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Old 10-07-2018, 07:49 AM
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Chuck Norris plays a major roll in every Star Wars film.


He is the force.
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Old 10-07-2018, 09:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daddyusmaximus View Post
Chuck Norris plays a major roll in every Star Wars film.


He is the force.
interesting note on Chuck Norris: he took acting & speaking lessons from Johnathan Harris, AKA Dr. Smith on the old "Lost in Space" program. in order to help chucky speak well, Harris had to put his fingers in chucks mouth. he is the only man that was allowed to do that according to chucky, a fact that Harris was always quite proud of.
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Old 10-08-2018, 06:46 AM
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Let me tell you about my vow of silence.
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Old 10-09-2018, 08:00 AM
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Magician: "I need a volunteer." [Man stands] "Not you." [Woman stands] "Not you. GARY GET UP HERE!" [Gary goes up] "We've never met before, right?"
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Old 10-09-2018, 10:41 PM
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I bought a sex doll.

It's one of those life like dolls that's suppose to be realistic.

She's so life like, she just wants to be friends.
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Old 10-10-2018, 04:20 AM
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The same people who laugh at fortune tellers take economists seriously.
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Old 10-10-2018, 04:21 AM
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There is no "me" in team. No, wait, yes there is! You just have to prioritize the spelling.
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Old 10-11-2018, 04:59 AM
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If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.
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Old 10-11-2018, 05:03 AM
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Old 10-11-2018, 09:17 AM
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An atheist was sitting on an airplane next to a little girl. He turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go faster when you strike up a conversation with your conversation with your fellow passengers.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Replied the atheist, “How about why there’s no God, or Heaven or Hell, or life after death.” as he smiles smugly…

“Okay,” She said. “Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. However, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girls replied “Do you really think you’re qualified to have a discussion about God, Heaven, Hell, or life after death, when you clearly don’t know ****?”
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Old 10-12-2018, 01:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
..*ahem* My Son begs to differ..

(..his design for an 'impromptu Camp Sink' (including 'inverted jug-bottom soap-dish™

...Well, ok, he used a nail vs a "staple", but I still think it ranks...

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Originally Posted by Carne Frio View Post
..Lol, Love it! ...But, they Forgot one very important one:

DESTINATION: Margaritaville
HOW TO GET THERE: Yer own damn fault...

jd
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Old 10-12-2018, 07:56 AM
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If you are not part of the solution, you're probably running for President.
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Old 10-12-2018, 12:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.
I hope that isn't the voice of experience...

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Old 10-12-2018, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sailorsam View Post
I hope that isn't the voice of experience...



Sounds familiar.....
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Old 10-14-2018, 01:23 PM
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If at first you don't succeed: get a promotion into Management.
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Old 10-14-2018, 03:12 PM
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The Peter Principle,
Lawrence J Peter.

__________________
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Old 10-14-2018, 09:08 PM
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Old 10-15-2018, 05:26 AM
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Old 10-15-2018, 05:49 AM
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Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
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Old 10-16-2018, 12:45 PM
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[Looking up at the night sky]

Me: You can make a wish on any star you want.

5-year-old: Which one is the Death Star?
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