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***Ladies Section***Like Clockwork (Rant)

3K views 14 replies 5 participants last post by  eyepal 
#1 ·
I wasn't going to address this issue, but I feel the need to air it out I've not done so in a very long time because I generally get past the urge to bitch or I'll "let it go" but not this time.
For those that don't know, I'm speech impaired as it is from a stroke. I struggle through to get the words out. Son knows this and he uses this to cut me off in midstream when it serves His purpose. He came out here this past Dec. under the impression he'd be help to me, but I find it to be total BS, all lies. Nothing's changed with him, he's an alcoholic. He claimed attendance to the AA meetings regularly for going on 3 years and was espousing such BS that I really believed he was on the mend. Given the benefit of doubt, it's been "like clockwork" every day with him, to say the least.
Bottom line: I don't NEED this crap of him screaming abusiveness at me, nor his continued consumption of alcohol or the habitual lying. Mother's Day was very unpleasant. I ended up telling him "He's got to move, this isn't working out."
It a matter of survival to my way of thinking. Now he's parked on the couch sleeping, didn't go to work. No suprise there.
 
#2 ·
Several options, which can be used singly or in combination, and every state is different...

Call your local Sheriff's department and find out if you have to evict him, or if you can just have him removed by police. Depends on how long he's been there, whether he signed a lease/rental agreement and/or paid rent, whether you're breaking your lease by letting him stay there, whether you're breaking any local ordinances (occupancy permits, zoning, max capacity, etc.). Follow the procedures they tell you, so you don't end up with a ticket/arrest for breaking the law/ordinance...

If he's been abusive, get an order of protection.

The next time he's being abusive, call the police and have him removed. Prosecute, especially if there is physical injury...

Sign the affidavit for mental illness assessment/observation (usually 72-96 hours) because of the alcohol abuse. Remove all his property, safeguard it in his name at a self storage (no more than 90 days, then it's on him to pay)... Make sure you give him the key... change the locks on the doors... and get an order of protection. Check with Sheriff's Dept. for how to do this all legally.

Read about alcoholism, perhaps go to an Al-Anon (for family/friends of alcoholics)... This will help you with strategies and understanding...

Talk to your Pastor... this is hard and emotions/feelings of guilt, etc. can get in the way of rational (needed) action.

Hugs and prayers...
 
#3 ·
Right now, I don't know where he is. His truck & clothes are still here, but as of yesterday he's gone off somewhere. I suspect to one of his children's homes or to find someone to move in with. Most likely, the latter.
Thing is, it didn't have to be this way. He's 51, just exchanging one problem for the next, not dealing with the REAL problem. I just know I'm not going to stand for the abusiveness of his alcoholic ways.
No doubt I'll become the bad guy in this scene, (not that I'm worried about it) but it's always someone else's fault. He see's the truth, but doesn't want to accept it. It's in God's hands so far as I'm concerned.
 
#5 ·
I won't go into details as to why I believe this but, I do. An alcoholic basically stops emotional growth at the onset of the "diesease". If he started drinking as a teenager he is basically, emotionally, still a teenager. Just from your post, it sounds like he is a basic bully, selfish and won't change until he decides to quit drinking and then it is a long process. He may never quit. I am a firm believer in tough love and one way or another, he would be out. He will share his destructiveness if he can. My best wishes for you, and him.
 
#6 ·
You are certainly accurate in your assessment.
Added to that, he's a drama (queen/king?) type, ignors what I say and tries to take over ALL. He's a know it all or thinks he does without the basis of actual fact or reason. I can't live that way and I won't.
Now I've got to change the door locks because he took my 2nd set of keys. Already ordered them, to be delivered on the 21st :thumb:.
 
#7 ·
Change your locks dear. You don't need him getting liquored up and coming back to yell at you some more, especially if someone else is pitching him out.

I'm so sorry things have turned out this way. We love our babies, no matter what they become. We may regret what they become and how they act, but we love em and try and try again to help them if they need it. It's really so sad when they think it's ok to abuse the one person in the whole world that loves them this way.

By the time he's 50 he's well beyond the age to believe you owe him anything.
 
#8 ·
I love him, but he knew that I wasn't going to put up with this kind of treatment, so I have to wonder if this wasn't some kind of manipulation on his part? Yeah, he's manipulative too.
So said, I'm aware that life isn't the best that it can be with the home being in stages of renovation and my near deafness what it is, but that doesn't give him the right to be vile, nor disrespect me or my home.
I've got new locks coming soon.

To be fair, maybe I should mention that I'm the "bad guy" with all 3 of my children because I don't tolerate disrespectful nonsense, i.e., alcohol, drugs or selfish behavior in the extreme. Not for long anyway, lol.
 
#9 ·
No one respects a door mat. If boundaries aren't set and adhered to, we become (I hate this overused word) an enabler. The stress of living with an alcoholic is extreme. Manipulation goes hand and hand with it. To be on constant vigilance against abuse and manipulation is exhausting. I think you did the right thing. At 51 he either needs to quit and live or more likely, continue drinking and bouncing from place to place. The only one who can make that decision is him.
 
#10 ·
Being a doormat is not the way to show them you love them. Tough love is. I didn't tolerate tantrums and disrespectful behaviour when they were 6, 16 or 36 and they all learned it early. I only have one prone to get mouthy at me (the youngest of 7) and his brothers had to teach him there were limits when he was 15. Both eyes were blacked for a week. He still gets some mouth on him (mid 30's now) but he knows I'll break out the baseball bat if he gets foul and vile.

If anybody wants to get altered mental state with drugs or alcohol they can do it somewhere else and don't come around here. Period!

Don't blame me, I just want a happy peaceful home. If you want something else, go somewhere else.
 
#11 ·
Bare in mind, he LIED to me. I had no reason to believe otherwise, since he was court ordered to get counseling and therefore attend AA meetings for 3 years. While going through this, he emailed me daily. I gave him the benefit of doubt, but soon after he arrived here the truth was revealed.
I believe in tough love too, but I believe in being reasonable too when the circumstances call for it. However, it gradually escalated until I was felt forced to give him an ultimatum...stop drinking or leave my home. Given a choice, he left.
Though he drinks daily, he uses common sense with it when he's driving semi-trucks. It's when he's done for the day and on the weekends, common sense flies out the window. Then, he becomes a mean drunk. It doesn't take much to set him off, so I thought it best to choose the time wisely, but that didn't happen, as it turned out. He's bi-polar in this mix :eek:.
The straw that broke the camel's back (so to speak) is when he fell asleep, still drunk from a hangover, while heating water in a 18 gallon tub and LEFT it. I woke him up. He became beligerent, screaming at me obsentities best not being repeated. Very vile. Yep, on Mother's Day.
Yeah, I have to heat water for everything until I get the bathroom & kitchen finished being renovated. This whole house is a work in progress, but I think it's worth it. Not wanting to waste more electric than neede, I'm cautious. Power bills are high here and I'm on a tight budget with medical bills I still have to pay. Money only goes so far. I'm conservative, he's not. Anyway, he's gone.
 
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