Why a Gun is Better than a Woman
A gun doesn't care what you call it ... handgun or long gun, rifle or shotgun, firearm or equalizer, cannon or howitzer, peashooter or big boom.
A gun is quintessentially itself ... it will never have an identity crisis, and will never seek counseling.
A gun is what it is ... so it will never change its caliber or barrel, sights or grips just because it wants to indulge itself.
Sensitivity to a gun is simple and non-contradictory. Your gun wants you to master it all the time, and it will never resent your mastery.
Sensitivity training for a gun involves the proper calibration of zero, the practice of proper shooting techniques, the prevention of malfunctions, the practice of safe shooting rules, the care and maintenance of the weapon.
Your gun won't be jealous or embarrassed when you go shopping for a new gun.
Your gun won't ever complain about what it used to be like before you had it!
Your gun won't make you visit its old and ugly relatives.
A gun in the kitchen won't keep you from enjoying junk food and beer.
A gun never expects you to buy it a new holster ... and it never complains about the color, material, detailing, or style of its container or covering.
A gun never goes on a shopping spree just for the fun of it ... indulging itself in unnecessary accessories and color coordinated ammo
A gun never complains that you don't take it out enough
A gun never monopolizes the bathroom.
You can leave your gun at home alone, and it won't get bored or lonely.
A gun never gets distracted, whimsical, or disobedient.
Your gun won't expect you to remember its birthday or anniversary.
You can have more than one gun residing in the same house without having problems.
Drooling over a beautiful gun is not illegal.
The courts have never tried to prevent you from buying magazines with close-up pictures of fully exposed guns in them.
You can look at a magazine full of exciting pictures of exotic guns with your gun right beside you, and your gun won't get upset.
Staring longingly at an attractive gun will not make other guns jealous.
Admiring someone else's gun is not impolite.
If you admire a friend's gun, he'll be glad to let you try it.
Complimenting or criticizing a gun will not change its performance!
You are expected to field strip a gun on the first date.
An urge to disassemble your gun is not a perversion.
Your gun will never demand payment or favors for showing you its inner parts and openings.
Your gun won't ever remind you about the first time you pulled its trigger.
A gun never objects when you touch all its inner parts.
You never have to wonder if your gun is satisfied after you've pulled its trigger.
Your gun appreciates a hot load!
Using a sabot to enhance the performance of low-velocity small caliber ammo will not disappoint your gun.
Getting inventive, experimental, or perverse with your gun almost guarantees it won't work right.
Using a lubricant on a gun is not kinky.
A gun does not object to the use of solvents and cleansers, brushes and mops.
A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you're finished using it.
A gun never gets shy or embarrassed when you bore-sight it.
It isn't immoral if you swap guns.
When you miss the target, it will never be your gun's fault ... and your gun will never make you feel guilty for missing the bull's-eye.
You can put a muzzle brake on a gun ... you can even put a silencer on a gun!
You can full choke your gun and not get arrested.
Locking-up your gun is not considered abusive or improper.
You can make your gun totally harmless by unloading it.