The ANY SUBJECT Joke, Picture, Almost Anything, Thread! - Page 151 - Survivalist Forum
Survivalist Forum

Advertise Here

Go Back   Survivalist Forum > >
Articles Classifieds Donations Gallery Groups Links Store Survival Files


Notices

Jokes, Humor & Music The Relaxation Station

Advertise Here
Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The POLITICAL joke..picture..video..almost anything thread.! RECTIFIER Jokes, Humor & Music 20870 Yesterday 07:19 PM
Polite political philosophy thread. DaveCo General Discussion 38 06-27-2016 04:48 PM
Gas shortage. Extreme measures to get it...Joke thread usmountains Disaster Preparedness General Discussion 3 04-02-2011 07:28 PM
The offical Micheal Jackson joke thread!!!! kingjames Jokes, Humor & Music 74 07-16-2009 02:07 AM

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-18-2018, 01:49 AM
kl0an's Avatar
kl0an kl0an is offline
Grumpy Old Bastard
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Rock - Me - Hard Place
Posts: 1,810
Thanks: 228
Thanked 2,718 Times in 936 Posts
Default



Advertise Here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
Nobody needs more than black ink to get anything printed.
Umm, shouldn't that be African American ink?? If you make any mistakes, you can always use Caucasian Out on the error.

Unless Omarossa has recorded tapes and videos of the error..
Quick reply to this message
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to kl0an For This Useful Post:
Old 08-18-2018, 09:27 AM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Quick reply to this message
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-18-2018, 09:59 AM
KoolAde2's Avatar
KoolAde2 KoolAde2 is online now
VIP Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Long Island
Posts: 1,407
Thanks: 6,058
Thanked 2,952 Times in 961 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Actually, at work, I have found that the day I throw out a Part I have had for several years and hadn't seen the machine that would use it for at least two years. The very next day I get a call from a Customer looking for that Part to keep his packaging machine running again. NEVER Fails
__________________
"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not" Thomas Jefferson
Quick reply to this message
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to KoolAde2 For This Useful Post:
Old 08-19-2018, 06:21 AM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

"My grandmother was insane. She had pierced hearing aids. And unscented perfume." -- Steven Wright.
Quick reply to this message
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-20-2018, 12:39 PM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

The garbage dump is the final destination of everything we work hard to obtain.
Quick reply to this message
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-20-2018, 09:56 PM
daddyusmaximus's Avatar
daddyusmaximus daddyusmaximus is offline
Retired Army
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Indiana
Age: 56
Posts: 5,104
Thanks: 6,199
Thanked 15,701 Times in 3,661 Posts
Default

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.

The three men had always done everything together!!!!!

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.

Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two buttholes.”

“What? He had two buttholes?” asked the mortician.

Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two buttholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes!”
Quick reply to this message
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to daddyusmaximus For This Useful Post:
Old 08-21-2018, 04:18 AM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

If Mississippi bought Missouri a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Quick reply to this message
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-21-2018, 09:52 AM
tedlovesjeeps71's Avatar
tedlovesjeeps71 tedlovesjeeps71 is offline
Survivor
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 14,317
Thanks: 10,079
Thanked 37,582 Times in 11,276 Posts
Default

This is so stupid it's funny...

https://www.foxbusiness.com/retail/p...imals-crackers
Quick reply to this message
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tedlovesjeeps71 For This Useful Post:
Old 08-21-2018, 02:47 PM
clocker's Avatar
clocker clocker is online now
Survivor
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 7,446
Thanks: 72,191
Thanked 30,148 Times in 6,505 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tedlovesjeeps71 View Post
PETA: They're free! They're free!! A big win for animal rights! Bad ol' big corporation...
Nabisco: Made as much money as ever. Got PETA of our backs (for like 2 days).
People who buy animal crackers: We eat the animals. We bite their little heads off. Yum...

Last edited by clocker; 08-21-2018 at 10:11 PM.. Reason: Changed possessive pronoun
Quick reply to this message
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to clocker For This Useful Post:
Old 08-21-2018, 07:50 PM
BolivarBill BolivarBill is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: PA Wilds
Posts: 164
Thanks: 683
Thanked 332 Times in 95 Posts
Default

Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes

Genie: what will be your first wish?

Dave: I want to be rich

Genie: Granted. What will be your second wish?

Rich: I want a lot of money
Quick reply to this message
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to BolivarBill For This Useful Post:
Old 08-22-2018, 05:30 AM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government regulation.
Quick reply to this message
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-22-2018, 08:45 AM
Zuriss's Avatar
Zuriss Zuriss is offline
Deplorable
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,350
Thanks: 3,012
Thanked 4,721 Times in 1,151 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by clocker View Post
PETA: They're free! They're free!! A big win for animal rights! Bad ol' big corporation...
Nabisco: Made as much money as ever. Got PETA of our backs (for like 2 days).
People who buy animal crackers: We eat the animals. We bite their little heads off. Yum...
No no no no no, always start at the feet and save the head for last.
Quick reply to this message
The Following User Says Thank You to Zuriss For This Useful Post:
Old 08-23-2018, 09:53 AM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

When a pregnant woman swims, she is basically a human submarine.
Quick reply to this message
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-23-2018, 12:54 PM
clocker's Avatar
clocker clocker is online now
Survivor
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 7,446
Thanks: 72,191
Thanked 30,148 Times in 6,505 Posts
Default

^^^ Love it!!
Quick reply to this message
The Following User Says Thank You to clocker For This Useful Post:
Old 08-23-2018, 07:04 PM
choyboy's Avatar
choyboy choyboy is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 123
Thanks: 23
Thanked 891 Times in 119 Posts
Default

In Vancouver, Canada early this month there was a huge apartment fire.
A Maori family of 9, all welfare recipients and gang members, lived on the second floor suite. They died.

An Islamic group of seven, welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Pakistan, lived on the right ground floor suite. They too all perished.

Five Aboriginals, all ex-cons lived on the left ground floor. They too, died.

A white couple lived on the top floor suite. The couple survived the fire.

Various multicultural agencies and our Prime Minister Trudeau were furious!!

They flew into Vancouver, and met with the fire chief. On TV cameras, they loudly demanded to know why 21 Maoris, Muslims and Aboriginals all died in the fire and why only the white couple lived.

The Fire Chief calmly said, "The white couple were at work."
Quick reply to this message
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to choyboy For This Useful Post:
Old 08-24-2018, 02:58 AM
Trackball's Avatar
Trackball Trackball is offline
Hunter
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Moscow region. Russia
Posts: 1,579
Thanks: 1,248
Thanked 3,361 Times in 1,034 Posts
Default

Quick reply to this message
The Following User Says Thank You to Trackball For This Useful Post:
Old 08-24-2018, 10:03 AM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

They should announce a sequel to “Groundhog Day”, and then just re-release the original.
Quick reply to this message
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-24-2018, 05:52 PM
daddyusmaximus's Avatar
daddyusmaximus daddyusmaximus is offline
Retired Army
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Indiana
Age: 56
Posts: 5,104
Thanks: 6,199
Thanked 15,701 Times in 3,661 Posts
Default

Joe had been battling headaches for years, but lately they had gotten much worse, so he decided he just had to see a doctor.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches," said the doctor. "The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked, and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, Joe realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store, and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit," and went in.

The elderly tailor eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."

Joe laughed, and said, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

"Let's see, 16-and-a half neck, 34 sleeve," said the tailor.

Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.

As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the tailor said, "You could use new shoes."

Since Joe was on a roll, he said "sure."

The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E." Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shoes, and they also fit perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "why not."

The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist, and said, "Let's see, size 36."

"Finally, I've got you!" Joe laughed. "I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."

The tailor shook his head. "You shouldn't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear is too small for you. That would force your testicles to press against the base of your spine, and give you one hell of a headache."
Quick reply to this message
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to daddyusmaximus For This Useful Post:
Old 08-25-2018, 03:18 AM
Ian Treloar's Avatar
Ian Treloar Ian Treloar is offline
GunControl=People Control
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,633
Thanks: 5,238
Thanked 11,957 Times in 3,086 Posts
Default

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Quick reply to this message
The Following User Says Thank You to Ian Treloar For This Useful Post:
Old 08-25-2018, 06:55 AM
tedlovesjeeps71's Avatar
tedlovesjeeps71 tedlovesjeeps71 is offline
Survivor
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 14,317
Thanks: 10,079
Thanked 37,582 Times in 11,276 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
What was the best thing before sliced bread?


Momma's buttermilk biscuits?
Quick reply to this message
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to tedlovesjeeps71 For This Useful Post:
Reply

Bookmarks



Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Survivalist Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:
Gender
Insurance
Please select your insurance company (Optional)

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:42 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright © Kevin Felts 2006 - 2015,
Green theme by http://www.themesbydesign.net