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Old 05-25-2009, 01:33 AM
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Default How to deal with the crazy ex wife....



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I'm not sure what to call this thread...

My kids came home from their mothers today.

It was obvious that my daughter had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she started telling me about her weekend with her mother. She (my daughter) said she has nothing else to do there but sleep so she was in bed for most of the day today (Sunday).

When she got up her mother was wanting to fight.

Basically her mother called her down for a lot of things today.

She told my daughter she was over reaching by going to an "Early College" High School. She said she would be better off attending a regular high school with regular kids, etc. At the rate my daughter is going, she will have an Associates degree by the time she is 18 1/2 years old, another Associates degree when she is 19 1/2 years old, and a Bachelors degree a month or so after her 20th birthday.

The ex took issue with my daughter still being a virgin and tried to get her to take her promise ring (the one I gave her when she turned 13 that she has worn everyday since) off. I still cannot believe that she actually wants our daughter to start sleeping around....

Next she scolded my daughter for not wanting to come down to see her and for asking to leave early when she was down there. I can honestly say I don't blame her.

When my daughter said she preferred to be at home with her Daddy the ex replied that I had tried to "sell" my kids to her a few years ago for 7000 dollars. My daughter knows her mother is a liar but that really hurt her feelings.

She (the ex) told my daughter that I was going to make my daughter get a job and that I was going to take her paychecks from her. I'm not sure how this lie can mesh with my wanting my daughter to go to an Early Collage and not get even a part time job whole she is in school, but whoever said the ex's lies made any sense.

My son overheard all of this as well.

My daughter has had to go to counseling because of her mother. Two years ago I took her to see a counselor because of some issues and the counselor told me she had never seen a girl who had such a complete and total alienation from her mother.

In the past their mother has held my daughter by the arm and forced her to watch her mother have sex. I reported her to DSS but they said I was a racist because the man was Black. I told them my problem was not that he was Black but that my daughter was forced to watch it, but they closed the case anyway.

I could go on and on about the things their mother has done to them...



My son has already stated that when he turns 13 in two months that he never wants to see his mother again. When he is 13, he can refuse to go down there and a judge is permitted to take his desires into consideration, if the ex tried to take it to court. My daughter wavers a lot on the issue, mostly because of the guilt trips her mother plays on her, but if this continues I don't think she will want to go down there by herself once my son stops going.



I get my kids home and all my daughter wants to do is hug me and cry over how mean her mother is. It breaks my heart to see her like this but I cant make her not go down there. It is a decision my daughter must make for herself, and I know it will be hard for her to sever all ties to her mother.


I wonder why I type this, as Ill probably end up getting attacked as being anti woman again for saying all this.
Old 05-25-2009, 01:45 AM
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Stick in there, it happened to my Hubbers cousin-his daughter chose to move in with her mother (after she promised her the moon) and then a few months later moved back in with her Daddy (who btw has had custody for 14 years-hard to do in my county for a man). Her mother lied to her and now she has nothing to do with her, it is still hard on her but she copes with it easily knowing her Daddy is there for her.

Godbless RNCMOMX2
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Old 05-25-2009, 01:59 AM
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Originally Posted by rncmomx2 View Post
Stick in there, it happened to my Hubbers cousin-his daughter chose to move in with her mother (after she promised her the moon) and then a few months later moved back in with her Daddy (who btw has had custody for 14 years-hard to do in my county for a man). Her mother lied to her and now she has nothing to do with her, it is still hard on her but she copes with it easily knowing her Daddy is there for her.

Godbless RNCMOMX2


I'm the first to admit that raising a daughter has not been easy, especially for a man with no frame of reference.

With my son, I know everything he thinks about because that's what I thought about when I was his age. Its just so easy to steer him in the right direction so to speak, but its not the same with a daughter.

All I can do is be there for her and try to understand what she is feeling. Girls are not logical and its hard for a man to understand what they are trying to say... They never seem to be straight forward about it and always have to kind of move in a zig zag to their goal...

Usually when she has a day like this, I get to share my bed with my 12 year old son and my 15 year old daughter which is no fun. My son isn't that bad, I cured him from splaying out in the bed and kicking in his sleep, but my daughter wants to lay there with her arms and legs splayed out and I end up in a tiny corner of the bed trying not to fall on the floor. UGH!!!

My son is almost 13 years old and he sleeps with me most nights. Because of his experiences when his mother tried to kill me and seeing most of what happened that day, he has a lot of issues with trying to protect me. The last time I made him sleep in his bed he stayed up almost all night pacing the floor, checking the doors to make sure they were locked and looking out the window to make sure his mother or the cops weren't out there.

I guess I am not the only person around here who has deep scars (physical and emotional) from dealing with that crazy biatch....
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Old 05-25-2009, 03:14 AM
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Keep strong and if your not already get some family counseling to help with those emotional scars, even men need love and hope to deal with some problems.

Godbless RNCOMX2
Old 05-25-2009, 03:41 AM
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Document EVERYTHING.

My current wife had some problems with her ex. He pretty much is a "Do as I say, not what I do" POS. He has the youngest brainwashed into being a vegetarian because they hurt animals and meat is bad and the list goes on. "He has this "no *sshole is gonna raise my kids" mentality and had made my wife's life a living hell for 2 years until I showed up.

We took him to court and due to my constant insistance to my wife that we keep a log of everything that was said, implied and occurred, we have a very established and court ordered custody arrangement that is: Best for the kids, best for all parties involved and as a Dad myself I didn't want to strip the guy of his right (and duty) as a father, just evened the field a bit and life is more bearable having to deal with him.

Besides, he never says anything to me directly, just tries to complain to my wife because he knows if he messes with the bull, he's gonna get the horns.

Hang tough Country! I raised my daughter for 3 years alone and it ain't easy but you're a hell of a stand up guy in my book.
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Old 05-25-2009, 03:49 AM
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my heart's out to you bro, I've been a single father but i'm a widower, so no crazy ex. Your daughter is old enough to do whatever she wants, at 18yrs she's an adult and no one can MAKE her go. good luck and god bless.
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Old 05-25-2009, 05:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by countryboy123 View Post
I'm not sure what to call this thread...

My kids came home from their mothers today.

It was obvious that my daughter had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she started telling me about her weekend with her mother. She (my daughter) said she has nothing else to do there but sleep so she was in bed for most of the day today (Sunday).

When she got up her mother was wanting to fight.

Basically her mother called her down for a lot of things today.

She told my daughter she was over reaching by going to an "Early College" High School. She said she would be better off attending a regular high school with regular kids, etc. At the rate my daughter is going, she will have an Associates degree by the time she is 18 1/2 years old, another Associates degree when she is 19 1/2 years old, and a Bachelors degree a month or so after her 20th birthday.

The ex took issue with my daughter still being a virgin and tried to get her to take her promise ring (the one I gave her when she turned 13 that she has worn everyday since) off. I still cannot believe that she actually wants our daughter to start sleeping around....

Next she scolded my daughter for not wanting to come down to see her and for asking to leave early when she was down there. I can honestly say I don't blame her.

When my daughter said she preferred to be at home with her Daddy the ex replied that I had tried to "sell" my kids to her a few years ago for 7000 dollars. My daughter knows her mother is a liar but that really hurt her feelings.

She (the ex) told my daughter that I was going to make my daughter get a job and that I was going to take her paychecks from her. I'm not sure how this lie can mesh with my wanting my daughter to go to an Early Collage and not get even a part time job whole she is in school, but whoever said the ex's lies made any sense.

My son overheard all of this as well.

My daughter has had to go to counseling because of her mother. Two years ago I took her to see a counselor because of some issues and the counselor told me she had never seen a girl who had such a complete and total alienation from her mother.

In the past their mother has held my daughter by the arm and forced her to watch her mother have sex. I reported her to DSS but they said I was a racist because the man was Black. I told them my problem was not that he was Black but that my daughter was forced to watch it, but they closed the case anyway.

I could go on and on about the things their mother has done to them...



My son has already stated that when he turns 13 in two months that he never wants to see his mother again. When he is 13, he can refuse to go down there and a judge is permitted to take his desires into consideration, if the ex tried to take it to court. My daughter wavers a lot on the issue, mostly because of the guilt trips her mother plays on her, but if this continues I don't think she will want to go down there by herself once my son stops going.



I get my kids home and all my daughter wants to do is hug me and cry over how mean her mother is. It breaks my heart to see her like this but I cant make her not go down there. It is a decision my daughter must make for herself, and I know it will be hard for her to sever all ties to her mother.


I wonder why I type this, as Ill probably end up getting attacked as being anti woman again for saying all this.
I feel your pain, brother........believe me.....I do.......PM me if you need to talk about this........
Old 05-25-2009, 05:40 AM
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Document everything and get a lawyer.
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Old 05-25-2009, 09:39 AM
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I am the product of a divorce. When I was 14 I left my mom to live with my dad. I knew I would have a more stable life style. (my father was no picnic either).
After all the manipulation I went through in my young life, I have severe trust issues. Your ex wife is a manipulator. I cant say as I have heard anything so terrible as to make your daughter witness a sex act. That in itself is enough to seek action against her in court.
The hardest thing is dealing with your desire to protect your children from this menace and being "made" to hand your children over to her.
Im not sure I could handle this situation. My heart is breaking for you right now.
It is so hard for a daughter to not have the love of her mother.

Your daughter needs the love and guidance of another woman right now to be able to show her what is right.

She needs a moral female mentor.
Find her one.

I found one when I was growing up.

I soon learned that my mom was crazy and that in my heart and mind I had to distance myself from her for my own sanity.

I had to learn for my self that I couldnt fix my mom.
My mom lives in a house on our property. I am all she has. I help her and will take care of her when the time comes, but there will always be that wall that I have to protect myself from her and her irrational behavior. It hurts to have a parent that is not what you wanted.

Last edited by granny squirrel; 05-25-2009 at 09:47 AM..
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Old 05-25-2009, 10:07 AM
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Seems like her mom is trying to attack you through her by attacking all the things you did for your daughter and the direction you are trying to steer her in life (which definitely seems to be a good direction!).

I'm sorry I don't have any advice about what to do about it but maybe realizing why she is doing it could help some...

Hang in there!
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Old 05-25-2009, 10:44 AM
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CB123, I went through similar situations with my ex husband. (First husband).
He raped our son (then 4 yrs old), my son by another man (then 6 yrs old) and let his blind, mentally handicapped daughter be gang-raped when she was 11.
Yet the courts didn't believe the doctors reports because he was a cop.
I finally did get all my kids back. No charges were ever placed against my ex.

My ex stays well away from me and the kids (even though they are grown).
I told him what I would do to him if I EVER saw him again.
He believes me.

Stay strong...you are all those kids have. I think you are right...when your son decides to stop seeing your ex (I won't call her a mother---by her behaviors she doesn't qualify), I expect your daughter will opt out of the visitation as well.
Old 05-25-2009, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by countryboy123 View Post
Usually when she has a day like this, I get to share my bed with my 12 year old son and my 15 year old daughter which is no fun. My son isn't that bad, I cured him from splaying out in the bed and kicking in his sleep, but my daughter wants to lay there with her arms and legs splayed out and I end up in a tiny corner of the bed trying not to fall on the floor. UGH!!!

My son is almost 13 years old and he sleeps with me most nights. Because of his experiences when his mother tried to kill me and seeing most of what happened that day, he has a lot of issues with trying to protect me. The last time I made him sleep in his bed he stayed up almost all night pacing the floor, checking the doors to make sure they were locked and looking out the window to make sure his mother or the cops weren't out there.
Countryboy;
A bit of friendly advice from someone who also has a crazy 'ex"; be careful about having your older children sleeping in the same bed as you are. Although you as a parent see this as providing security to them, a court shrink or one egged on by your unbalanced ex-wife can make something out of the situation that isn't there... and it could put you in a world of hurt.

As another poster said, your daughter needs a female mentor to help steer her through the dark and mysterious "woman things" that us mere mortal men cannot and never will understand.

Your son needs to talk to someone he trust about his issues, (counselor, clergyman, trusted teacher) someone who can look at the situation objectively, (careful there though, these folk have great pressure to "report to the authorities" anything that they might look upon as child abuse).

It is a difficult time you are going through and no one who has not lived a similar situation can even approach understanding what you face. Be thankful to God that you still have your kids. i have been divorced from my 1st wife for 25 years. I just recently started to reconcile with my daughter and haven't seen my son and namesake since he was 15, (he is now 41). It breaks your heart to go through this,but as a philosopher said, that which does not kill you makes you stronger.

Good luck and God Bless.

Last edited by tortminder; 05-25-2009 at 11:14 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:12 AM
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Country boy, after the kids are back home, maybe (the ex)she'll die in a car crash.
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:05 PM
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Country boy, after the kids are back home, maybe (the ex)she'll die in a car crash.


One can only dream...
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Old 05-25-2009, 05:38 PM
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Whether it is the mother or father the children suffer. It is so hard to standyby and watch them being torn apart by emotional battery. I feel you pain, been there years ago. My best wishes for you and your children.
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Old 05-25-2009, 08:00 PM
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You should definitely take that scum of a woman to court. You have a case about the forcing your daughter to watch a sex act as proof that she is unfit to be a nuturing mother to your still underage son. if she has done such things to your daughter, its likely she would turn to your son and do the same.
It sounds like your ex has an authority issue in which now that your daughter is getting older, she has now become much more mature than her mother. With your ex convincing your daughter to take off the promise ring and sleep around, she's trying to push your daughters maturity down so that she can still feel "better" than someone else. She probably couldnt stand seeing your daughter become a better woman than she has become herself.
We're all here for you bro.
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Old 05-25-2009, 09:34 PM
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I hope and pray that everything turned out your way. However, due to the age of the children. They should have a court appointed free attorney. There job is to make sure none of that Sh*t happens. I was a single mom for 7 1/2 years with my daughter till I remarried. Thank god for my hubby now. My daughter does not see her bio father. He was physcially and emtionally abusive to her at a very young age and I got his right revoked. She now has a wonderful "daddy". What you need is to get your self a wonderful woman, a role model for your daughter and family counseling. That is most important. Your daughter btw depending on which state your in at 16 yrs old can apply for her own parent termination rights. NY has them. I will keep you in my prayers.

Last edited by Mrs_AK; 05-25-2009 at 09:43 PM.. Reason: error on dating
Old 05-25-2009, 09:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs_AK View Post
I know this post was done over a year ago
I think this post was from this very early morning,,,
.
.
Old 05-25-2009, 09:42 PM
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my error.. was looking at the wrong date... sorry
Old 05-25-2009, 11:13 PM
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I kind of know what your going through. When me and my ex separated, I hired a private investigator to document everything she did for a few months. When we went to court, the investigator gave the judge 120 pictures and a 10 page report. The judge called a recess and when he came back he asked me what i wanted in the divorce. When my ex tried to contest it the judge told her to sit down and shut up, he had everything he needed in his hands. So i got full custody of my 3 girls, and my lawyer had something put into the divorce papers which at the time i didn't think about, says that i make all life decisions, and that all visitation was in my control. The judge and my lawyer said that if she did anything to jeopardize the well being of the kids i could have visitation stopped. And if i really wanted to push it and things were bad enough i could have her parental rights taken away. So i'd advise you to document everything, get your kids into counseling as well as yourself (to help you deal with the stress) and get you a lawyer and possibly a private investigator. Good luck to you and hope things get better for you.
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