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Domestic Violence Next Door

7K views 107 replies 43 participants last post by  PurpleKitty 
#1 ·
I'm out with the horses and I hear a big argument next door. So being nosy, I watched and saw my neighbor (female) get hit by her boyfriend and fall to the ground. I thought I couldn't let that happen. I don't even know how I cleared the horse fence, but walked over.

I know, very stupid move. :eek:

Anyway, I yelled to him to stop it. He squared off on me. Now I'm thinking I'm about to get my ass kicked badly. He is easily 30+ younger than me and works as a landscaper and as a mason so I know he's very fit. Anyway, he started coming at me and said, "**** you old man." So I replied that I was 66 yous and if he assaulted me, I'd call the cops and it was a very bad enhancement on assault to assault a senior citizen. Luckily he stopped. :cool:

I walked up to the woman (I know her very well) and asked if a. She was okay and b. if she wanted me to call the cops. She said she was fine and no cops.

So, pressing my luck, I looked at him and said, "You are a man- you don't hit women. It doesn't say much about you." Then went home, breathing a huge sigh of relief. I'm obviously a special kind of stupid. :( But things got quiet over there.
 
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#6 ·
In this case, I believe that would have been the worst thing I could have done. But, to answer your question better, no- I don't typically carry when out with the horses. I'm not planning on shooting one of the horses. Although there are times I have considered it. :eek:
 
#5 ·
It's her house or better description, her Mom's house. I don't think she's the one to leave if it comes to that. Funny thing is, I kind of like the guy. Hard working young man and we've had beers together.

But I am planning on saying clear until they work it out to whatever end.
 
#10 ·
Back when I was a police officer I'd see the same women over and over again. I asked one of them why they stayed, and she said he was a great guy when he's sober. Problem was, he was never sober when I saw him.

The women who stay never cooperated beyond calling the police. One guy broke his wife's leg making it a felony, when she spoke to the State Attorney she refused to cooperate and all charges were dropped.

My concern in getting into a physical confrontation with an abuser is what happens if he seriously hurts you. Sure, you can call the police on him. But there is a good chance that the wife/girlfriend will back her husband/boyfriend and say you made an unprovoked attack on him and he had to defend himself. It'll be his word and her word against you. There's a chance YOU might be the one going to jail.

By all means, call 911. Don't risk getting involved in the fight yourself, especially if you are alone. If someone is with you, make sure they have the cellphone camera running the entire time.
 
#18 ·
I've never had a domestic case make it through a prosecutor. Even when the victim is fully cooperative and I do a full investigation and report, I submit the probable cause statement to the prosecutor, they talk to the victim, and suddenly the victim doesn't want to cooperate so the prosecutor refuses to submit it to the judge. Doesn't matter how much physical evidence, written and signed statements, and personal observations I submit along with it. Every freaking time.

You've got a solid point too about how the couple is going to lie to turn your attempts to help into an unprovoked assault by you against them.
 
#11 ·
You did the right thing, age be damn. I physically stopped a similar event where a boyfriend was going to town on his girlfriend, but I was much younger. I get where you're coming from on the age thing and I worry too that my normal self may get my older self in trouble some day. Just have to try to be less reactionary and think before we leap..:cool:

My guess is the lady next door will pay you a visit in the next few days and give you a thanks.
 
#12 ·
Never get involved again, now that she's told you that she's happy with her situation. Call the cops if you absolutely can't help yourself WHEN it happens again. She most likely will be mad at you for it, though.

He looks for women who will let him abuse them. She picks guys who will abuse her. It's not our (men who don't beat up other people for no reason) job to cater to the bull**** mindset of battered women anymore. Studies show that women initiate close to half of all domestic violence events when only one of the parties actually throws a blow, but no one gives a **** about men who live in an abusive relationship.

If women are so damn powerful and strong and equal to men, then they can do something about their abuse. When it happens, call the law and leave the guy. Get trained and carry a gun, there are only about a hundred million men and women in the US who would jump at the chance to help a women escaping abuse by training her to defend herself. Get a restraining order. Find a new boyfriend (because yes, if you're at least a 2/10 in the face and a 4/10 in the body and you're under 60 years old, it IS that easy if you put yourself out there) who isn't a ***** (assuming you can find one that hasn't been turned into a soyboy), and simply move on from being a punching bag.

You wouldn't hang around a friend who slapped or punched you when they got angry. You wouldn't work for a boss that grabs you and throws you on the ground. But you stay in a relationship where you get your ass kicked, and get angry at anyone who tries to help?

That tells me you're looking for something, and you've apparently found what you're looking for. Let her have fun with it. She told you her answer.
 
#79 ·
^This^ she gave him her answer, she either thinks she deserved what he dished out or she doesn't care enough about herself to either tell him leave or accept help...

Either way its not going to bode well for him next time because when he tries to help she'll likely throw him under the bus for butting in when the law arrives...
 
#19 ·
In a perfect world, sure. IRL? No way. Stay out of domestic stuff or, anonymously, call the police. Never get between them, you will end up with a knife in your back. BTDT, stay out of it unless she asks for help to leave. Even then, let the cops handle it. She will probably be back in a few days.
 
#17 ·
Pretty much my experience with every domestic I've ever responded to. Just replace senior citizen with cop. This is why LEO hate getting domestic calls. We can rarely do anything about it. 90% of the time it's effectively consensual, and half the time that's because the party who lost the fight is the one who started it which means both parties are worried and they don't want you looking into it in detail.
 
#21 ·
When we first moved back to Houston, we lived at a "landing pad" apartment complex. People moving to Houston moved there.

We lived on a little block with us, a man who loved cats, and an immigrant couple from the middle east. One night the middle eastern man started beating on his wife. You could hear him throwing her into the walls and her screams of pain.

The cat lover knocked on our door and borrowed my husband (who could walk, this was prior to the accident), and they went down the hall, had a little talk with the immigrant guy we don't treat our women like that in Texas. Be a shame if something happened to you.

He never touched her again.

Sometimes you have to do something, but what needs to be done depends on the case. I won't give any advice but I'll be praying for you.
 
#24 ·
Tough call and the odds are against a good ending (I doubt it's over).
Unfortunately, we live in a world where laying an ass beating on the deserving is tanamount to running a Nazi death camp. You may be doing the right thing in trying to stop some ***** from smacking around a female but chances are far better that:
1- it will continue.
2-it will get worse.
3-you will be looked for for more help every time it happens again.
4-you ignore it and she goes to the hospital (or worse).
5- you get involved again and he puts you in the hospital (no offense).
6- you whoop his ass and go home only to have a visit from the cops and a lawyer. You go to jail and get the crap sued out of you.

It sucks. We older folks are/were raised to respect women and not lay hands on them. Two things I've noticed are women today act less like ladies and males don't care much how they treat them.
We also learned that a good ass beating was just that. "Don't you take this ass beatin' personal". Now days you win or lose you are just as likely to get sued, arrested, or attacked when you let your guard down. Or all 3.

Hope it works out for ya. You'll just have to see how it plays out. Who knows, maybe they will apologize to you for their bad behavior and figure it out. Learn a lesson. Most likely not but at least you tried. *Shrugs*
 
#25 ·
If you and the deadbeat got into a physical confrontation....who's side would she take when police arrived?

"officer, this old guy came yelling and waving his arms, got in my BF's face, shoved him ...."

Chances are not good she'd side with any neighbor over a "lover".

Consider this before charging into any situation involving a "couple"
 
#26 ·
Wow, this triggered a memory I have not thought about for many years.
@30 years ago my neighbor was screaming in her front yard asking for help and telling me her son (young man who just finished his time in the Army) left the house with a gun and was going to kill his girlfriend who cheated on him. I walked over to calm her down and get to better hear what she was saying. I asked her if she knew the address where he was going and if she called the police. She knew exactly where he was going but did not want to call law enforcement. I told her we need to call and then proceeded to make the phone call at her home after getting the address. As I was just calling, her son pulls up, gets out of his car with a M1 carbine and I could see he had a magazine in the rifle. Many things went through my head as I told person answering phone, nerver mind, I’ll call back in a few. I knew the young man pretty well and he was really ****ed which was not normal for him. I talked to him and calmed him down and asked if he hurt anyone, he said no but was thinking about going back. Keeping the story as short as I can, I convinced him not to go back, drop her as a girlfriend and let me keep his carbine for a while. It turned out ok but looking back it finally sunk in on the risks I took and was very lucky with the outcome. I did not call back to the police which was probably another mistake but he never lost control again for the following years we lived there. Don’t know that I would get that involved again nowadays.
 
#27 ·
Yea, I agree with most here, if she puts up with being beaten then she is either into some weird kink or just stupid.

I intervened once when I was younger but it was not a couple. Girl was at a 7-11 using a pay phone (some of you might need to Google that and see what it is. I told you this was when I was younger...) and three guys that seemed a bit lit up were cornering her. I jumped out of the car and they started to come at me. My friend who knew he better stay put just told them that they were going to **** up if they did anything. They gained composure and I escorted the girl to the street so she could walk home. She was scared of me too (big long haired biker type) but at least she got away safe. I got back to my car and made sure they were not thinking of trying to find her. They were bent out of shape but thought better of what would happen if they did anything.

Now days I just live by the saying " I carry because I am too old to take an ass beating and too young to die."
 
#30 ·
I'd have killed him. That said, I'm a woman, I'm old and I've been abused both as a child (when I had no control over what people did to me) and as an adult (when I should have known better). I wised up. Not everybody does but no one "saving me" made it happen. It was ALL on me to save myself because in all honesty it was as much my fault for letting him get away with it the first time as it was his for doing it. I'm smarter now. I can spot one of those guys a mile off, even when he's on his best behavior.

Bottom line is you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. You did the right thing. She declined to take your offer of help. Now it's on her.
 
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