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Old 07-25-2019, 08:54 PM
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^^^ Tough quiz for me. Most of the questions referred to songs & people a little before my time. I've heard most of the songs/people referenced, but don't have enough of the particular details or lyrics to get but a few right.
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Old 07-25-2019, 09:03 PM
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I was but a whippersnapper for some of these, but grew up listening to them, eventually on the "oldies" stations.

But since the "oldies" stations now think the '80's qualify (sheesh, had my last kid in '84), you have to go to on line to find them anymore.

So I also missed a few of them simply from years of non-reinforcement (and probably Alzheimer's... )
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Old 07-27-2019, 01:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cabinet Maker View Post
1 The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2 I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3 She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4 A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7 A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9 A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10 Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12 Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other. "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

13 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14 A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."

15 The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16 The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17 A backward poet writes inverse.

18 In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19 When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

21 A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22 Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

23 Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24 Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25 Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26 There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
When pun number 20 feels like the thirteenth floor?
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Old 07-27-2019, 08:35 PM
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Just heard this shocking fact about America.

3 of 4 people living inside the United States of America are now <gulp> representing a whooping 75% of the total population.

Just let that sink in....
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Old 07-27-2019, 09:03 PM
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6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
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Old 07-28-2019, 01:41 PM
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As I was walking one night I came upon a cemetery and noticed 3 girls just kind of waiting to walk by it. One of them says can we walk by this cemetery with you? It really scares us, I said sure, this kind of place always scared me like crazy too when I was alive, man girls can sure run fast when they want to.
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Old 07-28-2019, 07:56 PM
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Old 07-29-2019, 01:41 PM
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I tried to embrace my
inner child today and the
little ***hole bit me
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Old 07-31-2019, 09:31 AM
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Old 07-31-2019, 11:05 AM
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Old 08-02-2019, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cabinet Maker View Post
,The Do-Wop Test



1. When did ''Little Suzie'' finally wake up?
(a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock
(b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock
(c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock

2. ''Rock Around The Clock'' was used in what movie?
(a) Rebel Without A Cause
(b) Blackboard Jungle
(c) The Wild Ones

3. What's missing from a Rock & Roll standpoint?
Earth _____
(a) Angel
(b) Mother
(c) Worm

4. ''I found my thrill…’' Where?
(a) Kansas City
(b) Heartbreak Hotel
(c) Blueberry Hill

5. ''Please turn on your magic beam_____ _____ bring me a dream,''
(a) Mr. Sandman
(b) Earth Angel
(c) Dream Lover

6. For which label did Elvis Presley first record?
(a) Atlantic
(b) RCA
(c) Sun

7. He asked, ''Why's everybody always pickin' on me?'' Who was he?
(a) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
(b) Charlie Brown
(c) Buster Brown

8. In Bobby Darin's ''Mack The Knife,'' the one with the knife, was named:
(a) Mac Heath
(b) Mac Cloud
(c) McNamara

9. Name the song with ''A-wop bop a-loo bop a-lop bam boom.''
(a) Good Golly, Miss Molly
(b) Be-Bop-A-Lula
(c) Tutti Fruitti

10. Who is generally given credit for originating the term ''Rock And Roll''?
(a) **** Clark
(b) Wolfman Jack
(c) Alan Freed

11. In 1957, he left the music business to become a preacher:
(a) Little Richard
(b) Frankie Lymon
(c) Tony Orlando

12. Paul Anka's ''Puppy Love'' is written to what star?
(a) Brenda Lee
(b) Connie Francis
(c) Annette Funicello

13. The Everly Brothers were.....
(a) Pete and ****
(b) Don and Phil
(c) Bob and Bill

14. The Big Bopper's real name was:
(a) Jiles P. Richardson
(b) Roy Harold Scherer Jr.
(c) Marion Michael Morrison

15. In 1959, Berry Gordy, Jr., started a small record company called...
(a) Decca
(b) Cameo
(c) Motown

16. Edd Brynes had a hit with ''Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb''. What TV show was he on?
(a) 77 Sunset Strip
(b) Hawaiian Eye
(c) Surfside Six

17. In 1960 Bobby Darin married:
(a) Carol Lynley
(b) Sandra Dee
(c) Natalie Wood

18. They were a one hit wonder with ''Book Of Love''
(a) The Penguins
(b) The Monotones
(c) The Moonglows

19. The Everly Brothers sang a song called ''Till I ______ You.''
(a) Loved
(b) Kissed
(c) Met

20. Chuck Berry sang ''Oh, ___________, why can't you be true?''
(a) Suzie Q
(b) Peggy Sue
(c) Maybelline

21. ''Wooly _______''
(a) Mammouth
(b) Bully
(c) Pully

22. ''I'm like a one-eyed cat....."
(a) can't go into town no more
(b) sleepin' on a cold hard floor
(c) peepin' in a seafood store

23. ''Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do........'
(a) cause there ain't no answer for a life without booze
(b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
(c) cause my car's gassed up and I'm ready to cruise

24. ''They often call me Speedo, but my real name is.....''
(a) Mr. Earl
(b) Jackie Pearl
(c) Milton Berle

25. ''Be Bop A Lula ....''
(a) she's got the rabies
(b) she's my baby.
(c) she loves me, maybe

26. ''Fine Love, Fine Kissing …..''
(a) right here
(b) fifty cents
(c) just for you

27. ''He wore black denim trousers and …..''
(a) a pink carnation
(b) pink leotards
(c) motorcycle boots

28. ''I got a gal named……....''
(a) Jenny Zamboni
(b) Gerri Mahoney
(c) Boney Maroney





















Answers:
Scroll Down so you aren't tempted to cheat (as if cheating were needed here).
* * * * * * * * * * * *
1. (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. (b) Blackboard Jungle
3. (a) Angel
4. (c) Blueberry Hill
5. (a) Mr. Sandman
6. (c) Sun
7. (b) Charlie Brown
8. (a) Mac Heath
9. (c) Tutti Fruitti
10. (c) Alan Freed
11. (a) Little Richard
12. (c) Annette Funicello
13. (b) Don and Phil
14. (a) Jiles P. Richardson
15. (c) Motown
16. (a) 77 Sunset Strip
17. (b) Sandra Dee
18. (b) The Monotones
19. (b) Kissed
20. (c) Maybelline
21. (b) Bully
22. (c) peepin' in a sea food store
23. (b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
24. (a) Mr. Earl
25. (b) she's my baby
26. (a) right here
27. (c) motorcycle boots
28. (c) Boney Maroney

Now I feel old.
I got 24........
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Old 08-03-2019, 06:48 AM
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Old 08-03-2019, 10:45 AM
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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

Coca Cola will be put out of business in the very near future!

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name: MOUNT & DO.
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Old 08-03-2019, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
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I've never had one of those. I don't know if I've ever seen one of those.
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Old 08-03-2019, 01:50 PM
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I've never had one of those. I don't know if I've ever seen one of those.
Elementary school crossing guard. Notorious for being snitches
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Old 08-03-2019, 03:00 PM
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^^^ Makes me think of a hall monitor. Speaking of HMs... the most famous hall monitor that comes to mind:



Interesting that, although 'Les Moore at his machine gun station' was a staple setting in the Winkerbean comic strip, this was the only panel I could find. I was fulling expecting dozens and dozens of strips to choose from (this one about the Spanish rice is mildly amusing, I suppose). Guess anything that might humorously link machine guns and schools together is verboten, even when the MG is only ever used as a visual joke, and never menacing an any way whatsoever. This subtle editing of our culture, where people don't even know it (Gosh, I haven't thought about Funky Winkerbean in 30 years...), is sneaky & insidious. Outright lies are easy to see and criticize. Lies of omission are tougher to combat, with or without a machine gun.
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Old 08-03-2019, 11:30 PM
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Sadly 5 out of 4 people struggle with math
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Old 08-03-2019, 11:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cabinet Maker View Post
,The Do-Wop Test



1. When did ''Little Suzie'' finally wake up?
(a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock
(b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock
(c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock

2. ''Rock Around The Clock'' was used in what movie?
(a) Rebel Without A Cause
(b) Blackboard Jungle
(c) The Wild Ones

3. What's missing from a Rock & Roll standpoint?
Earth _____
(a) Angel
(b) Mother
(c) Worm

4. ''I found my thrill…’' Where?
(a) Kansas City
(b) Heartbreak Hotel
(c) Blueberry Hill

5. ''Please turn on your magic beam_____ _____ bring me a dream,''
(a) Mr. Sandman
(b) Earth Angel
(c) Dream Lover

6. For which label did Elvis Presley first record?
(a) Atlantic
(b) RCA
(c) Sun

7. He asked, ''Why's everybody always pickin' on me?'' Who was he?
(a) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
(b) Charlie Brown
(c) Buster Brown

8. In Bobby Darin's ''Mack The Knife,'' the one with the knife, was named:
(a) Mac Heath
(b) Mac Cloud
(c) McNamara

9. Name the song with ''A-wop bop a-loo bop a-lop bam boom.''
(a) Good Golly, Miss Molly
(b) Be-Bop-A-Lula
(c) Tutti Fruitti

10. Who is generally given credit for originating the term ''Rock And Roll''?
(a) **** Clark
(b) Wolfman Jack
(c) Alan Freed

11. In 1957, he left the music business to become a preacher:
(a) Little Richard
(b) Frankie Lymon
(c) Tony Orlando

12. Paul Anka's ''Puppy Love'' is written to what star?
(a) Brenda Lee
(b) Connie Francis
(c) Annette Funicello

13. The Everly Brothers were.....
(a) Pete and ****
(b) Don and Phil
(c) Bob and Bill

14. The Big Bopper's real name was:
(a) Jiles P. Richardson
(b) Roy Harold Scherer Jr.
(c) Marion Michael Morrison

15. In 1959, Berry Gordy, Jr., started a small record company called...
(a) Decca
(b) Cameo
(c) Motown

16. Edd Brynes had a hit with ''Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb''. What TV show was he on?
(a) 77 Sunset Strip
(b) Hawaiian Eye
(c) Surfside Six

17. In 1960 Bobby Darin married:
(a) Carol Lynley
(b) Sandra Dee
(c) Natalie Wood

18. They were a one hit wonder with ''Book Of Love''
(a) The Penguins
(b) The Monotones
(c) The Moonglows

19. The Everly Brothers sang a song called ''Till I ______ You.''
(a) Loved
(b) Kissed
(c) Met

20. Chuck Berry sang ''Oh, ___________, why can't you be true?''
(a) Suzie Q
(b) Peggy Sue
(c) Maybelline

21. ''Wooly _______''
(a) Mammouth
(b) Bully
(c) Pully

22. ''I'm like a one-eyed cat....."
(a) can't go into town no more
(b) sleepin' on a cold hard floor
(c) peepin' in a seafood store

23. ''Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do........'
(a) cause there ain't no answer for a life without booze
(b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
(c) cause my car's gassed up and I'm ready to cruise

24. ''They often call me Speedo, but my real name is.....''
(a) Mr. Earl
(b) Jackie Pearl
(c) Milton Berle

25. ''Be Bop A Lula ....''
(a) she's got the rabies
(b) she's my baby.
(c) she loves me, maybe

26. ''Fine Love, Fine Kissing …..''
(a) right here
(b) fifty cents
(c) just for you

27. ''He wore black denim trousers and …..''
(a) a pink carnation
(b) pink leotards
(c) motorcycle boots

28. ''I got a gal named……....''
(a) Jenny Zamboni
(b) Gerri Mahoney
(c) Boney Maroney





















Answers:
Scroll Down so you aren't tempted to cheat (as if cheating were needed here).
* * * * * * * * * * * *
1. (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. (b) Blackboard Jungle
3. (a) Angel
4. (c) Blueberry Hill
5. (a) Mr. Sandman
6. (c) Sun
7. (b) Charlie Brown
8. (a) Mac Heath
9. (c) Tutti Fruitti
10. (c) Alan Freed
11. (a) Little Richard
12. (c) Annette Funicello
13. (b) Don and Phil
14. (a) Jiles P. Richardson
15. (c) Motown
16. (a) 77 Sunset Strip
17. (b) Sandra Dee
18. (b) The Monotones
19. (b) Kissed
20. (c) Maybelline
21. (b) Bully
22. (c) peepin' in a sea food store
23. (b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
24. (a) Mr. Earl
25. (b) she's my baby
26. (a) right here
27. (c) motorcycle boots
28. (c) Boney Maroney

Now I feel old.
Myself and wife did this. Found out she has a better memory than me Thanks CM
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Last edited by OhioMan; 08-04-2019 at 04:18 PM..
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Old 08-04-2019, 12:17 PM
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Old 08-04-2019, 07:12 PM
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^^^ ! ! ! ! !
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