I have a wee problem

[Absolutely!]

I have people to stay in my house while we work at the orchard. They would be paying $100/head anywhere else, I am letting them stay here, because the mother is a workmate of mine, for $50/head. They have been here for a week and a half, and will be here a total of six weeks.

The thing that's killing me is that there are two boys, 13 and 16, and they seem to be allowed to sit in the lounge all day, and play loud shoot-em-up games on their computers. Until 10:00pm. Nobody stops them, nobody says 'be quiet'. They talk as loudly as they wish to each other, they take the best chairs and they put their legs out onto the coffee table and do not move their legs unless asked, for people to get past.

Yesterday a 50 yr old guest of ours sat on the floor. I suggested the youngest give her his seat. he did not do this, the woman said 'oh, I'm fine on the floor', and the mother did nothing. She was right there and she did nothing.

I only have the one television set, I am used to being able to relax in the evening by watching television. But I can't hear it. If I turn it up enough to hear the mother says it is too loud. I currently sit on an outdoor chair brought into the house because not enough chairs, right up by the telly, but I'm often so intent on trying to hear what's going on that even when adults speak to me I don't hear it. It's impossible.

There is a husband there, he's much older. He will tell the boys to do things, they do not do them, he does not seem to get angry or anything - just lets them continue. Nobody seems to have any feelings, they are all mild, and nice, and friendly all the time... but the right thing is not getting done.

I'm about to boil over. I have two ideas of what to do about it, but don't know which to choose and they're a bit exclusive.

1. set up chairs outside on the verandah, where the boys can still get internet reception, and tell them they may only play computer games out there;

2. speak to the mother about it and try to explain to her how frustrating I am finding it.

Wisdom please! I lost mine under a couch somewhere...

[Kay]

You didn't mention why you would consider letting these people in your space in the first place but obviously, this situation is not working.

Since the adults do not see a problem, your only alternative is to get all of these ill-mannered savages out from under your roof--NOW. It's not worth the money you're getting.

You'll lose a "friend" but is she really your friend anyway? I think not. They are all just using you and abusing you. Tell them to get out and make sure you have back up to enforce it. Your only other alternative is to continue being a doormat.

[Mels thinkingitover]

The parents may be less likely to treat you and let their children treat you like a Holiday Inn if you mention in a serious conversation that they are going to end up back at the $100/head place. The general lack of respect for you and your property seems to be the same problem you see in rental houses a lot of the time. "It's not mine so I can treat it/behave any way I want to." At the rate they are going, you are going to end up with damage to some of your stuff, to say nothing of losing your sanity after working all day and then putting up with that at night.

[CabinLass]

"Yesterday a 50 yr old guest of ours sat on the floor. I suggested the youngest give her his seat. he did not do this, the woman said 'oh, I'm fine on the floor', and the mother, Viv, did nothing. She was right there and she did nothing."


Well, I say if the mother or father or guardian of these heathens isn't going to raise the kids right then it is up to us or you in this case. Screw her if she is embarrassed. She needs to be embarrassed. How about...."Little Jimmy?There is an adult that has entered the room which means you give up your seat willingly. You need to give your seat up and do it now and if you give me one roll of your eyes and be slow about it there will be hell to pay." Bet that will fix it.

[LadyFenix]

This situation is NOT going in the right direction. It is obvious that the people you describe have NO respect for you or your property.

It is YOUR house. Not theirs. But they are treating you like you are a servant in your own home. Re the boys' actions, kids need to know where the boundaries are for acceptable and unacceptable behavior. With the lack of parental control, these two teen boys think that "anything goes". Blasting away with loud video games is both rude and inconsiderate. And so is their habit of sprawling around and plunking their feet on your coffee table. It isn't a video game arcade. It's your home. And these boys have the manners of a goat. (Really makes me wonder where {and how} this family lived, before they took up residence at your property.)

If you are not in desperate need of the $50, each, that is being paid by this family, I strongly suggest that you tell them to leave. This situation is NOT going to get better. It can, however, get much worse. And it probably will, if it continues.

[PreppinMouse]

They need to be booted out as fast as possible IMO. When a guest takes the floor, that would be it for me.

The parents failed to teach these kids respect.

I am sure there are many many people who would consider this gig a blessing and treat it as such.............the boot...........give it to them.

[Ladyjewel]

Turn off the internet... that is what i would do. I'm sorry you find yourself with a situation like that I can imagine how frustrating that would be.

Jewel

[BadgeBunny]

Oh, Abs! Viv complains to YOU if the telly is too loud?!?! You are kidding me?!?!!?

I'm sorry but I've got nothing constructive to offer. Heads would roll, starting with mum and pa ...

WTF is wrong with people?!!?!? (BTW, she is NO friend of yours. I would NEVER treat a friend like she and hers are treating you ... and in your own home, no less ... )

[jinxedsydney]

Let me chime in here out of experience; we had close family friends stay with us out of need. They had 2 children and one on the way. The youngest was in diapers. Often, when he was dirty, the dad (who is like my brother) just kinda ignored it. One day, I had to knock on the bedroom door to find that he was playing online games. I took a deep breath and said, "Look, I love you enough to let you stay here but something has got to give." He looked at me as if I was an alien. He had no clue. "I am totally uncomfortable saying this, but it is our home and you will need to keep better watch over the kids and make sure to change the diapers and dispose of them outside. It's just part of the deal with living here." I really was uncomfortable saying it, but it stopped. He became aware as to what was going/not going on.

I'm not saying that talking to Viv will change things for you, but ground rules should be put out there. And it is your house. Your rules.

[bunny]

Sounds like you put yourself in a situation with little control over it. Thats your fault don't blame them for doing what you are allowing.

[Mominator]

I do not have a solution short of sending them packing but I just wanted to point out to everyone that this is why in a SHTF situation it is not a good idea to take in stray people. Bad enough when she has to face working with this person if she sends them packing but imagine if they could come back and kill / rob / ruin her home or tell others who might take advantage of the situation that she has preps.

It is rotten to have this happen at the holidays but as bad as it is given a real disaster this could be a make or break situation.

[Absolutely!]

I don't know what to say.

I spoke to the mum about the kids moving outside to play their games. This I hope has been organised, I've got a table organised outside with access to a power point for them to plug in.

If I kick anybody out the situation at work will become very difficult. She is a nice lady, just a bit modern... eg the kids don't have to eat food they don't like the taste of. I still cannot understand why children are allowed chairs when adults sit on the floor though. I just can't quite get to that place.

Bunny makes a very good point - I'm letting it happen. I need to beady eye this lot and put them on the spot somehow. I would have done so if the woman had not said 'oh I'm fine on the floor' - Viv is her boss. (another cringe for having her sit on the floor.) I've been burned in this town sticking up for normal behaviour. Badly badly burned. I'm a tad gunshy so if I can just squeak through this time without too much carnage that's what I want to do.

And just be glad I'm me, and my kids are my kids.

Thanks everyone for responding. I'll see how the cookie crumbles. Rome wasn't built in a day. Tread softly but carry a big stick, he who laughs last laughs longest, ... um...

can't think of any more.

[Mominator]

I just remembered something that might help. One time we had a guest who brought her husband. The lady was an online friend but we had never met her husband, who turned out to be a royal PIA and eventually made a very crude pass at me. As I did not want to humiliate the poor woman married to him and didn't want my then teenage sons and husband removing him from the face of the earth I faked a really bad case of the stomach flu to get him out of the house. It worked like a charm. If you find your guests are too annoying get something really contagous - you can always blame it on food poisoning later when you recover quickly.

[mrsols]

I would just tell the boys what to do. It is your house and I dont think talking to their parents would do anything.

[lynxx]

The family's lack of parenting guidance and oblivious PIA boys is not your business to fix. You invited them into your house; six weeks, they're gone. Problem solved. Never again.

[Absolutely!]

Since I spoke the situation seems to have resolved. The boys have taken up residence in the front foyer area and play their games uninterrupted.

They are nice people, perhaps they had not got their heads around being in such a different place. I don't see too many more visits involving not enough chairs going forward so think I can just let it go.

I don't know what it was, but things appear to be okay now. Also I fixed the surround sound on the television and it's much easier to hear now.

so anyway thanks for your input but it does appear to have calmed down now. thanks.

[jinxedsydney]

Hurray!!! Glad you have a bit o' peace now!

[UnderTheStars]

Abs, sorry about this and glad to see that it's been resolved. Always good to speak with honesty in a polite manner. They are your guests,yes. But it is your house, first and foremost.

I owned a house and rented one side. It's very uncomfortable telling people things that they honestly should know. Frustrating. But it has to be done. I'm glad you did. It's your sanity on the line, and with me it was my investment on the line too. I ended up having a list of basic house rules in the contract. If there was a problem I'd make a copy of their signed agreement and circle the item in question when I talked with them. A gentle reminder that we have an agreement.

Hoping it stays calm by you

[UnderTheStars]

Oh and when I saw the thread title I thought we'd be discussing this

[IceFire]

Glad that the situation seems to have resolved itself, but for future reference: Your house, YOUR rules. Period. Those that don't like it don't have to stick around.