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-   -   The ANY SUBJECT Joke, Picture, Almost Anything, Thread! (https://www.survivalistboards.com/showthread.php?t=570081)

Ian Treloar 08-29-2016 02:35 AM

The ANY SUBJECT Joke, Picture, Almost Anything, Thread!
 
My one-liners haven't had a thread to post on for a few weeks, but I used to enjoy giving people something to laugh about each day, and I hope others got a kick out of them too.

So I've decided I'll start again with a new thread and see how it goes. This is the ANY subject joke, picture, video, almost anything thread. It's not my thread alone. Post here whatever is funny on any subject you like.

Ian Treloar 08-29-2016 02:35 AM

My wife and I have been married so long she can finish my sentences.

She also starts most of them and supplies the middle parts too.

Antikyth 08-29-2016 03:10 AM

I'll try one.

A farmer in Teas decides one day that he wants to have his bull reproduce. He goes out to the pasture and there his bull is, running around the pasture. He says to the bull "It is time for you to spread your seed". The farmer goes on the computer and finds the exact cow he wants, and it's in Minsk, Russia. He goes to Minsk, looks at the cow, and has it put in a crate and shipped back to his farm. He gets back and invites some of his friends over to watch and drink beer. He opens the crate and lets the cow out. The cow goes out into the pasture and the bull sees her. He charges at the cow, gets ready to mount her, but just as he goes to mount she wiggles to the left, away from the bull. He goes away, and decides to try again. He charges at the cow again, gets ready to mount, but just as he goes to mount, she wiggles away to the left and messes him up again. Since the bull is stupid, he goes around for a third time. He charges the cow, gets ready to mount, and success! He mounts the cow! But, the problem is, she wiggles towards the front, out from under him, and gets away. One of the farmer's friends who was watching with him said "So, this cow's from Minsk?" The farmer asks "How did you know?" The guy says "My wife's from Minsk!"

kl0an 08-29-2016 04:29 AM

I always liked the one where the government EPA Inspector shows up at the cattle ranchers house and introduces himself, saying he needs to check his land for water runoff, illegal wells, that kind of thing.

The farmer steps out on the porch, leans over and spits some tobacco and says "Well, I have no problem with that, just stay away from that small pasture just to the North.

The EPA guy whips out his wallet and shows him his badge and says "Look here, this badge gives me the right to inspect any and all property here on your ranch and that's what I intend to do.

The inspector spins on his heel and marches right for the North pasture, climbing over the fence to gain access. THe rancher walks over and leans on the fence watching the inspector.

A loud grunt is heard and some scraping of hooves on the ground. The Inspector turns around and see the biggest bull making a charge right for him. He drops everything and starts running for his life.

While he running and screaming, he yells "Help me, What do I do?"

The rancher leans over and spits some tobacco juice on the ground and looks at the inspector running for his life and says...


"Show him your badge!!"

Ian Treloar 08-29-2016 10:37 AM

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Ian Treloar 08-30-2016 08:15 AM

One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.

FWFRazorX 08-30-2016 08:52 AM

An elderly couple are driving through a winter storm one night when they see a skunk freezing to death on the side of the road.

The lady says "Lets stop and see if we can help it."

They get it into the car and she asks "How can we warm it up?"

The old fella says "Put it under the floor board and the heat should warm it up."

After a few minutes she says "It's not working, it's still so cold...."

He says "Hold it between your legs, that should warm it up."

She asks "What about the smell?"

He says "Just hold it's nose."

Ian Treloar 08-31-2016 06:02 AM

The problem with being in the center of attention is that half of it is always behind your back.

Carne Frio 08-31-2016 03:18 PM

http://i0.wp.com/www.bitsandpieces.u...size=547%2C539

Carne Frio 08-31-2016 03:29 PM

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFile...0/84737514.jpg

Carne Frio 08-31-2016 03:39 PM

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFile...5/84763706.gif

NoFlyZone 08-31-2016 04:52 PM

That's creepy!

Stoveman 08-31-2016 05:10 PM

Don't tell me anything you will have to kill me later for.

kokosmom2 08-31-2016 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoFlyZone (Post 11308401)
That's creepy!

It certainly is...yuck!

Ian Treloar 09-01-2016 06:39 AM

I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

bunkerbuster 09-01-2016 07:08 AM

This guy picked the wrong women to grope.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/video/viral...cid=spartandhp

FWFRazorX 09-01-2016 03:46 PM

Underneath this slimy exterior lies a lack of character.

Ian Treloar 09-02-2016 06:00 AM

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Sailorsam 09-02-2016 09:12 AM

2 Attachment(s)
wish I could make these bigger

Cabinet Maker 09-02-2016 10:11 AM

Sharp airline attendant
 
A Business Class traveler was trying to flirt with an attendant.
"So, what's your name young lady?"
She replied "Mercedes, sir."
"Lovely! Any relation to the car?"
"Yes sir, we do have something in common."
"Oh, what would that be?"
"The price tag."

http://i1072.photobucket.com/albums/...pssdry0b73.jpg


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