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Old 06-11-2010, 10:01 AM
RECTIFIER's Avatar
RECTIFIER RECTIFIER is offline
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Talking and that's how it all started..



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THE PLOT THICKENS

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************
DON'T SCREW UP THE ANNIVERSARY

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************** **********************
IS IT...YOU KNOW,THAT TIME.?
My wife and I are watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone an old gal-pal.'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************** **********************
BEER CAN MAKE IT BETTER

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started......

************************************************** *******************
GETTIN' HEATED IN THE RESTAURANT

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first..
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************
But...IT'S JUST DUST

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...


================================================== ====================
THE SCALE OF HURT

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...


================================================== ==================
A DRUNKEN CELEBRATION

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as
he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her , 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boyfriend...
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...


================================================== =========
DWARF WITH ATTITUDE

I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know
how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'..So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...


================================================== ==========================

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf '
Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When
I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed
her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass,
you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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Old 06-11-2010, 10:18 AM
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oktx oktx is offline
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About the last one... she should have told him she hid his beer in the grass and when he mowed he would find it again.

It's a good thing most husbands know to keep those thoughts inside their heads.
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Old 06-11-2010, 11:08 AM
Tucsonlover Tucsonlover is offline
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Thanks for the morning chuckles, Rectifier. Sadly, there aren't too many things to smile about anymore.
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