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Old 04-04-2010, 09:39 PM
harlequin harlequin is offline
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even though jokes about race are ok, people still seem to get offended, so i will tell a joke, but i will use vulcans, from star trek, because they are not real and so no one should be offended by what they do in the joke, ok? so...

these two black vulcans are walking down the street.......
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:29 AM
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A mother and daughter were driving behind a garbage truck. When a dildo falls out of the truck and bouces off the windshield. In order to preserve her little girls innocence the mother quickly replies "must've been some kinda bug" . The daughter smartly retorts "ya wouldn't think it could get off the ground with a *ock that big".
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:03 PM
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How did Hellen Keller lose her virginity?






Somebody forgot to take the plunger out of the toilet.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:33 PM
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What do immigrants and cue balls have in common?

The harder you hit em' the more English you get out of em'.
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Old 04-29-2010, 05:12 PM
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Default Re: Jokes on Religion and race are ok - read this

What the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus?


































It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:13 PM
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Default Re: Jokes on Religion and race are ok - read this

How do you know when its bed time in a catholic priest's home?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

__________________________________________________ ___

A catholic priest and a rabbi are sitting on a bench talking one day, when an 8-year old boy walks by...The catholic priest looks at the rabbi and says, "Let's **** him." The rabbi says, "Outta what?"

___________________________________________

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

Pizza's don't scream when you throw them into the oven.

____________________________________________

What did they do to the black jews during the holocaust?

Put them in the back of the oven.

_____________________________________________

How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them.
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:07 PM
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What's the difference between a refridgerator and a gay man?























When you pull the meat from the fridge, it doesn't fart!
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Old 05-03-2010, 05:13 PM
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What does a hair-lip dog say?

Mark! Mark!.....Mark! Mark!





Maybe I should leave the animals out of this!
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Old 05-09-2010, 05:16 PM
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Talking Obama Joke

Police today reported finding a john doe male body in the River. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive narcotics consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, lipstick , and an Obama t-shirt... He also had photos of himself in lewd acts. The police removed the Obama t-shirt to spare the family any unnecessary embarrassment.
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Old 06-18-2010, 02:34 AM
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Obama announces to the nation that blacks need more air-time on television. In response, FOX will now be showing COPS three days a week instead of just 2.

A devastating earthquake shook Mexico today. Obama has decided that we must help Mexico. California has sent wine, Vermont sent Maple Syrup, and Texas sent replacement Mexicans. :D
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Old 06-18-2010, 08:50 AM
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What do you call a Ethiopian walking a dog - -------------- A Vegetarian
Why are womans feet smaller then mens---------- so they can stand closer to the stove
what did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well------she screamed her fingers off

and last but not least

Why couldn't Helen Keller Drive a car very well-------------------she was a woman

http://instantrimshot.com/
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Old 07-08-2010, 09:35 PM
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I used to tick a friend off regularly with this stupid joke:

"How many Pagans does it take to screw in a lightbulb??"

"Oh, silly! Pagans don't screw in lightbulbs! They screw in circles in the woods!"

He has no sense of humor. If you can't laugh, you've already lost.

Then again, I don't tell dead baby jokes any more.
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Old 07-09-2010, 12:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graywolf View Post
My husband that passed was half Sioux. The joke isn't about their abilities, but anyone who has hung out with Lakota folks knows they have ceremonies for everything. The joke is "Ancient and Sacred Lightbulb Turning Song". Like I said, you have to know Lakota's to appreciate this joke.
Graywolf
Not much different from my Cherokee, and Comanche ancestors.
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Old 08-26-2010, 03:18 AM
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A freshly immigrated to the U.S. Mexican family is at home one evening while the mother is in the kitchen making dinner. Her little boy goes over to the counter and dips his hands in the flour and pats it on his face. "LOOK MOMMY! I'M A WHITE BOY!" he exclaims.

His mother takes one horrified look at him and slaps half the flour off his face as the boy falls three feet back and hits the wall. Yelling at him in Spanish, she tells hims to go show his father what he has done.

The little boy, shaken and still covered in flour, goes and shows his dad his face, and tells him what he had said. His dad grabs the boy by his shirt, removes his belt and whips him with it, all the while yelling at him about his Mexican heritage and how proud he should be of it. When he is done, he sends the boy up the stairs to tell his grandmother of his shameful act.

The boy slowly walks up the stairs, and quietly knocks on his grandmother's door. She sweetly tells him to come in, in her native language. He enters, head hanging low, flour still on his face, but now crusted where his tears had run down his face over the flour. He looks at his grandmother, and quietly tells her what he had said.

She looks at him, then covers her face with both hands, sobbing horribly, while muttering through her fingers in spanish, about how ungrateful of a grandson she has, and how she wishes she had a different grandson that was more behaved, and then beckons him out of her room.

The traumatized little boy heads back down to the kitchen, to inform his mother that he completed what she told him to do. He walks in, quite solemn now, and as she see's him walk in, she says "Well now, did you learn anything after doing this horrible thing"?

The little boy replies "Yeah, I ain't been a white boy five minutes and already I hate you friking mexicans..."
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Old 11-06-2010, 10:08 PM
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Why did they out the first woman on the space shuttle ? .... She was 20 pounds lighter than a dishwasher
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Old 12-20-2010, 09:20 AM
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Ive only ever been in church twice in my life.

first time i was very young and they tried to drown me.







Second time, they married me to a crazy woman.
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Old 12-29-2010, 02:43 AM
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AANNNDD the end of the post... darn.
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Old 12-29-2010, 11:12 AM
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Hellen Keller walks into a store. As she starts shopping, she begins swinging her dog around by the leash. The distraught store owner approaches her, and demands to know what she doing. She replied, "Oh, just having a look around".
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Old 12-29-2010, 11:51 AM
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Bear with me this one is a long one.

Everyday while the husband is at work unknown to him his wife had been having an affair. One day the man comes home early and the wife throws her lover in the closet before the husband see's him. What she didnt know was there 6 year old son was in the closet watching them.

Boy: Man sure is dark in here.
Man: Yeah sure is.
Boy: I have a baseball glove you want to buy it.
Man: No not really.
Boy: Well my dads right out side all I have to do is open the door
Man: OK I get it how much for the glove.
Boy: $400.00
Man: Good Lord thats alot of money, but like you said your dads right out side so here you go.

A few days later same thing happens dad comes home early, lover gets thrown in the closet and yeah the little boys in there again.

Boy: Man sure is dark in here.
Man: Yeah sure is.
Boy: I got a base ball you want to buy it.
Man: Well your dads right out side the door so yeah, how much.
Boy: $600.00
Man: Good lord thats alot of money but here you go.

That weekend

Dad: Hey son go grab your ball and glove, and we wil play some catch.
Son: Well dad I cant I sold my Ball and glove.
Dad: Well son I paid alot of money for that ball and glove, if you dont mind me asking how much did you get for them.
Son: Well dad I got $1000.00 for them (showing him the cash)
Dad: Well son I am ashamed of you overcharging your friends like that, I am going to take you to church so you confess to the priest.

Later that day at the confessional.
Boy: Man sure is dark in here
Priest: Dont start that s**t again.

Last edited by Primalpriest; 12-29-2010 at 11:53 AM.. Reason: Spacing
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Old 01-31-2011, 07:15 PM
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IN GOD WE TRUST
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming , universal health care , or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know ****?"

And then she went back to reading her book.
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