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Old 02-19-2018, 07:43 PM
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I was standing in the self checkout line and thought Damn I look good.
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Old 02-19-2018, 07:50 PM
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My son is in 5th grade and I figured he's old enough to start learning about the birds and bees, but I'm not really good with talking about that stuff. I figured the best way was to play an xxx video leave the room, and come back at the end..

ME: Any questions?
Son: How do I become a pizza delivery man?
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Old 02-19-2018, 08:20 PM
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I was in Walmart the other day and asked the cashier to check me out. She stepped from around the register, looked me up and down, and said, yeah, you're in the right store.
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Old 02-20-2018, 03:23 AM
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When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
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Old 02-20-2018, 10:54 AM
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couple more oldie but goodies I have
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Old 02-21-2018, 02:03 AM
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Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.
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Old 02-21-2018, 02:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.
I know a high school science teacher who, when annoyed at his students, would jokingly say:
"Guys, I'm tired of being lepton by you bosons!!"
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Old 02-21-2018, 10:37 PM
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Imagine that you are in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? You stop imagining...
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Old 02-21-2018, 10:38 PM
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Old 02-21-2018, 10:40 PM
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:03 AM
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An elder woman was pulled over by a cop.
COP: Ma'am do you have any weapons in your car?
Lady: Yes sir.
Cop: What do you have?
Lady: I have my concealed carry, here you go sir.
Cop: Ok thank you, and the weapons?
Lady: I have my 9mm Beretta on him ankle, a S&W 45 in the glove box. A Glock 18 in the console, I have an AR15 under the back seat, and a semi automatic shotgun in the trunk.
COP: Good God lady, what are you afraid of?
Lady: Absolutely nothing.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:25 AM
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Life is too short for my book of 5 letter words.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:34 AM
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Irony is when you tell a joke with the opposite than expected punchline.
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian Treloar View Post
Where's the red pickup in the top part of the poster?
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Old 02-22-2018, 02:13 PM
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Quote:
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Where's the red pickup in the top part of the poster?
It went on a short vacation with the black sedan that's parked at the front of the house.
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Old 02-22-2018, 02:22 PM
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A mouse hot wired it..

:0)
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Old 02-22-2018, 02:28 PM
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Old 02-22-2018, 03:45 PM
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Old 02-22-2018, 04:53 PM
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Mandela boot lickers were the worst ...
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:03 PM
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When a man was asked why he shot the doctor who gave him 6 months to live, he responded because the judge gave me 25 years.
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