My own date in these tough times

[nightfall]

Okay, I have not been in the dating scene for some time. My last boyfriend, I dated him for 3 years although we lived together for 5 years (because of the economy was going downhill). So, now the ex-boyfriend has moved out a year ago, I hadn't been on the dating scene for 6 years! When I sat back and thought about this, I thought this was rather disturbing.

This past weekend, I saw the movie Zombieland and thought I seem to be a shut-in in some ways. (How can a shut in do good cardio? He had a tower of pizza boxes too. So I don't see how he could he be in such shape. Yes, the movie was one of those just for fun Anyhow, I digress...)

So, last week...
A guy said "You must get asked out a lot." Of course, if you are only going to work and home, how can you be asked out. So my first date with someone new after 6 years... YIKES... I think I've become an inarticulate shut-in. Not that I have ever been talkative in the real world, but it's become worse.... Stumbling with my words and trying to vocalize my thoughts. Ever see the movie Head Over Heels? At least she was a little elegant and funny as she stumbled on her words. Although he was nice and bought me dinner, I think I am beyond hope. He's a hunter guy, very gentlemanly opening the door (although I'm used to doing whatever I need to for myself without much help)... I don't know if I'm lady-like enough to date someone like him. I'm too much the sort to bring out the axe to chop the wood by myself as needed instead of asking a man to do it for me.

<sigh> Oh well.
It seems too late in life for me to be hitting the dating world. How many singles do we have here on the board? How long has it been since you went out on a date?

[oktx]

When I was dating, the hardest thing for me was that I almost always had to be the one to ask guys out. For some reason, guys have the impression that if you are a beautiful woman, you have guys flocking to your door. Actually it is the complete opposite.

Ultimately, I found my now-husband online. We were able to get to know each other from a distance on the inside without him making assumptions about me based on looks. (Beautiful women are all stuck-up, cruel and have no real emotions, don't you know? <-sarcasm)

Anyway... I wish you luck. It is never easy getting back into the dating scene. Once you do it for a while, you might find yourself feeling more at ease. Oh and it helps to keep asking him questions about himself so you don't have to do all the talking.

[killzen]

...I have not formally dated since I got divorced back in 95...I do go out on unofficial dates but I seem to have lost the patience needed for a 'formal' date...I'm not a 'shut in' but most times I go out with friends (mixed group) or meet others but dont' date as most people define it...I dont have the interest, I guess, to set up the date, follow through and then go through the routine...I guess if 'dating' can be likened to a phone call, then what I do is 'text messaging' which one can initiate and cut off at will....I dread the idea of being 'stuck' with someone on a 'date'...it's pretty flexible here in south Florida where I live, and large enough a population for no one to give a s**t what one does...God help me if I lived in a small town, where non-dating if you are single seems to label you...

[hawkbern]

I've only dated a few gals since splitting with my wife a year ago. It's hard for me being a full-time Dad with a full-time job. I go to work, take my daughter to school and hit the grocery store. That's about it. While the online thing may work for some, I was disappointed with it myself. Ladies my own age tend to have older children and younger ladies that claim they are 'over the bar scene' still seem to go to the bars five times a week. I don't date ladies that are dating other people either as I don't think it's the best way to get to know someone. I keep my eyes open and my expectations low.

I feel your pain but I have no answers.

Edit: Oh I forgot...the first dat I was really nervous, but I got less nervous as I went on to date others. I hadn't dated in over 8 years so it took a bit of getting used to. It gets easier.

[nightfall]

Originally Posted by oktx

Ultimately, I found my now-husband online. We were able to get to know each other from a distance on the inside without him making assumptions about me based on looks. (Beautiful women are all stuck-up, cruel and have no real emotions, don't you know? <-sarcasm)

Anyway... I wish you luck. It is never easy getting back into the dating scene. Once you do it for a while, you might find yourself feeling more at ease. Oh and it helps to keep asking him questions about himself so you don't have to do all the talking.

One of the assumptions that seems to be going around is that I must already have a boyfriend. The guy thought that until he chatted with me some to find out. Another problem is finding someone in my age group. People often mistake me as 25 or something like that.

I might have to do the online thing too... I have to find someone as nerdy as I am.

Originally Posted by hawkbern

Edit: Oh I forgot...the first dat I was really nervous, but I got less nervous as I went on to date others. I hadn't dated in over 8 years so it took a bit of getting used to. It gets easier.

Ah, so I'm not hopeless.
Yeah, it seems people my age have kids so I feel really out of place.

[killzen]

...goodluck with the online thing...I tried that for a while and got to collect a large number of fake pics, stats, etc....I even went and met a woman once who turned out to have sent me a pic of someone else...I have no idea what she was thinking....was she planning on having plastic surgery before I showed up?...needless to say, I left...

[nightfall]

Originally Posted by killzen

...goodluck with the online thing...I tried that for a while and got to collect a large number of fake pics, stats, etc....I even went and met a woman once who turned out to have sent me a pic of someone else...I have no idea what she was thinking....was she planning on having plastic surgery before I showed up?...needless to say, I left...

Really? LOL That's a pretty stupid thing to do...
Seems rather useless to lie unless you don't plan to ever meet the person.

[hyperboleRN]

Well, I'm in your shoes too.

Including my marriage of 8 years, and then my nearly 6 years post-divorce and new ...I've not been on a date in 14 years! I've not ever dated since I divorced 6 years ago. Haven't had the desire to, at all. Sure, I get lonely from time to time, but I went through literal hell, and I just don't know if I can handle dating again. Not to mention, I have my kids to worry about. I spend too much time working, going to conferences (for continuing education or CEU's for my nursing license), prepping, going to the range, spending time with the kids, camping, fishing, etc, to date. Plus, I've wanted to give my kids as stable and loving a home as possible after the hell they went through with their father. Things are good now, and I don't feel like I have the energy to put in the work for a relationship.

Not that I wouldn't ever want to have someone to spend my life with. I just seem to never find the time. I have been asked out, but I've declined. I needed to get my life back together before I got back out in the dating world. I do go out with friends from time to time, so I'm not a complete shut-in. I enjoy camping, and fishing, and going to the range, and learning all kinds of stuff related to self-sufficient living. I'd love to one day buy my land up north and build a retreat up there. That's my goal, at least. It'd sure be nice to have someone to share it all with. Maybe someday!


So count me in the single club.

[killzen]

...if you do the 'online' thing, keep these in mind:

Online Isn't Real Life
1. Online dating usually starts with a series of email exchanges, as you and your prospective partner chat back and forth in a controlled environment. Talking to someone online, however, isn't the same as talking to someone in real life. You may meet somebody with whom you completely click via email, only to find things awkward and uncomfortable when you finally meet for a date.

Fire and Forget
2. Online dating usually provides a huge number of options: hundreds or even thousands of members of the opposite sex, all of whom meet your basic requirements and all of whom live within a short distance of you. This embarrassment of riches can backfire, however, because many people tend to give up on a prospective match too quickly. With so many options available, you may be tempted to move on if the first email exchange doesn't work. Some people, however, take time to open up--even online--and when you toss them aside, you may be giving up on a great potential match.

Lies, Lies, Lies
3. People can lie on the Internet with ease: false names, false pictures and false personas created with just a few taps on the keypad. When speaking to online matches, you have no idea if you're seeing a real person or a cunningly crafted façade. Online dishonesty needn't be so dramatic, either; online daters have a way of shaving a few pounds off their listed weight or a few years off their listed age in order to attract more people. It pays to approach online dating profiles with a certain amount of skepticism; if your potential mate sounds too good to be true, he probably is.

No Support Network
4. Because most early contact takes place online, your friends and family don't have a chance to meet any potential online mates in the initial stages. That can be a blessing in some ways, but it also serves as a handicap. You may be so enamored with the initial flush of romance that you can't see any existing problems with your mate, something those close to you may be able to perceive more objectively.

Emailing a Black Hole
5. Initial contact with online dating can be extremely painful. You labor for hours to compose the perfect introductory email: expressing interest without appearing desperate, displaying wit without sounding like you're full of yourself. Then you send it off...and it vanishes. The other person chose not to reply, flushing all that heartfelt effort right down the drain. Multiply that by dozens of matches and the frustration factor can get quite high. Some dating services, such as eHarmony, use step-by-step contact procedures to eliminate the problem. Others require perseverance in the early stages that you don't need with more-traditional kinds of dating.

[hawkbern]

Yeah, if you decide to go the online route, send me a PM. I assisted a couple of single lady friends of mine with that. They were shocked at how easy it was for me to peg what guys really were just by their profiles. It's actually kinda fun for me! As a woman, you will have to sort through HUGE numbers of losers...trust me. It can be very time consuming if you don't know how to sift through to get to the decent ones.

Best of luck.

[Dwind]

wanna feel better about your lives- convince me to post in this thread...

[Sage0925]

Originally Posted by oktx

When I was dating, the hardest thing for me was that I almost always had to be the one to ask guys out. For some reason, guys have the impression that if you are a beautiful woman, you have guys flocking to your door. Actually it is the complete opposite.

Ultimately, I found my now-husband online. We were able to get to know each other from a distance on the inside without him making assumptions about me based on looks. (Beautiful women are all stuck-up, cruel and have no real emotions, don't you know? <-sarcasm)

Anyway... I wish you luck. It is never easy getting back into the dating scene. Once you do it for a while, you might find yourself feeling more at ease. Oh and it helps to keep asking him questions about himself so you don't have to do all the talking.

LOL...I can relate...I had to ask my husband out the first and second times, ask him to move in with me, then ask him to get handfasted...poor baby is terrified of rejection by women.

I found out 20 years after I graduated from high school, that plenty of guys would have asked me out...but asked my best friend if she thought I would go out with them first. She, unbeknownst to me, was a closet lesbian and had a crush on me, and gave them negative answers. And all that time, I thought I was a basket case that nobody wanted to ask out. *sigh*

[Brimasmom]

I'm legally separated and I haven't dated in 1/4 of a century. I'm a time capsule.

Many people have told me that it's okay that I date now, even though I'm not divorced yet, but I just don't agree with that. Even when my divorce is finalized, I honestly don't think I'll ever date again; I just don't have the heart for it anymore.

If I thought for one minute that I could find a companion to share my life with, I would be downright amazed. Call me jaded and disillusioned, but most guys are after only one thing and then the polish is off the apple and they move on to the next woman. I've seen it happen to too many others to believe otherwise.

Bottom line: no dating scene for me.

[Last Chance]

Originally Posted by Brimasmom

I'm legally separated and I haven't dated in 1/4 of a century. I'm a time capsule.

Many people have told me that it's okay that I date now, even though I'm not divorced yet, but I just don't agree with that. Even when my divorce is finalized, I honestly don't think I'll ever date again; I just don't have the heart for it anymore.

If I thought for one minute that I could find a companion to share my life with, I would be downright amazed. Call me jaded and disillusioned, but most guys are after only one thing and then the polish is off the apple and they move on to the next woman. I've seen it happen to too many others to believe otherwise.

Bottom line: no dating scene for me.

I understand you feel hurt,but I wonder about whole guys only want one thing statement. As a male I can tell you the only time I ever only wanted one thing from a woman is when that is all she had to offer.

[mightyoak]

Just be yourself and do what you do.

If you're chopping wood and he's man enough then he'll grab the other ax and lend a hand.

Or after you shoot your deer and have it hoisted up to clean it just say "can you put your finger here" so you can tie the rope off

If he's worth keeping he'll keep up.

If he can't or won't then you really don't need to babysit an adult.

[Mal]

Dating today is an exercise in frustration.

[trainedtosave]

I am 30 and have been on 3 dates in my life. None got past the first. I have a lot going for me, but unless I meet someone I am really interested in, I could care less.

[hawkbern]

What a bitter bunch we are.

[Saberman]

Don't be so hard on yourself you just need to get back in the groove. When you find the right person it will all come naturally. No nerves........ Don't put so much pressure on yourself, you'll make it much harder than it is.....

[AmIJustParanoid?]

Frankly, all you single ladies on here are super hot to me, if nothing else but BECAUSE you are here.