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Old 05-29-2020, 12:18 AM
Digout Digout is offline
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A lot of caregivers feel the only option is them 24/7/365 or putting the loved one in a facility where they will be sexually and physically abused, neglected and die a horrible death.

So Purplekitty, do you think this was a "nice death?"
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Old 05-29-2020, 12:48 AM
Lilychan Lilychan is online now
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Seeing as how she confessed to doing it, I am not sure why anyone would think she is going to present a defense. She will probably plead guilty and maybe hope for a deal of some kind, though they probably don't need to give her one with a confession and the evidence given.
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Old 05-29-2020, 12:50 PM
Bolivar Bolivar is offline
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Her defense will be insanity, which I do not see as an excuse. She is, after all, a mad dog.

Florida has capital punishment, so I hope she gets the death penalty.
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Old 05-29-2020, 08:00 PM
PurpleKitty PurpleKitty is offline
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Dig, drowning is pretty terrible.

Now my husband and I have talked a lot about what he wants... he does not want extreme measures. If he has a UTI, we will treat it. Kidney failure, we will not. He has died before and says it is wonderful. No extreme measures, DNR, no ICU. He is clear on that. I am clear on that. I feel the same, to be honest.

HOWEVER that said when he had a seizure a few months ago - his first, I of course called 911 and sent him off to the hospital. The paramedics said we could say he was a DNR but they were going to do everything until I could produce the paperwork (which is across town with our next of kin). We were quite upset. Happily he did not have a tumor or anything and they sent him home, said it is common for seizures to follow a head injury.

I would never kill him if I really couldn't take it anymore I would leave the house with him in it, call a crisis line and get him placed.

As it is with his problems most would have placed him. But we are blessed to be able to work part time and I can take him to work.

Someone reading my blog made up stories about us and snitched to adult protective services...they opened an investigation which is still pending. She asked quite a few questions about my bipolar disorder and my medications. I gave her permission to talk to my doctor. I answered very personal questions about him including his toileting abilities, etc. He understood. I haven't heard anything but no one has come to arrest me, either.

I also turned off comments on my blog as I realized I was being stalked, and took down the link to my Youtube videos that had my full name. I haven't had any further problems.

So I have just about every problem you can have with a loved one, caregiving. I am going to lean toward the caregiver in general. I am in a caregiver support group - private, and some of the things said in there would curl your hair. Many have it a lot worse than I do, and many have it better. It just depends on the loved one.

The important thing for the caregiver is to take care of themselves, to have healthy outlets. I enjoy cooking and he loves to eat certain foods. So I cook a couple times a week for him. I recently bought a "fancy" $7 bottle of body wash I use every night in the shower (with my depression it is easier to shower at night). I sit in my chair in the front yard now and then, enjoy the sunshine, quality time with the cats. I used to run.

I would like to get back into my kettlebells. That will also be a good outlet for me when I do get back to that. And it will make me stronger for lifts.

I do try to think about these things. I also need to get back into my prayer and Bible Study time every morning.

Dig, there is a thread in this forum about an elderly man being beaten, and I believe another thread about nursing home workers running a "fight club" for patients. So some concern about a home is merited.
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Old 05-30-2020, 12:12 AM
Kay Kay is offline
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PK, do not count on your or his wishes being respected with regard to DNR's. I had DNR's out the yingyang when I died a few times and yet, here I sit. From the name of the hospital, I think it was a catholic hospital but I'm not sure.

When I was a caregiver for mama, my favorite thing was swimming. It's not an option for you, I know, but swimming in the early mornings and the late evenings was what kept me healthy and relatively sane. Exercise helps a LOT, mentally as well as physically. I also found that the morning's first half hour to an hour of doing and thinking whatever positive things you believe in is the greatest thing for setting the mood/attitude for the rest of the day. Some days, I didn't have time for a shower but I always got in the swimming and the positive things that kept me sane. But believe me, AD is a walk in the park compared with your situation and that of the woman who killed her nonverbal autistic boy.
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Old 05-31-2020, 10:22 AM
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Plasma1010 Plasma1010 is offline
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Originally Posted by PurpleKitty View Post

The state is supposed to help but many times the helpers sent are lazy, negligent, talk in the driveway on the phone the whole shift, abusive, neglectful, STEAL, etc. So the caregiver thinks it really is on them 24/7/365 until they get tired of no sleep or time to themselves and snap.
The State is supposed to help ... this is all from Rhode Island ...

Rhode Island DCYF

"In a period between January 2016 and December 2017, there were 31 fatalities or near fatalities of children in its care"

"Nicholas Alahverdian... At the age of 15, after his legislative advocacy and news coverage of the abuse he suffered, Alahverdian was sent to facilities in Nebraska and then to Florida where he was tortured and raped

"DCYF engaged in a practice wherein a foster child without a home or otherwise any relative to stay with would be subjected to spending their days in a DCYF office building until the agency could find a temporary bed for them to be sheltered for the night, hence the name "night-to-night."

"In June 2013, a child's arm was broken at DCYF facility Harmony Hill School[20] and a toddler in foster care was found dead"

"A girl, aged 9, in the care of a DCYF foster carer died in a bathtub in January 2019. The girl, who had cerebral palsy, died after spending at least eight hours in the bathtub"

"lack of an intake process for new children and families, inadequate staffing, and the fact that 3,200 Rhode Island children were abused or neglected in DCYF care."

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