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Old 03-29-2013, 05:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Catherine_MT View Post
I would NOT invite a person (Male or female, a couple with or without their children.) to dinner, to step inside of my house or have them ON MY LAND... if they gave off bad VIBES to me or my gut told me to keep a clear distance from them.

NO way!

I used to LIVE in a very RURAL area for over 30 years (My late husband's home state and village - we built our house in the country.) that was considered super safe in fly over country (Great Lakes region.) - picture Mayberry or Norman Rockwell in your mind.

They still had some strange people even elderly men who were married.

They still had some 'locals' who would 'case' some places to rob them - NO kidding. Been there - done that in our newly built house and my GS nailed him while we were working in the city - broad daylight.

They still had some bad people in that township and county even though they had many GOOD people too.

TRUST your gut. Do not live in fear but trust your gut.

Catherine
I don't care where you live or how safe you think it may be, there's a loon in the mix somewhere. Doing a background check on him is a good idea. But even if it comes back clean as a whistle, I still wouldn't trust him. Just because he hasn't gotten caught at anything before doesn't necessarily make him safe. There's a man in my neighborhood who's a total creep. He's probably in his late 60's. I felt uneasy about him from the get-go. When my friend would bring her daughter over to play with my boys, that man would come outside and just stare at the little girl. Last summer, he approached a girl in her own yard (she was 13) and started making inappropriate comments to her. I did an online check on casenet about him - not so much as a traffic ticket. Everyone in our neighborhood knows to watch him, but there's nothing we can do because he hasn't physically done anything to anyone.

My point is, there's a reason to be wary of the guy and you should trust your instincts (as others have already said.) I don't care if you live in Mayberry or Detroit or anywhere in between - there's a creep in there somewhere.
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Old 03-29-2013, 06:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Autumn-Raine View Post
I don't care where you live or how safe you think it may be, there's a loon in the mix somewhere. Doing a background check on him is a good idea. But even if it comes back clean as a whistle, I still wouldn't trust him. Just because he hasn't gotten caught at anything before doesn't necessarily make him safe. There's a man in my neighborhood who's a total creep. He's probably in his late 60's. I felt uneasy about him from the get-go. When my friend would bring her daughter over to play with my boys, that man would come outside and just stare at the little girl. Last summer, he approached a girl in her own yard (she was 13) and started making inappropriate comments to her. I did an online check on casenet about him - not so much as a traffic ticket. Everyone in our neighborhood knows to watch him, but there's nothing we can do because he hasn't physically done anything to anyone.

My point is, there's a reason to be wary of the guy and you should trust your instincts (as others have already said.) I don't care if you live in Mayberry or Detroit or anywhere in between - there's a creep in there somewhere.

Realistically there is also another possibility. He could be developing a form of dementia that is affecting his social skills. Now do not take that as a reason to write off his behavior. I have a friend whose father suffered a couple of minor strokes that had a huge effect on his personality. Basically this friend and I bonded because we were dealing with a similiar issue. What happened to Colin due to cutting out a part of his brain happened to this man because blood could not get to the frontal lobe. The effect was the same... lack of impulse control and some trouble understanding social behavior patterns that had previously made sense to him. In my late husband's case it was not that big of a deal because he was a really nice person and all that happened was a tendency to wander but the man who had the strokes went totally Jeckle and Hyde on his family. I mean he thought it was funny to put his grandchildrens' cat in the dishwasher so he did it kind of weird.

I guess what I am saying is that not all sweet talkative older men without a past record of doing weird things can be trusted. People who seem normal can and do change for all sorts of unknown reasons be it medication issues, the effects of strokes and personal problems triggering something there from their past. Do not put too much faith in the fact he has a clean record. As Autumn Raine said he might just not have gotten caught yet. We are not obligated to put ourselves in danger to be polite and understanding.
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Old 03-29-2013, 06:51 AM
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^This. In my old neighborhood, there was a handy man that did odd jobs for us. I felt uneasy about him and my ex thought I was nuts. Welllllll, I was scanning the sex offenders list one day and HOLY CRAP, I called our neighbor and told her to go to the site. Yup, he had recently been convicted and that's why he hadn't seen him in awhile. Trust your instincts.
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Old 03-29-2013, 07:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Autumn-Raine View Post
I don't care where you live or how safe you think it may be, there's a loon in the mix somewhere. Doing a background check on him is a good idea. But even if it comes back clean as a whistle, I still wouldn't trust him. Just because he hasn't gotten caught at anything before doesn't necessarily make him safe. There's a man in my neighborhood who's a total creep. He's probably in his late 60's. I felt uneasy about him from the get-go. When my friend would bring her daughter over to play with my boys, that man would come outside and just stare at the little girl. Last summer, he approached a girl in her own yard (she was 13) and started making inappropriate comments to her. I did an online check on casenet about him - not so much as a traffic ticket. Everyone in our neighborhood knows to watch him, but there's nothing we can do because he hasn't physically done anything to anyone.

My point is, there's a reason to be wary of the guy and you should trust your instincts (as others have already said.) I don't care if you live in Mayberry or Detroit or anywhere in between - there's a creep in there somewhere.

Hello,

I agree and that IS what I am saying in my post. You hear and read so many people who THINK because they live in a Mayberry type of area that they are safe! NOT!!!

Bad things happen to good people NO matter where you live.

Maybe you did not get my point or maybe I am too tired and not understanding you here. Anyway - both of us are saying or mean the SAME THING when it comes to creeps and gut instincts.

That goes for people who do NOT lock the doors in their houses - dogs or no dogs - nice or bad neighborhood. LOCK YOUR DOORS!

Be aware of your surroundings. Refuse to be a victim.

Thank you.

Catherine
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Old 03-29-2013, 08:00 AM
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Last night I mentioned getting a taser to my husband. We are going to have a date night this weekend and heading to the city. Sushi and looking for a taser are on my agenda.

A big four-legged walking partner is on the horizon too. As for inviting the man and his wife over for dinner, well, that is just too personal for me. I am the most friendly/outgoing person I know but it stops at the door. I don't really like to have guests. Aside from my salon, I don't have people over unless they are immediate family and then it's usually because I am babysitting.

There has been so much good advice and support from this post, thank you ladies! I would have posted a couple years ago but I wasn't on totally on the edge until he asked if I would cut his hair.
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Old 03-29-2013, 08:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Gypsymoonfarm View Post
Last night I mentioned getting a taser to my husband. We are going to have a date night this weekend and heading to the city. Sushi and looking for a taser are on my agenda.

A big four-legged walking partner is on the horizon too. As for inviting the man and his wife over for dinner, well, that is just too personal for me. I am the most friendly/outgoing person I know but it stops at the door. I don't really like to have guests. Aside from my salon, I don't have people over unless they are immediate family and then it's usually because I am babysitting.

There has been so much good advice and support from this post, thank you ladies! I would have posted a couple years ago but I wasn't on totally on the edge until he asked if I would cut his hair.
The part I put in bold matters because I want you to remember something... this sitaution is not just you. The reason you are getting so many responses is because of the fact it happens to all of us to one degree or another. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! Remember that. It is just the way the world is. The nicer you are the more trouble you attract and unless one wants to stop being nice (God forbid) one has to go through this. I am sure you will have it fixed in no time now that you are on the alert.
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Catherine_MT View Post
Hello,

I agree and that IS what I am saying in my post. You hear and read so many people who THINK because they live in a Mayberry type of area that they are safe! NOT!!!

Bad things happen to good people NO matter where you live.

Maybe you did not get my point or maybe I am too tired and not understanding you here. Anyway - both of us are saying or mean the SAME THING when it comes to creeps and gut instincts.

That goes for people who do NOT lock the doors in their houses - dogs or no dogs - nice or bad neighborhood. LOCK YOUR DOORS!

Be aware of your surroundings. Refuse to be a victim.

Thank you.

Catherine
I was agreeing with what you said and I just wanted to add my own view point. I wasn't arguing with you - what you said made me think about how all too often, people think they're safe because they live somewhere rural. My town isn't terribly big and we have that pedo who lives 2 houses away. Sorry if I didn't make it clear that I was just adding my own thoughts to what you'd posted.
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Old 03-29-2013, 01:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn-Raine View Post
I was agreeing with what you said and I just wanted to add my own view point. I wasn't arguing with you - what you said made me think about how all too often, people think they're safe because they live somewhere rural. My town isn't terribly big and we have that pedo who lives 2 houses away. Sorry if I didn't make it clear that I was just adding my own thoughts to what you'd posted.
Yup. We are in a rural area and two of my neighbors have had their houses/barns broken into. We used to have a released sex offender living about 100 yards from the bus stop. When DD rode the bus, we drove her to the stop, which she easily could have walked to, and stayed with her until she got on the bus.

You just never know.
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Old 03-29-2013, 07:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Storm Shadow View Post

i seem to always get old people talking to me when im walking, gets annoying when im in the zone trying to keep my heart rate up and people want to stop and talk about the weather.
^^^Sparked an idea. Get a heart rate monitor...or even use a sports watch as a fake and tell him the next time he stops you that you've bought this, are staying in your target zones and can't stop to talk anymore. See how that conversation goes, see if he drives along as frequently in the next few days/weeks. His reaction could help you better gauge the situation.
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Old 03-29-2013, 10:02 PM
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Sounds like a lonely old stalker to me. Probably harmless, but it's a good thing you're carrying.
If it makes you uncomfortable, why not just ask him?
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn-Raine View Post
I was agreeing with what you said and I just wanted to add my own view point. I wasn't arguing with you - what you said made me think about how all too often, people think they're safe because they live somewhere rural. My town isn't terribly big and we have that pedo who lives 2 houses away. Sorry if I didn't make it clear that I was just adding my own thoughts to what you'd posted.
Thank you and I understand now. Apologies to everyone here.

That will teach me to not post when I am tired. Forgive me for being confused. Thank you.

Side note:

What cracks me up on some OTHER forums and with some people that you meet IN REAL LIFE - offline, there are SOME people who say that they NEVER have 'those kind of people' or BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHERE THEY LIVE. It is like they have tunnel vision and STUPID written across their forehead! NO offense to anyone here. I can tell people, for a fact, that is a bunch of hooey. Been there - done that - lived it.

Take care, lady!

Catherine
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Old 03-30-2013, 01:30 AM
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CATHERINE: Thanks for all your posts. I totally agree with you on all points. I was born and raised in a big city and we locked everything!

When I moved to this small town, where my parents were born and raised, it was like moving to Mayberry. I became very friendly with my neighbors and one was a daily coffee klatch gal. She's the one who poked her head in the door to give a shout, but doggy was charging down the stairs before she called my name. The other neighbor gal came in one day, invited, but I warned her not to get close to me as I was in a lot of pain and my terrier KNEW I WAS IN PAIN. The neighbor said, 'Fiddelsticks' and leaned right over my severely sprained and bruised TWO ankles. Without a sound, my little protector lept up, from beside my lap, and bit her right on the nose... no blood, but a very excellent warning that she meant business in protcting me. I still laugh about it to this day.

Both ladies moved away years ago and ever since then, my doors have been locked. I told my kids, teens at the time, that we were going to start locking the doors, because there's too many weirdos out there. I wanted them to get in the habit. A few years later, my son went off to college and lived in a house with 4 other boys. They had a bad habit of leaving the front door unlocked, so my son put a big lock on his upstairs bedroom door. One day his roomies left the house and he went upstairs. 2 minutes later, he heard the front door open rather slowly, so he grabbed the O2 pistol that I had just given him for Xmas and he went to the landing and called out with the gun extended. The intruder looked up and saw a hand with gun sticking out from the corner of the landing and the guy took off. Their doors started getting locked after that.

I even have a special way of securing my bedroom doors at night. They definitely won't open from the other side. Any messing with the doors will awaken me, giving me time to gather my senses and grab the gun. One night, when my son was visiting, he came in rather late and it woke me. So, I took the opportunity to practice grabbing the gun...... it was a miserable failure. My hands were barely able to grasp.... my body just wasn't awake, even if my brain was. I'm now thinking of setting some noisemaking booby traps on the staircase to give me more time to shake off the sleepies.

I've had two attempted break ins in the past three years. The more people unemployed, the more thieving. Although, I don't think these had anything to do with thieving, as the window could easily have been broken to gain entrance. As soon as the window noisily broke, he took off. It always happened when I left town for a night. It might be one of my new neighbors. Also, I have a small cottage 12 blocks away, that I'm keeping for retirement years and it was stripped of copper wiring a year ago; definitely related to the unemployment situation around here. Fingerprints were on the window they crawled through and the cop refused to dust for prints. I asked the same cop, a year later, to check the broken window where I live and he said if nothing was taken then he wouldn't bother. This new cop is supposed to be some whiz bang detective from a big city...... I don't see it.

6 months ago, the same cop tried to give me a citation for vehicle registration out of date, as I parked in front of the DMV..... I don't think Barney Fife wants to be bothered with detecting, he rather hassle the hard working, tax paying citizens who actually have money to pay fines.
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Old 03-30-2013, 03:59 AM
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I've had two attempted break ins in the past three years. The more people unemployed, the more thieving... Fingerprints were on the window they crawled through and the cop refused to dust for prints. I asked the same cop, a year later, to check the broken window where I live and he said if nothing was taken then he wouldn't bother. This new cop is supposed to be some whiz bang detective from a big city...... I don't see it.

I don't think Barney Fife wants to be bothered with detecting, he rather hassle the hard working, tax paying citizens who actually have money to pay fines.
What? You live in my town? We've had our vehicles broken into (my friend's purse was stolen from her car one night when she stopped by here on her way home for the holidays.) Hubby's gas has been syphoned out of his car, his license plates have been stolen, his truck has been rummaged through... And we're not the only ones. One of the guys across the alley had his garage broken into and a bunch of his tools were stolen. He now has a sign posted that literally reads, "If I catch you breaking in my garage, I will break your f**king neck." (And it's not censored.) A couple months ago, my neighbor had his truck broken into and the stereo stolen out of it. OMG, he was so mad it scared me. Of course, in all of these situations, the cops were called and not a damn thing was done about it. Same situation in the town my hubby's from - his mother passed away, someone broke into the barns on her property because no one's living there, stole all the tools my FIL had left to my hubby (this is a town with a population of about 600.) Again, the cops did nothing.

I'm certainly glad we got our German Shepherds. The night my neighbor's truck was broken into, they tried to kick in our back gate as well. They didn't manage it - Axl and Kida went nuts and scared them off. I remember it too. I let Axl out really late and Kida stays outside (I just never could get her housebroke.) Those dogs are more protection to my family than the police would have been.

So yeah, again, doesn't matter where you live. And get a big, mean dog. Get a couple, if you can.
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Old 03-31-2013, 02:17 AM
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There's been so much police corruption here that the State Troopers had to oversee everything for a year. Now we have 'big city cop' to add to our problems.

I've had 40 years of following my instincts and let me tell you, it was never a blaring voice in my head telling me to look out, it was just a small, uneasy feeling every single time. I would say that big city mall parking lots have been the worst for me. I've had three incidences in them and one was in '82 with a guy following another woman. I just happened to warn her before he got to her. He was nice looking and extremely well dressed; looked like any other businessman. The first glance of him, I thought he was on his way to his car. Then I realized he was taking the same zigs and zags that the woman 30 feet in front of him was taking. I sped up the aisle and got to her has she was trying to find her keys. I called out and asked if she knew the man who was following her. By then he was 20 feet and closing in. His mouth dropped open and he did an about face and ran off. If it hadn't been a packed lot with xmas shoppers, I would have followed him, but I couldn't get my car out of the aisle fast enough. No doubt he would have ruined her xmas for sure.

Another time, I was in a strip mall that didn't have a lot of customers and I had parked my car away from all the others. It was my first brand new car and I didn't want any scratches or dings on it. When I came out of the shop, there was a truck parked beside it with a man inside. Right away, I knew something was up. Why would someone without a new vehicle park that far from the shops? I was suspicious. So, I made sure to keep my eye on him. He called out and asked me if I knew where so and so street was. I called out to him to go to a gas station and ask. Then, he says that I have a low tire on the passenger side, next to his truck. He expected me to go to the back of the car, but I walked way ahead of the car and then looked between the vehicles. Sure enough the tire was low, but hadn't been when I left the house. So, I got in the car and went straight to the police station. I gave them a complete description of the man and his vehicle. The response was one of, if he hadn't done anything, why are you telling us about him? IN CASE SOMEONE COMES UP MISSING THIS MONTH!!!! Or, maybe he fits the description of a man in a previous situation. What a bunch of morons.

About a year ago, there was a 'suicide' here. I called it 'husband getting away with murder'. He and his wife were having some tensions. She was a recovered addict and was doing fine. He recently purchased a hand gun for protection. He says that they both had practised with it and after he cleaned it, she picked it up from the table and went outside. He thought she was going to practise some more. He says he heard one shot and that was all. After a minute or so, he went out and found that she had shot herself in the head, in an apparent suicide. The cops believed every word he told them. Here are some facts they overlooked. #1, they were having marital problems and keeping all the assets is easier to do if the wife is dead. #2, there was no evidence from her friends or family members that she was depressed. #3, only 5% of women will commit suicide with a gun. #4, she was a former addict and if she wanted to kill herself, she would have bought some illegal drugs and done an overdose; passing out is sure a lot less painful. #5, if he just cleaned the gun, why did he not complain when she took it outside to shoot? He just spent time cleaning it, she wouldn't have decided to shoot it after it had been cleaned. I bet none of that occurred to Barney Fife.
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:43 AM
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My mom did my sister and I the justice of teaching us to be wary. Especially of men but women as well. It took my husband 6.5 years to catch me off guard. I am always listening, always watching, and always aware. My husband says it makes me seem unfriendly but frankly I do not care. I am never openly hostile (well there was one time when a man was paying too much attention to my girl, I stared him down and laid my knife down on the table where he could see it and ya know what, he left) but don't go out of my way to engage folks. You have to walk a careful balance between being social and not compromising with your instincts.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Gypsymoonfarm View Post
Last night I mentioned getting a taser to my husband.
When I go to gun and knife shows, I see the vast array of tasers, pepper spray, and other similar items-- some are even PINK but I never end up buying any of them because I always go back to what rings in my head--

Aside from knowing how to use a gun, your hands are your best weapon. No need to fiddle around inside your purse, pocket, or a belt holder and risk losing precious seconds of what a few simple moves of your hands can give you for quick self defense. If you drop the taser or don't hold it properly, your attacker can easily grab it from you and use it on you, and if the taser or pepper spray malfunctions, it's useless---then what do you do? So I suggest that you think about other ways to protect yourself.

I had a problem with a stalking stranger decades ago, and I was extremely confident in myself after I took a self defense course. I learned quick, accurate, and strategic moves to protect myself (and no, it's not kicking them in the balls). I won't go into all the moves, you can look into that on your own, but just look into this simple and effective alternative as a way to protect yourself.

This self defense training is ingrained in me so much as a reflex that I warned my husband to NEVER EVER come home unannounced and walk into the bathroom while I'm taking a shower. He came very close one time to having a really bad day because "he forgot."
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Old 04-01-2013, 06:40 PM
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You can often find free or inexpensive womens' self defense courses at local community centers or colleges and some police/public safety departments offer them as well.
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:44 PM
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Lots and lots of good advice here..
Definitely keep your guard up and it's good you are changing things up and are aware, even if he may not be a threat. I wish you the best in keeping safe!
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Hermit Jax View Post
I saw the suggestion, I just didn't respond to it until now.

If someone was giving me stalker vibes and displays more knowledge of you than you think they should have, I would be EXTREMELY RELUCTANT to invite them into my home, or enter theirs alone. Unfortunately in this day and age, you generally should err on t he side of caution, and if the person is displaying stalker behavior, making social overtures towards them could just encourage the kind of behavior you want them to stop.
If they already know where you live, then coming to dinner exposes them. It allows you to get to know them.

The mere invitation exposes their intentions. it flushes them out. If they are a genuine person then the answer is 'oh yes, that would be great, shall I bring a few bevvies?'

If they are creepy stalker style then they're busy, or they can't. Criminals planning on killing you all in your beds can't afford to come over for dinner and meet your friends and family. It all ends up too complicated. Too many people have seen their face.

Or if they do come over, they have to give away the idea of robbing and murdering you all and move their evil attentions to some other person.

having said that I am not telling anyone to do this, just putting it out there. If we all play it safe to the fullest we sit in our little rooms, isolated, fearing death, until we die of old age, never having lived and having deeply wounded innumerable nice people who were actually only lonely as hell and being friendly, along the way.

Brings bad to the world. It's important to bring good to the world.
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Originally Posted by Absolutely! View Post
If they already know where you live, then coming to dinner exposes them. It allows you to get to know them.

The mere invitation exposes their intentions. it flushes them out. If they are a genuine person then the answer is 'oh yes, that would be great, shall I bring a few bevvies?'

If they are creepy stalker style then they're busy, or they can't. Criminals planning on killing you all in your beds can't afford to come over for dinner and meet your friends and family. It all ends up too complicated. Too many people have seen their face.

Or if they do come over, they have to give away the idea of robbing and murdering you all and move their evil attentions to some other person.

having said that I am not telling anyone to do this, just putting it out there. If we all play it safe to the fullest we sit in our little rooms, isolated, fearing death, until we die of old age, never having lived and having deeply wounded innumerable nice people who were actually only lonely as hell and being friendly, along the way.

Brings bad to the world. It's important to bring good to the world.
Who said the dinner has to be in your own home? If someone wanted to use this angle, go OUT to dinner instead. Don't invite them into your house. You still put them on the spot, you still get a chance to know them and assess the situation, and with it being in a public place, you can have even more people see that person with you. Just a thought.
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