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Old 01-14-2020, 08:41 PM
Nomad, 2nd Nomad, 2nd is online now
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Originally Posted by PurpleKitty View Post
I am dealing with this at home, he has a lot of dramatics when his back acts up.

He flails around in bed.
as someone with more than my share of spine pain/surgery I might buy all the rest due to his chikdishness, shelfishness, and a spoiled ******* drunk.

But "flails around" tells me he is faking.
That would make it worse.

If he were just sitting there drinking, drugging, and being a ****.... Might be real.

flailing.... Attention seeker/not real pain.


Leave.
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:06 PM
Pabstman Pabstman is offline
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This guy sounds like a real loser. Dump him. I have never heard you state any good points. It sounds like he is just using you and you are going along with it.
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:44 PM
Dixie_Dude Dixie_Dude is online now
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I fell and hurt my back. Pain was intense. I moaned a lot, and hummed. Noise and stimulating the vegus nerve helps calm the nervous system, singing, humming helps for some reason.
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Old 01-15-2020, 06:45 AM
ebjr1967 ebjr1967 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nomad, 2nd View Post
as someone with more than my share of spine pain/surgery I might buy all the rest due to his chikdishness, shelfishness, and a spoiled ******* drunk.

But "flails around" tells me he is faking.
That would make it worse.

If he were just sitting there drinking, drugging, and being a ****.... Might be real.

flailing.... Attention seeker/not real pain.


Leave.
I agree with the flailing around. Mostly theatrics.
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Old 01-15-2020, 06:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleKitty View Post
He flails around in bed screaming and pouring down vodka and pain meds until he passes out.
Vodka and pain meds. Not a good combination. If he keeps that up, he will solve the problem for you.

He very possibly could be in severe pain. My wife had severe back pain until surgery corrected the problem. There was no position she could stand, sit, or lie in that would ease her pain. Pinched nerves will do that.
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Old 01-15-2020, 07:36 AM
PurpleKitty PurpleKitty is offline
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Yeah, there's damage, every doctor says that after looking at the imaging. I can even tell just looking at his x-ray.

He was better by the time I got home from Walmart last night (bill pay, and picking up his pain meds). I think the magnets helped.

He is still good with the cats, very devoted to them, very devoted to me in his way. He would absolutely give me a vital organ or take a bullet for me. He was a very hard worker and the type of man who would always try to do it himself before asking for help.

Not so much these days. But we have been together 28 years.

If I am not in his life he loses his beloved cat and ends up in a nursing home, that informs every decision I am making.
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Old 01-15-2020, 01:00 PM
Nomad, 2nd Nomad, 2nd is online now
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I'm not saying that he doesn't have damage, nor am I saying that he doesn't hurt.


What I AM saying is that he is putting on a "show" for you in order to get attention, sympathy, and/or 'excuse' his bad behavior.

I graduated Recon School still running on a broken foot.
Years later after Iraq/ prior to my 3 foot surgeries it was common to have medical professionals with access to my medical records ask me how I was able to walk around or even stand.

When my spine really hurts it causes what I call 'pain fatigue' and my body literally shuts down. I've walked to a corner of a room and laid down on the floor and been rendered more unconscious vs 'sleep it off.'

I do not practice "compairing pain" as everyone has different pain and our minds and bodies handle different pain differently.

But I can tell you as someone who has had a cervical level 2 level artificial disc replacement (my C5-C6 and C6-C7 discs have been replaced with artificial discs made titanium and plastic).... The procedure which (naturally) the Va bungled.

AS well as having issues with my L5 which have me in nearly constant sharp pain:


"Flailing around" would INCREASE my pain levels.
I've been told by others around me that when I'm in great pain I become "more rude", my speech becomes more clipped and abrupt.
I don't notice, and after being told this routinely pre-apoligize to wait staff and others and inform them (and tip to compensate) that I do not notice/am not aware of it.

So I am well aware that an altered mental state and actions can ABSOLUTELY be side effects of chronic pain.
Happens to me.


But spinal injuries and accompanied pain are exacerbated by movement.
When your in REAL pain you do everything you can to minimize or eliminate vertebrae articulation.

Someone who doesnt:
100% chance that while they may be "in pain" it is NOT to the levels that your husband pretends.

Note: although I drank 5x in 2019, 2 and perhaps 3 of them were due to enhanced pain. So I buy that, particularly in someone who like a drinking.
But NOT daily.

Also I have upon occasion drank with meds in my system.
Yes it's not good for you (although several doctors have told me that if it's less than 1x/month it won't do any lasting damage.)
You don't care when it hurts that much.

But you have described (not just in this thread) someone who is pretending their pain levels are much greater than they really are.
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Old 01-15-2020, 03:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleKitty View Post
I am dealing with this at home, he has a lot of dramatics when his back acts up. I believe he is in pain but I do not believe the theatrics are necessary.



When I have had severe pain (bleeding ovarian cyst, broken toe, migraines) I was very quiet with it. I get tense and my voice gets quiet, if anything.



He flails around in bed screaming and pouring down vodka and pain meds until he passes out.



I am just wondering if he is being a drama queen or people legitimately act like that when hurting.


If you are thrashing around while complaining about back pain you will not likely get any sympathy from people who actually have back pain.
Jes sayin’.
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Old 01-15-2020, 04:21 PM
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I have endured compound fractures in my right hand without much issue. I even managed to set one of the fractures in the back of my hand the bone that goes to my right ring finger five times on my own, though with it completely broken in two it would not stay in place. I also lived with it when I broke my right collar bone and dislocated my shoulder in the Navy as I couldn't get to any medical treatment at the time, painful but again easily enough dealt with.

There have been pains that were not that easily dealt with though. When my jaw bone gets infected and the gums down beside my jaw swell up to the size of my thumb it is intensely painful. When that infection moves up the side of my head into my ear and around the back of my neck into my spine it becomes excruciating. When my right ear drum burst three years ago due to one of these flare ups it was so excruciating I was having to use pliers to pinch on my left arm to distract my mind from the pain in the side of my head.

When I cut the last inch of my right thumb in two along the right side of the bone on my table saw I was able to bandage it up on my own and was out splitting wood for the fire the very next day, I did take a few aspirin for the pain over the next 5 weeks as it healed but that was the only painkiller I used. About the same time my father in law got his hand caught in his model airplane engine and he got 12 stitches at the ER and he was on heavy duty pain meds having the mother in law help him pee for the next 4 weeks. He was literally acting as though he was going to die from the pain, different people deal differently.

I shattered two vertebrae and fractured my pelvis as a child when I was thrown down a flight of stairs, never being treated for these injuries they did not heal properly and my T11 and T12 vertebrae do not lock together like they are supposed to and tend to twist to the right in my spine. The pain is pretty much consistent and the muscles are always tight and guarded, but sometimes something catches me by surprise and I will literally yell out in pain and drop to the floor. The pain can become unbearable in an instant and it apparently pinches nerves which causes a loss of some control in my legs.

It is hard to say whether this is a show or whether the pain he feels may actually be just that bad. Not to toot my whistle or anything but I am about as tough as they come in dealing with pain and injuries, but even I have my limits. I have been brought to my knees more times than I can count by surprise lower back pain.
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Old 01-15-2020, 05:30 PM
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PK, just a thought....does he have tardive dyskinesia? Some meds can make it much worse.
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Old 01-15-2020, 07:45 PM
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Pain is really odd.

When I got shot it shattered my femur. I didn't make a sound, I tried to take a step, fell over when my leg bent in half about a foot above my knee. Didn't cry, didn't curse...nothing.

The three or four days after surgery where the same, even though it turned out I was allergic to morphine and couldn't use the morphine pump they gave me.

Three weeks later after no sleep and it feeling like a blow torch was playing over my foot from the nerve damage and I was a mess. At one point I believed I had actually died when I was shot and all this was just an illusion and I was actually in hell.

When my dad had back surgery a couple years ago he went psychotic from the pain and trashed so much he broke the screws in his lower back holding it together and had to have another surgery to fix the damage he did. It had to have hurt but he was so crazy from the pain he didn't care about making it worse, he was just plain out of control.
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Old 01-15-2020, 07:58 PM
PurpleKitty PurpleKitty is offline
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Maz, no, he doesn't. He does have a TBI which can make things challenging. He already had structural problems and arthritis in his back at the time of the accident but it got a lot worse after.

He was pretty functional for quite a while and only recently (about 3 years) went back in the wheelchair. He has been fine for pain today, oddly enough.

I had to run errands most of the day and left him alone, he was fine.
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Old 01-15-2020, 09:44 PM
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Another thread about the husband?
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Old 01-15-2020, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Mere_Man View Post
Another thread about the husband?
No, another thread about attention.
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Old 01-16-2020, 12:02 AM
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Chronic severe pain get his doctors to take him off pain meds.

Gabapentin and TENs unit.

Place the TENs pads about 4 inches above the painfull area and run it on high.

Over time this will burn out the nerves and the pain will go down.


Narcotic pain meds should never be used for over 30 days as you will start getting a rebound effect.

I have had fibromyalgia/ small fiber polyneuropathy and back pain for over 20 years and have not had to take any Narcotic pain meds in 15 years after starting gabapentin and using the TENs units 16 hours a day for about a year.

It does not stop all the pain but it makes it liveable.
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Old 01-16-2020, 12:17 AM
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I've had a narcotics prescription since I got back from Iraq in 2005.

Granted I'm the kind of guy who doesn't even like taking vitamins, and has a high pain tolerance, so I use as little as possible.

Tens unit, like CBD oil works (meaning helps) for me....
For a short while.
Then neither does ****.
(When my pain levels were less Tens did more for me.)

Much less "burns out the nerves"
(Burn out my central nervous system!?! We are talking about internal spinal cord mecanical injuries.)
Don't know who told you that ridiculousness fiction.

Also won't take gabapentin as it "turns me into a zombie" ( best description I can think of.

Of course, I have a buddy who had downers bring him up and uppers bring him down.
People are different.


My point that chronic pain (vs flailing right after surgery until the screws broke or other short term cause and effect) spinal sufferers WILL NOT be moving to exaserbate their pain.

I'm laying in my oversized tub right now looking like a lobster due to how hot the water is.

These are the kind of"universal" things that every single person I've ever spoken to with spinal damage agrees upon (heat/cold, immobilization reducing pain, etc.)
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Old 01-16-2020, 03:03 AM
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18 years in a LEO career and I saw many different reactions to many different injuries or ailments. I personally do not scream out in pain, even if it hurts "real bad". My back hurts real bad on some days and I think if I was at the hospital where someone was asking the pain level on a scale of 1 to 10 on most days it would be a 6 and on the bad days I would say 8 while chewing on 4 or 5 ibuprofen trying to dull the pain.

I have seen others apparently over act as well. I have seen some scream out in agony for a simple injury. I saw a 13 year old boy only say "Owwie, owwie, owwie." when he had a broken hip from an off road motorcycle accident. I have seen people under react to major injuries from a car accident or gun shot wound, and I have seen people act like they are at deaths door for a minor bicycle accident.
I wish I could give you a good answer, but everyone is different.
I wish you the best through these times.
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Old 01-16-2020, 06:22 AM
PurpleKitty PurpleKitty is offline
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Thanks. I worry about being taken advantage of, or losing my empathy.

When I married him he was not like this. He has not had a bad day since I started this thread, I am just worried he will, again, and we go through all the drama again.

How do I act is the question. Do I play hard ass "marine" "suck it up soldier" or do I tell him he's a poor baby? Somewhere in between?

I will look into TENS as that is one thing we have not done. The magnets seemed to do the most, the other day.
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Old 01-16-2020, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Mere_Man View Post
Another thread about the husband?
Hey, it could be another anti vax thread.
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Old 01-16-2020, 08:42 AM
PurpleKitty PurpleKitty is offline
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That's for sure.

I have a pretty limited circle, husband, cats, work and online. That is it. And most of my stuff is gone due to the pipe break and my home is trashed.

I do focus on this handsome fellow:


I think the purple really shows off his fur.
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