39 AM
hawg68 hawg68 is offline
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I don't suppose your the gut that slipped the k-y in my cart. Didn't catch your adress.
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Old 05-14-2013, 11:18 AM
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Hehe.....he said gut....
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Old 05-14-2013, 11:24 AM
hawg68 hawg68 is offline
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hard to type with clenched fists
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Old 05-14-2013, 12:06 PM
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Take the little magnetized bars that set off the alarms off of items and throw them in peoples carts, and little kids hoods.

Enjoy
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Old 05-19-2013, 01:55 PM
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Hawaii has the largest Wal-Mart store in the country.
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Old 05-19-2013, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rover View Post
Hawaii has the largest Wal-Mart store in the country.
I checked, the largest is in Albany, NY.
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Old 05-19-2013, 03:02 PM
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thanks, that's a remodeled Super Store, the one in Vegas is huge also.

Actually meant sales for a store.
Alaska, Porto Rico, Hawaii have been the top three for years.
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