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Old 07-05-2019, 05:57 PM
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who here has done this?
Going be the buzz kill and say pranks and firearms should never be mixed.
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Old 07-05-2019, 08:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zuriss View Post
Going be the buzz kill and say pranks and firearms should never be mixed.
neither should pranks and chainsaws but that didnt stop me from running a chainsaw[minus chain] between a buddys legs up into his crotch while he was cutting rounds. i had my saw at full throttle. he actually ****ed his pants on that 1.
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Old 07-06-2019, 06:55 PM
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Old 07-08-2019, 01:38 PM
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Old 07-10-2019, 05:58 PM
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My family has never had much luck with business. Feels like a curse. Take the time Dad took the family fortune and opened a Japanese restaurant....on December 6th 1941.
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Old 07-11-2019, 03:12 PM
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My supervisor told me I can no longer refer to sorting packages on lane G as "Working the G-spot".
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Old 07-11-2019, 06:34 PM
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Sent from my Note 8 using Tapatalk
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Old 07-14-2019, 11:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
Clearly too many inks and should be restricted. Nobody needs more than black ink to get anything printed.
Shouldn't that be African American ink?
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Old 07-18-2019, 10:32 PM
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This should get the tears flowing. However, one big difference is one says they are a dem and lies the other says they are a repub and lies

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Old 07-19-2019, 08:39 PM
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Calling that horseface a 'hottie' is insulting hotties.
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Old 07-19-2019, 08:41 PM
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Originally Posted by PatrioticAmerican View Post
Calling that horseface a 'hottie' is insulting hotties.
That happens to be insulting to horses...
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Old 07-20-2019, 01:28 PM
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So, sorry. Horses deserve far better respect.
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Old 07-20-2019, 03:02 PM
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This should get the tears flowing. However, one big difference is one says they are a dem and lies the other says they are a repub and lies

They left "dumb as a door nail" off cotex's list.
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Old 07-22-2019, 04:12 PM
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Old 07-25-2019, 08:03 AM
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Old 07-25-2019, 08:05 AM
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Old 07-25-2019, 11:35 AM
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Old 07-25-2019, 11:37 AM
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Old 07-25-2019, 07:19 PM
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Default Some young, some old, but all groan up...

1 The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2 I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3 She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4 A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7 A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9 A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10 Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12 Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other. "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

13 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14 A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."

15 The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16 The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17 A backward poet writes inverse.

18 In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19 When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

21 A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22 Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

23 Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24 Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25 Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26 There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Old 07-25-2019, 07:57 PM
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Default A test for the really old farts...

,The Do-Wop Test



1. When did ''Little Suzie'' finally wake up?
(a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock
(b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock
(c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock

2. ''Rock Around The Clock'' was used in what movie?
(a) Rebel Without A Cause
(b) Blackboard Jungle
(c) The Wild Ones

3. What's missing from a Rock & Roll standpoint?
Earth _____
(a) Angel
(b) Mother
(c) Worm

4. ''I found my thrill…’' Where?
(a) Kansas City
(b) Heartbreak Hotel
(c) Blueberry Hill

5. ''Please turn on your magic beam_____ _____ bring me a dream,''
(a) Mr. Sandman
(b) Earth Angel
(c) Dream Lover

6. For which label did Elvis Presley first record?
(a) Atlantic
(b) RCA
(c) Sun

7. He asked, ''Why's everybody always pickin' on me?'' Who was he?
(a) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
(b) Charlie Brown
(c) Buster Brown

8. In Bobby Darin's ''Mack The Knife,'' the one with the knife, was named:
(a) Mac Heath
(b) Mac Cloud
(c) McNamara

9. Name the song with ''A-wop bop a-loo bop a-lop bam boom.''
(a) Good Golly, Miss Molly
(b) Be-Bop-A-Lula
(c) Tutti Fruitti

10. Who is generally given credit for originating the term ''Rock And Roll''?
(a) **** Clark
(b) Wolfman Jack
(c) Alan Freed

11. In 1957, he left the music business to become a preacher:
(a) Little Richard
(b) Frankie Lymon
(c) Tony Orlando

12. Paul Anka's ''Puppy Love'' is written to what star?
(a) Brenda Lee
(b) Connie Francis
(c) Annette Funicello

13. The Everly Brothers were.....
(a) Pete and ****
(b) Don and Phil
(c) Bob and Bill

14. The Big Bopper's real name was:
(a) Jiles P. Richardson
(b) Roy Harold Scherer Jr.
(c) Marion Michael Morrison

15. In 1959, Berry Gordy, Jr., started a small record company called...
(a) Decca
(b) Cameo
(c) Motown

16. Edd Brynes had a hit with ''Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb''. What TV show was he on?
(a) 77 Sunset Strip
(b) Hawaiian Eye
(c) Surfside Six

17. In 1960 Bobby Darin married:
(a) Carol Lynley
(b) Sandra Dee
(c) Natalie Wood

18. They were a one hit wonder with ''Book Of Love''
(a) The Penguins
(b) The Monotones
(c) The Moonglows

19. The Everly Brothers sang a song called ''Till I ______ You.''
(a) Loved
(b) Kissed
(c) Met

20. Chuck Berry sang ''Oh, ___________, why can't you be true?''
(a) Suzie Q
(b) Peggy Sue
(c) Maybelline

21. ''Wooly _______''
(a) Mammouth
(b) Bully
(c) Pully

22. ''I'm like a one-eyed cat....."
(a) can't go into town no more
(b) sleepin' on a cold hard floor
(c) peepin' in a seafood store

23. ''Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do........'
(a) cause there ain't no answer for a life without booze
(b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
(c) cause my car's gassed up and I'm ready to cruise

24. ''They often call me Speedo, but my real name is.....''
(a) Mr. Earl
(b) Jackie Pearl
(c) Milton Berle

25. ''Be Bop A Lula ....''
(a) she's got the rabies
(b) she's my baby.
(c) she loves me, maybe

26. ''Fine Love, Fine Kissing …..''
(a) right here
(b) fifty cents
(c) just for you

27. ''He wore black denim trousers and …..''
(a) a pink carnation
(b) pink leotards
(c) motorcycle boots

28. ''I got a gal named……....''
(a) Jenny Zamboni
(b) Gerri Mahoney
(c) Boney Maroney





















Answers:
Scroll Down so you aren't tempted to cheat (as if cheating were needed here).
* * * * * * * * * * * *
1. (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. (b) Blackboard Jungle
3. (a) Angel
4. (c) Blueberry Hill
5. (a) Mr. Sandman
6. (c) Sun
7. (b) Charlie Brown
8. (a) Mac Heath
9. (c) Tutti Fruitti
10. (c) Alan Freed
11. (a) Little Richard
12. (c) Annette Funicello
13. (b) Don and Phil
14. (a) Jiles P. Richardson
15. (c) Motown
16. (a) 77 Sunset Strip
17. (b) Sandra Dee
18. (b) The Monotones
19. (b) Kissed
20. (c) Maybelline
21. (b) Bully
22. (c) peepin' in a sea food store
23. (b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
24. (a) Mr. Earl
25. (b) she's my baby
26. (a) right here
27. (c) motorcycle boots
28. (c) Boney Maroney

Now I feel old.
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